02. Slowly, Like That
02. Slowly, Like That
# 002.
"Haa."
Having somehow finished eating and getting ready, I arrived at the academy. Letting out a rising sigh, I dazed-out and leaned back against the carriage's backrest.
The carriage had already reached the academy; if I opened this door and stepped down, I'd be at the academy.
Normally, I wouldn't have had any time to hesitate inside the carriage.
Far from hesitating, I would have scrambled out of the carriage immediately to go see her face.
But today was different.
"I really don't want to go."
Not wanting to go to the academy this much meant I really didn't want to see her face.
Of course, it wasn't as if I had completely sorted out my feelings.
Rather, precisely because I hadn't completely sorted them out, the feeling that it would be too hard to face her was even stronger.
"......Doryeon-nim?"
"Yeah. I'm going, I'm going."
Giving a half-hearted response to the coachman's puzzled voice, I opened the carriage door and looked outside.
A familiar scenery met my eyes.
Carmis Academy, known as the empire's premier academy and also called an ultra-luxurious academy.
Taking in that sight, I slowly stepped down from the carriage.
'The weather is damn good.'
Thrusting my hands deep into my pockets as usual, I started walking, and before long, I spotted a crowd of people.
The moment I saw them.
My footsteps stopped.
Holding back my body, which instinctively wanted to rush forward without me realizing, I let out a long breath.
The moment I caught sight of her surrounded by men with a gentle smile on her face, I closed my eyes tightly.
Brilliantly shining golden hair and eyes as blue as the sea.
A woman overflowing with beauty so captivating that a mere glance stole one's gaze.
Aria Blast.
The female heroine of this novel, and the person I loved.
The moment I saw her, I took a deep breath and turned around.
'Why bother.'
Let's not run into each other.
The actions I had taken were ugly jealousy, stubborn pride, and possessiveness hidden behind the wrapping paper called love.
Everyone says love makes people stupid, but I had truly acted like an utter fool.
Even if those actions had been drawn according to someone else's intentions.
Even if I knew that, it didn't change the fact.
Therefore, in order to return to normal, I needed to distance myself from her.
There was a saying that out of sight, out of mind.
Even if that wasn't true, for now, I had to physically distance myself first.
If I kept looking at her, chatting like usual, and facing that face smiling foolishly—
I felt like I would turn back into a fool all over again.
I leaned my back against the rear of the academy's secluded annex building and stared blankly at the sky.
'Should I head in a bit later?'
Closing my eyes while trying to calm my swaying, churning heart, the scene from just moments ago kept surfacing in my mind.
The sight of Julius, the original male lead, who was together with Aria.
"Puhu."
Self-derision was mixed into the deflated chuckle.
Anyone could see they were a perfect match.
As if the whole world was blessing the two of them—no, as if they had been created to fit together so perfectly.
So, in that space.
There was probably no place for me to intrude.
Of course, all of this...
'Is a stupid thought.'
Even I have to admit, it's a foolish thought.
Because this is a world inside a novel. The two of them were designed to end up together, so it was only natural that there was no place for me to butt in.
And yet.
I have lived in this novel's world for 17 years.
Without knowing that it was a novel's world, I was Arhen, and I truly loved her.
So.......
'Fucking hell.'
Muttering those words as I shook my head, I was about to walk away when I spotted someone's silhouette and had no choice but to freeze in my tracks.
"......What's with you? Why are you here?"
"......."
I didn't bother answering her somewhat sharp question.
Because she and I weren't on particularly good terms.
At the sight of her pushing back her cascading silver hair and glaring at me with red eyes,
normally I would have snorted and snapped back, but today I didn't feel like it.
To be precise, I couldn't.
Because my swaying, churning heart felt like it would burst out of my mouth at any moment.
"I asked why you're here. Why aren't you following right behind her tail like usual?"
I had nothing to say. Normally, I would have said something like, 'Shouldn't you be the one desperate for attention behind that guy's tail?'
I would have spat out words like that.
I had known for a long time that my words contained thorns.
She and I were ill-fated rivals. We snarled at each other, eager to tear each other apart.
