A Snowball Fight Morning
Having finished their shopping for ingredients, Simon and Eshu were walking toward the meeting point with baskets hanging from both hands.
Too many of the fresh goods needed to be eaten soon to feel comfortable tossing them into a subspace pocket, so they were carrying them by hand.
"Here, I'll carry it."
"No, no, I'm fine."
Simon took the basket Eshu was struggling with and carried it himself.
"Oooh~"
Eshu raised her eyebrows and gave him a knowing look. Simon frowned.
"What's with all the 'oooh'ing?"
"President, be honest with me."
She sidled up with a mischievous expression.
"You rigged that lottery at the end so you could go with me, didn't you?"
"......What?"
Simon's mouth fell open in disbelief. Eshu covered her mouth, snickering.
"You're sooo obvious!"
"......?"
As Simon wore an expression that said what on earth are you talking about, Eshu's eyes went wide and round.
"You like me, don't you?"
"Says who!"
Simon's flustered voice shot up an octave.
"You've been sending me signals this whole time."
"Signals?"
"You saved me during the second-year initiation, you lent bone glue to the Death Knight boy when you totally didn't have to, you helped me avoid crashing into the Dullahan, and now you rigged a bet to go somewhere with me. And~ and~"
Simon let out a long sigh.
"I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, but it's nothing like that."
"Oh, really?"
"Really."
She clasped her hands together.
"Well, that's a relief! I actually like someone else!"
Is that so. Simon nodded with a perfectly blank face.
"Who is it?"
"Wow—"
Eshu covered her mouth in exaggerated shock.
"Look at this guy, trying to coast through school life! You just ask a girl that outright? You thought if you asked so brazenly I'd coolly answer?"
"Fine, forget it."
"Ahaha! Kidding, kidding. You're not going to bury me under Student Council President authority just because I rejected you, are you?"
"I don't do that kind of thing."
Eshu glanced around, then lowered her voice.
"Honestly, in first year I liked someone else, but it changed when I became a second-year."
At those words, Simon's ears perked up.
Don't tell me that change happened today? If so, then......
"Hector! Our department's class rep!"
'......Argh.'
Simon's head drooped. Of all people, Toto's rival had to be Hector.
Not that Hector seemed to care, but he was quietly popular with the girls. Back in first-year Class A, there'd even been one girl who liked him.
"......I guess he'll be good competition for the class rep."
"Who's the class rep?"
"No, no, never mind."
Walking along with the basket, Simon suddenly asked, "What do you even like about Hector?"
"What do you mean, why? He's tall, he's got presence, he's a total man's man!"
Eshu launched into an impassioned speech.
"He's high nobility, so he's usually pretty gentlemanly, but every once in a while he scrunches up his face and curses, and it's SO thrilling. He's a genius at sports and studying alike, and since he's from the Moore family, landing him means your future is guaranteed! Who in their right mind would pass him up?"
Hm.
This was Simon's first time hearing a girl talk about Hector, and it made him realize just how overqualified the man really was.
"Doesn't the name compatibility kinda work too? Eshu Moore! Mrs. Moore!"
The problem, however, was that Eshu had wandered off so deep into her own delusions that she was miles away.
Simon, listening quietly, broke into a smirk.
"What are you laughing at?"
"Nothing."
Simon said, chuckling, "It's just been a really long time since I've had such a easy, pointless conversation."
"What do you mean, pointless!"
She snapped at him.
"What in school life matters more than romance?"
As far as Simon knew, Eshu was the most ordinary friend he had when it came to the opposite sex.
And it made sense — around him there was the next Headmaster, the Ivory Tower nobles, a vampire lord's daughter, and a little further afield, even a sitting Saintess.
Where those girls each carried their own territory and troubles that set them apart from everyone else, Eshu was ordinary enough to dip her toes in anywhere and fit right in. She was like a spring that might bounce off in any direction.
Maybe she, of all people, was the one enjoying Kizen life — youth itself — the way it was meant to be enjoyed.
'This is fun.'
Just days ago he'd been fighting the Ivory Tower heiress, worrying over Kizen's fate and the Cabal's true identity, mulling over the Dark Alliance's peace and its future — and now here he was with Eshu, earnestly debating who liked whom. It felt surreal.
"So then."
Simon grinned, sliding a hand into his uniform jacket pocket. He'd decided to just enjoy it too.
"What do you think about Toto?"
"Huh......?"
Eshu tilted her head at the topic landing out of nowhere.
"The Death Knight boy is a bit...... eh...... I mean, he's kind of...... not great?"
"What's wrong with him?"
"I feel bad saying this to his best friend and all, but, I mean, come on, he's just not it! First of all, I need a man taller than me, at minimum!"
She held her palm flat above her own head.
