Harina 2: Boozy Gossip and Brother Blues
The empty cans piled up on the table. The flat-chested girls, thoroughly drunk, burst into giggles just from staring at each other's chests.
U Jeong, who had been slapping her own chest with a thwack-thwack, fired the first shot.
"You know what? Flat chests mean if you have a baby, it'll starve to death."
"You crazy bitch. Can you stop with the bullshit? That's why you got bullied in middle and high school."
U Jeong's eyes went wide at Harina's scolding. "No way, no way? I was the one bullying the rest?"
"Ugh... fine, fine."
Harina waved her hand dismissively in the air, and U Jeong crossed her legs properly before continuing.
"The reason our boobs are small is 'cause we stay up all night. Around 9 PM, the boob fairy comes to chant spells to make 'em grow, but since we're not sleeping, she just leaves."
"Hey, it's hormones, idiot... What's this boob fairy crap? Anyway, no one our age has big tits."
"Yeah, they're all fake. Big boobs on a skinny body? Impossible."
U Jeong chewed on her squid tentacles with a wet smack-smack and shot Harina a creepy grin.
"I'm coming over to your place this weekend."
"Sure, come on Sunday."
"Gonna check it out with my own eyes! The mighty power of those F-cups!"
U Jeong raised her hands in the air and made kneading motions. Harina snorted.
"Yeah, right. Like my mom’s gonna flash her tits for you. Plus, she'll be at the flower shop working."
"Then I'll just check out your brother while I'm at it."
"You said you wanted an intro?"
"Gotta figure out if he's gay first."
"How do you even do that?"
"There's ways!!"
"U Jeong, if it's some weird method from your twisted fantasies, I'm out. I get it 'cause we're friends, but still!"
"Kekeke. No worries?"
Harina suddenly felt a twinge of real concern for U Jeong. The girl spouted nonsense all the time. Like suddenly going, All cats aren't solid or liquid—they're cat-liquid! She had that fourth-dimensional weirdo vibe sometimes. But she was a good kid at heart.
"Haa..."
Harina startled herself with the sudden sigh. Lately, Hadojin—whom she usually ignored—was starting to bug her.
Is Oppa really gay? Does U Jeong like Oppa? What if they start dating?
Her mind exploded with thoughts of Hadojin like a Big Bang. She shook her head, imagining U Jeong and Oppa together.
"Let's have lunch together on Sunday. Oppa's a good cook, so use that as an excuse to make him whip up something tasty."
"Kyaa! He cooks too? But Rina, this is the first time I've heard you call him 'Oppa,' right?"
Harina had never called him Oppa before. She always used his name or "hey." She flushed a bit at U Jeong's words but played it cool.
"He's barely older, like we're the same age, but Mom says to call him Oppa, so whatever."
She'd never said it once. It just slipped out because U Jeong kept saying it. Made her even more self-conscious... But she didn't want U Jeong knowing that.
"Hang on... where's that good pic of me... Ah, this one from Vietnam. Subtly show it to Oppa and ask if I look pretty."
"Uh... this one? The one where you padded to fake C-cups?"
"Doesn't it look real? Kekeke."
U Jeong playfully poked Harina's side with her elbow. Suddenly, Harina pictured Oppa dating U Jeong. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably for some reason.
"Fine, I'll send it via text."
"But Rina, why don't you get a boyfriend?"
"When would I have time? Gotta make money... and get into the Academy."
U Jeong leaned forward in shock, her upper body wobbling like a roly-poly toy. "Whoa~~ You're prepping for the Academy?"
"Yeah, focusing on martial arts. My mana’s starting to build up a bit too."
"Hunter track?"
"Yep."
U Jeong's eyes drifted into space, laced with envy.
"Haa... Should I prep for the Academy too? I hear Saintess track just needs you to be pretty."
"Yeah, it'd be fun going together. You're not planning on popping out kids anytime soon. Better than enlisting later."
"True. What’s a weak girl like me gonna do in the army? Tsk. Fucking gender equality... Huh?"
U Jeong's eyes suddenly widened.
"What?"
"No way... Is your brother thinking of dodging the draft by getting into the Academy's Hunter track? He started working out outta nowhere."
U Jeong smacked her palm. Harina nodded—it made sense.
