Chapter 8
Do-ha seemed really depressed from being cooped up at home, so I told work I'd take the day off and got ready to go out.
"Do-ha, come here."
I covered her bloodshot eyes with an eye patch and concealed the relatively faded bruises with foundation and concealer.
"Get dressed so we can go out."
"Uh, uh, go out? Right now?"
"Why, you don't want to?"
"No, no, I want to!"
How could her thoughts be so transparent? Either way, since this was our first outing since Do-ha had started living here with me, I put a little more effort into getting ready than usual.
Wondering what to dress her in, I slowly scanned the clothes lined up in the dressing room.
My tastes really never change, huh? I thought as I flipped through row after row of clothes in the same muted colors. After some thought, I picked out a beige sweater and an ankle-length skirt.
"Arms up."
"Okay!"
"It's a bit big. Want to try moving around?"
How should I put it— she looked like a little kid who'd stolen an adult's clothes. The sight of her pulling the slightly long sleeves down and spinning in a circle was so adorable it strained my heart.
"Hup... ah, you're not uncomfortable, are you?"
"Yeah! It's not uncomfortable!"
"Hmm~ okay, shall we go now?"
When I opened the shoe cabinet, there were no shoes in Do-ha's size, so I put comfortable slippers on her.
"We should get you some shoes while we're out."
While I slipped the shoes onto her feet one by one, the sight of her sitting quietly on the entryway floor was cute.
I sat Do-ha in the passenger seat, fastened her seatbelt, then got in the car and started the engine.
...
Once we left the nearby residential area and reached the main road, Do-ha kept her eyes fixed on the scenery outside the window like someone seeing the outside world for the first time. Well... maybe that wasn't far off now.
...It probably wasn't intentional, but I wasn't in the mood to sit in silence. We weren't at that point anymore, and there was no reason for me to feel her out in the quiet like before.
"How does it feel to be out after so long?"
"G-good."
"Heh~ why, already excited about running away?"
"N-no, I'm not."
"Yeah right, I can see the gears turning in your head."
Only then did Do-ha pull her gaze from the window and look down at the floor, dejectedly fidgeting with her hands. The sight brought a satisfied smile to my face.
"Please give me these fitted ones in size 25. This friend here will be wearing them."
"Yes, yes, I'll check the stock and bring them right out."
Do-ha sat there blankly on the cushioned chair. Somehow, it felt like playing with dolls. No, like dressing up a favorite comfort doll—one I was very, very fond of.
"How is it? Try this one on too. Hehe, do you like it?"
"I like it."
"It really suits you. Give me this one in the same size as before, please."
The rabbit-like expression of shock at the amount rung up at the register was really cute. I asked them to bring the purchased items to the car, and when I squeezed Do-ha's soft, small hand peeking out from her sleeve— ah, it felt like my work stress was melting away.
-
"Is there anything else you want to see? Ah, are you hungry? What do you want to eat?"
"A-anything is fine."
As we rode the escalator down to the basement, all kinds of cakes and cookies on display caught my eye. At the sight of the various breads and all the pretty desserts, only a small exclamation escaped me.
"Shall we come look here after eating? We'll buy a cake before going home later, okay?"
She gently stroked my hair and said we should eat first, then took my hand and led me toward the food court. As we walked, delicious smells drifted over.
I wasn't particularly hungry, but my legs just hurt.
When she asked if I'd decided what I wanted to eat, I said I'd have the hamburg steak on the first page of the menu.
At the sight of the hamburg steak topped with a perfect soft-boiled egg, my whole digestive system seemed to wake up and ready itself for a meal, as if I'd never lost my appetite at all.
"Eat slowly. Want me to cut it smaller?"
-Bzzzz
"...Ah..."
"...Wh-why, why?"
She took her phone out of her bag and let out a small sigh, then looked at me for a moment with an unreadable expression before speaking.
"I got a call asking me to move the car. Ah, I should've just used the valet. Hmm... what to do. Do-ha, will you eat alone for a little while?"
"Huh? Oh, o-okay."
She smiled, stroked my hair, and got up from her seat.
"Aww, good girl. I'll be right back, okay?"
I was suddenly left alone at the table. The farther away she got, the worse the hamburg steak tasted. No—it was just that my body had stopped preparing to eat and switched over to preparing for survival.