"Tall! Sturdy! Masculine! That's my ideal type!"
'This is going to be tough.'
Her ideal was the exact opposite of Toto.
"Then, just to be sure — the person you liked back in first year was......"
"Obviously the giant half-blood, Matel Shaer! Oooh! I just want to be wrapped up in that huge frame of his!"
'......Her taste is rock solid, huh.'
How could two people be this incompatible? Simon sighed heavily to himself.
"But why are you suddenly asking about all this?"
Eshu's expression sharpened for an instant.
"Don't tell me......"
"That's my line."
Simon deflected shamelessly.
"We've still got plenty of group assignments ahead. I asked as your groupmate about Toto's role, and that's not exactly an appropriate answer, is it?"
"Huh? Oh, um?"
Having landed a light counterblow, Simon started walking first.
"Let's go, the others are waiting."
"President! Hey! Wait! You were just playing with me, weren't you? Hey! Stop!"
The One-Eyed Gentleman arrived at the scene one step too late.
"......!"
And he witnessed a horrifying sight.
Every one of the assassins who had gone ahead hung dead in spiderwebs, drained of blood. Perhaps someone had tried to extract information from them — some had triggered their own Suicide Curse.
'Simon Polentia did this?'
The One-Eyed Gentleman leaned against a wall, staring down the alley.
He could see a blue-haired man walking away, a dangerous gleam in his eyes. Even from this distance, a piercing jet-black pressure and killing intent radiated from within the alley.
—We will continue the attack.
"No. Withdraw."
He raised his communication crystal, his expression grave.
"......That man is not Simon Polentia."
If they attacked carelessly, that one man might slaughter every last one of them.
Now that he'd confirmed it wasn't Simon Polentia, retreat was the only sensible move.
Simon and Eshu safely rejoined the rest of their group.
Loraine and Serne appeared to have had yet another fight.
He'd hoped the Ivory Tower incident might improve things between the two, but it had been a vain hope.
Their relationship was still absolutely terrible, and Toto, stuck in the middle, wore the face of a man aged twenty years in a single morning.
"You're here?"
"Simon!"
Thankfully, Simon's arrival eased the atmosphere somewhat.
Watching Simon wedged between Loraine and Serne, Eshu smiled awkwardly to herself.
'......Honestly, it's not a bad position to be in.'
Eshu, who had been staring absentmindedly at Simon's face, looked over at the future Headmaster of Kizen and the heiress of the Ivory Tower glaring at each other on either side of him.
'No way. Be real! How is a small-time commoner like me supposed to get between THOSE two?'
However much she liked romance, she had no intention of making enemies of those two.
Better to have a comfortable, easy love life. That was what Eshu believed.
"Eshu! What are you doing?"
Simon waved her over.
"Ah, coming! Coming!"
Loraine summoned two skeletal horses, and Simon brought out a golem core.
Loraine, Eshu, and Toto rode the skeletal horses. The original plan had been for Toto and Serne to share one mount, but Serne climbed onto the golem core Simon was riding and clung to his back, which sparked yet another minor dispute.
In any case, they made it back safely to the base camp where the lodgings were.
The students either headed out to hunt or studied for their exams in the lecture hall. Despite it being a training camp, apparently the largest lecture hall was kept open until dawn for midterm preparation.
The lodgings were divided into four rooms for boys and four for girls, and Simon and Toto settled into whichever rooms happened to have open spots.
"Oh, President!"
Inside the lodgings, a card game was already in full swing. A familiar-faced student waved him over.
"Want to join?"
That would definitely have been the leader of Group 4.
Simon didn't know how to play card games, but he figured he might as well try a game kids his own age played.
And then —
"Hahaha! President, another dud!"
"Even the great top student of Kizen has terrible luck!"
Simon shivered as he laid down yet another pathetic hand.
"......One more round."
"Ooh, now THAT's the spirit!"
"He's got a competitive streak!"
Mingling with students his own age, Simon had himself a rather enjoyable time.
'So this is what a training camp is like.'
Simon lay down and pulled the covers over himself with a satisfied smile. Just beyond it, the students who'd had every last coin fleeced off them by Simon — now a practiced hand at the rules — were tearing their hair out.
And then, the next morning.
"Yawwwn."
Since they were eating breakfast early, Simon stepped outside the lodgings rubbing his eyes.
The world was blindingly white.
His breath fogged, and the biting wind was cold. And then came the sound of students squealing with delight.
'What's all the commotion this early in the morning......'
THWUMP!
A snowball slammed square into Simon's face.
"Pfft— PWAHAHAHA!"
The snowball slid slowly down his face, revealing Simon's expression of profound betrayal beneath.
And Eshu, who had thrown it, was doubled over howling with laughter.
