I Wished for a Harem, Not This!
Huh?
The goddess asked me what I wanted.
What was my wish?
Obviously, there was only one answer.
That was every man's dream.
"A harem! A forest of wine and meat!"
I was sure that was what I had prayed for...
But when I looked around...
"Hey! What the hell are you doing up there?! I-It's dangerous!"
"Seonghyeon-nim! Standing there is dangerous! I'll do anything you ask, so please just come down!"
"Waaaaah! Noonaaaa!!"
One airhead, two, three.
Instead of a forest of wine and meat, a forest of dicks was unfolding right before my eyes.
And then...
"Seonghyeon-nim is gazing upon the lovely sunset."
"..."
"Truly... a beautiful sunset..."
"Please just fuck off..."
Not an airhead this time, but some old guy I couldn't even begin to figure out.
Throb...!
My head started aching all over again.
CRACK!!
"Usho! Yoi-yoi-yoi!"
CRACK!!!
"Usho! Yoi-yoi-yoi!"
I grinned as I brought the mace down again and again.
CRUNCH-CRUNCH-CRUNCH!
Every time my mace smashed into him, the Demon King's body convulsed like it was having a seizure.
When I thought about how many years I'd spent grinding through this godforsaken world just to catch this bastard, I really shouldn't have let him go so easily... but maybe even hate could turn into a kind of affection?
Anyway, something like that had started to settle in, and part of me just wanted to send him off cleanly.
CRUNCH!
So hurry up and die already.
You're only dragging out the pain.
Tremble-tremble-tremble!
The Demon King's body began to stiffen.
"Oh? He's dead."
This trembling was different.
As someone who'd killed more than my fair share of demonkin, I could say with certainty this was rigor mortis.
Sure enough, a moment later the Demon King's body went completely limp.
"Finally over. Took long enough! Way too damn long!"
It had been long. So long.
At last I could say goodbye to this shitty other world.
I shook the brain matter and blood off the mace I'd just used to cave in his skull, then stretched my whole body out.
Maybe it was because it was finally over, but loosening up felt even more refreshing than usual.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"What are you looking at me like that for? Did I do something wrong?"
The hero's party was staring at me like I was some kind of wild animal.
Especially the mage bitch and the brawler bitch, who were looking at me like they'd just spotted a feral gorilla.
"You... are you really a Saintess?"
"To beat the Demon King's head in over and over with a mace until he died... how utterly cruel."
"Hah? What the fuck are these crazy bitches even saying?"
These were the same girls who'd charged in with the hero saying they'd handle it themselves, only to get completely wrecked by the Demon King, and now they had the nerve to talk?
Cruel?
Am I really a Saintess?
So summoning fire with magic to roast things and beating people with your bare fists isn't cruel, is that it?
These bitches always picked a fight the second they saw me.
"It's been a while since I last taught anyone some manners, hasn't it?"
Whoosh! Whoooooosh!
I spun the mace in a wide circle.
Air got sucked into the spinning head and produced a deep, booming roar.
I was a man in my past life and a woman in this one—a true champion of gender equality.
My mind was more manly than any man's, but thanks to this female body, my mace could crack open a woman's skull just as easily.
"Eek!!"
"Ugh..."
The two girls flinched in fear.
Whoosh!
I was about to smash those empty heads of theirs the same way I'd done to the Demon King when—
"Calm down. Those two are in the wrong, but violence can't be justified."
The hero stepped in front of me.
If you're going to block me, at least do it with some real swagger.
Tremble-tremble-tremble-tremble...
If you're going to shake like a leaf, what's even the point?
"Oh my, of course! Hero-nim! If it's your word, I simply must listen. Yeees~ of course I must!"
"Don't be sarcastic..."
"When was I being sarcastic? Just take your women and get the hell out of— I mean, return to the royal palace already. I'll let it slide this once, for your sake, Hero-nim."
Swoosh!
I put the mace away and stepped back.
Honestly I'd rather cave this hero bastard's head in than those two... but if I did something like that, the goddess would kill me herself.
Truth was, my relationship with those two girls hadn't been all that bad.
It had been mostly professional, but we'd still managed to become something that could be called comrades.
But then...
S-Seonghyeon! I think I like you!
From the moment this damn hero confessed to me, things between those two and me had gone completely to hell.
Both of them were head-over-heels for the hero.
And in that situation, the hero had confessed to me.
If the hero had confessed to some other woman, those two would have been perfectly kind to her.
This was a world where polygamy was allowed, after all.
As long as they could get in eventually—even as later wives—there was no real reason to be jealous.
The problem was that the person the hero had confessed to was me, the Saintess.
Just like a man who married a princess couldn't take additional wives or concubines, any man who married me—a child of the gods—had to stick to monogamy.
If I even died young, he'd have to live out the rest of his lonely life alone.
Break that rule and take another woman, and even a hero would get struck by divine punishment.
So even though there was no chance of it actually happening, if I ever accepted the hero, those two would lose their chance forever. That was why they never stopped trying to keep me in check.
"Y-You should come with us too... Is it because of those two? I'll apologize for them, so..."
"No. I'm not going back."
"...What?"
"This is the end."
Squeeze!
I clenched the cross hanging around my neck.
"It wasn't fun, and being with you was miserable. Your confession was disgusting."
"..."
"No, fuck, the more I think about it the angrier I get. Why the hell did you even confess? Ugh, it's so damn gross."
With every word I spoke, the hero's expression crumbled further.
I didn't feel the slightest bit sorry.
