Does the Luan Prepare to Take Flight?
Something had gone wrong. I was living that fact in lavish, miserable detail.
The regret came over me too late—I never should have taken this child up on the horse—but the thing was already done.
The little one called Liu Shan sat beaming and giddy, leaning back against me and tipping his head up now and then to chatter. Whatever picture that made, the people around us smiled warmly and watched with fond satisfaction.
It was not only the soldiers. Every time I tried to set him down he raised such a fuss that, in the end, I was still sharing a horse with him when we entered Gong'an. The townsfolk who had come out to watch for his return broke into cheers whenever he and I exchanged a word.
Thinking of how the two of us must look in their eyes made my head swim.
I remembered something Zhou Yu had once said: that so long as I remained at Liu Bei's side, I would be tested without end.
A strengthening of the bond through a marriage tie between Liu Bei and Zhang Fei was all but certain. There was Yeoni, true, but no one could deny that the eldest daughter made the finer match. In the end, every sort of talk would circle around me.
So I could not afford to hand anyone a pretext. That had been one of the reasons I parted from Zhao Yun and chose to follow behind.
Don't think only of the worst. The more eyes turn my way, the more my own merits will be seen.
At the very least, the fact that I had saved Liu Shan—a fact that might otherwise have been buried beneath Zhao Yun's fame—would be made unmistakably plain. Zhao Yun was too upright, too decent a man, to snatch another's credit, so it hardly mattered in any grand sense. Still, better to have it than not.
I was comforting myself with that small consolation as we approached the official residence, when yet another disaster struck to set my head pounding.
"I want to go too!"
I had to make my report to Zhuge Liang, and here was Liu Shan making trouble again.
Honestly. In the history I knew, he was the one who listened so well to his ministers. Why was he like this? I was half convinced it had not been his nature at all, but the result of some thorough indoctrination.
Zhao Yun and I tried everything to stop him, and it was not enough. A child's stubbornness does not break easily, and neither of us had a parent's authority to compel him.
And so the scene before my eyes came to be.
Civil officials gathered in the broad chamber set aside for council within the residence, and the three of us standing in the center, drawing every gaze at once.
To my surprise, Zhuge Liang was not seated in the highest place. The seat of honor that would have been Liu Bei's stood empty, but the men sitting to either side of it were not Zhuge Liang. They were others.
Wondering who they were, I carefully sifted through Zhang Lan's memories. Mi Zhu and Sun Qian. Familiar names, and yet strange, once I placed them above Zhuge Liang.
They're certainly being treated as meritorious elders.
The real power was Zhuge Liang's, of course. Even so, to be shown that much courtesy was something. Among those gathered, Mi Zhu held the highest office, and it was he who opened the talk.
"And yet, why has the young master come with you? He must have had a terrible fright. You ought to have let him rest in peace."
"That is..."
Zhao Yun, uncharacteristically, drew his words out and glanced at me. True to the histories' account of his kindly nature, he seemed worried I might be put in an awkward position.
Tsk. It unsettled me to see Zhao Yun hesitate on my account, but what troubled me more was Liu Shan, clutching a fistful of my robe and trying to hide behind my back.
"Perhaps because I was the one who rescued Young Master Liu, he did not wish to leave my side. He still seemed uneasy on his own, so I brought him with me."
"Is that so?"
Mi Zhu seemed to recognize me. He nodded without further question. In any case, for him this was only the opening of the conversation. The true power lay elsewhere.
"Even so, we cannot leave the young master like this. Maids have already been prepared. Young master, you will return now and rest."
Zhuge Liang. That was him.
Liu Shan buried his face in my clothes like a pheasant convinced that hiding its head was enough. But as the silence stretched on, he let go of my robe with a sulky look and took the hand of the maid Zhuge Liang had summoned.
Already he had Liu Shan firmly in hand. Zhuge Liang's presence was hard and dry, nothing like Liu Bei's gentle kind of authority, but it moved people to his will all the same.
And so Liu Shan left the council chamber, looking back once with every step, reluctance dripping from his eyes.
I wondered if I had been too cold—and at the same time I realized how precocious this five-year-old was, turning away without a single tear, head held high.
Our Yeoni had been the same. Children who, even so young, knew how to think of others first. An age in which children had no choice but to become adults quickly. One of the dark faces of a chaotic world.
Once Liu Shan was gone, Zhuge Liang's next target was me.
"I asked the General Who Conquers the Caitiffs for his cooperation as well, and was told that measures had already been taken. I did not expect he would send his daughter in person. Will you tell me how you knew Lady Sun's movements beforehand, and acted on them?"
He held his crane-feather fan and looked at me, and I could read nothing at all in that gaze.
Feeling hidden inside calm, expression hidden behind ease—how, in truth, did he see me?
Suspicion? Goodwill? Or contempt?
If asked to name my favorite person in Romance of the Three Kingdoms, I would hesitate, and in the end I would still choose Zhuge Liang. But now he felt more difficult, more distant, than anyone.
"Half of it was instinct, and half of it was inference."
"Oh?"
"There are those here, I expect, who remember the wager that once passed between Lady Sun and me."
"You mean the matter in which you won the name of the Little Worthy Maiden."
Ugh. Hearing Little Worthy Maiden from Zhuge Liang's own mouth, I truly could not keep my face in order. Something in me shriveled—and yet, with a name like his attached to it, the thing sounded oddly impressive.
I composed my expression as best I could and went on.
"The price I first demanded of Lady Sun was that she send her maids back. But as you all know, she refused. From that moment, I began to watch her movements."
"You watched her."
