School Life is Fucking Spectacular # 11
School Life is Fucking Spectacular # 11
"Ke ke ke."
On the way to the cafeteria with Si-hoo.
Anticipation is exploding.
A buffet? School lunch is a buffet? I'm so unbelievably happy. A gentle breeze practically wraps softly around my heart. Is it okay for me to feel this absurdly happy?
It's like being hugged by a cloud.
Embraced by a cloud, I danced a waltz with the sunlight. I feel like singing. If you can't sing out this joy, when the hell is a person supposed to sing?
But is this for real?
School lunch comes as a buffet?
"Heroes really are the best. Naturally, the superhumans who'll protect the country deserve a buffet. Damn right they do."
"Ha, hahaha. Geun-cheol. You're so funny, I think you're getting a little too excited."
"Too excited? Do you not understand the human heart?"
"Pfft...! The human heart, over this...!"
Lee Si-hoo trailed off, trying to hold back laughter.
What a cheap laugh.
"It's a buffet. Of course any human would be happy. Hell yeah! Long live Ares Academy! Chairwoman, I love you! I did think the Chairwoman was abnormally pretty."
"...Huh? The Chairwoman was what?"
"That's definitely because she's kind-hearted. You know. There's a saying. A kind heart shows on your face. If you ask me, the Chairwoman is exactly that case."
What a pretty lady.
"..."
Anyway.
I was insanely, truly happy.
"I'm in despair."
The moment I arrived at the cafeteria, I fell into despair.
"I'm in despair over the fact that I have to pay for my school lunch!"
My heart!
"An entry fee of 30,000 won, is this for real?!!"
My heart feels like it's about to shatter!
"How is a meal ticket thirty thousand won!!"
Amazingly, the entry fee for the cafeteria was 30,000 won! An astonishingly honest fortune! It was not something I, with basically no money in my bank account, could eat!
What kind of world makes you pay to enter the cafeteria!
"H-Hey, Geun-cheol?"
"Sniff!"
I can't eat this.
My current bank account situation is, to put it mildly, utterly atrocious. I have no parents, no siblings, and the only source of money is the government subsidy.
That subsidy is a little over 500,000 won a month.
I have to live a whole month on 500,000 won, and a single meal costs 30,000? Do I look like I can eat that? Don't make fun of people! The moment I eat that, I'll be starving for days!
Instantly chewing back my tears, I said to Si-hoo.
"Sorry, Si-hoo. Eat by yourself. I can't go in. It's too expensive."
"Is it expensive? Then what about you, Geun-cheol?"
"What about me. I'm going to the school store."
Icarus foolishly tried to reach the sky.
And despaired.
Just like me now.
But Icarus's father, gathering up his foolish son's body, looked toward a later day... Musing on that heart, let's go eat a Don-gapnaegi. You bastards. Me, embraced by a cloud? I wasn't worthy from the start. I wasn't worthy to dance a waltz with the sunlight. So where, then, should I sing?
"You're going to the school store?"
"Yeah."
"Then let's go together!"
"What? Really? You're really going to give up on that 'cafeteria buffet'?"
Are you human?
You can resist that?
As a human?
"I don't mind, really?"
Well, I guess.
If you're from a normal family, especially parents with a superhuman kid, they'd give you a fat allowance. You could eat as much as you wanted.
Look at them now.
—Whoosh.
The students are literally lining up to get into the cafeteria.
That's normal.
"Yeah? Then let's go together."
"Okay!"
Si-hoo followed alongside me, giggling happily for some reason. And so, well, Si-hoo and I headed for the school store.
"Hey, so anyway. That Ryu Cheon-hwi bastard, huh? I'm thinking of reporting him to the faculty office first. What do you think?"
"Hmm... Really? It'd be better if we all got along as friends."
"He's not a friend, man. You're a friend. Is that guy a friend?"
"Oh, huh? R-Really? I'm a friend... heh heh heh."
"Yeah, right, dammit, you're the friend. So naturally I report him... Ah, wait. Si-hoo. Let's stop by the bathroom first."
"Huh? The bathroom?"
Gotta drain the lizard before the school store.
So Si-hoo and I walked into a bathroom in a nearby building on the first floor.
"So, like. The timing to report him is just... Hm?"
What's this?
"Si-hoo?"
Looking, Si-hoo was standing outside the bathroom, apparently planning to wait for me there.
Didn't follow me in.
"You're not coming in?"
