Afterglow Guilt
I left the apartment after the session, the air still thick with the mingled scent of sweat and release, and we agreed on no further plans. The walk home felt both familiar and strangely lighter, as if the weight of our exchange had finally settled. I slipped into bed that night convinced the connection had been right, the kind that could be built upon. The thought of trying it all again filled my mind until sleep claimed me.
A few days later the phone buzzed while I was buried in work, the kind of frantic urgency that made every ring feel like an interruption. I ignored it at first, but when I finally checked the notification it was a message from her.
She had written a long message.
“Master, the play was really fun. It was great. But I don’t think we’re compatible. I tried real orgasm, egg-laying, even water torture. It was exciting at the time, but afterward the post-play guilt hit hard. Being treated as a complete meat toilet felt good during the session, but once I got home and thought about it I was overwhelmed with shame and doubt. I’m sorry, but I’m sure you’ll find the perfect person eventually.”
Everything I had imagined—the perfect match—was shattered in a single paragraph.
I stared at the screen for a long moment, then looked around my room as if the walls might explain what had just happened. I had pushed too hard, hadn’t I? The soft, gentle play I was used to had turned into water play, forced orgasm, egg-laying, and degradation play—the kind of intensity that would break most people the moment they came down from the high.
I could have stopped at any second with the safeword, yet I had never done so. I had asked for everything and received it, only to find that the pleasure had left behind a hollow ache and a sudden wave of shame. Three years earlier the same thing had happened. She had contacted me out of curiosity, the same way I had once reached out, and we had played for an entire night of egg-laying, water play, and total surrender. The moment it ended she had felt the same crushing guilt and never reached out again.
This time was different. She had not refused outright. She had simply said five calm words: “How are you doing?”
Still, the hesitation lingered. Should I reply? What if I simply said hello and left it at that? My busy weekend loomed ahead, and the thought of another long message only to be rejected again made me want to swallow the urge completely. Instead I decided to wait. Companies did not let up on Saturday, after all.
She did not reply for the rest of the day. The next morning I opened the chat out of habit, only to see that single unread message still sitting there. “How are you?” The one mark remained, unchanged.
Then, less than an hour after I had closed the app, the phone lit up again.
“Hello~ It’s been a while.”
The message came from her.
“Yes… I know it’s been a long time since I contacted you. I’m sorry.”
“No, no worries~ I wondered if something bad had happened in a month.”
“Nothing like that~ I was fine the whole time. Just… quiet.”
“I see. So no big trouble, then?”
“Just… well…”
“You can tell me anything, you know~”
“I… actually… after the play I didn’t hate it, but the fantasy I had in my head was completely different. It wasn’t matching my style at all.”
“Ah, that can happen. It’s okay.”
“But yesterday I happened to watch some video that looked almost exactly like the fantasy story I used to read… and every time I looked at it I kept remembering the play we did.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I kept thinking about whether I should contact you or not because I felt guilty, but every time I closed my eyes I kept seeing you… lol.”
“You can contact me anytime. The sooner the better, honestly.”
“Do you have anyone in your life right now?”
“Not since then. Work kept piling up and I never got around to posting a request again.”
“Ah, I see. I guess you’ve been posting a lot in the community too, right?”
“Did I come across as too busy? Hahaha. I tried really hard not to complain, but it’s hard sometimes.”
“Haha, that’s okay. Work is important, right?”
“Exactly~ Oh, by the way, I have one question. When we played together, did I seem too rough without enough care?”
“No, not at all~ I think it was just right.”
“I was worried that maybe I pushed it too hard and that’s why we didn’t match.”
“Actually, I felt the opposite. You were more gentle than I expected… but the video I watched kept flashing in my head.”
“Oh, that’s good.”
“Yeah~ So I contacted you again because I remembered.”
The tone had shifted. The conversation had moved from awkward small talk to something warmer.
“I see~”
“Oh, Master!”
“Yes?”
“If it’s okay with you… do you want to play together again?”
“I… yes? Um…”
She paused, as if weighing the words carefully.
“Actually… when I saw that video I wondered how anyone could do things like that… but then I watched similar fantasy content and I got strangely excited and aroused. So even if I can’t do the full fantasy play, I still want to keep playing with Master.”
“Really? That’s wonderful!”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t reach out for so long, and I’m sorry it’s only been a month since we last spoke.”
“No, no! I’m actually happy!”
“Thank you. So… shall we start like the play group did? Not a full contract, but—”
“Yes, I’d love that!”
As soon as the words left her mouth another thought struck me.
“We should meet soon, right? Hahaha. I really want to try playing again.”
“Yes, I’d like to see you too. This time it can be a little less heavy if you want.”
“Ah, I see~”
Suddenly something clicked in my head.
“Oh!”
“Do you have a package locker near your home or office? The kind where you can pick up deliveries without having to meet in person?”
“A package locker?”
“Yes, like the old Smile Box. I can send the gift there and you can pick it up at your convenience. I didn’t want to ask for your address just yet.”
“Ah, I see. I’ll look around.”
“Found one nearby.”
“Perfect timing! So let’s set a date later and you can tell me the location. I’ll send the gift there.”
“A gift?”
“Yes! When you get it, open it at home only and wear it the moment you come to meet me!”
“Wear it? Like a costume?”
“That’s a secret~”
“I’m curious now.”
“Okay, I’ll find out soon.”
“So what about this weekend?”
“This weekend is busy for me, but next weekend?”
“Great! I’ll send the gift first and you can pick it up. Next weekend it is!”
“Yes~ This time you can be a little harder if you want! I want to be trained exactly like in that video.”
“Hearing you say that makes me happy. See you next week! The gift will be waiting.”
“Yes!”
We ended the conversation and I set the phone down. Instead of worry, excitement began to stir inside me. I headed to the shower feeling lighter than I had in days.
After a few more days the message came again.
“Are you busy? Hahaha”
“No, not at all!”
“Master?”
“I’ve been taking it easy. Oh, the gift I sent should be in the package locker by now. Please check it!”
“Okay! Hahaha I’m dying to know what it is. I’ll pick it up when I get home from work tonight!”
“Yes! Fight hard today too!”
“Fighting!”
Exactly as he had said, I stopped by the locker on my way home and collected the box. It was heavier than I expected but still manageable. I carried it inside, showered, and opened it. Inside was a plain black bag. The moment I reached in I felt something hard and unfamiliar.
“Clothes?”
When I pulled the bag open, the object inside was not what I had imagined at all.
“Ah… this is…”