Chapter 224
Chapter 224
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Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 224
Chapter Title: What Was Erased, What Doesn't Disappear (2)
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I can't remember.
It won't come to me.
When, where, why.
How did she and I become ‘lovers’?
‘Ha-eun was captured by Cheon Do-yoon… I used Gaecheon to save her… and after that.’
After that.
What happened?
“…Ah.”
He writhed, tearing at his hair.
No matter how hard I thought, no matter how much I retraced my steps.
The memory of that day wouldn't surface.
‘Did I confess to her? Or did she?’
I don't know.
I'd known deep down since we were kids that we had feelings for each other.
But we were so used to each other that we were actually hesitant to hastily take the step into a romantic relationship.
‘She and I… are lovers?’
Throb, throb.
My head hurts like it's about to explode.
It felt like forcibly splicing together a broken film reel.
A wave of nausea washed over me from the terrible discomfort.
“Oh-jin?”
Ha-eun patted Oh-jin's back with a worried expression.
“What's wrong?”
“…It's nothing.”
“Nothing, my foot. You look like you just ate something rotten.”
Ha-eun narrowed her eyes.
“Should I call a doctor?”
“I'm fine.”
Oh-jin shook his head, steadying his ragged breaths.
Cold sweat trickled down his spine.
The pain of a chunk of his memory disappearing entirely was worse than the agony of having his limbs torn off.
“…Ha-eun.”
“Yeah?”
“Do you like me?”
“W-what?”
Startled by the sudden question, Ha-eun jumped up with a flustered look.
“Y-you punk, why are you suddenly asking something like that?”
Ha-eun hid her cheeks, which had turned as red as her hair, and repeatedly jabbed Oh-jin in the side.
She lowered her head, awkwardly kicking the floor with the tip of her toe.
“Well… o-of course I do. I mean… I am your… g-girlfriend, after all?”
Ha-eun, who had answered with a look of pure embarrassment, scowled.
“But seriously, why are you asking that all of a sudden, you brat? Huh? Do you want to see me die of embarrassment?”
Ha-eun put him in a headlock, indignantly rapping his head with her knuckles.
“…Right.”
He had forgotten, but she remembered.
The memory of the day they confirmed the feelings they'd kept unspoken for so long.
The memory of the day their bodies intertwined, when they whispered words of love.
Those memories of that day, which he could no longer recall.
She alone remembers.
She alone cherishes them.
She alone can recall them.
And she will live on.
“…I'm going to step out for a bit.”
“Huh? Where are you going?”
“Just wanted to get some air.”
Oh-jin shrugged and got out of bed.
“Should I come with?”
“No. I have some things to think about alone.”
“Kngh. You punk, acting like you're going through puberty. Alright, go get some air.”
“Yeah.”
He slipped on the slippers by the bed and hurried outside.
*Tatatatatak!*
He ran down the hospital corridor.
He pressed the elevator button, but it didn't come, likely because there were many passengers waiting.
“Hah, hah!”
Gasping for breath, he headed for the emergency stairs.
He flew up the stairs.
The firmly padlocked rooftop door came into view.
*Crunch!*
He crushed the padlock with his hand and opened the rooftop door.
“Bleeeaaargh!”
The abalone porridge he'd gotten from Isabella sullied the hospital rooftop.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuuuck!”
*Bam!*
He slammed his fist against the railing, spewing curses.
“Hah, hah!”
His head was spinning.
It was as if his life, a painting, had been smudged with an eraser.
The disjointed memories painfully suffocated him.
“Ah, ugh.”
With a trembling hand, he felt his left chest.
The Stigma of Lyra engraved on his chest.
And the Black Heaven sleeping within it.
‘If I keep… using Gaecheon in the future.’
Will my very existence disappear forever?
Remembering nothing.
Recalling no one.
With every memory of my life erased.
Will I become something else entirely?
“Hah, hah, hah!”
A wave of terror made his hands and feet tremble.
His teeth chattered uncontrollably.
He could endure any amount of pain.
He could bear any amount of suffering.
But.
But.
But.
This.
“Dammit, dammit!”
Tears streamed down his cheeks.
He knew.
He knew that the side effect of Gaecheon was memory loss.
But a complacent thought had taken root in a corner of his mind: ‘Maybe I'll just forget a few old memories.’
Memories that would have naturally faded with time anyway.
He had been hoping that only the kind of memories that wouldn't matter if he forgot would disappear.
‘Stupid bastard.’
A wave of self-loathing washed over him.
Oh-jin sank to the ground, his back against the railing.
He wrapped his arms around his pathetically trembling legs.
He buried his face between his legs and continued to think.
‘I didn't know.’
Until the words ‘we're lovers’ came out of Ha-eun's mouth.
He had forgotten the memory of them being lovers itself.
‘And yet.’
I didn't even think it was strange.
I didn't even feel it was awkward.
As if it had been that way from the start, I had forgotten my relationship with her as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
In that case.
Doesn't that mean that every time I lose a memory from now on, I won't even realize what I've forgotten?
“…What if.”
What if all my memories of Ha-eun disappear?
A life where I don't even recognize who she is.
I would live on, feeling it was ‘natural’.
“……”
The arms hugging his legs trembled slightly.