"Lady Sun attached a maid named Chubai to me, meaning to have me watched. But to look upon someone is, in the same instant, to let that person come to know you."
I had borrowed a famous line from Master Nietzsche, and sighs broke out here and there.
The men gathered in this room were civil officials of real standing even among Liu Bei's followers—the sort who could hear a thing said as crudely as chaff and understand it as finely as polished rice. Give them words that truly held a deep meaning, and how much would they read out of them? I could feel the very texture of the gazes turned on me begin to change.
"The stratagem of sowing discord, then. And yet Lady Sun would not have fallen for it so easily."
"Which is why I said half of it was instinct."
In truth, I had gained no information from Chubai. I had known the outcome already, and everything I was saying now was nothing more than inventing the path by which I had reached the conclusion.
"I knew that someday Lady Sun would show her hand. Then, when word came from Attendant Pan that the mood in Gong'an had turned ominous, I felt at once that the time had come."
At my words, Sun Qian, seated opposite Mi Zhu, spoke.
"I saw it myself. The letter you sent to Attendant Pan."
I stole a glance toward Pan Jun and found him looking awkward, dodging my glare. The reckoning could wait. For now, I kept my mind on the council.
With the guarantee of an elder like Sun Qian attached, the discussion flowed on without a hitch. One way or another, bringing Liu Shan back unharmed was a merit that belonged to me alone, with no room left to argue.
My station was too strong for anyone to suspect collusion with Lady Sun, or to raise a clamor and try to snatch the credit. I was the eldest daughter of Zhang Fei, who had stood with Liu Bei longer than almost anyone, alongside Sun Qian himself—a man whose merits were so great that recounting them would tire the mouth. In a word, a bloodline no one dared question.
Naturally, the verification of the affair ended with Zhao Yun's testimony and mine, and we moved at once to the distribution of rewards.
"And yet Lady Zhang holds no office. How are we to regard this?"
When one of the attendants raised the question, Pan Jun stepped forward before anyone else.
"Though Lady Zhang has not been formally appointed to office, she has, strictly speaking, served with the army. The General Who Conquers the Caitiffs has also said that he himself gave permission, so this ought properly to be regarded as military merit."
The difference between military merit and the exploits of volunteer soldiers is no small thing.
Of course, the merit of saving Liu Shan, a candidate for the succession, would bring no small reward even to a volunteer—but it would not be the same as military merit.
Pan Jun, who was on friendly terms with me, had stepped out openly to take my side, and no one objected. My backing, General Zhang Fei, would weigh on them, but it was also true that Pan Jun was not wrong.
Zhuge Liang accepted it without particular comment.
"It was Zhang Lan who foresaw the situation and answered it, but it was the General Who Conquers the Caitiffs who permitted it, so it is right to count it as military merit. Yet with our lord absent from his seat, we cannot rashly confer office. We will submit a memorial to our lord, and distribute the honors afterward."
Just as Zhuge Liang was about to settle the matter, I spoke, unwilling to miss the chance.
"Chief Military Counselor, may I say a word?"
"Of course."
"For the express courier that will carry the memorial to our lord—may I be the one to go?"
"The land of Shu is perilous. The road itself is dangerous, and the rebellion has not yet been wholly put down. An ambush could come at any time, and it would be no surprise."
"Which is all the more reason I am a suitable choice. I am not so weak that I cannot protect my own person, and I can report this affair to our lord in greater detail than anyone."
"Hm. What do the rest of you think?"
Rather than press his own view, Zhuge Liang asked the others. He was not yet Chancellor, first beneath one man and above ten thousand. He would want to avoid the impression of deciding everything alone.
Nor was there any need. There were more than enough outstanding men in this room.
Sun Qian, a master of diplomacy. Mi Zhu, who could be counted on to do at least one man's share of any task. Pan Jun, newly joined and already proven. And Zhao Yun, a fierce general who nonetheless possessed clear and wise judgment.
But this time I had no certainty they were on my side. They cherished me enough that they would try to keep me from a dangerous place. Zhao Yun did exactly that.
"Among those who saw what happened are the soldiers you brought. It would be enough to choose from among them. If we later fold this labor into the rewards, volunteers will come forward."
I was choosing my words, wondering how best to answer, when Pan Jun spoke again.
I had expected him to loose a supporting shot for Zhao Yun. What came from his mouth overturned that expectation.
"I am in favor."
"Attendant Pan?"
Sun Qian called to him in surprise. If one were to name the person here closest to me, it was Pan Jun without question.
For a year we had exchanged letters at regular intervals and built a friendship, and this affair itself had succeeded thanks to him.
"To follow the will of one who has earned merit is also a matter of principle. She is not asking for special favor. She means to take hardship upon herself. What reason is there to refuse? I ask that all of you recognize Lady Zhang's loyal heart."
Perhaps he respected me more than I had thought. Knowing that I wished to enter Shu, he meant to help me do so—following my will even though the place was perilous and the worry was real.
"Attendant Pan is right. She is not seeking some greater reward. What need is there to oppose one who would take the lead? I, too, am in favor."
Sun Qian agreed, and when Mi Zhu kept a neutral silence, the balance tipped toward me all at once.
If Zhuge Liang set his mind to it, he could overturn the balance and everything else besides, but there was no advantage in that choice.
"If that is the opinion of all present, I will follow it as well. With Zhang Lan at the head, let the memorial be carried to our lord. One attendant must go with her. Who will go?"
"I..."
"Now, now. You have far too much to do here. What are you saying? Military Counselor, I will recommend a suitable person."
Sun Qian cut Pan Jun off and wrapped the matter up in a brisk rush.
"Very well. Then we will adjourn."
At last, my entry into Shu was decided.