Desert Island Survival # 3
Desert Island Survival # 3
"Snake! A snake! It's good for your body and tastes great, you fuck! Si-hoo!"
"Kyaaaaaaah!"
Surrounded by snakes, Si-hoo screamed in total panic! The hell, that bastard's a superhuman and he's scared of snakes?! But I can't say shit because I'm freaking the hell out too!
"Si-hoo, snap out of it! Knock the snakes off!"
I yelled that, but Si-hoo just stood there frozen, shrieking nonstop! And all the while, the snakes were flicking their tongues, zeroing in on Si-hoo...!
Did I seriously step right on a snake den?!
"Son of a bitch!"
If Si-hoo's in a full-blown panic, I have to do something!
—Swoosh!
I swung my sword and yelled!
"Hiss! Hissss! Hiss hiss hiss! Get away! I said get the fuck away!"
This is so goddamn unfair! We trained our asses off to kill monsters, but nobody taught us how to safely remove a snake stuck to a human body! At this point, shouldn't snakes be classified as monsters too?!
"Hissss! Hissss! Fuck! Get away! Hiiiissss! Hiss hiss!"
I drew aggro by making hissing sounds with my mouth and shoving my training sword at them. As a result, the head of the snake crawling up Si-hoo's leg turned toward me.
"Good! Hiss hiss! Look at me!"
"G-Geun-cheol?! What the hell are you...!"
"If you've got your head back, get the snakes off, dumbass!"
"B-but if I do that, the snakes will...!"
The snakes will what?!
"Hey! You little shit, why are you worrying about the snakes right now?! Hurry up and knock 'em off or I'll—gyack!"
In that instant, a snake shot its head at me, and I stepped back!
And at that moment.
—Chomp!
Another snake bit Si-hoo's thigh!
"Motherfuck! A snake bit Lee Si-hoo's thigh!"
We're fucked, goddammit!
Training or whatever else, getting bitten by a snake means it's over! If we don't immediately get medevacked by helicopter, he might end up crippled!
"Out of my way!"
Screw it, no more thinking! I shot my hand out and grabbed the snake's head. If you just grab and pin it down before it bites, problem solved, right?
"N-no! Wait! Geun-cheol! Hold on!"
"Hold on, my ass! You got bitten by a snake, you idiot! Any moron can see that's a venomous snake!"
If we don't administer antivenom immediately, it's game over, even for a superhuman! There are recorded cases of elephants dropping dead from a venomous snakebite! There's no way a superhuman would be fine!
—Whoosh!
I coated my forearm with mana. With hyper-focused concentration, I grabbed every last one of the attacking snakes and hurled them away hard. Once I'd eliminated every single threat.
—Thud!
"Kyaak?!"
I shoved Lee Si-hoo to the ground.
First, I had to administer first aid.
"Geun-cheol?!"
"Stay still, dumbass! I'm doing first aid! You call for rescue while you're still lucid!"
"Wait, hnngh?!"
Right away.
—Riiip!
Si-hoo's PE uniform pants. I grabbed the thigh part, the exact spot the snake had bitten, and tore it open with my bare hands.
"Kyaaaaaaah?! Geun-cheoooool?!"
"Shut up!"
What you do when someone's bitten by a snake.
You suck the blood out. You have to extract even a little of the venom to reduce the burden on the patient. Honestly, giving my friend a thigh kiss is kinda fucking disgusting, but saving my friend comes first here!
Thigh kisses and all that other bullshit can go straight to hell!
"I'm doing first aid now, suction!"
The sun's completely down now. It's too dark to see well. But one thing is crystal clear: the thigh was bitten.
—Suction!
Without hesitation, I pressed my lips to Si-hoo's thigh and sucked the venom out with all my might!
"Kya- kyaaaaaah?! Geun-cheol...! Geun-cheol! What are you dooooing...! Hnngah!"
Flustered, Si-hoo spouted all kinds of gibberish and placed a hand on my head. If you had any idea how I feel right now, giving a guy a thigh kiss to save my friend's life, I wish you'd just shut up and call for rescue...!
Anyway.
"Suction!"
I sealed my lips onto Si-hoo's thigh and sucked hard, but I didn't feel a pull of venom or blood rushing out.
"Hnngh, ow...! W-what is this...! Hnnnggh!"
Could it be the wrong spot? No choice. I immediately started scanning Si-hoo's thigh with my lips, searching for the wound.
"S-suddenly like this, nnnghh?!"
All the while, I kept exerting force to suction out the venom. Bear it. Bear it, Geun-cheol! It's all a crazy stunt to save a friend! Even if it's horrifying, I have to grin and bear it!
"Ah, nnngh, stooop...!"
But.
"The hell is this, fuck?"
I sucked the ever-loving shit out of that thigh, but I couldn't find the wound. Did I mix up the legs? What am I, Guan Yu getting arm surgery without anesthesia?!
I mixed up an arm—no, a leg!
"Shit!"
The moment I made the judgment, I acted.
—Grab.
The instant I seized Si-hoo's other thigh.
"Hngh... G-Geun-cheol!"
Si-hoo yelled urgently.
"Hey! Sorry! Wrong leg, I guess! I'll do it on this side!"
"That's enough! Stop!"
"Stop, my ass! You wanna end up crippled?! Just make the damn call!"
"I'm fine, so stop!"
"Fine? What do you mean fin... Oh."
But wait, that bastard Si-hoo was brimming with energy, wasn't he?
Did he... not get bitten?
"Even if I get bitten a bit, I'm fine, Geun-cheol!"
"No. There's no way you'd be fine if..."
"I had a shield wrapped around my skin! It's a shield that blocks monsters—how could a snake pierce it!"
That moment.
"Ah."