"N-No! I'm fine!"
"Yeah?"
Is that something to react so sensitively about? Anyway, after taking a quick piss, I washed my hands and came back out. Guess he doesn't like going to the bathroom with guys.
"Let's go to the school store then."
"Okay."
I already had the route to the school store memorized. Very confidently, I led Si-hoo straight there. Fortunately, the school store was quiet. Well, of course. Who would come to the school store when a buffet like that exists. I'm jealous of those bourgeois bastards, I'm so jealous.
"Aha, so this is the school store."
Si-hoo, having entered the store, looked around with a flushed face.
"Why do you look so happy? First time at a school store?"
"Yeah. Well, it is my first time here."
"Really?"
"It's my first time going to a school store with a friend. So it's kind of fun. Ah, Geun-cheol. Do you get all this from vending machines? That's amazing."
Was this guy the type with no friends?
Come to think of it, he has a bit of an androgynous look and is on the shorter side. Delicate like that, he looks like the clearly inactive type. But for a guy like that, he actually bravely stepped in and stopped the fight with Ryu Cheon-hwi?
A personality that can't stand injustice... Had I known, I should've looked into him a bit more.
"Yeah. You gotta get it all from the machine."
"What's good? Since it's my first time, you pick for me, Geun-cheol."
"Hey, shit. I'll pick for you. First, that one. Don-gapnaegi and Fire Burger. And One Whole Pizza and Pizza Holic. All of them are absolutely flawless menu items. Pick any of them. And."
—Ka-clunk.
"Once you pick a Picnic, everything's okay. Now! Pick it, Si-hoo!"
"Okay!"
Lee Si-hoo started taking out food from the machines, wallet in hand, as if expecting something great. Seeing him so happy, I figured he's a pretty unique kid.
After popping the Don-gapnaegi into the microwave, we sat down and ate together.
"Mmm."
"Good?"
"Yeah. Ah. This is good. You said it's called Don-gapnaegi?"
"Yep. It's my absolute favorite. Fucking delicious, seriously."
The juices that burst out the moment you take a bite are simply fantastic. Right. If I can't eat the cafeteria lunch, I should at least eat something like this. I am happy.
"It's so delicious, seriously. A heavenly taste."
"Hahaha, Geun-cheol, you have a way of making things sound so... rich."
"That's because I'm a good person."
Do all good people talk like me or something.
"Hey, more than that, Si-hoo."
"Hm?"
"Isn't Leona a total Angel? How can she be that full of leadership and so kind? I was seriously so touched."
"Hmm... Really? She did seem kind."
"Heh heh heh, I'm telling you. Pretty and kind on top of that? Isn't that the complete package?"
"Right. But Geun-cheol, is a girl like Leona your type?"
"Is there a guy out there who hates pretty and kind women?"
"..."
An extreme sense of being moved.
"Wow, but seriously I thought I was gonna die and she came right over and gave me a massage. She's a total Nightingale, you know? You know? Nightingale."
"Is there anyone who doesn't know that? Everybody knows that much."
"Right. Everybody knows. So everyone should also know Leona's beautiful heart—"
"Ah, right. Geun-cheol. About training after school. Where should we do it?"
"Wanna go to the training ground?"
"Let's. I'll teach you well."
"Great!"
So, like that, Si-hoo and I killed time at the school store.
"If we've finished eating, we gotta tear into some ice cream too."
I have to eat this while thinking about my account balance, but I seriously can't stop. Is this what the sin of gluttony is, you bastard?
Anyway, you can't underestimate a teenager's stomach. I'm gonna have to teach it a lesson one day. You, stomach, you little shit, if you keep messing with me, you're dead.
* * *
"Students. You all know that North Korea, China, and Russia have been destroyed, yes? But not all the people living on that land have vanished. For example."
—Scritch.
Instructor Maikes, who teaches theory, started writing on the board.
"China. China is currently in a state of complete division. High-ranking Awakened who call themselves Great Generals have formed warlord factions and are ruling over specific regions, while monsters and villains occupy the surrounding empty spaces."
What?
Great Generals?
"War never ceases here. Great Generals, monsters, villains. Each faction fights daily to claim land."
Hmm.
"The Chinese people subjugated by each Great General live lives that are literally like slaves... but actually, the same goes for people ruled by monsters or villains. Most of the monsters in the China region are raising the people as livestock. The established theory is that being ruled by a Great General is actually better."
