Chapter 3
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 3
Chapter Title: This Isn't a Dream
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'When does this dream end?'
By my rough estimate, I'd been scrubbing away for about three hours straight. Washing off the filth with an endless stream of water had been fun and exciting at first, but repeating the same motions over and over was starting to wear on me. Boredom was creeping in.
So I plopped down on the now-decently clean floor and scratched my cheek absentmindedly while staring down the long, filthy hallway still stretching ahead.
"Huh? What's this?"
Something caught on my finger. When I tugged lightly at whatever it was, out came a familiar item—the kind I'd worn every day during that worldwide pandemic.
"A mask?"
What the heck? I'd been wearing a mask this whole time? Well, the game character had one on constantly, so that tracked. But this thing was weirdly comfortable. Normally, masks feel stuffy and make your ears hurt after a while, right? Oh, wait. It's a dream, duh.
"Anyway, let's take this off..."
Once I focused on it, it started feeling annoying, so I yanked the mask off my face...
"Ughhh!"
A horrific stench assaulted my nose—something beyond words. Caught off guard, I frantically shoved the mask back on.
[Cleaning Mask (Lv. Max)]: The core of cleaning! This mask protects the janitor from all sorts of foul odors and toxic air.
As soon as I put the mask back on, a system message popped up. Protection from foul odors and toxic air... So that's why I hadn't smelled anything until now. This hallway must be absolutely reeking. Wait a second, though.
'...Can a dream smell this vivid?'
A chilling thought flashed through my mind. No way. Dreams don't have stenches like this. Especially not one I'd never encountered in my entire life.
It felt exactly not like a dream. Haha...
"...Nah, no way...?"
I tried to laugh it off, but a bad premonition stabbed right into my brain.
-Thud thud thud!
"...Hm?"
Just as the ominous thoughts bubbled up, an unfamiliar sound snapped me out of it.
"Footsteps?"
Hurried footsteps echoed from the uncleaned section of the hallway. My head was a mess from everything racing through it, but... I gripped my cleaning tools tight, secured my mask, and headed toward the noise.
As I trudged through the endlessly filthy hallway that seemed impossible to finish cleaning, I spotted something that didn't belong amid the grime.
"A kid?"
"Hah... hah..."
She looked about seven or eight. A pretty little girl, cute enough to rival any child actor, lay face-down on the floor, covered in wounds and breathing raggedly.
"Hey, you okay?"
Dream or reality, I couldn't just walk past an injured child. I rushed to her side and checked her over.
'The wounds are bad. Her leg's swollen huge... and she's burning up.'
I've gotta get her to a hospital... Is there one? No, first things first—treatment... or at least first aid...
'Huh? Her ears are pointy...?'
"Found you, you little rat...!"
I'd just noticed something odd about the girl's ears when a new woman burst in from the direction she'd come—furious for some reason.
"Grrr... This place is infuriating! It's packed with filth that won't wash off no matter how much water I blast it with... You tricked me into coming here? I let you go to play a little, and you get cocky...?"
'What the hell is she?'
I stared at the sudden intruder in confusion. Her outfit was bizarre—like some cosplay getup. Baggy robe, a staff that screamed "magic wand" clutched in her hand, and a big water orb hovering over her face to cover her nose.
"Who the hell are you?"
She glared daggers at me while I held the girl in my arms.
"Uh, I'm..."
Startled by the stranger, I stood up calmly to introduce myself.
"...Black hair?"
But before I could, the fierce-looking woman spotted my black hair poking out from under my cleaning cap. A twisted smirk curled her lips.
"What, a half-breed? What the hell is a filthy mongrel doing in a place like this?"
"...Huh?"
Half-breed? Mongrel? What the hell was this out of nowhere...?
"Whatever. Not like I care. Just some loser hiding out here, right? Killing one more mutt won't make a difference. Ugh... Gotta finish this quick and get outta here."
-Splash!
"?!?!?"
Without even waiting for my answer despite asking a question, she muttered something incomprehensible and swung the thing in her hand—like a wizard's staff straight out of a cartoon.
Suddenly, a glowing blue magic circle appeared in empty air, and razor-sharp water blades erupted from it.
'What is that...?'
It looked just like... magic...
"Die."
-Shhhrrrrkkk!
"Guh?!"
The moment she pointed the staff at me and shouted, the sharp water blades shot toward me and the girl in my arms like bullets.
