It's Lesbian! It's Lesbian..!!
Do you know what I died doing?
In my quest to enjoy the game I'd played for 10,000 hours in even greater realism, I connected a brand-new, million-won onahole I'd bought on installments to a two-million-won VR rig I'd bought secondhand, and died in the middle of the most intense fap session of my life.
'Yeah, honestly, I did want to nail a non-capturable character at least once. That's just true.'
And then yesterday evening, I got forcibly engaged to Carla, and received one absolutely magnificent notification from the system window.
If Evan loses his trait Virginity, the special trait Kept Man will be forcibly activated.
The holder of this trait will become permanently unable to learn skills or strengthen stats.
Well, fine by me.
Maybe Kept Man is actually a broken trait. I could grind fishing like a madman, max out my skill enhancements, and then unlock the trait — at that point it's basically a trait with no downside at all.
'But why, of all conditions, does it have to be losing my virginity, goddammit..! Why the hell would an eroge slap on a lethal condition like that!?'
A difficult question. Especially for someone like me, who lived and breathed eroge — the concept is hopelessly ambiguous.
The standard course (pussy) — the moment I take that route, there's no dodging it, no denying it. What about the back door? High odds that counts as out too. Then the mouth? …The hand?
'So even if I just look at her tits and fap, it's out? Should I at least ask her to blow on it a little…'
Ah, goddammit. Why am I philosophizing about the definition of virginity inside an eroge.
'Fuck it, should I just get railed and go the prayer-build route?'
Difficult. Way too difficult. Not a decision to make lightly — maybe I should fap once and think it over?
Yeah. That's the right call.
—Rustle.
I hurriedly started pulling down my pants to restore my shattered judgment, when the door suddenly swung open and Carla's face appeared.
"Hey..! Hey, ever heard of knocking!?"
"Ah, s-sorry."
Carla caught sight of the thing jutting out of my underwear and flushed scarlet. It was incomparable to the look I'd seen at the lakeside a few days ago. Anyone could tell this was the face of a heroine whose route had been cleared in an eroge — and I had to just stand here and watch it… goddammit.
"Hey, Evan…"
"Uh, yeah!"
I hastily pulled my pants back up and leaned against the wall, feigning composure. Picturing the butler's face in my head calmed me down a little.
'The moment you lose your mind and stick it in, Evan, you're living the life of Dolssoe — all muscle, no brains. Get through this moment, and the plan is to build your foundation through fishing, learn magic, and go on a protagonist rampage…'
I had to endure. I absolutely had to en… end… a truly, truly tit-illating situation, truly.
"Chuuup.."
….
Sensing my gaze, Carla carefully climbed onto the bed, and standing before me with her blouse held in her teeth, slowly revealed the line of her panties.
"Hey… I came here doing my duty as your fiancée. Don't just stand there staring — you take yours off too…"
Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit.
A threesome with this girl and Iris was my lifelong dream. The doujinshi of you and Iris got my trash can pregnant, goddammit.
"Carla..! Don't do this..!"
"…So you really don't want it? Because I'm… a lesbian?"
"No, I'm extremely into that, for the record. So drop the subject."
"Huh…?"
Carla pulled her blouse back down, and I placed a hand on her shoulder.
Wow… so soft…
"…That's not the point, dammit! Hey, Carla. Be honest with me."
"About what?"
"You — do you not love the Third Princess anymore?"
"…"
Carla quietly turned her eyes away from me.
"I'm simply afraid, you see. That you're merely trying to fill Iris's empty place with me…"
"That's…!"
"And the proof of that is only through spending time with— pfft… pff…"
Trying to spit out that garbage line again made every hair on my body stand on end.
"Loving each other's minds, not bodies… p-pff…"
"Pff?"
"…Shit."
My eyes squeezed shut. Ah, I really don't want to say this… but I guess I have to?
"P… Platonic love. Let's do platonic love until graduation."
"What's th…"
"Yeah, the fact that you don't understand means you're not being considerate of me. I'm deeply hurt, and why don't you think of me as much as I think of you? I'm going through so much, you know."
"Wh… what!?"
After unleashing that torrent like a menhera girl, I made to storm straight out of the room — but Carla darted over and wrapped her arms around me from behind in a fierce hug.
"Hk, shit, your chest…"
"Don't go…"
M-my chest. It's touching me.
Ugh… my intelligence is degrading…
"Okay, I… understand what you're saying."
"This isn't… an action that shows you understood…?"
Carla rushed around in front of me and suddenly kissed me. Her tall frame meant her chest came to rest against my collarbone. Her signature fluffy fluffiness was nowhere to be found. The girl standing before me lowered her trembling lashes and, with cheeks about to burst red, carefully pressed her lips to mine.
"Hahhp… chuuup… hahh…♡"
When her sword-calloused hand, trembling finely with embarrassment, cupped my cheek, the strength drained from my own hand — the one that had been drawing a cold, hard line — like a lie. The warning sirens of no, stop scattered behind the slick friction and sweet panting, and before I knew it, I was pressed flush against her, wedging hot flesh into the gap that opened between us.