Something like a bolt of lightning struck.
—Kaboom!
And it felt like it nailed me right in the brain.
Wait. Calm down. Oh, man. Something is definitely wrong. A shield stops a viper's fangs? There's no way that's possible.
Because if that was possible.
Then I just went into a sudden frenzy and sucked the living hell out of my same-sex friend's thigh.
Making me a crazy gay guy.
"Blergh."
Suddenly, my stomach turned. My head was a mess. I started losing my balance, and my vision warped.
I sucked a guy's thigh like that because of a misunderstanding...!
Fuuuuck!
I'm in agony!
"Geun-cheol?! Why are you making that face?!"
"Well, you see..."
"I'm the one who's most flustered right now, you know?!"
Come to think of it, he's right. From Si-hoo's perspective... I suddenly vacuumed his thigh.
Imagining it, that's horrifying too, isn't it?
Absolute madness. Terrible.
"No, Si-hoo."
I denied reality.
"No kidding, be straight with me. Did you seriously... not get bitten?"
"Y-yeah. That's right. I protected myself with a shield, so I didn't get bitten."
A shield, he said.
"Snakes are creepy, so honestly, I was pretty startled... but since I wouldn't get bitten anyway because of the shield, and I thought it was wrong to kill innocent wild animals over something like this, I just stayed still. I was confused too."
Ah.
"But then you, Geun-cheol, suddenly...!"
"..."
"My, my thigh like that...!"
I've lost it.
"Hnnggh!"
—Whirl. Splat!
Suddenly, Si-hoo spun around.
"I haaaate thiiiis!"
And bolted, running away into the forest.
"Kyaaaaaaaaah!"
Leaving only a scream behind.
"This is insane. I'm serious."
No.
I'm seriously going to lose it.
"How am I supposed to go on living now?"
How does a person who sucked his friend's thigh go on with life? They never taught us this stuff at the academy.
"Someone help me."
Please, someone help me.
* * *
As I was wandering around, trying to calm the chaos in my mind.
—Rustle!
The underbrush in front of me shook.
"Found you at last! Yo, yo, Kim Geun-cheol!"
Suddenly, Leona popped out, wha—
"Leona?"
Leona's appearance was genuinely startling. She'd tied her hair up and fixed it with some kind of netting, applied a thick layer of camo cream to her face, and stuck branches in her clothes for camouflage.
What's with this ghillie suit?
A battalion commander would lose his mind over this.
"It's a survival game. You have to take it as seriously as possible. How's this? You can't even recognize me, right?"
"Have you had training or something? You look like a treant."
"Hehehe, 'a treant' my ass. Yeah, I received this kind of survival training when I was young, naturally. Camouflage is vital, you know? Anyway! Your Victory Points, Kim Geun-cheol!"
"I've got one."
"Good! Then die without regrets!"
With a satisfied smile, Leona confidently leveled her sword at me. She clearly meant to settle this here and now.
"Alright, come at me! Kim Geun-cheol... hmm? What's the matter? You look a bit mentally broken?"
Of course she noticed!
"W-well, you see."
Right then.
I wanted to unload this awful feeling inside. I figured that at least telling someone would make things a bit easier.
"Something happened earlier, and because of that, I'm not in my right mind."
"What on earth? What could have happened? Hold on. Come here, sit down."
"Yeah."
Apparently willing to hear me out, Leona sat me down. She was a really good person. So, hoping to feel better, I told her everything that happened.
After I'd spilled it all.
"Uh. Hmm. Yeah. So, anyway."
Leona stroked her chin, looking deeply troubled.
"The thing is... hmm... that's. Yeah. Kim Geun-cheol? You didn't do anything wrong, right? It was just a mistake. You were trying to save your friend, uh... so... you were just doing your best?"
"..."
"This is... haah. I see."
With a sigh, Leona stood up.
"In my opinion, I think maybe you should just die once..."
"Just kill me already."
—Shiiing!
The instant I drew my blade.
"Hup."
—Tap.
Leona's sword came down on my headgear.
—Beep!
—Deceased.
With that, the death verdict was issued, and Leona sent me off toward the shore. Honestly, my mental state was too wrecked to continue training right then.
* * *
As instructed, I rode the unmanned auto-boat to the eliminated contestants' lodging. Though it felt less like lodging and more like an auditorium. Looking around, there were quite a few eliminated people. Among them was Mun Min, lying down fast asleep.
The general vibe was that everyone was just resting. No real need to wake anyone up. I needed to get some rest too.
—Slide.
I immediately found a decent spot and lay down.
"Ah."
Seriously.
Starting tomorrow, how the hell am I supposed to act around Si-hoo?
This is crazy. I fucking misunderstood and latched onto a guy's thigh, biting and sucking like a maniac? Sure, Si-hoo's not exactly the picture of rugged masculinity, but that's completely irrelevant.
It's just mortifying and agonizing...!
—Creeeak.
While I was like that, the lodging door opened. Another eliminated contestant had arrived. I checked to see who it was, and there stood the familiar Ryu.
"Yo, Ryu Cheon-hwi. Did even you end up as an 'eliminated contestant'?"
"..."
Ryu Cheon-hwi frowned the moment he saw me and walked over. Let's see. If someone of his caliber, who was joint top of the class with Leona, got taken out... was it Leona's ambush? She was fully ghillied up; it wouldn't be weird for Ryu Cheon-hwi to fall for it.
"Ryu. Who got you?"
"..."
"Leona? Woo Yu-ri?"
"...Lee Si-hoo."
What.
"Taken out by Lee Si-hoo! Damn it! Attacking me out of nowhere while screaming at the top of his lungs!"
Ah.
"Is this something you taught him?!"
Well, about that.