The Unvisited Grave
A hot stew is the only way to start the morning. I had the same thing for dinner last night, but who cares? It’s delicious.
Winnie watched me with a look that suggested she couldn't believe I wasn't tired of it yet, but she was too guilty to say anything, just picking at her own meal in silence.
“Did you say we were staying in Retinel for three days?”
“Huh? Oh… yeah… I guess that’s how long it’ll take to buy everything I need and look around?”
Winnie answered timidly, perhaps because of what happened last night. She didn't need to be that scared. I wouldn't have been angry even if I wanted to be; last night, Winnie had been incredibly erotic, and I was quite satisfied. It was a bit cheeky of her to try and use me like a sex toy in secret, but I’d done plenty of things using only my mouth, so I didn't really have a leg to stand on.
“Do you need help with anything?”
“I have a lot to buy, so it would be great if you could help me carry things.”
“Then let’s stick to the lighter items this morning. We’ll finish our business quickly and head back before noon, so we can buy the heavy stuff then.”
We’d spent more time than expected on the road, so this seemed like the right way to move efficiently. Perhaps relieved by my calm tone, Winnie spoke with a much brighter voice.
“You want to split up?”
“No, I’ll just finish up quickly this morning.”
“If it’s something that can be finished by noon, let’s just go together. Why bother splitting up?”
“Huh?”
“No, I mean… you said you’d tell me why you came here. It’d be a bit mean to keep it a secret when the big reveal is right around the corner, wouldn't it? Or are you going somewhere inappropriate where you can’t take me?”
“It’s nothing like that.”
I couldn't believe she still remembered what I’d said in passing when we first set off. It wasn't a strange place. There was no particular reason not to go together if Winnie wanted to, so I finished my breakfast quickly and stood up.
Holding a bunch of white flowers I’d bought from an old woman on the way, I headed toward the outskirts of the city. Winnie seemed puzzled as the human presence faded and we entered the empty, wild hills.
“Come to think of it, this is the first time I’ve come here with someone else…”
“I-is that so?”
Even before my regression, I had never come here with anyone. No one in the Rystein family knew about this place, and there was no reason for anyone in the Mountbern family to visit. At my words that it was a first, Winnie wore a delighted smile, as if she were pleased.
After walking for about fifteen minutes from the outskirts of the city, we reached our destination. There was a cemetery here that had existed since Retinel was just a small village, not a city. The caretaker, looking younger than I remembered, came into view. Before my regression, he had been a complete old geezer, but now he had far fewer wrinkles.
“What brings you here in the summer, sir?”
“I had a reason. I’m always grateful for your work.”
“You’ve even learned how to say such embarrassing things.”
I handed him a little money as a gesture of encouragement, but he didn't take it. He was a consistent man in many ways. We passed the main gate and entered the cemetery.
“Did you come here often?”
“Yeah, every year. Usually in the winter, though. This is my first time coming in the summer.”
It felt like only a few months since my last visit. I remembered not being able to come during the last winter before my regression because of the barbarian incursions that were running rampant. It had been half a year since my last visit, but to me, it felt like I hadn't been here in two years.
Fortunately, my legs found the familiar path on their own. Just as I remembered, the well-maintained tombstone came into view. I placed the bouquet in front of the empty tombstone and sat down.
“…Is this the person you came to meet?”
“Yes.”
Winnie hesitated before sitting down on the ground next to me. She read the few characters carved into the stone.
“Diana… no surname. Who is she?”
“My mother.”
“Huh?”
“To be precise, my biological mother. The one who gave birth to me.”
“Why is your mother here instead of at the Mountbern estate…?”
I could see Winnie was flustered. If I were in her shoes, I’d be the same. Vera had told me after my regression, and I’d known from documents before my marriage, but this was a fact Winnie had been completely unaware of. I didn't particularly like talking about this, but perhaps caught in the sentimentality, the stories of the past flowed out easily.
“Diana died giving birth to me. They said it was a winter night. A common village girl dying in childbirth… it’s a common story.”
“But she’s your mother… why do you call her that?”
“I’ve never even seen her face. Besides, there’s someone else who played the role of my mother. Otherwise, how could I have been a noble? A poor child who lost his mother at birth is taken in and raised by a lord and his wife who lack children… it’s something like a virtuous tale. On the surface, at least.”
