Exam Period # 5
Exam Period # 5
—Shhhhh.
Is that sound seriously coming from food? What kind of jjamppong makes a noise like that? I'd never heard anything that sinister in my life.
"..."
The crimson-red jjamppong was bubbling and boiling like lava. Because they'd used a stone pot instead of a regular bowl. A wicked touch that showed the chef's evil creativity.
Anyway, the jjamppong kept boiling.
—Shhhhh.
An eerily gloomy sound resonated from it.
"Oh my, I knew it. That red really does look delicious."
Leona was smiling as if she was genuinely delighted. Chopsticks already in hand.
She seriously enjoys eating this?
Is it because she's a real angel and her taste buds are different from a human's?
"Hm? What's the matter, Kim Geun-cheol? Hurry up and eat. This is my favorite, you know."
"..."
"Enjoy. I'm buying so you can study hard. You wouldn't refuse it this time either, would you?"
"Uh, Leona?"
"Yes?"
"I think I'm gonna need... some milk?"
Eating something this spicy without milk? Isn't that just suicide?
"Milk?"
"Yeah."
"Woo Yu-ri?"
Why bring up Yu-ri here!
I think Leona's pretty seriously pissed!
"No! Leona!"
"Real man fact! Doesn't drink milk with spicy food! Kim Geun-cheol, do your best!"
"Don't use catchphrases at a time like this!"
Oh, you've gotta be shitting me!
Do I really have to eat this!
—Shhhhh.
The boiling Asura-balteukma Jjamppong was threatening me. Threatening me, and it's just food! Totally irrational! And that makes it so infuriating I can't stand it!
"Gah!"
Fine!
"I'm a man too!"
I'm saying I'm not some spice wimp! Whatever it takes, I'm not gonna run away from food sitting right in front of me...!
It's a basic human duty to eat what's offered!
"I accept your challenge!"
"Woohoo!"
Heart of steel.
I wrapped a shield around my mind and grabbed my chopsticks. Spiciness is nothing but pain. And you can endure pain. Mere inanimate food can't beat me!
—Plunge!
I stabbed my chopsticks into the jjamppong. Immediately, I grabbed the noodles and gently shook them so they soaked up tons of broth. It looked spicy as hell, but I'm still Korean.
I'm something of an expert on spicy food. The amount of Fire Chicken Stir-Fried Noodles I wiped out back in the army alone was division-level. Countless fire-chicken brats came for me, but none of them could beat me. This bastard should be the same.
"I'll wreck you."
—Slurrrrp!
With that, I shoved the jjamppong into my mouth. The first thing I felt was heat. No. Extreme heat. Wait. Is this hot? No. This is fucking spicy?
"I'm dying!"
I'm dying!
"I'm telling you I'm dying!"
The spicy taste started spreading throughout my whole mouth!
"Tears streaming!"
I can't endure it! Heat rushed to my face, and tears welled up! Scream! I have to scream!
"Khaaak...! Koff!"
But a proper scream never came out of my mouth.
It's insanely spicy...! Every single red particle making this crimson broth is lodging into my tongue like thorns!
Please, go away!
I'm telling you, go away!
No matter what I do, it torments me...!
"No, Leona! Leonaaaaa! What is this! It's so! So fucking spicy!"
"Ho ho ho, eat up. Look at you eating so heartily."
Leona, sitting next to me, just smiled as if she was satisfied. Was this woman planning on not eating any herself?! The thought crossed my mind for a second.
—Slurrrrp.
Leona casually inhaled the noodles.
"Ah, I knew it. That fiery taste is the best. A jjamppong that is just perfect for the Korean palate."
You're not even Korean!
"No way, Leona?! Are you really completely fine!"
It's spicy!
It's really spicy!
A cold sweat was forming on my forehead!
"Ghhaak!"
But Leona was really acting like it was nothing, inhaling noodles and even scooping up the broth with her spoon to drink it.
"I'm not sure. It just tastes good to me. Doesn't it suit your palate, Kim Geun-cheol?"
"It's just fucking spicy!"
"Oh, what a drama queen. You're such a drama queen, Kim Geun-cheol. Here. Now, eat more. More."
"Sob...!"
This is insane!
But as a man, my pride won't let me abandon food I've started eating. Above all else, this jjamppong seemed like a kind of challenge food.
A challenge food that utterly crushes its challengers.
If that's the case, I can't lose.
—Slurrrrrrp!
I gulped down more noodles! Extreme spiciness. Didn't they say there is light within suffering? This food wasn't just spicy.
"It's spicy, but it is good...!"
Tears and cold sweat were streaming down, but within the spiciness, there was an undeniable "enjoyment." This is delicious! Really delicious! It's spicy, but delicious...!
"See! I just knew you'd like it! I'm not a regular here for nothing!"
At the word "delicious," Leona became hugely excited.
Yeah! Seeing that smile, I feel like I can endure...!
"Ho ho ho, it really makes me feel good seeing our Kim Geun-cheol eating so well. I'm feeling great that you like it."
"Save... me."
Me.
"Anyway, Kim Geun-cheol?"
"Yeah... talk."
I answered while drinking water.
"Let's just say, hypothetically. If you fail the retest."
If I fail?
"Here."
"Here?"
"We'll come every day."
Ah.
"So let's work hard, okay?"
—Shhhhh.
At some point, Leona was whispering that into my ear. It sounded so much like the utterly sinister voice of a witch that my head froze in an instant.
