The Long-Awaited Reunion with Noona Was Terrifying

Thwack! Thwack! Thwaaack!!!

I was wrapping up my usual workout, pounding the sandbag, when my phone started buzzing.

At this hour, the only person who'd message me was Mom. Had something happened at home?

Curiosity got the better of me. I stopped hitting the bag and checked the screen — only to find a completely unexpected name staring back at me.

My precious little brother's pitiful ball-buddy, cursed with early-onset hair loss.

A guy whose thoughts I could never even begin to guess had, for once, reached out first.

Had he actually tracked down where my brother was living?

I forced my racing heart to settle and opened the chat.

Just what the hell had happened to my precious little brother?

Baldy was my brother's only friend — not the type to lie, and definitely not the type to exaggerate. If a guy like that was talking this way, how bad could things possibly be?

I pulled up my brother's contact and called him on the spot.

The same weeb anisong as always — he still hadn't changed it. A brief moment to confirm my precious little brother's unwavering taste, but he didn't pick up.

"Huh. Not answering? That's a problem."

Coward, shut-in, total outcast — but even he wouldn't have blocked family contacts. I left the gym and headed for the address Baldy had given me, firing off a message on the way.

My brother pushed back, but I ignored his opinions entirely and dialed again.

After a threat like that, he'd pick up any second now. And if he didn't? Well, I'd just show up and give him another round of character education.

I called my beloved ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠sandbag — sorry, little brother — once more, and it didn't take ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠long before he finally answered.

But what reached my ear wasn't that grating voice that always set my teeth on edge — it was a meltingly beautiful, captivating tone, pure jade.

I'd been ready to open with a string of curses and instead froze completely. Carefully, I checked the caller ID.

...That ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠was definitely my brother's number. So why was a woman answering?

Don't tell me.

You little shit. That was why you ran away from home?

I shoved down the rage boiling up inside me and asked the woman on the line to put my brother on.

"I don't know who you are, but put my brother on. I need to hear that bastard's voice right now."

"I'm not in the mood for jokes. Switch already. I get there and I'm killing both of you at once."

A frustrated voice came through the line, but I answered in a voice cold as ice and hung up.

"It's fine. I'm almost there anyway. Whoever the hell you are, I'll get a good look at that face of yours in a minute."

I glanced at the shabby building in front of me, already planning exactly how I was going to demolish my brother and that seductive little witch, and stepped inside.

I'm fucked.

Even through the phone, I could feel exactly how pissed Noona was. That murderous voice promising to destroy whoever this was — no exceptions.

Terrified by that tone, I turned to my ball-buddy for help.

"...I think I'm actually fucked."

"What can you do? It was going to come out eventually. Better to get fucked now than later, right?"

"True. The first beating always hurts a little less."

I conceded the point, then looked at him with desperate eyes.

"Hey."

"What."

"The beating I'm about to take — can you take it for me?"

Behold: the Friend Shield.

I requested my black knight step in and absorb Noona's brutal thrashing on my behalf. My friend just went stone-faced and shut me down cold.

"You fucking bitch. There are things you say and things you don't."

"Come on, you've taken way more beatings than I have — you'd handle it better, right? If I get wrecked in this body, I feel like I'll actually die!"

"Pretty sure you've taken more beatings than me. Why not just offer yourself up nicely and let her go to town?"

"I've never been hit in this body even once. So please, take it for me."

I stared at him with big, sparkling eyes that were hard to refuse. He licked his lips and leaned in to whisper.

"If I take it for you... will you let me do it once?"

"...You absolute fucking psycho."

Under normal circumstances, I would've cracked his skull open with a frying pan and refused on the spot. But this was a matter of life and death, so I started seriously weighing death against sex.

Getting railed by that bastard was genuinely worse than dying.

The problem was that getting wrecked by Noona hurt so bad you'd rather be dead.

Should I just grit my teeth and let him smash once?

In manga and erotica, the pain of losing your virginity is only temporary, right? At least it'd hurt less than getting beaten like a dog on the hottest day of summer by Noona.

Fuck.

Do it? Don't?

I was still deliberating with a deadly serious face when my friend urged me on, fear creeping into his voice.

"Hey, she's almost here. Decide fast. Friend Shield — you using it or not?"

At his prompting, I made my choice with the face of a man who'd already transcended.

"Not using it. It's a woman's body, not a man's — she'll go a little easier on me."

"Dude, I'm giving you one more chance to choose. Your Noona hits men, women, old people, kids — all with the exact same force. Don't regret this. Pick again."

"What, you just mad you're not getting any? Sorry, but I'd rather die than smash with you. I know getting beaten means I might die too, but still — better than becoming a guy who gets railed by another guy, right?"

That was my stated position. The real reason was a little different.

Not wanting to get railed by a guy was part of it, sure — but more precisely, the second that bastard did me even once, I'd be crossing a river I could never come back from.

So I picked the option that would hurt like absolute hell: getting wrecked by Noona.

"Don't regret this. Seriously."

"I'm not a guy who regrets things. You know that. I've never regretted anything once in my life."

"Not a guy — a girl, now. Fine. You've got some serious balls, you little shit."

We both heaved deep sighs and waited for Noona to arrive. After a short wait, a voice came from beyond the front door that inspired pure terror just by existing.

"Should I open it?"

"No. I can't. Not after hearing that."

I'd planned to open the door at least, to take a slightly lighter beating — but that voice changed my mind completely.

Yeah. Definitely should not open it.

Open it and I'd end up in a state worse than death.

I backed far away from the front door. Then the next words left me no choice but to open it obediently.

"...So you're at least letting me live?"

Right. So she wouldn't kill me, at least.

Not exactly reassuring, but I had no choice but to take her at her word.

Yeah. So I should open it.

I put on a bright smile and opened the front door — and in that instant, the Fox God shouted at me in a frantic voice.

— You! Duck your head!

"What?"

I barely had time to register the Fox God's warning before Noona's fist shot through the open doorway and cracked me clean across the jaw.

CRAAACK!!!

The sound was too loud to believe it came from a fist meeting a jaw. A searing numbness flooded through my chin as I muttered a curse under my breath.

"...Holy fuck."

First time meeting someone and she just goes full murder mode with zero hesitation.

I knew it. This bitch has definitely been working for some criminal organization behind the family's back.

As my consciousness started to slip away, the last thing that entered my vision was—

"AAAAAAGH!!! Noona! Why are you hitting me?!"

—my ball-buddy, getting absolutely demolished by my blood-related older sister.