On a sweltering summer day, we
On a sweltering summer day, we
Noel wasn't like this from the beginning.
He was the kind of guy who was kind to everyone, possessing an untainted purity.
No matter what anyone says, that's what I believe.
This story begins on that day when everything started.
It begins in Netoru, the village where our childhood memories remain.
I was an orphan living under Noel's roof.
Noel was a child who was showered with love by his ordinary parents, and Rina was one of the few kind kids who, along with Noel, accepted me—an orphan—as a friend.
"Raul, Noel! Stop right there!!"
"Like I'd stop! You idiot!"
"Raul... Rina looks like she's having a really hard time..."
"Damn it! If I catch you, you're dead!!!"
We always ran around and played when we were young.
It always started with me playing a prank on either Rina or Noel and running away, and even with my immature pranks, the two of them would always laugh and chase after me.
"Ugh...!"
"Noel!"
When we played like that and someone fell, as kids often do,
"Sigh, Noel... you're so clumsy..."
Rina would smile as she applied ointment to the wound of Noel, who was holding back tears like a little adult.
She just tossed me an ointment and told me to handle it myself, though...
I didn't not understand it. I thought it was natural for Rina's gaze and touch to go to the beautifully shining Noel rather than a dark, gloomy guy like me, and unlike me, who had been abandoned, those two were kids worthy of being loved.
Because they were such bright and clean kids...
And whenever I played by their side, I would hang out with them, thinking that I had become clean for a moment.
Though sometimes my true feelings would slip out.
"Hey. Why are you only applying it to Noel and not me?"
"Ugh, are you and Noel the same? You run around just fine even when you're hurt~"
"Raul, should I apply it for you...?"
Even though my true feelings came out, Rina's pouty response and my own frustrated expression would vanish at Noel's words and expression.
But somehow, the more that happened, it didn't fully disappear; it felt like something dark and sticky was slowly piling up inside my chest.
As we grew older, Noel matured even more, growing up while receiving attention and all sorts of love from the village girls, and Rina was busy protecting Noel from those girls.
As for me...
As I grew older and saw the world more quickly with my own eyes, I started participating in the adults' hunts and gradually drifted away from the two of them.
Like that, the three of us—no, I was separated from the two of them, going out on hunts, my skin getting tanned, my build and muscles growing larger from running through the mountains and exercising to build stamina, and naturally, my features became sharper.
Sometimes, when I looked at the village before heading out to hunt, Rina was the same as ever, but Noel had become beautiful to the point of being slightly annoying.
Even I, a man, felt that way.
Needless to say, his popularity among the girls never ran dry.
"Ha... the world is so unfair. We have to run around like this just to get the girls to even look at us. Noel, though... damn it... Hey Raul! Aren't you frustrated? You were close with them, right?"
"Shut up and skin the hide. We need to salt the meat, too."
The guys who went hunting with me were all envious of Noel.
We have to risk our lives to catch at least one wild boar just to get a glance from the village girls.
But Noel just stays in the village and the girls follow him around because they like him.
I didn't really think much of it. I just thought that for now, learning how to live in the world by helping the adults was the priority.
How much time had passed?
With the coming-of-age ceremony not far off, I don't know what I was thinking, but I lost a bet with the guys at the hunting grounds and came to confess to Rina.
"Noel... uh... I really like you, Noel!! So... I... I want you to go out with me...."
It was an expression and voice I had never seen before.
It was a side of her I would probably never see.
A flushed face.
A nervous expression.
Trembling hands.
Everything was a fresh reaction caused by excitement.
"Yeah... I like you too, Rina!"
And Noel, holding Rina's hand in return.
They looked good together.
Childhood friends who grew up playing together.
Running around, splashing in the creek, a relationship where we didn't distinguish between boy or girl and just saw each other as friends.
After growing up before we knew it.
Such a beautiful story of looking back at one's heart and confessing.
I knew it. It was natural for Rina to have feelings for Noel, who was like a prince, and not a beast like me.
Still, for some reason, it hurt.
As if one side of my chest was being pressed down hard.
The suffocating feeling where my throat felt blocked from the inside and I couldn't speak properly.
I definitely knew the difference between them and me.
That's why even though they played with me as a friend, I thought I had drawn a line, knowing my place and keeping my distance implicitly.
Why does it hurt so much?
Why am I so disappointed?
I don't know why. I just didn't want to be there anymore.
"...Fuck."
I roughly wiped the droplets flowing from my eyes and left the spot.
I ran.
Clutching my chest.
I ran.
Holding back the rising sobs.
