Chapter 1. Candidate and Candidate (11)

Come to think of it, maybe the reason I overreacted was because of something like that. Because I'd already been through that kind of thing once.

I couldn't exactly say that injured person was actually a scout who had gotten hurt on purpose just to come see me. If that had really been his goal, the Association colleague beside him wouldn't have tried to stop him.

And thinking about it that way made it even more repulsive.

If I ended up going to that Association, wouldn't that basically mean he'd approach me openly?

......Back then, when I shook off his hand, that middle-aged man got furious and turned it around on me, saying a nun should act like a nun and what kind of appearance was that, and then he was handed over to the police just like that.

What? A nun should what now?

I was just as furious. The veil had fallen off my head because I'd been running after hearing it was an emergency, and was it my fault that my body had developed faster than other kids' even though I was only fifteen?

I thought I'd heard that the man was horrified after the police dragged him away and told him my age, and that he sent an apology letter afterward. Of course, I refused it.

The priest checked the letter himself and destroyed it. Much later, I casually asked him whether he remembered what it had said, and he flatly told me it hadn't contained anything worth reading.

Well, anyway, that's that.

You know that thing, right?

That psychology where when some old fossil says something like an old fossil, you want to do the exact opposite. No, even when someone says something anyone would agree is right, that thought still crosses your mind because you're human. So when you hear bullshit like "If you didn't dress so sloppily, I wouldn't have gotten the wrong idea," of course you want to openly push back. That's just how people are.

So I openly did the opposite of what he said.

And that habit had stuck with me ever since.

"Nowadays, it's just because I want to do it. It's comfortable, it's pretty, and I think it suits me."

I said that while looking out the window.

All I could see outside the window was a wall.

The windows of the convent dormitory faced south, more or less, but whoever built this place had piled up the wall so high, as if determined never to let the nuns ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠see the outside world, that no outside scenery was visible.

Then again, even without the wall, all I would've seen was the church building's wall. The convent was built on an uphill road that continued up behind the church.

The branches of the tree growing over that wall were still bare.

Once the leaves on that tree fully sprouted, green and ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠fresh, my life as a nun would be over too.

.......

Huh. It felt like the story had gotten a little turned around.

"Mm......."

Ria, who had been listening to my story, couldn't find words for a while.

"Well, nothing else major happened. That was the only time anyone grabbed my hand like that, and now that I think about it, it's the kind of thing that could happen to other nuns too."

If Ria had done something similar, at least one person like that probably would have shown up.

Though if that really happened, that bastard's wrist would bend the other way.

"......You've been through a lot."

After thinking for a long while, Ria answered like that.

I nodded.

Yeah. It had been rough.

In a sense, I even fought with a Cardinal.

Once I underwent Laicization, all of that would be over, right?

Mm.

"Why?"

When I stayed silent, Ria asked.

Had it shown on my face?

"No reason."

I answered blankly while looking up at the sky spread over that wall.

The sky was cloudy.

Looks like it might snow again.

"It feels, a little, hollow."

"Hollow?"

"Yes, now that I think about leaving."

I'd been telling myself since I was little that I would get out of here.

But now that every reason not to leave had disappeared, that was how I felt.

Maybe it's because I spent my childhood here.

Mm, maybe the reason I tried so hard to hold out wasn't actually because of the stalker after all. Maybe I just wanted to stay here a little longer, with peace of mind.

"......."

Ria didn't answer.

*

Chae-eun tried to imagine a life trapped in a narrow space, living as if that small space were the entire world.

It didn't come easily. Since childhood, Chae-eun had often had reason to travel relatively far, and after taking up the sword, she had been all over the country, and even overseas.

They said it was for volunteer work, but it wasn't like going out to have fun. And it wasn't like she was going that far away, either. She might be able to enjoy the outside world a little ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠more freely, but it was absolutely not really "going out to have fun."

Anna's life had been like that.

Without even a secular name, she had come to this convent at a very young age and lived like this ever since.

It wasn't strange for her to resent God—though rather than resenting God, Anna seemed to view God in a somewhat unusual way.

Anna said leaving this place felt hollow.

Because no matter what anyone said, this world was Anna's entire world.

......Nuns and monastics who had undergone Laicization often became targets of crime. They knew how dangerous the world was and how many criminals were out there, but knowing that in theory was different from experiencing it firsthand—hearing stories from people around you and seeing that those things really did happen.

At first glance, Anna looking out the window didn't look entirely like a nun.