Staring at the gruesome sight, I panicked and raised my hands.
...The hand holding the mop.
[Dry Mop (Lv. Max)]: A dry mop suited for wiping up moisture.
-Swishhh!
"?!?!"
"Huh?"
The blades that had been about to cleave me in two vanished in an instant.
"...What the hell? What did you just do?"
The woman's eyes bulged as she yelled in shock. But I was just as stunned.
'No way... the [Dry Mop]?'
Did it suck up or erase those blades since they were made of water...?
"...Not gonna answer, huh? You damn mutt...!"
Misinterpreting my stunned silence, the savage woman flew into an even greater rage and swung her staff again.
This time, far more magic circles appeared in the air, spawning an overwhelming number of blades.
"Son of a...!"
"Looks like you picked up some cheap trick somewhere, but that shit's nothing against my real magic!"
-Shhhrrrrkkk!!!
'I'm dead!'
Staring at the endless storm of blades bearing down, every hair on my body stood on end. And for the first time, the 'realness' hit me harder than ever.
'This ain't no damn dream!'
Viscous malice, chilling killing intent, and a sense of crisis rising to my jawline. This... was absolutely not a dream!
'I have to survive.'
All other thoughts vanished. My brain spun at breakneck speed, driven solely by the primal urge to live. And what it latched onto was the [Dry Mop] in my hand.
'...Not enough!'
It had worked amazingly before, but against this many blades, the [Dry Mop] wouldn't cut it...!
'No, wait!'
A possibility flashed in my mind. I tapped the Dry Mop, and the familiar system window appeared. Not the item description I already knew...
'There it is!'
[Cleaning Range Setting]
The 'Cleaning Range Setting' function. In 'Cleaning Game,' you could tweak cleaning tools to expand the range several times over. The cleaning power dropped a bit, but it was super useful depending on the situation.
'Max it out!'
[Cleaning Range Setting]: Expanded 50x
Luckily, no manual fiddling needed—just a thought, and the system updated. No time to read details; I thrust the [Dry Mop] forward desperately.
-Fwoooosh!
"!!!!"
'It... it worked!'
The gamble paid off. Every blade hurtling toward me evaporated in a blink.
And...
"Ughhh!!!!!"
'Huh?'
The water orb that had been blocking that rude woman's nose was gone too. Now hit with the full stench—like when I'd removed my mask—she dry-heaved nonstop, glaring at me with trembling eyes.
"...Dispel? Ughhh... over this range... urp...!"
She muttered something I couldn't make out, then—unable to handle the smell—tried conjuring another water orb to cover her nose.
-Swish!
"!!!"
But I wasn't about to let that slide. A quick swing of the [Dry Mop] at thin air erased her new water orb instantly.
"You... what the—?!"
-Thud thud thud!
"!!"
Chance! I still didn't grasp the full situation, but one thing was clear: this was my opening!
'She might try to kill me again!'
Terror of death spurred me on. Swinging the [Dry Mop] wildly to dispel every water blob the panicking woman threw up, I charged at her like a madman.
"H-Hey!"
Arcna—who'd been venomously hurling attacks—stared in disbelief at the mongrel man effortlessly nullifying all her magic.
'How the hell...!'
Was this guy some archmage? Her water magic—once top of the magic tower before she got kicked out—dispelled like this...!
'...Too dangerous!'
She'd spotted his black hair, the mark of a demon-human half-breed, and attacked casually like squashing a roadside bug, as usual. But to suffer like this here...!
'Ughhh... R-Run! ;'
The horrific stench messing with her head made clear thinking impossible. Still firing attacks, Arcna backpedaled bit by bit before turning tail and fleeing.
"Stop!"
Damn it. That bitch is running! If I let this psycho who tried to kill me go, who knows what'll happen! What do I do? She's way too fast...
'That's it!'
[High-Pressure Cleaner (Lv. Max)]: A cleaning tool made for blasting away filth with high-pressure water!
Chasing desperately after her, another cleaning tool popped into my head. The [High-Pressure Cleaner] I'd stashed in the [Inventory] after discovering the game's exact inventory function while cleaning earlier.
-Click!
I yanked open the inventory, grabbed the [High-Pressure Cleaner], and pulled the handle like when I'd cleaned the hallway. That oughta trip her up!
Pulling the handle unleashed a massive high-pressure jet from the nozzle.
-Thwuk!
"...Huh?"
"Gahk!"
It pierced straight through the woman's body.