Leona's Secret Hobby # 3
Leona's Secret Hobby # 3
"See this? See my superhuman ability?"
Nothing beats showing off your powers to kids. Yeah, I look like an idiot, but I've come to realize that now.
It's fun.
Is there a job where you get paid just for flexing on kids? A thought like that actually flickered through my head—it was that enjoyable.
"Amazing...!"
"I want to be a hero too!"
"How do you awaken!"
The boys and girls who saw my sword aura shouted with excitement. Well, sure—everyone wants to awaken. No one hates the idea of becoming a superhuman.
The kids are no different.
"Awakening is just luck. Pure luck, seriously. If you're lucky you awaken. If not, you just live."
"Why is the world based on luck!"
"Is it all luck!"
"Overwhelming despair!"
The kids clutched their heads!
"Don't despair! Kids mustn't despair...! You must never do that!"
So I gave the kids a little teaching while playing with them.
Really... they're orphans, but so full of spirit. All of them are kind and quick to laugh. They shine so brightly that even I feel warm watching them.
But I guess that's to be expected.
If they're kids who see Leona all the time, there's no way they'd be gloomy. Leona has angel power, after all.
"Kyaaaruruk!"
"Fuhahaha!"
"Look at this! It's a move Leona taught me!"
Watching the kids makes me smile without even trying.
"Heh heh heh."
But, this whole orphan thing.
For the record, I'm technically an orphan too. If I'd actually been one, how would I have lived? My profile says I bounced around orphanages.
If I had to guess... well, that's basically it. My personality would've been a total train wreck. That's probably why I kept transferring schools. That makes the most sense.
"Hm."
I've heard more than enough times in my life that my personality is garbage. But doesn't everyone hear that kind of thing? Just because I get along with friends and acquaintances doesn't mean I get along with everyone. I've definitely had friction.
I've been called out for my personality plenty. I've had a lot of friends, but I've also gotten into fights with assholes. Lots of friction.
"Sounds about the same."
If I'd really been an orphan, I'd probably have lived like complete trash. People with wounds tend to get rough treatment, and if you're a kid and not an adult, that goes double. If I'd really lived here as an orphan, I think I'd have ended up exactly like my profile says.
So I can empathize.
But... what kind of guy was the me who was here originally? For now, I look exactly like I did right before I enlisted.
Even the photo on my student ID is the same.
"..."
No answer is coming, is it.
"Geun-cheol! Quick! Let's play villain tag! You're the villain and we're the civilians!"
"Run at full speed! I'm gonna eat you! I'll make you feel the fate of a kid caught by a villain!"
I immediately chase the kids!
"Kkhhhaaaaaak!"
"Aaaaaaaagh! It's a villain! A villain! Everybody ruuuuun!"
I let the fleeing kids know my true identity.
"Bwahahahaha! I am the red man who stuffs children into a sack!!!"
"It's the A-rank villain Christmas Nightmare!"
"If you go into his sack, they say you turn into a red kid...! Everybody run!"
So I shook off my stray thoughts and played tag with the kids. Getting fully into the villain role and shouting as I ran was genuinely fun. Is this what cheetahs on the savanna feel like?
And while I was at it.
"Huff, huff. Geun-cheol."
"Oh! Si-hoo!"
Si-hoo approached, looking worn out.
"The kids have way too much energy...! I guess that's what it means to be a kid?"
"Heh heh heh, of course kids are bursting with energy. Looks like they ran you ragged too, Si-hoo?"
"Playing with them was rough. But, Geun-cheol."
"Hm?"
Si-hoo spoke with an amused expression.
"Heh heh, you looked like you were having a blast. Do you like kids?"
"Yeah."
Instant answer.
"Who doesn't like kids? Of course I do."
"Hm, I guess that's true."
"I like 'em all. Kids, I mean."
"Geun-cheol. That sounded like a hero just now. Pretty cool. You've got a good mindset."
"Heh heh heh, I'm already a hero in mindset."
"There you go with the narcissism again. But I can't argue because it's true."
Of course.
"Anyway, Si-hoo. People who hate little kids... are just bad people. For sure."
"True. But, Geun-cheol. Where's Leona?"
"Right? This girl dumped her work on us and ran off..."
That instant.
"Dumped her work?"
Leona's voice came.
"Just what does that mean? 'Dumped her work'?"
She was nearby.
"Ah, that's army slang. It means she shoved her own job onto someone else and ran."
"Why does Kim Geun-cheol know army slang? You haven't even served."
"Most South Korean men end up serving one day. No harm in knowing it early."
"What are you talking about? You, Kim Geun-cheol, aren't going to the army anyway."
"What?"
—Tzap.
In that moment.
Something flashed through my mind.
"Not going to the army? No."
Actually, getting younger meant I could be drafted again. Chills. Enlisting in a world with monsters? Fighting actual monsters like those armored soldiers? No. But I wouldn't have to go, right?
Terror and joy cross paths.
"Why?"
"No, Kim Geun-cheol? That's the most important thing, and you don't know it? When you graduate from Ares Academy, you get military exemption in exchange for working as a hero. How can a Korean not know that? Even I, who's from Europe, know it—"
"Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Kyaa!"
Woooooooaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! Yeeeeeeeeeesssssssssss!!!!!!!!!! Kkhhhhaah!!! Kkhhhhhaaaaaaah!!! Kkhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woooooooooh!!!!! Gurk! Guuuuuuuurk! Oooooohhhhhhhh!!!