With her dyed hair, earrings, and a habit altered to emphasize her figure, at a glance she looked like someone steeped in the secular world.

But in all the time Chae-eun had spent with Anna, she had seen nothing but an almost painfully pure side of her.

She knew the world was full of all kinds of filth, and she knew her own thoughts wouldn't fully prevail—

She wielded stronger Holy Power than anyone else, was certain God existed, and yet still wanted to cast aside that position and step outside the shell of the convent—

"......Ah?"

Suddenly, a thought flashed through Chae-eun's mind.

......Could it be?

"Mm."

Anna, who for some reason had been quietly staring at the wall outside the window, made that sound.

Then she slowly turned her head toward Ria and spoke.

"It's about time for dinner. Let's go eat. There are people coming to evening worship again today, so I need to prepare too."

"Ah, yeah."

At Anna's words, Chae-eun reflexively stood up from her seat as she answered.

*

After dinner, they prepared for worship.

The meaning of the seven-day period had already faded in this world, but not many people thought there was any need to change a period that had been used by custom before then. So even though there was no specially designated day for prayer, most believers came to church on Saturday or Sunday, when they had plenty of free time, to attend worship.

But there were always people who couldn't find time on weekends. Or who, for one reason or another, only had time in the evening.

For those people, the church had arranged evening worship times as well.

"......."

Today, as always, Anna dozed off during prayer time without fail.

So much so that what Chae-eun had been agonizing over earlier felt foolish.

So it was just my imagination after all.

Thinking that to herself, she quietly lifted her head and looked around.

Actually, there was something Chae-eun only learned after becoming a nun.

Not all nuns were as deeply devout as people said.

Quite a few nuns were praying earnestly with their hands clasped, but some were poking each other with their fingers and playing around, and others were dozing off just like Anna. Everyone had their heads bowed deeply, but if you looked closely, that was what was happening. Then again, during this time, the priest and the Mother Superior were also quietly keeping their hands clasped.

Of course, Anna was the only nun who openly dressed herself up like that. But in terms of attitude, Anna's behavior wasn't particularly strange.

......Nuns were, in the end, girls of that age. Especially those like Anna who would become adults this year—the day they would no longer be nuns wasn't far off, so they couldn't help but loosen up.

Among them were a few nuns who had quietly talked behind Anna's back when Chae-eun asked about this and that.

One of the nuns who had been giggling quietly made eye contact with Chae-eun. She promptly poked the nun sitting next to her. The two looked at Chae-eun, smiled slightly, and waved.

Their gazes didn't stay only on Chae-eun. They were also drifting toward Anna, little by little.

The corners of their smiling mouths seemed to be asking, "You think so too, right?"

Think what?

......Yeah, she thought she understood.

Those nuns were the same age as Anna and Chae-eun. They were becoming adults this year, old enough that Laicization was coming up soon.

Their expressions seemed to say they all knew what Anna would face once she left the church.

Chae-eun felt oddly uncomfortable and averted her gaze.

*

"Hey."

I was sitting up in a half-asleep daze after waking up in the morning when Ria suddenly spoke to me.

Well, of course she could talk to me, but her voice was oddly curt for first thing in the morning.

No, maybe it was because it was morning.

When I turned my head, Ria, who had somehow finished getting ready before me and was sitting on the edge of the bed, was staring straight at me.

"What is it, first thing in the morning?"

Yaaawn. I asked that and let out a big yawn.

Ugh, I always hated waking up in the morning. I hated it even more in winter like this. Why did mornings feel so exhausting whenever the sun wasn't up, even at the same hour?

I didn't want to pull my legs out from under the blanket.

But I knew what would happen. If I dawdled too much in the morning because I didn't feel like moving, I'd lie there without noticing the time and end up late.

I was basically a delinquent nun, but I was absolutely not the type who liked being nagged by other people.

I was pulling my legs out from under the blanket to head to the shower when Ria suddenly dropped some enormous news on me.

"Looks like you've got a stalker."

"......."

Still holding the blanket in my hands, I froze stiff on the spot.

"......What?"

Creeeak.

I slowly turned my head to the side and saw Ria looking at me with a stiff face.

"A stalker?"

"Yeah."

"How do you know that?"

The seven people I'd identified had all turned out to be people from the Association who came to scout me, not stalkers. And now this?

"I saw it yesterday during worship. Someone staring at you intently."

"......Yesterday?"