"Hahh… hahh…"
"Hahh… hahh…"
Carla tossed her blouse aside without hesitation and pulled my hand toward her. The moment my palm settled on her monstrous chest, my finger joints sank deep into that soft skin. A bursting elasticity filled my grip without a single gap. My vision strobed white, and just as I thought whatever happens, happens and reached for my waistband—
—Ding!
[※Warning! Once the trait is unlocked, there is no going back.]
Ice water got dumped over my boiling head. I pushed my fiancée away with the eyes of a dead man, and Carla, looking a little flustered, sat down on the edge of the bed with a cowed expression.
"…"
"I'm sorry. The truth is, ever since I was little, I've had this bad habit of losing my head when it comes to the things I love…"
I walked over to Carla and wiped the tear that had slipped from her glistening eyes. Then I quietly lowered my hand and gently pressed my palm against hers.
"Evan…?"
"You matter to me. That's why — don't mistake the part of me that wanted to lean on you in your most fragile moment for affection toward me."
Carla pressed her lips tight and turned her head away from me. I nodded awkwardly and tried to withdraw my hand — but in that instant, Carla yanked me hard toward her.
—Whoosh!
"Huh…"
An insane sweetness hit me right in the face. Warmth and a pounding pulse traveled up through our joined hands. My magic wand, which I'd barely managed to calm, began to rise again. Carla, who had been looking a little deflated, noticed, gave a faint smile, leaned to my ear, and breathed:
"I don't want this to just fizzle out, Evan…"
"C-Carla…"
"You're right. I still carry feelings for Lady Iris."
"Uh… yeah…"
"Even now, just thinking of her makes my body hot… and wet."
"…"
"But."
Carla spread her legs wide to wrap around my body, pulled me in, and pressed our stomachs together.
"Oh… ohhh…"
"That doesn't mean my feelings for you are a lie too."
"…"
"The me who loved Iris is me. And the me who doesn't want to let you go right now is also me."
"…Carla."
"Just like you told Father. Just like you told me… I am who I am, and that will never change."
Carla's face went red.
"From now on, I'll speak without lies, Evan. Do you… hate me?"
"Obviously I'm fucking crazy about you, dammit."
It's not a matter of like or dislike, Carla…! Ah, shit, that came out wrong.
"Then…"
Carla gave a long, slow smile at my words.
"If you truly can't be certain of my feelings. If you think this is just a momentary waver… th-then let's do it like this."
"Like what?"
"You think my body's… h-hot, don't you!! Right?!"
"…"
Extremely.
"I'll close my eyes and picture the Third Princess. So don't think of it as being forced… you can do whatever you like with me."
"…What."
"Just think of it as helping each other fap. You and me both… with each other's bodies! Wh-what do you say!? That makes it easier, right?"
My head, which I'd been shaking to clear it, was gently guided into the soft valley between her breasts.
'Hmm, okay! I was planning to fap earlier anyway, so this works out perfectly!'
And so, after taking three direct body-slam attacks from the ultra-virgin duchess schemer, my intelligence level devolved fully into that of an ape, and with my pants off I wore a benevolent smile as I slowly slid her panties to the side.
…But then.
—BANG BANG BANG BANG!!
Once again, fate did not wish me happiness.
"Lord Evan! Lady Carla!"
"Haah…"
"…Haah."
With the pounding on the door, all the blood I'd invested in my lower body returned to my brain. Carla, confirming that my momentum had died, gritted her teeth with a deeply displeased expression.
"Get out. What kind of insane servant knocks on the bedroom door on the night her master got engaged!!"
"Th-this is an urgent dispatch!! Arcadia Imperial Magic Academy has sent someone! You must complete your enrollment procedures!"
"…Ignore it."
Carla murmured quietly, her arms around my neck.
—BANG BANG BANG!!
"Argh, for real!! I swear I'll cut you!!"
"Cut me if you must! But first, come out and see, my lady!!"
"Have you ever seen such an insolent girl…"
"The annulment of your excommunication has been urgently approved by the imperial family! The Academy has also just restored your enrollment eligibility!"
"So?"
"Early registration for new students of royal and high-noble blood closes tomorrow morning! Even racing there by carriage right now, it'll be close!!"
Carla had been excommunicated. By procedure, she would have been struck from the enrollment list. Normally, she should have vanished into the dew of the heretic judge's blade next month. But she had proudly reclaimed her name — and with the name of the heiress of House Ballenstein, one of the Empire's three great ducal houses, missing from the academy's enrollment roster, the head of admissions would be facing a catastrophe of catastrophes.
"Should I just go out, Carla?"
"Haah, ignore it, Evan. The enrollment paperwork will take two seconds anyway, so let's just keep this mood going and—"
"GODDAMMIT!! BOTH OF YOU, TRY STOPPING THE SEX FOR ONE SECOND AND COME OUT ALREADY!!"
"That little…!"
The strength drained from Carla's arms around my neck. She gathered up the clothes scattered on the floor, threw them on, kicked the door open, and seized the maid by the collar.
"You've crossed the line, you insolent thing! Thirty minutes by carriage or going now — it's practically the same, so why all this racket!"
"Lady Carla!! I-I only… you don't know who's outside!! Thirty minutes could cost you your head!!"
"Who the hell is it!?"
"Her Highness Princess Iris the Third has come in person to fetch you, my lady!!"
"…What?"
"What…?"