"I'll scold you big time if you flunk. Seriously, what even are you, Kim Geun-cheol? You're the type of person who will definitely flunk unless I look after you like this. So hurry up, eat, and buck up. I'll teach you with everything I've got."
And so I finished the entire jjamppong in agony.
* * *
"Ahh, I can never again..."
Amazingly.
"Return to the me from before I ate jjamppong."
My lips had doubled in size.
No, but seriously, is this real?
"That's right! You can never go back to averaging 20 points again! Now, hurry! Open your textbook, Kim Geun-cheol!"
"Okay...!"
I will!
"Starting right now, I'm gonna study! I'll study hard and pass an average of sixty-five points!"
Leona's jjamppong had definitely been effective.
Boosting.
My spirit was burning. Go there one more time? Bullshit! Not a chance in hell! But if I fail the retest, Leona will drag me back to that place.
I can't let that happen.
No matter what, I'll pass the retest.
I cannot be dragged back to that hell!
Let's push forward with that as my only goal!
—Fwip!
Leona, sitting beside me, opened the textbook.
"Alright, try solving them!"
"I can't!"
"You little shit, why 'can't' right from the start!!!"
"That's why I'm learning!"
"Ah! That's right! Then from now on, let's solve the problems together!"
—Scribble scribble.
And so, I started studying math with Leona. No kidding, starting from problem number one, English came out, and I couldn't understand the question at all. Just write some numbers in math class, you bastards! Use numbers!
"Ah, here. This way. Look at this part first."
"Hm."
Still, Leona kindly explained everything to me from A to Z. Listening to her, I felt like I could somehow understand it.
"No way, Leona? Why are you so good at teaching? You could be a teacher."
"Smart people are naturally good at teaching others. Isn't that obvious? Heh heh."
"Yeah. I'll give you that."
Good.
Honestly, I was anxious at first, but now that I'm getting tutored by Leona like this, I'm starting to feel confident. If I flunk while being directly taught by such a capable teacher, am I even human?
"Kim Geun-cheol? From problem 1 to problem 10. You know, the formulas we used and how to solve them? If it's hard to understand right now, just memorize it. At your level, memorization comes before understanding."
"Yeah, I think I'll have to do that first."
"Alright, then let's redo the ones we already solved."
"Let's do it."
And so I continued studying math with Leona like that.
"But, Leona. This is important time for you too. Is it okay to spend two hours teaching me?"
"Why would you worry about that? Kim Geun-cheol, you're standing right in front of the path to flunking or not. Then of course I should spend the time."
"Sob...! You really are an angel...!"
I doubted her for a second, but Leona is a goddess, I was right.
"Angel...! A little more! Praise me with more compliments!"
"Goddess!"
"Now even the word 'goddess' isn't enough...!"
If even goddess feels insufficient, then what kind of compliment am I supposed to give? I had absolutely no clue, but well. What mattered right now was solving problems.
Two hours passed like that.
"Alright, Kim Geun-cheol!"
—Thud!
Leona shut the book and spoke with the face of an instructor.
"Starting right now, it's time for a pop quiz!"
"What the— but this is the first day?!"
"You have to start on the first day! If you don't pass, you don't go back!"
"For real?!"
Then where am I supposed to sleep?
"What happens if I don't go back?"
"You know Crown Prince Sado, right?"
"I know him."
"You also know that Crown Prince Sado went into a box, right?"
"Schrödinger got the idea from that, I hear."
"Huh? No, what the hell are you talking about. Anyway. If you don't pass the pop quiz, you will be sentenced to Box-imprisonment!"
The moment I heard that, I got chills.
"Wh-what's Box-imprisonment?"
"The official name, let's just call it the Studying Box. Anyway. I'm going to write the questions, so be on your toes."
"No! No matter what!"
"Don't worry. They're the problems we solved over the last two hours. If you listened well in my class today, there's no way you'll fail."
Ah, is that how it is?
"If that's the case, no problem. Bring it, Leona. I'll prove I paid brutal attention in class today."
"Good. That's the attitude that makes teaching worth it. Actually, I saw how hard Kim Geun-cheol was studying earlier. So this is sort of meant to let you feel a sense of academic achievement... so try to enjoy it well."
Her heart is so kind, I'm telling you!
Then bring it!
—Swish.
Soon Leona finished writing the pop quiz.
"Here you go. Try your best to solve it."
"I'll wreck it."
"Ho ho ho, 'wreck it,' what crap."
I took the test paper. I see. The problems Leona and I had just solved together. They were here, just with the numbers changed.
I'd already memorized how to solve these.
—Scratch scratch.
Without hesitation.
With truly zero hesitation, I powered through the problems.
"Here. Done."
Before long, I'd wrecked even the last problem. Into utter smithereens. Perfectly trashed it. Even pulverized its last will to resist.
"Hoh? Already? Is it really okay?"
"Of course. Grade it."
"Good. Then let's begin grading."
Leona, holding a red pen, stared at my test paper.
And then.
—Swish.
—Swish.
—Swish.
She began circling my answers.
"One hundred...! Kim Geun-cheol got a hundred! You really paid attention in class!"
"Of course! It's your teaching, Leona, so I've gotta do it right!"
"That's exactly the mindset! Sob!"
A deeply moved Leona cried tears of joy, smiling very happily!
I feel like crying too!
"I raised our Kim Geun-cheol so well...! Call me Mom!"
"Mommmmmmm!"
"No, wait, this is suddenly creepy as hell!"
"You told me to say it!"
I've been wronged!