I narrowed my eyes and looked at Ria. The fatigue that had been lazily seeping into my body had long since completely vanished.

What was this about?

I couldn't imagine Ria suddenly saying something like this to me, especially as a lie. It was too serious a subject for that.

No matter how flippant she could be, she was a genuine friend to the Saintess. A light prank was one thing, but lying about whether someone had a stalker was too serious, and there was no reason for it.

"So? Are you going to grab my hand again and drag me in front of that person? To ask why they're following me or something?"

"I already told the Mother Superior. She'll probably take care of it. Whether that means reporting it to the police or banning them from entering the church."

"......You can tell all that from seeing them just once yesterday?"

A stalker even I hadn't identified?

No, was it just that they hadn't stared openly? If it was actually not just staring but some other weird behavior—

"The details will come out with more investigation."

"......Isn't it possible you just saw wrong?"

"If I was wrong, then we can investigate it, and if it turns out I really was wrong, I can just apologize."

"......Even so, a false accusation is a bit much."

"Probably not. My eyes are reliable. After hearing what happened, Father and the Mother Superior said it sounded that way too, and they're looking into it now."

Did she eat something bad?

Why was she suddenly acting like this?

"Aaaand so?"

"So, I got them to agree that you can stay in this convent until the stalker issue is definitively resolved."

"What?"

"Just a little while ago."

"......."

I stared at Ria with my mouth hanging open.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"......."

I blinked.

Was this...... something to be happy about?

No, more than that, was it right to be happy when there really was a stalker?

Confused, I stared at Ria.

At least her expression didn't look like she was lying.

"Then...... thank you. For that."

I ended up answering like that before I knew it.

I felt just a little more at ease. It also meant I could put off the headache-inducing problems a little longer.

"Yeah."

Ria answered and stood up from her seat.

"Then get ready. We have to go eat breakfast."

"Ah, okay."

Feeling a little dazed, I got out from under the blanket.

*

One hour earlier.

"So, Sister Maria is saying she wants to stay here as a nun for a few years."

"Yes."

"And the reason is to fill the now-vacant position as the Saintess Candidate's guard."

"Yes, that's right."

The Mother Superior, who had been woken by a knock at dawn and summoned to the Interview Room to sit facing Chae-eun, blinked.

Then she let out a soft breath.

"......Is it not possible?"

At the Mother Superior's sigh, Chae-eun asked quietly.

"......Her rights as a Saintess Candidate have been stripped, of course. But her name is still on that list....... Naturally, mobilizing an official Knight Order requires the authority of a Cardinal or higher, but an individual is a different matter."

The Mother Superior said that while quietly looking at Chae-eun.

"However, to do that, you need that Saintess Candidate's permission. Unless you receive her direct permission and are appointed as her guard knight, it can't be called an official escort."

"Directly......."

Chae-eun hesitated a little.

"Then, could you give me just a little time until then? I heard that you, Mother Superior, told Sister Anna she had to choose one of two things: undergo Laicization, or remain a nun for life."

"That's right. With permission, she could actually stay for years regardless of that. There are conditions to becoming a nun, but as long as those conditions are met, it's no different from any other job. It's not the Middle Ages anymore."

"Then please give me a little time. I'll...... try to get her permission."

"......."

The Mother Superior stared straight at Chae-eun.

"What made you make that kind of choice? You clearly accepted the proposal at first hoping to leave this place as quickly as possible. Did your thinking change a little after seeing that power?"

"It's true that if I hadn't seen that ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠power, I wouldn't have thought this way. But, well."

Chae-eun took a small breath in, then let it out.

"I just...... want to see what that kid is trying to do."

Chae-eun was a 'Hero Candidate.'

Even though she hadn't done anything heroic so far, everyone had always said that when they looked at Chae-eun. Her father, her colleagues, her friends.

And Chae-eun herself had thought so too, as if it were only natural.

On the other hand, the 'Saintess Candidate' Chae-eun had met didn't.

She didn't think the power she held was something to take for granted. She didn't think the position she occupied was something to take for granted.

But, even so, that image was exactly—

"I'm curious, you know. She's unusual, too."

Right.

Exactly like a 'Hero.'

"......Is that so."

The Mother Superior quietly looked at Chae-eun, then smiled.

And nodded.

"Yes, if that's what you say, Sister, I'll watch and see. ......Your father's feelings are going to get very complicated."

Well, that certainly did seem likely, Chae-eun thought.