"Yeah... Better than the army... Guess he's prepping for Hunter track at the Academy. Who knew the flower-arranging Oppa would go for that..."
"Then pray we both get Hunter aptitude. Awaken our physical stats together, protect each other as siblings—that'd be badass. Yeah, work out together."
Harina sank into thought. Picturing working out with Oppa, then hunting monsters side by side as Hunters—her heart strangely fluttered.
"Work out... together?"
"Yeah, like running. Morning jogs would be fun, right?"
Harina took a swig of beer, pondering.
"Maybe? I'll ask him when I get home tomorrow. See if he's into the Academy too."
"You bitch, you bitch~~"
U Jeong gave her a knowing look.
"Little miss! You crushing on Oppa too?"
"What?!"
Harina yelled. "What the hell? He's family!"
"He's basically a stranger anyway. You said you barely grew up together—Mom brought him home in elementary school."
Harina's face burned red. "Hey! Don't say stupid shit. Family doesn't do that."
"Okay, okay, just kidding."
U Jeong laughed. "But seriously, how'd he change so much? Just working out?"
Harina shook her head. "Dunno. One day he just... changed. Up early for runs every morning, working out at home. Even his diet—used to live on ramen and junk, now it's chicken breast and eggs."
"Ooh, he really committed. Impressive. Most guys just talk big."
U Jeong was in awe. Harina pondered. Had Oppa changed because of her? Thinking how much she'd ignored him made her feel shitty.
"Is it... because of me?" Harina mumbled softly.
"Who knows... Maybe? Or he just wanted to change. Whatever, it's a good thing."
Harina nodded. "Yeah... good change."
"Then be nice to Oppa now. No more Egenam teasing."
U Jeong grinned. "Got it..." Harina smiled faintly.
"Or hey, Rina, you change up too. Shock him."
U Jeong suggested. "How?"
"You got too much testosterone. Your leg hair's a jungle, right?"
"I shaved it all, bitch."
"Try flower arranging. Cook Oppa breakfast in the mornings."
"Pass. Flower stuff gives me allergies. Look, just imagining it gives me goosebumps."
"Whatever... you."
U Jeong clicked her tongue and hugged her pillow tight against her chest.
"Ah, wanna do volunteer work."
"What random bullshit? Volunteering where?"
"Volunteering for dicks!"
"You crazy bitch. That horny?"
Harina chugged her beer, crushed the empty can.
U Jeong was still humping her pillow, wriggling her hips.
"Aaaah. Wonder what sex feels like? Bet your mom's having a good time right now."
"Crazy bitch, filter your mouth."
"According to Yumi-jin, it's like ascending to heaven. Ahh, I want sex!!!"
"Crazy bitch, the neighbors'll hear!"
"Fuck it. I want sex!!"
Harina stretched her leg and smacked U Jeong's ass with a pang.
"Hnggg! Mochi~ Harder~"
"Ugh, you freak."
U Jeong rolled around clutching the pillow, then bolted upright.
"Cheers! To our eggs that heroically perish every month with an 'Ah, got tricked, fuck!'"
"Kekeke. To the eggs."
Harina and U Jeong cracked open fresh cans with a chiik! and clinked them, giggling.
"But... what if Mom really has a boyfriend? She shipped us all out..."
"Ask Oppa if she told him not to come home. That's 100%."
"Yeah, I'll ask."
"Most solid proof: Sneak into Mom's room, dig through the trash. Used condom with cum? Jackpot."
"Eww... why look for that..."
"Or crusty tissues stiff with dried jizz... 1000%."
"No way..."
"From what I see... your mom’s out every Friday for hot nights."
"Really?"
"Told ya, check the trash."
"I'll just ask straight up. 'Got a boyfriend?'"
"Ugh, you brute... No sense? Trash dive—if condoms, hit YSL for sexy lingerie set. The naughty kind."
"Ooooh. Crazy bitch, that's genius."
"Pray your new daddy's loaded."
"Yeah, gonna pray while flipping off Jeong An-su. Fuck."
Drunk U Jeong suddenly slumped, head down.
"Waaah. Fuck, a pretty girl like me still a virgin at twenty—South Korea's shame."
"Shut up and cheers."
The cans clashed with a clink!
"To our precious eggs!"
Harina shook her head, banishing the image of Mom having sex. The Mom who drilled Confucian values into her... wouldn't do that.
