Chapter 10. Stubbornness and Arrogance (1)
Chapter 10. Stubbornness and Arrogance (1)
Chapter 10. Stubbornness and Arrogance
Having a mentor or not seems to make quite a big difference in whether your skills grow.
Until now, I'd never had anyone like that. I mean, someone who would tell me I was doing well.
The Priest was a good person, but at the same time, he was also an ordinary clergyman.
He knew his own field, Theology, well, but outside of that, he was just a regular person. Not someone who could handle swordsmanship or Magic with any great skill.
Not that I'd ever shown any particular talent in Theology either. I'd never had much interest in Theology in the first place.
The Mother Superior was also...... a good person, but strict. The Mother Superior's basic concern was that the nuns behave as nuns should, and that each and every one of them be educated so they wouldn't go astray.
She was also well-versed in Theology, but like the Priest, she wasn't an expert with extraordinary knowledge of anything else.
"And I also never really talked to other people about my worries."
After wetting my throat with some water, I said to Ria, who was sitting beside me.
"My biggest worry comes from the fact that I don't believe in the concept of God, after all. Looking back on it now, I think I was just being too stubborn."
In the end, if I'd known I was going to become a Saintess Candidate like this, I should have just lived a bit more obediently. Not that my relationships would have become completely different from now, but maybe I would have had a little less stress.
"And...... by just letting it go without telling anyone, I think I never seriously thought about my own talent either."
The Saintess from the original work at least knew how to fight. Since the person right beside her was Lee Chae-eun, the knight protecting that Saintess, it didn't show all that much, but she did have the actual skill to swing a weapon.
Then again, I'd never wanted to become a Saintess or anything like that in the first place, and I'd been planning to live an ordinary working life like everyone else, so maybe my thinking had just been a bit off track.
"Hmm......."
Maybe it was because I'd suddenly brought up such a heavy topic. Ria, who had been listening to my story, thought for a moment.
We had just been swinging swords at each other a little while ago. I'd gripped a large suppression shield and swung a wooden sword slightly longer than a dagger, while Ria, same as always, swung a wooden sword exactly the same size as the sword she normally wielded.
The result was my complete defeat. Though it was only at a level where I could hold on because Ria went a little easy on me.
But that didn't mean I was discouraged. My skills were steadily improving, just as Ria said. At the very least, I was confident I wouldn't be caught off guard even if a low-grade Magical Creature suddenly popped up in front of me.
Whether Ria won or lost the spar, fighting in a nun's habit under the gradually warming weather was no easy task. Even Ria's face was covered in sweat.
Her snow-white neck glistened with sweat, so I quickly averted my gaze elsewhere. Maybe the reason I hadn't been able to focus well today was because of that.
"Haa."
Ria, who had been lost in thought, let out a breath.
Then she scratched her head roughly,
"Well, I've had similar feelings before too."
she said, as if confiding.
"Similar feelings?"
"Yeah. People around me have expectations of me, you know. I'm the daughter of a famous Hero. And not just famous — the daughter of one of this country's first Heroes. A real Hero, not an institutional one, who was called a 'Hero' because of what she did when the Gate Crisis first broke out."
That wasn't bragging or anything.
The reason registered Heroes are still called 'Heroes' today is because, back when society was on the verge of collapse and the relevant systems hadn't even been established yet, the title people called those who were active — 'Hero' — simply stuck as-is.
Back when the word "hero" wasn't a proper noun. Ria's father was someone people were already calling a hero in that era.
"And my mom was amazing too."
Ria didn't bother explaining any further than that. Those memories were probably painful for Ria too.
"So, people around me always had expectations, you know? My dad, my uncle, and even the kids I hung out with. You know what? Even the kids who were supposedly my friends had expectations. If I became the greatest Hero, they'd benefit from it too, right? Well, it's not like they became my friends just for that, but they could at least have expectations."
"......."
In the original work, there weren't many depictions of Lee Chae-eun feeling that kind of pressure.
There were a few scenes where she said she hated it. Scenes where she said she hated people expecting things from her however they pleased, hated living a life set in a mold.
