Return to Manhood (1)
The encounter with that unknown sensation had been the worst.
It was a jolt she'd never once felt in her life — and setting aside whether it felt good or bad, what terrified her was the way it eroded her, a sensation utterly beyond her control.
Yona fled Alec's room like a runaway and made it back to her own.
Her face burned so hot it felt like it might actually catch fire, and the electric throbbing low in her abdomen showed no sign of settling down.
She locked the door the instant she stumbled inside, snatched up the kettle sitting on the table, and gulped for breath. There was no time to pour it into a cup — she clamped her mouth around the spout and drank straight from it. Water ran down the corner of her lips; she wiped it away with her sleeve, let out a ragged exhale, and dropped into the chair at the table.
Shit, shit… what the hell. What the hell was that.
It wasn't as if she'd never touched her own body.
She'd handled it countless times while washing up, and it had been over three years since she'd woken up in a woman's body to begin with.
Of course she'd touched it in all that time.
So she'd figured she more or less understood what stimulation felt like.
No — not more or less. She'd been sure she understood it very well.
She knew perfectly well that a woman's body ran fairly sensitive to stimulation.
And yet what she'd felt tonight had been abnormally, unnaturally intense.
The candlelight flickering by the head of the bed threw Yona's shadow out behind her. The long shadow spilling across the table drowned in black, swaying helplessly like seaweed adrift in the tide every time the flame wavered.
"What the hell was that…"
It was frightening.
That sensation, soaking through her entire body in an instant.
【My, what a stout little heart you have, woman…】
"Wha—?!"
Yona shot to her feet at the voice that came out of nowhere. The chair skidded back and clattered across the floor, but she had no room in her head to care.
A voice from somewhere unseen.
And yet it was so horribly familiar that gooseflesh raced up her arms.
The shadow that had been wavering before her, twisting with the candlelight, suddenly stretched long.
The human-shaped shadow elongated to an uncanny degree, until it was no longer the shape of a person at all — it coiled into the form of a great serpent, loops upon loops of it.
The shadow stood up.
A shadow, which should never leave the floor, which should forever exist only on the side away from the light, rose to its feet and faced her — and the shadow, now taller than she was, looked down into Yona's face.
As the candlelight pushed back the darkness over the shadow's face, a woman's countenance emerged at last.
【I guided you so that you might mate naturally, and yet you overcame it. You have more spine than you appear to, woman.】
"Berbaria…!"
Yona began inching toward the wall of the room — slowly, very slowly.
One breath for every half-step.
If she could just bang on the wall, she could call Alec.
If she called for Alec—
…No. Should I actually call him?
At that thought, Yona couldn't bring herself to pound on the wall.
It would be pure self-indulgence, wouldn't it?
Besides, Berbaria couldn't harm her, not while bound inside her — surely.
The risk of calling Alec was greater than the risk of staying silent.
【Every trace of this room has been sealed off. No matter what you do, woman, no one outside will hear a thing — so spare me the pointless struggling.】
"…And what kind of dog trick are you pulling this time?"
Yona bared her teeth and growled.
She was certain that once Berbaria had nested inside her, the demon couldn't try anything clever — and still, Yona pulled the hunting knife from her thigh.
【Stop that. I have no intention of harming you. I merely wished to teach you pleasure.】
Berbaria slowly unwound her coiled length and drew closer to Yona.
Stretching that long, long neck toward Yona's face — the face was a woman's, and a beautiful one at that. But her nature was a demon's.
Sweating cold, Yona pressed the hunting knife against the woman's throat.
【Didn't I tell you there was no need? My body is lodged inside yours as well. Why would I ever harm you?】
Ssssssss—
With that dry hiss, Berbaria went slithering around the room.
Far smaller than her true bulk, but a human-faced serpent crawling about the room was enough to chill the blood all the same.
【I merely coaxed you to be more honest with yourself.】
Only then did Yona understand what this thing was babbling about.
"…What did you just say?"
【Exactly what I said. Shouldn't a woman pursue pleasure as befits a woman? Lust is the desire most suited to human nature. The man at your side is a marvelously sturdy specimen — more than enough to grant you pleasure—】
"You did WHAT to me?!"
Only then did Yona grasp, vividly, what had gone wrong.
Her body, sensitive far beyond anything normal.
The reason it had become so much more responsive — so, so much more — than whenever she'd touched herself. She finally understood.
【Such a filthy mouth on you. To call a Grand Duke — one of only seven, even in the Demon Realm — a dog.】
"You dog of a snake, you—!"
【Hah.】
Berbaria scoffed.
Her body slithered and coiled ceaselessly around the room, and even so, that face never stopped facing Yona.
The sight chilled Yona to the bone — but it was the sheer audacity of the claim, that Berbaria had done as she pleased with Yona's body, that made the fury finally boil over.
"Don't you ever do anything strange to my body again…! You already put this disgusting tattoo on me — isn't that enough?!"
【I did nothing strange. I merely heightened your senses. A little. A very little.】
"And THAT is doing something strange, you—!"
【…Humans are impossible to understand. Why not simply obey your instincts? You ought to be thanking me… What an absurdly low-grade Vessel this is.】
"Vessel, nothing! Stop using that creepy name for me!"
【A strange name, is it. I see. Do you truly still not know?】
Interest was draining from Berbaria's face.
She had been studying Yona's face, and yet her expression was slipping away by degrees — which, from where Yona stood, only made her blood boil hotter.
"You don't say a single word, and then you ask if I 'still don't know'—?!"
【Enough. We'll leave it there. You'll learn soon enough regardless.】
Berbaria's body slowly turned transparent.
The expressionless face that had been peering into Yona's faded away with it.