The thought of himself living on just fine, not even remembering who Ha-eun was, made him want to vomit again.
‘Can I… avoid using Gaecheon from now on?’
The Heavenly Demon.
The transcendent being who created the Black Stars would be coming for his Black Heaven.
Could he win against that transcendent being without using Gaecheon?
No, I don't even need to go as far as the Heavenly Demon.
Even Cassia possessed power so immense that there was no way to face her without using Gaecheon.
‘And that's not all.’
In the first place, the true main enemies of humanity weren't the Black Star Organization, but the monsters of the Demon Realm.
Their movements might be subdued for now, but what if the Named monsters start running rampant again?
What if the ‘Kings’ said to reign over the Demon Realm come to Earth?
Could I.
Could I really protect my loved ones through all those adversities without using Gaecheon?
“Ha, haha.”
A hollow laugh escaped Oh-jin's lips.
He knew.
Had he never known of Gaecheon's existence, things might be different, but now that he knew its power, he knew a day would come when he would have to use it again.
‘And then.’
They will be erased.
They will be forgotten.
The happy memories, the painful memories, the angry memories. The sad memories.
They'll all disappear, one by one.
And.
At the end.
“…No.”
A strangled voice.
Tears flowing down his cheeks soaked his clothes.
“That… can't happen.”
If all my memories are erased. If I can't remember or recall anyone.
Could I even call that ‘me’?
Wouldn't I just become a completely different being that happens to have the name Kwon Oh-jin?
‘Then I would.’
A suffocating sensation.
His mind went blank as a deep fear consumed him like poison.
*Vwoooooom!*
Just then.
The pendant around his neck emitted a glow.
[My child! I heard from Deneb that you have returned safely!]
Vega emerged from the pendant, flying up in a fuss.
[Hmm?]
Sensing the unusual atmosphere, Vega tilted her head.
She zipped over to Oh-jin, who was huddled against the railing.
[What is the matter?]
“…It's nothing.”
[Ahem. I can clearly see tear tracks on your face. What do you mean, it's nothing?]
Vega narrowed her eyes and continued with a stern expression.
[Are you perhaps ill?]
“No. I was just remembering some of the hardships from the Demon Realm.”
[…Is that so?]
Vega stroked Oh-jin's head with sad eyes.
[Do not worry. Am I not here?]
Oh-jin stared blankly at Vega as she stroked his head.
“…Vega.”
[Yes? What is it?]
“Vega, you've forgotten all your memories from your past life, right?”
[…That is correct.]
“Then how did you feel when we first talked? I'm the only one who remembers things you don't.”
[Hmm.]
Vega crossed her arms, lost in thought.
After a long silence, she slowly opened her mouth.
[At first, I thought you were spouting utter nonsense.]
“And then?”
[Did you not say that you and I had a… d-deep relationship in our past lives? But I have no such memories… so it felt somewhat empty.]
Empty, huh.
[But it is alright now.]
“…It's alright?”
Vega nodded, a gentle smile on her lips.
[Even if the memories were erased, that does not mean what happened simply disappears, does it?]
“……”
Oh-jin couldn't answer rashly.
Because the things that had happened between him and her had never ‘happened’ in the first place.
[Close your eyes.]
“My eyes?”
[Go on.]
He closed his eyes as she said.
*Vwoooooom!*
Along with the sound of vibrating light, he felt the gentle touch of two arms carefully embracing him.
They weren't small, doll-like arms, but the arms of a grown woman.
“Vega?”
[Just because you cannot see me does not mean I am not by your side, does it?]
“……”
Ah, right.
She was right.
Even if the memories are erased.
What happened doesn't just disappear.
Even if he forgot all his memories of Ha-eun, she would remain by his side, just as she was now.
‘But.’
Oh-jin bit his lip.
She truly believes the lies he so casually told her.
False memories. A false relationship. False recollections.
She cherished them in her heart, thinking they weren't ‘things that had disappeared’.
Then what about him?
What would become of him, with all his memories erased?
Would he end up like her, living his life believing things that never happened were real?
“What if… what if it never happened? What would you do?”
[What do you mean by that?]
“What if I told you that you and I… were actually nothing to each other in our past lives? How would you feel?”
[That would be….]
Vega's eyes trembled.
[Truly sad, and heartbreaking.]
She gave a small smile and stroked Oh-jin's head.
[But even so, I do not think it would matter.]
“…It wouldn't matter?”
[The one I know now is not the you of a past life, but the you of today, is it not?]
A tender touch enveloped him.
[I love the you of today.]
“……”
[Aah! Th-that is not to say I love you in a romantic sense! R-right! I love you purely as my child….]
“Vega.”
As if his suppressed emotions had finally exploded, a sudden impulse pushed him forward.
Oh-jin silently pulled Vega into an embrace, lowered his head, and sobbed.
[Hmm?]
Vega gazed down at the sobbing Oh-jin for a moment, then wrapped her arms around him without a word.
[I do not know why you are crying, but.]
A gentle hand stroked Oh-jin's back.
[Do not worry.]
Her voice, echoing in his mind, drove out the fear that had consumed his body.
[Everything will be alright.]
The soft whisper warmly enveloped the sobbing Oh-jin.