She was in love with one of the men following Aria,
and that's why she harassed Aria.
And I was the one who blocked her, trampled her, and humiliated her.
The villainess, Sylvia Sersh.
For a brief moment, I looked at her in silence.
Perhaps I had been caught up in a petty sense of superiority.
Maybe I had been thinking: 'I'm the one who'll end up with Aria. I won't end up a loser like you.'
I just hadn't realized that I was in the exact same boat as her.
'Ah.'
I paused my breath for a moment.
'......I see.'
We were in the same position.
Thinking that, a small chuckle escaped my lips without me realizing.
If she was the side that couldn't let go, obsessing and being jealous,
I was the side desperately trying to let go while stubbornly clinging on with one corner of my heart.
Come to think of it, I ought to apologize to her as well.
But our relationship wasn't one where she would quietly listen to such words, nor was she the kind of person to do so.
So I forced open my reluctant lips and barely managed to speak.
"Hey."
"W......-what."
When I called out, she flinched and shuddered.
Only now did I notice how she tried hard to straighten her instinctively shrinking body, bracing to hear harsh words.
Letting out a small sigh, I continued.
"Where's magic class today?"
"......What?"
Having skipped classes just to follow Aria around...
"I asked where the class is."
@
"Unbelievable, really. Does it make any sense that you don't even know your classroom because you skipped classes for her sake?"
Even as she grumbled, she guided me to the classroom.
To be precise, I was just following her on her way there, but considering our relationship, I was more than grateful for even that.
"......."
I didn't say much in particular.
I couldn't say anything anyway, since most of her harsh criticism was true.
Ever since entering the academy.
Despite having quite high entrance examination scores and a reasonably decent magic talent, I had never properly participated in a magic class.
Ever since getting involved with Aria, I was too busy chasing behind her and standing by her side.
It wasn't something to be proud of.
I just thought back then that I had to do so.
I was merely anxious about losing my spot as I watched the growing number of men around her.
"Hey, you."
Was the magic classroom here?
Standing in front of the classroom door and slowly blinking, I turned my eyes toward Sylvia's voice coming from beside me.
As our eyes met for the second time today, she still flinched and shuddered.
"You're a bit weird today."
"......."
I still didn't say anything.
Wouldn't it be Sylvia who's weird?
'This girl.'
How can she talk to me so nonchalantly?
Sure, she was snapping and complaining, but she kept talking to me.
Isn't she uncomfortable around me?
Such thoughts crossed my mind, but I soon dismissed them.
My mind wasn't pushed far enough to ask that right in front of the person concerned.
"It's just that kind of day."
Deureureuk.
Sliding open the door and stepping inside, I took a brief look around the classroom, moved over, and casually took a seat in an empty spot.
Sylvia didn't pay any mind to my direction either, simply walking over to head to her own seat.
'......Whew.'
Exhaling a breath internally, I stared blankly at the desk.
There was still a little time before class started, so zoning out for a bit should be fine.
By the way.
Maybe because it had been so long since I refrained from meeting her,
for some reason, time felt aimlessly floating.
My eyes had always chased her, my ears had always listened to her voice, and I had always walked just to be with her.
It might only be natural.
Watching the faces of the men increasing around her day by day, I had to strive not to lose my place.
'......Now.'
Though it had all become meaningless now.
Certainly, with Aria out of my sight, one corner of my chest felt slightly lighter.
While I couldn't say I had completely gotten over it, at least a tiny glimmer of hope seemed to be visible.
Come to think of it.
Anyway, as long as I didn't loiter around her, we were bound to avoid bumping into each other.
Because Aria and I barely had overlapping paths.
Therefore, as long as I acted just like this, it meant she and I wouldn't have any reason to run into each other.
'.......'
Perhaps.
If it's Aria, she might realize I've vanished and come looking for me.
That wouldn't be because she harbored romantic feelings for me, but simply due to her kind-hearted nature.
But if I can overcome even that and erase it...
I will be able to forget.
Kkuuk.
Unknowingly clenching my fist tightly, I vividly began to feel my fingernails digging into my palm.
Slowly, like that.
I just need to erase it.