Thump thump. My heart pounded. Only then did the sounds around me start coming through with excessive clarity. The conversation from the next table, and even a baby who smiled brightly when our eyes met.
"...Huhk."
If I took my clothes off right now, my whole body would probably be drenched in sweat.
God, I wished someone—anyone—would talk to me. Any passerby would do. Even better if it was someone who could actually intervene or call the authorities for me. Just someone to ask, 'You don't look well. Are you okay?'
...She's testing me.
Right, definitely. She was sitting somewhere over there, quietly watching me. The fear branded into my brain told me so.
But what if I threw myself into that crowd right now and screamed for help? If a woman who'd been quietly eating suddenly shouted for help, wouldn't she obviously look insane?
...
I lifted my head with effort and looked around, but she was nowhere to be seen.
There was no way to tell how much time had passed, so I just waited quietly. I read the menu from cover to cover three times, but she still didn't come back.
I put a small piece of hamburg steak into my mouth. The meat had already gone cold beneath my teeth.
I put on an act to fool her, sure she was watching me from somewhere. I couldn't even tell whether the food was going into my mouth or my nose. Fighting back nausea, I kept forcing it down until my throat started to clog on chunks of meat I had barely chewed.
Crash.
I reached for the water cup and ended up knocking it over.
"Are you okay? I'll clean this up. Are you hurt anywhere?"
"Ah, oh, I-I'm f-fine. I-I'm sorry."
I opened my mouth with a trembling voice to the woman wiping up the spilled water.
"U-um... e-excuse me, I... um..."
"Yes?"
"B-b-b-bathroom... wh-where is it?"
First, run.
That had been my thought ever since leaving the house. While picking out clothes, while eating.
After leaving the store, my steps grew faster and faster, and before I knew it I was running frantically.
I needed somewhere to hide— anywhere. But where should I go? What had that woman said earlier? My head went completely blank, as if it had shut down from overload, and no thoughts came.
Why hadn't I asked that woman for help? If only I'd said one word— help me.
I ran like crazy, then— thud. The strength drained from my legs and I collapsed.
How far had I come? I stopped in front of the colorful fish swimming in the pet corner and the hamsters curled up asleep. No. I fell.
My feet wouldn't move. More than that, my legs themselves wouldn't move. As if I'd forgotten some basic instinct for movement, even though I hadn't run far, my breathing only grew more ragged instead of settling down.
Crouched down, I stared blankly at the small animals beyond the glass wall and pressed my fingertips against it.
"You shouldn't touch them carelessly. It stresses the animals."
"Ah, ah, y-yes..."
"Cute, right? This breed is naturally very docile, so they're easy to keep."
The uniformed employee reached into the cage and picked one up.
"They live long as long as they don't get stressed. If you keep petting them just because they're cute, they die quickly."
The hamster placed on my palm squirmed. It was soft and warm, and each time it moved, it felt a little ticklish.
"Wow, it's cute."
At the voice from my right, my heart stopped as if cut— snap. The blood stopped flowing, as if every organ in my body had lost function. I couldn't bring myself to turn my head to the side.
"I wondered where you'd gone, leaving your food half-eaten."
"Ah, ah, uh, m-ma'am, I... um..."
"Why are you sweating so much, Do-ha? Did you wait here because I didn't come back?"
Now that I was face-to-face with her, every thought in my head had ground to a halt, so I just nodded instead of answering. Her expression was exactly the same as before—gentle and kind.
"Give me one of these, please. The supplies too."
She said that, pointing at the hamster on my palm.
I don't know how we got to the car. Other than muttering to herself that she'd forgotten the cake, she didn't say anything.
On the way home, the air in the car was heavier than before, so I stared at the sky, which had grown darker than when we'd left.
She didn't say a single word until we were inside the house.
Ding-dong.
The front door closed.
"Uh... about earlier—"
Before the words finished, something struck my face and my head snapped to the side.
"Fucking hell... I can't believe this. Seriously."
"Huh...?"
I wiped at the feeling of something streaming down my face with my hand, and— huh, blood came off on it.
A shattered vase lay on the floor. Only then did the burning pain hit my face full force. I writhed and collapsed, covering my face with both hands.