Chapter 4. Flight and Service (1)
Chapter 4. Flight and Service (1)
Chapter 4. Flight and Service
"So...... what you're saying is, this apology thing is genuinely hard to do."
"No, what's the point of you finishing the whole deduction yourself, mumbling about it under your breath, and then coming back to ask me again?"
When I asked that for the seventh time, Ria looked at me with an expression that was starting to show irritation.
"I'm just checking. Hearing someone else's opinion is more objective than reaching a conclusion on my own, isn't it?"
"Yeah, yeah."
Ria let out a deep sigh and spoke as if she'd given up.
"You're right. There's a big difference between apologizing as an individual and apologizing as the representative of an organization. A personal apology ends within the personal sphere. If you can buy them something tasty or give them some money and the other person is personally satisfied and moves on, then ending it there is best."
If it crossed into the realm of crime, the law would get involved and it would be a separate issue, but in this case there was no such problem. It was something that could be handled within the Cardinal's authority.
So, even if the Cardinal had misjudged something, as long as he hadn't caused me any major problems, he could simply call me aside privately, apologize appropriately, and restore my rights. That would be the end of it.
But the Cardinal had deliberately called me in, stood me in front of him, and bowed his head.
And there was no way this matter could have zero impact.
The incident where I sent the letter to the Cardinal didn't cause an enormous stir across society as a whole, but it was the kind of incident that people working in related fields, or people interested in this side of things, would know about.
Because when something happens "officially" within the Church, concealment is effectively impossible. Just as the government must publicly announce policy decisions or personnel changes, an "official change of authority" between someone who was a "Saintess Candidate," no less, and a "Cardinal" naturally had to be announced as well.
"So, it means the Cardinal deliberately apologized officially in order to return my rights."
"Hmm, I think that's a bit different."
Ria tilted her head, then said,
"Taking away your rights was also a warning meaning 'don't do this kind of thing,' so they announced it. But giving them back is a separate matter, isn't it?"
She offered an analysis that diverged slightly from my estimation.
"What do you mean?"
"The Saintess Candidate said something impertinent, so they took them away as a warning not to do it again. So of course the Church had no choice but to say it openly. In a sense, you challenged their authority, so even a Saintess Candidate could receive this kind of disposition."
"......And?"
"But they didn't actually completely strip your position, did they? Those rights—or rather, to be precise, they just took away the 'benefits.' Honestly, almost everyone who heard that news probably thought it was just words."
"Just words?"
"You know, it happens all the time. When someone above does something wrong, another person above gives them a slap on the wrist and moves on. Then quietly restores them later."
"......."
"If it wasn't that, they'd just say he got into a theological debate with you and crushed you with authority. You kept using Holy Power even after that happened, and you saved people. You didn't say anything weird in front of those people, either."
"Almost everyone I lived with in the Church heard what I said, though......."
"How many of those people have gone through Laicization? And whether they talk about it or not, those people can’t deny your Holy Power either."
"So......."
I was horrified by an answer that was faintly visible in my head.
"So, the Cardinal took that measure even though he might receive a dishonorable evaluation himself?"
"Well, what choice did he have? If a Saintess Candidate goes around saying God doesn't exist, the social fallout would be enormous. It's better for the Church if he's evaluated as having lost a debate and crushed you with authority instead."
"......."
"And while he was at it, he cleared the path for a Saintess Candidate with a bright future. If you'd actually gone through a Heresy Inquisition, that volunteer work you've been doing would have been impossible from the start, wouldn't it?"
"No, no, no, wait a minute."
I waved my hands frantically as I spoke.
"I almost really did go through a Heresy Inquisition. The Priest and the Mother Superior blocked it, so I didn't receive it."
"And so, in the end, the person who heard that and didn't send an inquisitor was the Cardinal, right?"
"Uh......."
"Haah."
Ria shook her head with an expression that seemed to say, "Nothing to be done."
"You must have grown up too naive to know anything, but there are moments in this world when you politically have to be angry. Even if you personally aren't particularly angry, or you're just confused, or even if your anger has cooled, there are situations where you can't back down 'without justification.'"
"......."
"It happens often among Hunters, and, hmm. Well, sometimes it happens inside families too."
"......Eek."
I groaned and clutched my head.
So, if Ria's words were "correct," it meant the Cardinal had been protecting my position from the beginning, taking on political risk the whole time.
Of course, his anger might have been genuine, but there's a big difference between being genuinely angry and screwing someone over, versus just issuing a moderate disposition and effectively leaving things as they were.
