What Never Changes (1)
Alevian, whom Yona had expected to keep clinging and scraping a little longer, unexpectedly vanished without a fuss.
He left only a parting instruction to come to the Wizard Tower tomorrow and look for him there.
Only after his figure slipped out of the inn and disappeared did Yona realize she'd forgotten to ask why he was here in the first place.
…Well, he's a mage, so he must be staying at the Tower.
Honestly, if she were going to suspect every little thing, Alevian had far too many suspicious points to count.
So Yona decided to fold that question away for later.
Rubbing her belly, she gazed idly at Alec.
That perpetually gleaming bald head of his kept catching the evening sunlight filtering through the shop window, shining away without shame.
…What the hell is this guy's deal, anyway?
Come to think of it, Yona realized she had never once actually stopped to think about who Alec was.
But that wasn't any fault of hers. Adventurers never rattled on about their pasts, and if anyone pried, the answer was always the same: "What business is it of yours?"
Yona didn't particularly hide her own past. But what past was there to hide, really? She'd grown up in a cathedral orphanage, scraped her way into the adventurer guild as a healer, and the only remarkable things about her were that she'd been a man, and that she came from another world.
Oh, and that she already had a reputation as someone with a few screws loose because of it.
So naturally, Yona had never bothered to ask Alec about his past either. They were all the same anyway — just some guy who'd picked up a bit of shield work somewhere and been rolling around in the dirt ever since. That was all his bald head amounted to.
That was what she'd assumed, anyway. She'd been wrong.
He was a Holy Knight.
While she was staring, Alec took the last slice of bread and began slowly tearing off a piece.
The bread had long since gone cold, no longer soft and puffy the way it was fresh from the oven, but even stale bread has its own flavor.
He soaked the piece in the stew until it was thoroughly moist, then thrust it out toward Yona.
"Here. Last piece of bread."
She was full, sure — but the man was offering in earnest, so.
Her head moved on its own, mouth drifting toward the offered hand while her eyes were still fixed on Alec.
"Ah—"
"…Or, not."
Her movement to accept the bread with her mouth jammed to a halt right in front of Alec's outstretched hand. Her head snapped back to its original position, and she took the bread from him with her hand instead.
"Hey, Baldy. We need to talk, don't we? We do."
"…Uh, yeah. We do."
Alec nodded with a sour expression. Truthfully, when Yona hadn't said anything, he'd assumed it had just blown over. Apparently not.
"My room. Let's go."
"Right."
Yona left a few coins on the table, and the two of them rose from their seats.
*
Yona's room on the third floor sat right next to Alec's.
With a private bath attached, her room was one of only four per floor — the corner rooms at the very ends of each corridor, a structural necessity given that the water had to be easy to draw and easy to drain.
"Brr, it's cold in here."
The chill that rushed in the moment she opened the door made Yona shiver. Alec, stepping in behind her, wrinkled his nose as well.
"Why do you even need a private bath? Couldn't you just wash at the communal bath?"
"You seriously have no situational awareness at times like this? With my arm like this, how exactly am I supposed to wash myself at a communal bath?"
The sharp edge in her voice made Alec blink, mutter a small oh, and shut his mouth.
"Come here. Sit down."
The moment Yona sat on the bed, she patted the spot beside her.
But instead of sitting beside her, Alec dragged over the decently carved chair at the little table — one of the few pieces with actual ornamentation — set it down in front of her, and sat there.
"…Baldy."
"Yeah."
Alec took his time arranging his thoughts.
"Why did you hide it?"
"I'm a Holy Knight, actually, so— wait, what?"
He'd expected to be asked about his identity first. He had not expected why did you hide it to come out first. The brief confusion scattered every thought he'd so carefully sorted through, tangling them into formless knots.
"Look — I get that you're a Holy Knight. I'm a priest myself, you know, even if I don't look it. You think I can't recognize holiness? That power you unleashed — all of it was holiness. That thing knights flare up when they get fired up."
The pale haze that rises between a helmet and visor — that, and nothing else, was holiness in its true, embodied form. The same radiance that had risen from Alec's body as he fought Berbaria was holiness as well.
Alec studied Yona's face. She'd always had a somewhat fierce look about her, but after years of rolling in the mud together, he'd learned to read her eyes. And to him, Yona wasn't angry right now — not really.
"Why did you hide it? I understand that you're a Holy Knight. And I understand you couldn't possibly have been Bronze rank. But why hide it — and how long were you planning to keep lying to me? That's what I want to know."
Yona crossed her legs where she sat on the bed. Alec deliberately avoided her sharp-eyed expression and scratched the bridge of his nose.
"Uh, hmm."
With her gaze pinned entirely on him, Alec's mind raced as fast as it could go.
Should he just confess? That he'd refused to rank up because he wanted to stay with her? That the moment he ranked up, they could no longer take quests together — and that he'd done it all, every bit of it, because he wanted to be at her side?
But then his eyes fell on her left arm.