To summarize.
China is fucked.
But the land is so goddamn huge that not all the people died. High-ranking Awakened who style themselves 'Great Generals' have formed warlords and are ruling specific regions, and monsters have occupied the empty spaces of the ruined land.
These monsters are intelligent beings from another world. Apparently, there are a lot of bastards who have nested in the China region. Anyway, they are fighting tooth and nail against the Great General forces.
Most Chinese people have become slaves and are living incredibly harshly.
"When the Qing Dynasty fell, warlords ran rampant like this as well. At any rate, the most powerful force among the Chinese Great Generals is an S-rank Awakened called 'Guan Yu'."
'Guan Yu' my ass.
"The most powerful monster faction is 'Cubalite'. When it comes to villains, it's hard to specify a single strongest... but you could say the Russian 'Oligarchs' have the largest force."
I kept taking notes while listening to Instructor Maikes's lecture. As I see it, this isn't some stale setting exposition.
Heroes need to know about the relationships between each faction. Meaning this is practically useful knowledge. Serving as a special forces operative dispatched overseas, a National Intelligence Service agent abroad, you can't not know the relations between countries and the combat capability of hostile nations.
Let's study it properly.
"And in Japan, there are the Neo Daimyo, correct? According to investigation results, the combat power difference with the Chinese Great Generals is—"
—Ding dong dang.
"Ah, class is over. Cadets? It will be troublesome if you only work hard at combat classes, you know? To become a great hero, theory classes are also essential. See you next time."
Instructor Maikes gave his parting words and went outside.
Break time.
"Ah, man. So much to memorize. Si-hoo, you think you can memorize all that?"
"Usually? If you can't memorize it, you have to study separately."
"Wherever you go, you gotta study, huh. It's tough, so tough."
My body and mana training is busy enough, and now theory too.
"Just busting my body and mana is already busy. As a human being, I've got way too much to do. What kind of school is such a total piece of work, a real piece of work. There's not enough time."
"Are you talking about your time to scream? Scream Man."
Ken's voice coming from behind at that moment.
"This bastard Ken?"
"Kahahaha! This morning, you were truly killer! I thought I'd die laughing watching you, Scream Man!"
"Hey. Seriously, cut the crap, man. Like you wouldn't do the same?"
"I actually didn't, though?"
"I said don't, man. You try having a spider pop out at you one time. See if you scream or not."
"Well, even if it does, I don't think I'd scream like Scream Man?"
Ken said that and laughed like he was having the time of his life.
And he even adjusts his glasses.
"Cut the bull. You'd scream your head off too."
As I was predicting Ken's future.
"Kim Geun-cheol? Just because you screamed, don't go thinking everybody else will too, okay?"
"You are Angel Leona!"
This time even Leona came over!
"Stop with the Angel!"
Stop with the Angel?
How do you even stop?
"A halo is literally shining behind your head."
"A ha-halo?"
"Yeah. A halo. And you have wings on your back? You're reeking of being an angel, so if you say you aren't one, what does that make me?"
"You really fire off nonsense like a machine gun, don't you?"
Leona reacted as if dumbfounded by my words.
"What a mouth on you... Anyway. I said stop screaming so much. But what do you mean angel. Hmph. Angel this, angel that. Hmph. What's this Angel nonsense. It's just absurd, seriously."
—Click-clack.
Leona, seemingly displeased by something, gave a haughty "hmph" and spun around, walking off with a click-clack.
"Scream Man? You've firmly gotten on the Kainus young lady's bad side, huh?"
"Gotten on her bad side? She helped me. The one who's marked me is the Instructor. Seriously, someone save me. I feel like she's gonna single me out for anything I do from now on."
I'm so anxious I could go crazy.
"Hut, hahaha! I think she actually will!"
Si-hoo, who had been sitting, voiced agreement.
This is for real, you know?
She's gonna call on only me like crazy from now on, right?
"Right?"
"Then isn't Geun-cheol just gonna scream again?"
"What do you take me for."
"Anyway. The only way to not be in trouble is to work hard, Geun-cheol."
"I guess I have to."
Is there another answer?
And so break time ended, and next, not an instructor but a professor came in. It seems the professors handle the general classes. And those general classes were, amazingly, Korean, Math, English, and Electives.
No, but fuck, weren't heroes supposed to be exempt from that stuff?
So fucking absurd.
Why the hell do superhumans have to take Korean, Math, English, and Electives!