I ran.
Enduring the dizziness before my eyes.
After running like that without a thought, when I came to my senses, I was on the hill away from the village, where the tree with the swing we used to play on together was.
A hollow laugh escaped me.
There wasn't a single place in this damn village where our traces didn't remain.
Memories remained wherever I went, and those memories burned in my chest, remaining dark red like a yoke.
I sat down, listlessly stroking the swing.
Had I grown too much? The swing creaked as if it were struggling just from me sitting on it.
"Hahaha! Raul is super strong!"
"Oh geez. You're damn heavy!"
"Are you done talking?!"
"Hahahaha"
It feels like the laughter from those memories is still ringing in my ears.
"Hahaha... I'm such an idiot..."
I roughly swept my sweat-drenched hair back with both hands and watched the village from the hill.
The village, bright with lights, mocked me as if to say it was happy even without me.
In a way that perfectly suited someone like me, steeped in jealousy and inferiority.
"...This is really pathetic... seriously... damn it...."
Maybe because there was no one around, I could hear the sound of sobbing little by little.
This idiot, after jealously resenting the benefactors who accepted an orphan brat as a friend, is now even bawling his eyes out.
"...Let's go. I have to go... sniff..."
After bawling my eyes out miserably for a while, I soon stood up. Above all, I didn't want to show them this side of me. That's why I got up.
I returned to the village and went into the house of Hans-ssi, the village hunter I'd been staying with since I started hunting, instead of Noel's house.
"...Did you cry?"
Hans-ssi was exceptionally good at archery.
His eyes were that good, and those eyes of his noticed the sadness that remained on me right away.
"Is it obvious?"
"A man acting so pathetic... sit down."
The man who was always rough at the hunting grounds was, for some reason, exceptionally kind. As I sat down, as if possessed by his kindness that I was feeling for the first time,
he brought a bottle from the cupboard and two glasses from the kitchen.
Only after bringing some beef jerky to chew on did he sit in the chair.
Glug, glug
He silently filled the glasses with liquor, filled his own, and then clinked his glass against the one in front of me.
"Down it. I was originally going to give this to you at your coming-of-age ceremony... Tsk. What are you doing? Drink up, kid!"
".....Yes."
At his shout, I lifted the glass and downed it.
The liquor I was drinking for the first time was fiery.
A cold yet warm liquid wetting my throat.
A liquid that didn't make my mouth feel comfortable, but rather dry.
"Pick one up and eat it. That's it, now chew and then down it."
He handed me the jerky as if he found me admirable, and as I took it and chewed, Hans-ssi filled the glasses again.
After sharing a few glasses, he opened his mouth.
"Is it okay if you don't tell me what happened?"
"......."
"If it's hard to say, you don't have to. But, you know. Sometimes you have to let out what's inside to feel at ease. Don't just bottle it all up like that."
"......Is that so."
"....Tell me. I won't laugh while I listen."
At his last words, I spoke quietly.
How ugly the emotions I had been living with were.
What kind of gaze I had used to look at my benefactors.
What kind of state I ended up in after trying to step forward without knowing my place.
Hans-ssi listened to the story silently without saying much.
He just nodded little by little.
Then he carefully opened his mouth.
"...You might feel like I'm saying this too easily... but Rina isn't the only woman in the world. There are many. More than you can count. It's not just about that; it's about whether it's a waste. To live your life tied down to just one person, Rina."
"....."
"You don't need to forget right now. I know that's impossible, of course. Instead, whenever you're having a hard time, tell me. There's nothing that feels worse than watching a pathetic man mope."
I let out a small laugh at his own way of comforting me.
"More than that, how's the liquor? Is it very bitter?"
"....It's sweet."
"Heh... I was going to smack you if you said it was bitter. The kid knows how to drink."
I feel like I have to offer a prayer to the Goddess before I go to sleep tonight.
I have people by my side who are far too good for me.
And they are always a source of strength for me in many ways.
Even though there are times when it hurts, they are people who are a huge meaning to me and are lovely, to the point where I can't live without them.
"Guhhh... cough... kghhh..."
As we shared the drinks, Hans-ssi had fallen asleep first before I knew it.
I laid him down on the bedroom bed as he slept, snoring loudly, and went up to the roof, feeling a bit more relieved, to catch the night breeze.
It was a very cool and pleasant breeze.
"...I loved you. Heh... Hahahaha...."
Like that, I let my first love flow away with the passing night breeze.
That's what I thought.
When I didn't know what kind of changes would come to me after the coming-of-age ceremony arrived.