* * *
"Bwahahahahaha!"
"Seriously, Kim Geun-cheol? You're that happy?"
"Well, of course! After having a blast with the kids, there's no way I wouldn't be in a good mood!"
After I roared like that, I looked into it on my phone a bit and learned that the current Republic of Korea is a country maintaining a shockingly thorough conscription system.
Men and women both get snatched up for a straight 24 months if they score grade 3 or higher on the physical. And private second class lasts 11 months. Then another 12 months as private first class, and you get released as a corporal.
From corporal up, it's career soldiers. That armored sergeant I saw earlier was exactly a career soldier.
Apparently conscripts don't get to wear powered suits. Still, if monsters appear in the city, conscript or not, they apparently get thrown into real combat. It's that brutal.
Thinking about me, Kim Geun-cheol, who nearly got sucked into that, made me feel like throwing up—and at the same time, the joy of exemption surged so hard I couldn't tell what was what.
"SO DAMN HAPPY!!!"
"It's obviously because of the military exemption... Heh heh. Still, it's good to see you smiling."
Anyway.
After playing like crazy with the kids, lunchtime rolled around.
We sent the kids off to the orphanage cafeteria, and we went out in Leona's limousine.
Leona said she'd buy us lunch. I asked why we couldn't just eat the cafeteria food if that's the case, and she said she didn't want to eat cafeteria food.
"Anyway. Kim Geun-cheol? And Lee Si-hoo? You worked hard. And thank you. For playing so well with the kids. You two really do seem to have the right character. Heroes in the truest sense, truly."
Leona praised us with a face that said she was pleased.
"Heh heh heh, Leona. No matter how nice I am, could I even come close to you?"
"You've already caught up, Kim Geun-cheol. No, but why do you overdo everything so much? Don't you think so?"
"Heh heh heh, that's true. Geun-cheol is basically just packed full of overacting."
Hey, don't gang up on me...!
Anyway, as we talked like that, we arrived at our destination.
We had landed on the rooftop of a high-rise tower building.
"Where is this? Don't tell me it's a Kainus Family building?"
"As expected, you're sharp."
"That's absolutely absurd. How is all this yours?"
"Not all of it. Just a large stake. Think of it as split with the Korean government. Heh."
Leona boasted with obvious pride. But when an angel does it, even bragging feels holy.
"Anyway, Kim Geun-cheol. Is there something you'd like to eat?"
"Uh... you're treating, so I can't decide. Archangel Leona, just buy whatever you want to buy."
"In that case... shall we go eat Schweinshaxe?"
"What? Schweinshaxe?"
"Yes?"
Something came to mind.
"Geun-cheol. Didn't we see a Schweinshaxe place back then?"
Si-hoo spoke up.
"Yeah. That Original Grandma Schweinshaxe place."
The nonsense name.
"Hooh? You know it?"
Leona reacted.
"The Original Grandma Schweinshaxe restaurant?"
"I saw it on the street... don't tell me you're connected to it, Leona?"
"Yes. It's one of the Kainus Family's businesses. It's delicious."
Wait, that place was yours?!
"Then who the hell is the original grandma?!"
"Leona! I'm curious too!"
"Wh—what?"
I explained to the flustered Leona what had happened last week.
"Fuhuhu, is that what it was? Well, the name doesn't really mean anything. 'Original Grandma' just sounds like someone who'd cook well, doesn't it? A name they thought would work on Koreans... that's what I heard about the naming. It actually has nothing to do with any grandma. I believe the CEO is a middle-aged man, too."
"That is utterly staggering."
So this is the taste of Korea?
"Then let's go eat. I'm hella— No, very hungry."
"Yeah, yeah."
We followed Leona into the building's elevator. Apparently a branch of that Schweinshaxe place is nearby. Once again grateful to the goddess Leona, who treats us to meals like this, I resolved to definitely follow and help out the next time there's volunteer work.
—Clack, clack.
After stepping out of the building, we walked down the street, following the sound of Leona's heels.
"Whoa."
"Ooh..."
"Ho."
But weren't all the people around us staring at Leona? Sure, Leona is the type of beauty who pulls eyes instantly.
Her silver hair is gorgeous too.
Being an angel draws too much aggro.
"Hey, Leona. You're pulling too much aggro."
"It can't be helped. I'm just that pretty. It's like a passive skill; I can't turn it off, so don't worry about it either, Kim Geun-cheol."
An angel is allowed to be shameless.
"Heh heh heh, sure."
But it's hard not to worry about it.
"Si-hoo, isn't she insane? A beauty who makes everyone turn their heads. A beauty."
"Hmm... a beauty."
"Hm?"
"No. Nothing."
Anyway. After a short walk, the Schweinshaxe place appeared. Leona went in right away, and Si-hoo followed. I was about to enter last when—
—Clack.
I heard a different footstep and looked over.
"Ah. Hey, Geun-cheol."
"Huh? Wait, you're—?"
There stood a familiar-looking little blonde kid.
"Oh! You! You're that little squirt I saw when the monster showed up!"
The one who disappeared all of a sudden back then!!!
"I don't like being called a squirt, Geun-cheol. Anyway, it's been a while, huh?"
"How the hell did you get home that day? Are you hurt anywhere?"
I definitely need to hear this!
I walked right up and grabbed the kid by the shoulders, and she averted her eyes as she spoke.
"I—I don't really need you to worry... Geun-cheol. But wait. All that shouting in a crowded place is a bit..."
"Oh. Okay."