That left arm, hidden beneath her habit, had become Yona's newest burden. The tattoo that stood as living proof that something — Berbaria, or one of its aspects, who knew — had taken root inside her. It had to be eating at her. Even if she was acting like nothing was wrong, there was no telling what she actually felt inside.
Was this really the moment to say something as confessional as all that? He decided it wasn't. Besides — if he was going to confess, he wanted to do it somewhere nicer, set the mood properly. And honestly, if he confessed now, there was little chance Yona would accept him anyway.
Yona had come all the way to the Wizard Community on the single-minded resolve to become a man again. Confessing to her now would be a catastrophic failure of timing. Even a man who had never once been in a relationship in his life — namely, Alec — knew that much with absolute certainty.
"Why aren't you saying anything?"
Yona's golden eyes were boring into him.
"—The truth is, I didn't want to tell. I wanted to keep hiding it. Everyone has a past they'd rather keep hidden from everyone. That's all."
That was the answer Alec gave after a long silence.
And hearing it, Yona was left utterly speechless.
*
Was she angry? No. Hurt? That wasn't it either. Yona was, surprisingly, calm.
Her usual self would no doubt have clawed at his chest until her own fury was spent — why did you lie to me all this time?, was it fun, pretending to be the same rank as me and playing me for a fool? — kicking up an almighty fuss. That was the Yona everyone knew.
But the Yona of this moment was not in that frame of mind. No — to be precise, she wanted to say those things, but couldn't bring herself to.
Because every time some emotion surged up, as if it had been lying in wait, memories of Alec came flooding in.
Alec, who had stood in front of her when she was overwhelmed by Berbaria and nearly gave her body over.
Alec, who had shielded her as solidly as a mountain planted at her back.
Alec, who had driven Berbaria back with killing force, reciting prayers like a battle chant.
And—
…No. I should not be thinking about that right now.
Alec, who had slammed his shield into the ground and pulled her into his arms when Berbaria spat its poisonous breath.
It was impossible, and yet even now she could almost feel the warmth of him. Those memories were coming back to life, one by one.
And this is exactly why I can't get angry at him.
Yona stared at Alec in silence.
He sat there in the chair, hands clasped, fidgeting with his fingers over and over. A man built like a mountain — and yet in moments like this, he looked just like a puppy.
He knew he'd done wrong, and he couldn't even bring himself to meet her eyes. He'd blurted out his excuse and now couldn't manage the aftermath, so he wouldn't even look at her.
How was she supposed to rage at that sight? How was she supposed to shout why did you lie to me? Snap how long were you planning to keep me in the dark? Sneer was deceiving me fun?
…I can't do any of it.
Yona gave a bitter laugh inside.
Three years. What a long time that was. To be precise, two and a half — no, it had just passed two years and seven months. And they'd spent all that time together, hadn't they? That whole long stretch, crossing the line between life and death together, over and…
—No. Hold on.
"Hey, Alec."
"Hm?"
Something suddenly struck her as odd.
"If you were a Holy Knight, then why can't you use holiness now? This much I have to know. Don't you dare try to hide this too."
The questions remained. Why was it that Alec, once a Holy Knight, couldn't use holiness in daily life? Why had Yona never sensed even a flicker of holy power from him? And how had he managed to get swatted down so helplessly by that Dullahan?
"…There are circumstances. My holy power is sealed under a Geas — a divine restriction. I can only use pure physical strength, nothing more."
"A Geas?"
It was rare for the Heavenly God Church to place a Geas on anyone. Unless someone had committed a truly grave offense, it never went that far. Heresy. Defecting from the faith. Sheltering heretics… Those were the only two that came to mind, really.
"It's not apostasy. It's really not. So there's no threat to your standing as a priest, either. It was just… something personal. Something that happened to me, that's all."
Yona narrowed her eyes. Alec glanced at her sideways — and the instant their gazes met, he dropped his eyes to the floor again.
"…I can't really talk about it right now. But I promise I'll tell you everything, truthfully. So just… bear with me a little, okay? Please."
What was she supposed to call that expression of his? Like a puppy caught out in the rain, maybe. That was what came to mind.
She'd said she absolutely had to know this much, that he couldn't hide this too. But looking at Alec like this, even that resolve melted away like snow in spring.
And then there was the fact that Alec, a Holy Knight, had learned that Yona had taken in a demon—
— I am on your side, no matter what happens. Even if you stop being human, I — I alone — will remain on your side.
How could she ever forget those words?
"…You have to tell me later. There's nothing else you're hiding, right?"
"Nothing. Really, nothing."
Yona crossed her arms where she sat. Alec's gaze flicked toward her chest — then darted hastily back down.
"…You believe me?"
"I do. You can believe me. Really."
Yona nodded slowly.
Inside, she let out a long, long sigh. But what else was there to do? If Alec said so, then all Yona could do was believe him.
"…Don't lie to me. It hurts."
The words slipped out of her before she knew it.
Not even understanding what she was saying, Yona murmured it again, quietly, to no one at all.