Because of this bastard I'd been treated like a complete outcast in the party. He deserved at least this much verbal abuse.
"Goddess! Stop dragging your feet and get out here already!"
The moment I grabbed the cross, sacred light burst out, but the most important person still hadn't shown up.
So I kept nagging.
"{Geez...! I'm coming! I'm coming!}"
The goddess's voice sounded thoroughly reluctant.
"{I've got so much work to do... why did you call me...}"
A moment later the goddess descended, looking completely exhausted.
"G-Goddess..."
"..."
"..."
The second she appeared, the three of them—including the hero—dropped flat on their faces.
I stayed standing straight and spoke to her almost like I was scolding her.
"I killed the Demon King. Grant my wish already."
"{Eeeh? Already? Let me see...}"
The goddess looked around.
"{Oh my... you've turned him into complete paste... You should have lived a little nicer...}"
Her gaze must have landed on the Demon King, because she clicked her tongue in pity.
"{Alright. Since you defeated the Demon King, I'll grant your wish. What do you want? A return to your original world?}"
That wouldn't have been bad.
If I went back to my original world with these powers, I could make a thousand a month just doing odd jobs.
But that wasn't what I wanted.
What I wanted was every male's ultimate fantasy.
Even after becoming a woman and a Saintess, it was still the one thing I kept wishing for.
A harem.
"A harem. A forest of wine and meat!"
"{A harem?}"
"Yes! I want a harem! One on each side under my arms and one sitting on my lap."
"{Oh...}"
"Ah. And for the record, I want natural encounters, so send me to a world where that kind of situation can actually happen."
I hated the idea of everyone automatically loving me.
I wanted to meet them naturally and fall for each other.
"{Well, if it's just that much... I'll grant it.}"
"Ooooh!!"
"G-Goddess..."
"{But this is unexpected. You wishing for something like this... Would childhood friend type, school upperclassman type, and little sister type—those three—be enough?}"
"Yes!"
Snap!
The goddess flicked her fingers, and light poured down to wrap around me.
It's over...
I closed my eyes and felt the warm light.
A single tear rolled down my cheek.
Finally...
Finally...!
I was escaping this shitty world.
And my wish was being granted on top of it.
All the hardship I'd been through started to feel bittersweet, and my mood soared.
"N-No!"
"{Oh my?}"
Even with the goddess still right there, the hero had the gall to jump to his feet.
Tsk tsk.
A mere creation acting this rude—this hero needed to go back and relearn basic manners.
"You can't! Don't take the Saintess... don't take Seonghyeon away!"
"{Uhhh... I'm soorry... It's Seonghyeon-nim's choice, so there's nothing I can do...}"
"Then at least let us talk for a moment!"
"{That won't work eitheeer...}"
The goddess cut him off firmly.
As expected of the goddess I served—thorough and decisive.
"Ah, let me just say one thing before I go."
"{Suuure~ go ahead...}"
The light was still shining, so I wasn't sure if the transfer had paused, but I was going to get this one line out no matter what.
Snap!
I immediately raised my middle finger and flipped the hero off.
As his face went completely blank, I gave him the first bright smile I'd ever shown him.
"See you never, you gay bastard!"
I'd clearly told him I used to be a man, and he'd still confessed—our dear gay hero.
For the sake of the friendship we'd had before that confession, I sincerely hoped he'd develop a normal sexual orientation after this.
Whoooooosh!
The second the words left my mouth, the goddess's light completely swallowed my consciousness.
*
*
*
I wonder what it'll be like?
What kind of beautiful women will be waiting for me?
This is the first time I've actually looked forward to waking up...
Being trapped in unconsciousness and still wanting to wake up—this was a first.
Before, waking up meant more life-or-death fights with demonkin, so I'd never wanted to open my eyes.
But now I wasn't heading into battle. I was heading out to meet my harem.
Waking up didn't feel so bad anymore.
"...e up."
A low voice reached me.
Someone was trying to wake me.
The goddess had definitely said it.
Childhood friend type.
School upperclassman type.
Little sister type.
Would those three be enough?
Judging by the fact that someone was waking me, it was probably the childhood friend.
No good, no good.
I had to get up right away.
My wife(?) was waiting for me—I couldn't keep sleeping.
I forced my consciousness toward the voice calling me.
"Sleeping... so deeply?"
Gulp...
I heard the sound of someone swallowing hard.
Creak...
It felt like my wife had climbed onto the bed—the left side dipped.
What the hell are you planning to do?!
Do whatever you want!
A normal eunuch would wake up right now and ruin everything.
But I was different.
Unlike those idiots who flipped the dinner table, I could accept them like a real man.
Creak...!
A slight weight settled on my body, like someone had climbed on top of me.
At the same time, something soft and springy pressed against my face.
Naturally assuming it was a chest, I was about to nuzzle into it under the excuse of sleep-talking when—
Huh? Can a chest really be this springy?
I felt something off and opened my eyes.
And in that instant I saw it.
The panties under a skirt.
And the massive object hidden inside them...
"...Huh?"
"Kya—kyaaaaaah!"
I blanked out and made a sound, and a beautiful boy screamed and scrambled up.
A g-girl? No, wait, that size couldn't possibly belong to a girl...
He was pretty enough that I could have mistaken him for a girl, but judging by the enormous thing hanging there, the person in front of me was definitely a guy.
"Y-You...!"
The boy glared at me with a face full of humiliation.
His face was redder than a tomato as he raised his hand and—
SLAAAAAP!
—smacked me clean across the ear.