Winnie swallowed hard at the word "surface." She was a good listener.
“The girl who died giving birth to me wasn't married; she was a maid working at the lord’s castle. Then who would the father be? Unless it was a virgin birth like the Holy Mother, it’s obvious. I was the child of the lord’s affair, and since the mother died, I was an eyesore, so they took me in as an adopted son. Thinking about it now, it’s a miracle my adoptive mother didn't beat me.”
My father and adoptive mother, who possessed the dignity of nobles, didn't treat me poorly. They were simply indifferent. Even when their older, only son bullied me, they only intervened enough to ensure it didn't become a problem. When my father died, even that hollow restraint disappeared, and the tyranny of my half-brother became even worse.
“Still, they were my family, in a way. Look at my wedding—no one came. Since no one ever looked after me, I just come here alone and do this. I used to only come on bad days like my birthday, but this is the first time I’ve come for a different reason.”
“Why is your birthday a bad day…?”
“…Because it’s her death anniversary.”
“…”
I could feel Winnie at a loss for words at my gloomy answer.
“D-don’t you have anything you want to say to your mother? Like the kind of things you pour out while standing in front of a tombstone?”
“That’s embarrassing. Why would I do that?”
“If you’re just shy, I’ll go stand far away. I won’t listen.”
It seemed Winnie had heard too many stories from somewhere. Who actually says those things out loud? Everyone just keeps them in their hearts.
“Forget it. Still, it’s not bad to leave a bouquet of flowers for the first time.”
“You haven’t done that until now?”
“Where would you find flowers in winter? She probably received plenty of snowflakes instead of flowers.”
“…There are flowers that bloom in winter, too.”
Are there? I thought she only knew about medicinal herbs, but she seemed to know quite a bit about flowers, too.
“I’ll bring some next time.”
“…”
Did that mean she would come all the way to Retinel with me next time? It was certainly better than coming alone, but given the distance, I hesitated to bring it up. Bringing flowers could also just mean she’d give them to me when we departed.
“No, but you should have told me if we were coming to a place like this. My clothes are such a bright color.”
“I didn't come out here thinking we’d visit this place, so it’s fine.”
I was just grateful she came; what did the clothes matter? They were bright clothes with a hint of blue, so they didn't stand out that much. There was no one else coming here besides me and the caretaker, so wouldn't Diana be happy to hear that a pretty woman came to pay her respects?
“That ‘mother’ thing—it’s not really all that great even if you have one.”
Winnie suddenly brought up something out of the blue. She was watching my reaction, but she wasn't holding back laughter or playing a prank, so it seemed like she was genuinely trying to comfort me.
“My mother was a completely insane woman. You have no idea how exhausting it was to live with her.”
If it was Winnie’s mother, she would be the previous Viscountess of Melbourne. I had never met her.
“I don’t mean she was literally insane, but she only ever did strange things. Nine-tenths of the reason our family is called a family of witches is because of that old hag. She could have just stayed still, but she had such a foul temper…”
“A witch?”
“She didn't do anything bad, that old hag. She just had a nasty disposition.”
I suppose she was treated that way because she knew a lot of strange medicines.
“When I was young, she was always out meeting men, and I couldn't even hold my head up. When she passed the title of Viscountess to me and left, I shouted for joy! And…”
Winnie began to badmouth her own mother, the former Viscountess of Melbourne. The way she struggled to find things to insult, as if squeezing the memories out, made her intent so transparent that it felt even more comforting. Even though it had been forty years for me, so I didn't really need comfort.
“Are you bragging to me that you have a mother right now?”
“No, it’s not that…”
“I know. You don’t have to force yourself to badmouth her for my sake. I’m not a child… and it’s been decades.”
“O-oh, really? No, I didn't make it up. It’s just what I’ve always thought…”
Had I been too lost in sentimentality? It seemed I’d made Winnie worry for nothing. In times like this, Vera would have just held me silently and comforted me. This was Winnie’s own way of comforting me. It wasn't bad; it felt like a friend.
“We’re done here, so let’s go buy those herbs.”
“Yeah…”
I turned around and left the cemetery first, and Winnie followed me after a slight delay. Perhaps because we’d been hiking since the morning, I was getting hungry. I should suggest we grab some lunch.