If Ria's episode had progressed, it surely would have been about that.
How great that pressure must be. How hard it must be to grow up receiving such expectations from childhood. I couldn't really imagine it.
"The reason I came here too...... actually, I wasn't going to say it because it's embarrassing, but yeah. I threw a bit of a tantrum at my dad because of that. I'd just become an adult and wanted to try some things I wanted to do, but Dad kept telling me to become a Hero."
Ria said with a bitter smile.
"And not just the kind who registers and gets a license and gets called a Hero — a real Hero. God, telling someone who'd just become an adult about Premarital Chastity and all that, I was about to get sick of it."
I knew Ria had fought with her father. It was in the original work, after all.
And what Ria had said to her father in anger.
"He also told me to live faithfully. That even though I was registered with the government, I needed to stay close with the church people to have solid backing. And he said that since this is a world where God actually exists, living faithfully would really help."
"......That's a bit, blatant."
I carefully gave that assessment. Since it was someone else's father, I couldn't bring myself to say much. You know how it is — even if someone's own sibling is being insulted, it's hard to tolerate someone else doing the insulting.
Besides, what Ria was saying was about legitimate grievances, not some kind of parental insult or anything.
"Right? So I talked back a little."
Ria said that, then rested her chin on her hand and sat lost in thought for a moment.
"No, I don't think it was just talking back."
And she corrected her phrasing like that.
"......."
I, who already knew what she'd said, just stayed quiet.
"I asked if my mom died because she didn't believe in God."
I couldn't figure out at all how to respond to that.
If the other person was someone who clearly believed in God and had a religion, I would have just said it. Saying you'll pray for the deceased's soul is something you can say out of common sense. No matter how much of an Atheist I am, I'm not such a psychopath that I'd refuse to say even that, going on about how there's no Afterlife in front of someone who's lost a precious person.
But somehow, Ria didn't seem to want that.
Ria's mother had passed away long ago. After saving countless lives. And Ria had said something like that about such a person. Swept up by emotion.
Probably, she just needed someone to confide in.
"......."
The reason Ria's father had put her in here. And the reason Ria had ended up sticking close to the 'Saintess Candidate.'
"......Ah."
Ria's face, which had been sunk in heavy silence, went pale.
"Ah, that, um, actually, I didn't mean to talk about that. I was just trying to tell you not to feel too much pressure, you know?"
"Ria, it's okay."
I said, placing my hand on Ria's arm.
It's a mistake anyone could make.
In this world, there's a 'range of normalcy.' Every person living in the world has a different personality, and therefore each has their own story. But even so, there are overlapping parts.
Whatever a father's personality is like, whatever a mother's personality is like, if you think in terms of average ratios, the number of people who've lived ordinary lives with their parents is probably greater than those who haven't. At least by the standards of this country, where public safety is stable to some degree.
Even at work, I'd seen the copyists make mistakes from time to time.
People inevitably see the world through their own eyes. You don't know what kind of life someone else has lived until you hear it directly.
Ordinary stories told by ordinary people often leave wounds on those who've lived lives that aren't ordinary.
In this world, I have no family.
Well, but I'm fine. I had a family in my Past Life.
And honestly, my family had said harsher things than Ria's father.
"It's okay, Ria. You can tell me."
I said with a slight smile, still holding Ria's arm.
"Aren't we close?"
"......."
At my words, Ria's expression went a little blank.
Ever since that incident last time, Ria had been wearing the friendship ring on her hand all the time. I'd been doing the same from the start.
People sometimes looked at us like they were seeing something peculiar, but no one said anything. Well, what would be the point of saying anything anyway.
Friends confide things to each other that they can't tell just anyone. Even if it might not be a way to solve the problem, it can lighten the heart.
Ria looked at my face and couldn't say anything for a while, then turned her head and avoided my gaze.
"......Still, well."
Ria murmured without looking at me directly.
"I'm glad there's someone like you here."
At those words, I smiled brightly too.
I deliberately twisted my body this way and that to try to see Ria's face, but Ria never showed her face to the very end.
As expected, I can't keep up with her dynamic vision.