"President! Your face is HILARIOUS! Kyarararuk!"
Simon said nothing. He simply crouched down, gathered snow, and packed it into a snowball. Then he began charging forward.
"KYAAAAH! He's coming!"
"WAHAHAHA!"
Snowball fights were breaking out everywhere.
Snow rarely piled up this deep on Roke Island, so everyone had gone completely wild. White snowballs were whizzing through the air from every direction.
"Take this!"
"Ack! What did you put in that snowball?!"
Laughter filled the air all around. Some students collapsed flat into the snow, gasping and exhausted, while others upended whole buckets of snow over each other's faces.
All the stress that had built up from the transfer evaluations and midterm prep was being properly released.
"Pathetic."
Fitzgerald, bundled up in thick winter clothes, was carefully packing snow into a sculpture of himself. A pose of a man seated in a chair, deep in contemplation.
"Instead of wasting time on such unproductive games, one should be cultivating artistic refinement......"
THWUMP!
A boy abruptly kicked the snow sculpture over and bolted. The statue's head snapped off and landed on Fitzgerald's knee.
"Nice! Very on-brand for the Dullahan special lecture — headless!"
"PUAHAHAHAHA!"
Fitzgerald's expression turned murderous.
"You die now."
Fitzgerald pulled a skeleton from his subspace. He arranged a throwing platform, piled up snowballs, and began firing at everything in sight with relentless barrage.
"Hold on! Who uses undead for a snowball fight?!"
Roaring laughter erupted from every corner.
And then —
"HYYAAH!"
There was another girl wedged in among the students, throwing snowballs with tremendous enthusiasm.
Her luxuriant pink hair swirling, she hurled snowballs with full swings.
Not one missed its mark. Other students were dropping left and right.
But then —
'No! NO NO NO!'
Simon, spotting her, let out a silent scream.
'How is she blending in so naturally?!'
It was none other than Erzebet. Simon sprinted over in a cold sweat.
She and the boy next to her had taken down Fitzgerald in a combined attack and were amiably high-fiving.
"Well fought, I didst say!"
The boy nodded back with a dopey look on his face.
"Ah, yeah. Wait, you're from our department...... right?"
"Ohohoho! You know not this maiden? How sorrowful! This maiden is Elizabeth Wepper of the Summoning Department......"
Simon, his face crimson, came scrambling over, grabbed Erzebet by the wrist, and hauled her away.
"What do you think you're doing?! Why did you come all the way here?"
Simon dragged her behind a deserted building and spoke through a trickle of cold sweat.
Erzebet lightly wove a barrier of spiderwebs, then smiled.
"I came because there is an urgent matter to report to Lord Commander, I did."
Erzebet reported on what had happened yesterday.
She had been tracking White, who was disguised as Simon, through the village when strange assassins had suddenly attacked.
She had tried to intimidate them and pry information out through torture — and then they had taken their own lives.
Having heard her out, Simon crossed his arms.
"......Assassins, hm."
"Does something come to mind, it do?"
The Butcher — that unforgettable face and figure — surfaced in Simon's mind.
"Erzebet. I need you to return to the village right now and find someone for me."
They were the ones who had attacked first.
Simon resolved to set the Legion in motion.
"Phew. It's cold."
The teaching assistants were finally trickling outside as well.
The Head Assistant, warming herself with a steaming cup of coffee, gave a small laugh as she watched the students in the middle of their snowball war.
"Full of energy first thing in the morning, aren't they."
"They're kids, after all. They really are adorable. Kids should be like this — that's the whole charm."
"Mm, true enough. I must be getting old, because my back is......"
WHACK!
A snowball flew in and smacked the Head Assistant square in the face.
The faces of the junior assistants watching went deathly pale, and the culprit — Eshu — bounced up and down, hollering.
"Direct hit!"
"HAHAHAHA!"
Sllsh—
The snowball slid off, revealing the Head Assistant's face, blazing with fury at being ambushed first thing in the morning.
"I let you all off the leash, and THIS is what you do!"
She stretched out her arm. Drawing the snow together with dark magic, she formed a snowball nearly the size of a house.
"GYAAAH! Dark magic is cheating, Professor Assistant!"
"TAKE THIS!"
KYARARARARUK!
Students and assistants alike mixed together, and the lodgings descended into utter chaos first thing in the morning. And then —
"......"
Aaron, who had just stepped out of the lodgings, stared at this insane spectacle with a completely expressionless face, wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt.
'So noisy I couldn't sleep, hm.'
He stood there quietly, gulping down a sip of his morning coffee.
"Professor, incoming!"
FWEEENG!
A snowball came flying straight at Aaron's face.
One second before the worst crisis in the history of the Summoning Department.