Yona made no move to stop her.
There was only rage — rage that the demon had treated her body as her plaything, rage that she had tried to do something strange to it.
But with the crushing helplessness of knowing that, as she was now, she could do nothing to Berbaria, Yona hurled the hunting knife violently to the floor.
"Something happen to you?"
Alec called out the moment he saw Yona come downstairs and into the dining hall.
Yona could sleep through anything, no matter what had happened — but today her expression was terrible. Her face was worn down with fatigue, and the shadows under her eyes said she hadn't slept properly; her color was awful.
She shook her head and insisted it was nothing, but Alec couldn't help worrying.
"I'll grab a quick bite and head out."
At that, Alec looked up at her, startled all over again.
Maybe it was his imagination, maybe something was off with him — but Yona was very clearly avoiding his eyes.
It wasn't only because of last night. Yona wasn't especially dwelling on that anymore — but there was no way Alec could know that.
So he assumed she was still flustered about the whole thing.
"…Right. Yeah. Go ahead…"
Alec didn't offer to tag along.
It wasn't exactly convenient for him anyway, and he had no particular desire to follow after Yona-now-turned-man and watch.
"I'm off."
"Mm."
Yona scooped barely two spoonfuls of stew, set down her spoon, and pushed the bowl away.
Alec, secretly worried, opened his mouth to say something — and shut it again.
Her expression itself practically screamed don't talk to me right now, and he knew that in moments like these, it was better to just let her be.
Yona slung the bag of gold coins over her shoulder, gave Alec a wave, and walked out of the dining hall.
Alec watched her back in silence, and only once she was a good distance away did he slowly rise and follow.
Like hell I'm letting her wander off alone with a bag of gold… tch.
Clicking his tongue, Alec trailed after Yona.
Far ahead, Yona walked straight toward the Wizard Tower without so much as glancing around, and while the passersby stole furtive glances at her, no one approached her directly.
Something's definitely up.
Not sleeping properly meant something had happened.
But Alec, who'd been in the room right next door, hadn't sensed anything unusual either.
With no way of knowing what had happened to her, he kept telling himself it was strange while tailing her at a careful distance.
After a long walk, he watched Yona push open the entrance of the Wizard Tower and step inside. Watched Alevian, already waiting, slip his arm around hers without missing a beat. Watched the two of them vanish toward the place where the griffon had been the day before.
Only after confirming all of that could Alec finally relax and head back to the inn.
"Change into this."
Yona took the clothes Escara held out and quietly moved to the corner of the room, shedding her habit and dressing.
The white pants and white shirt, at a glance, brought to mind the hospital gowns of the world she'd come from.
The fabric brushing against skin that wore nothing underneath wasn't especially soft — but Yona was wound so tight she didn't even register the texture.
"Come here."
Escara fixed her with strangely glittering eyes and took Yona's hand, leading her out of the laboratory and down a long, empty corridor.
From the outside it hadn't looked all that spacious, but some strange magic must have been woven into it, because the hallway stretched on and on, far enough to make her wonder why on earth it was so vast.
"This isn't a spell that can be cast carelessly, you understand?"
"…Yes."
And what am I supposed to do if I don't?
So Yona thought, walking along with her hand in Escara's grip.
And at the end of that long walk, they arrived before a door fitted with a massive iron gate.
When Escara, standing before it, drew a small wooden tablet from her robe and pressed it near the gate, the iron doors began to grind slowly apart on either side with a deep, heavy rumble.
And from within, a wave of cold air rushed out.
Dressed thin, Yona shivered before she could stop herself.
"It's dark in there. Wait here a moment."
Without so much as waiting for an answer, Escara stepped inside and set to work.
Clapping her hands, snapping her fingers — nothing in the room responded. Only when she stretched out a hand and traced a star into the air did light finally bloom within.
"Come in."
Yona stepped inside. The chamber was vast as well.
And in all that space, the furnishings were absurdly sparse: a broad stone slab, wide enough for two people to lie down on, sat alone in the middle of the room.
The strange part was the hexagram etched beneath the slab, packed dense with unrecognizable black lettering.
"Lie down here."
At Escara's gesture, Yona swallowed hard and approached the slab.
The chill struck her the moment she settled onto the stone, and she shivered — then let out a long, long breath.
…Will it be… will it be all right?
It was possible.
It was possible,
it was possible.
Three rounds of checking, and rechecking, and checking again.
Escara had been certain of it. Her eyes had said so, unmistakably — and that was why Yona had steeled herself.
And now she was here.
There was no turning back now.
Yona slowly lay back on the slab.
Escara circled the slab where she lay, making her preparations, while Yona stared quietly up at the ceiling — and then.
"All right, we're beginning. It won't hurt at all. You'll take a nap, and when you wake up, you'll be a man."
At those words, Yona closed her eyes.
"…I'm not worried about that. Get some rest. I'm tired too — I'm going to my room."
Why was that the thing that surfaced now, of all moments?
Alec's back as he'd stepped out of her room rose suddenly in her mind.
That back. That desolate back. That back that had seemed to carry something he couldn't bring himself to say.
"Wait — wait, just a moment."
Yona, who had finally asked for a pause, sat bolt upright.
A formless anxiety. A wrongness. A creeping sense of foreboding, as though she were making some terrible mistake.
They all tangled together and bred a discordant note.
And at the center of it stood Alec.
…I'm just hypersensitive.
Yona shook her head and shook the thought away.
After adapting to this body for three whole years, of course she'd feel restless and queasy at the prospect of casting it off and going back to being a man.
Yona decided not to think about it too deeply.
She lay back down on the slab, and closed her eyes.
"I'm ready. Please, do it."