Come to think of it, even if the Heresy Inquisitor's attitude seemed like a jaded civil servant in many ways, whether or not I received that investigation would naturally create restrictions on my behavior within the Church. After all, "heresy" is no small thing.
And on top of that, he had bowed his head as a representative until the very end.
"Be nice to him from now on. When you greeted him, you were friendly, like greeting your own grandfather."
At those words, I threw myself onto the bed, still clutching my head, and rolled around wildly.
At this rate, I might need to change the blanket soon.
*
So, the Cardinal had been "public" both when he took away my rights and when he gave them back.
As if he had crushed me with power, and now, having lost logically, he was stepping back.
"This is unjust."
"Hey, Sister Anna. Stop talking nonsense and eat."
The moment I opened my mouth, Ria answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Of course, I ignored Ria's answer and said what I had to say. Because I had never talked nonsense in my life.
"I keep insisting that God doesn't exist, so why do people keep putting me on a pedestal?"
"What can I do if you don't know?"
Ria answered as if dumbfounded.
Then she picked up a slice of bread, spread strawberry jam generously on it, and piled a thick layer of mashed potato on top as she continued speaking.
"When someone on the verge of death comes in, you stop what you're doing and sprint over to heal them. Even with a huge monster right in front of you, you run right up to its face to save people. And even that 'conviction' you keep going on about—you'll toss it aside the moment someone's hurt. So if you tell people not to like you, I don't have much to say."
"No, so if someone's dying, should I be stubborn? And I keep telling you, it's not my power."
"Good heavens, now even humility."
Ria shrugged as if playing it up, then shoved the sandwich she'd made into my mouth.
I chewed the mashed potato sandwich and glared at Ria.
"No matter how you put it, that's all people see. So why don't you start accepting it? Well, you're still not an actual Saintess, anyway. There are people over there staring at you, too."
"......."
I turned my gaze while chewing the sandwich.
Choi Su-bin, the Devil’s Advocate, was sitting over there.
From what I'd heard, the Devil’s Advocate's role isn't originally to follow the Saintess Candidate around.
Just as this religious order had adopted a significant portion of the previous religion’s rules, it had also modeled its method of appointing people to positions like Saintess and Saint on those earlier practices.
Normally, verification is done through document review. They look over the person's entire life and examine whether there are any disqualifying factors for being a Saintess.
In my case, though, I hadn't even lived outside the Church yet, so there weren't many points that could be called disqualifying factors.
For some reason, the Atheism I asserted didn't seem to particularly contradict the Church's logic, and although I'd dyed my hair and worn a belt below my chest, those weren't taken as particularly licentious.
It's a Church, and they're nuns living inside that Church, but they're all at the prime of their youth.
In effect, the Church was taking on the things that should be done in the secular world, so actively cracking down and oppressing would be a bit much.
......Though I'm the one who dresses up the most.
Well, anyway, that's why there isn't really any "documentation" for me.
So the only way to verify is to watch directly.
Of course, she was sitting somewhat apart from the nuns, and the fact that she looked a bit lonely did bother me—
Hmm, but she didn't seem to care much herself, and while occasionally sending glances my way, she was eating just fine on her own.
Maybe she's used to it.
It's sad that I can relate a little.
I finished one half of the sandwich and opened my mouth, and another sandwich folded in half went in.
Hah, really.
Does she think I'm the kind of person who gets trained by this sort of thing?
Ria, for her part, was making her own sandwich without any change in expression.
I looked at Ria with a dissatisfied gaze, but I still ate the second sandwich without leaving anything behind.
*
Even as a Saintess Candidate, I do what needs to be done.
I have various rights, but most of those rights exist to prove that I am a "Saintess."
I decided to think about ways to use them for personal benefit later, and for now, I planned to stay quiet.
Do you know this? If your foot gets stuck in a tidal flat, you must not move recklessly. First, you calmly assess whether there's anything nearby to grab onto.
Somehow, the more I moved, the more I seemed to sink in strange directions, so I needed to find something to grab and pull myself out with first.
Until then, I should just stay still with only my ankle stuck—
Bang.
I had been walking at the very front without thinking and opened the chapel door, and I received the gazes of countless people inside.
For some reason, far more people than usual had come out to worship.
Even though today was the first day of the workweek.
"......."
I quietly closed the chapel door again.
"Phew."
And after letting out a small breath, I thought.
Hmm, maybe I should use those rights a little sooner.