People Like Me
Jang Young-min had spent the entire night sobbing with his mouth covered. I waited until I was certain he had cried himself into an exhausted sleep, then left that place alone as soon as the sun began to rise.
As I made my way back to the shelter, a whirlwind of thoughts occupied my mind. If I hadn't initiated that mission, would this tragedy have been avoided? If I had taught them just a little bit better? If I had at least given them a heads-up about the Runners?
That was what Hwang Gyunam had said. I knew that, too. In this world, it wouldn't be strange to meet with an accident at any given moment.
I understand all of that, but it still feels terrible.
I had believed I was desensitized to death, but I hadn't expected someone’s passing to leave such a deep, lingering shadow. I also hated that my heart, which had grown calloused over time, felt like it was turning soft again.
"Daddy!"
Before I knew it, I had arrived at the hideout. At the sound of Cheonsa’s voice, I became like Pavlov’s dog, a smile forming on my face automatically. In this very moment, the fact that Cheonsa was safe was all that mattered—it was a relief and a joy.
Woof!
Do-jin came bounding out through the dog door. He threw himself at me, hugging me tightly as if complaining about why I had taken so long to return. Then, he circled around me, sniffing intently, before he began to lick my right hand.
"I guess Do-jin missed Daddy, too."
I had wiped the blood away, but it seemed the scent still lingered. To me, his behavior looked exactly like an attempt to scrub away the smell of the zombies.
"Let's go up."
I climbed the rope into the shelter. After a quick shower, I held my daughter for a while and filled the dog bowl with feed and water. Perhaps it was the silent belief that this place was safe—that no misfortune would ever reach us here—but I felt at peace. I thought I had only closed my eyes for a moment while lying on the bed, but when I opened them, the sky had already turned dark.
"Daddy, are you awake?"
"What time is it? Why did I sleep so long?"
"You were snoring like crazy, too. You must have been really tired."
"Was I?"
Do-jin approached and nudged his head against me. I gave him a rough pat and checked the clock; it was 6:00 PM. I couldn't remember the last time I’d had such a peaceful day.
"Did the radio go off at all?"
"About three hours ago? I wanted to tell them you were sleeping, but I didn't know how to use it, so I couldn't."
"It's fine. Do you remember how it sounded?"
"It just went beep- beep- beep-?"
That was the standard call signal. Since it wasn't an emergency signal, it meant there was nothing major going on. In any case, it was late, and I didn't feel like going to work for a while.
"Are you hungry? Let's eat."
"Yeah!"
Cheonsa didn't ask about what happened yesterday. She was a curious child, but she adhered to our own rule: never ask about things outside. I was so grateful for that. If she had asked, I would have had to lie to her.
"Sleep well! Good night!"
One idle day passed, and then another. The call signal went off three or four times over the next two days, but I ignored them all. I was so happy spending time with Cheonsa that I didn't want to leave. It might sound a bit cheesy, but it felt like my wounded soul was finally healing. I just wanted this moment to last forever. I wanted to turn a blind eye to everything else.
"Daddy."
It was on the fifth day. Early in the morning, Cheonsa shook my shoulder.
"Are you not going to work today, either?"
Except for rainy days, my life had been a copy-paste routine. Even if I had taken a day off here and there, I had never missed more than two days in a row. It seemed Cheonsa found that strange.
"Do you want me to go to work? Do you not like being with Daddy?"
"I love it, of course. But it seems like Daddy's friends keep looking for you."
What the child pointed to was the radio I had left by my bedside. I had turned the volume off because I didn't want to hear the call signals. The muted radio sat there alone, blinking and emitting a faint light.
"I don't want to go..."
"Daddy."
The child hugged me tightly and stared straight into my eyes.
"The people will understand your heart, too."
"Huh?"
"No one will resent you. They’re probably worried about you instead."
"..."
"So, you have to go to work today."
How did she know to say such things? How could she see right through me...? She was my child, but she was far too quick-witted. Well, I suppose she got that from me.
"You're going to go, right?"
"Y-yeah."
She focused her gaze, trying to look firm. That expression was so adorable that I found myself agreeing before I knew it. Damn it.
As I prepared for work, half-forced, the child hummed a tune beside me. Just a moment ago, she had been acting stubborn, telling me not to go, and now she was pushing me out the door. I felt a little hurt.
"Who did you take after to be so fickle?"
"I must take after you, Daddy."
I wore my outdoor clothes for the first time in a while. A military uniform with many pockets for the bottoms, and a comfortable black cotton T-shirt for the top. It was the same outfit I had worn that day.
"Take Do-jin with you, too. They say dogs need to go for walks often."
"Alright."
He was a smart dog, so he wouldn't cause any trouble. He had already darted down to the first floor through the dog hole and was waiting for me, wagging his tail.
"Sigh."
I waved my hand, finishing my simple farewell. Even though it had only been five days, the path to the shelter felt strangely awkward.
"Oh? It's the Instructor!"
I saw the sentry guarding the entrance. It was the same work team I had taken out with me. They recognized me from afar and quickly lowered their rifles.
"Why have you been away for so long? Do you have any idea how much we waited for you?"
"For me?"
"Go on in, quickly."
Feeling somewhat bewildered, I passed through the entrance and crossed the yard. People who had been waiting at the front and back gates began to appear one by one. By the time I reached the front of the auditorium, there was a crowd of about twenty people following behind me.
"..."
There were sentries in front of the auditorium as well. But they weren't the faces I usually saw. Jang Young-min was nowhere to be seen.
"Jang-hyung—"
I started to ask about his whereabouts but quickly shut my mouth. What could I do even if I knew? I didn't even know what to say. That day, what happened to us was an accident, and I had killed a zombie. It was obviously something I had to do, but to Jang Young-min, I was the man who had killed his brother.
"Let's go in."
As I opened the auditorium door, I saw the members of the search team. Oh Jeong-hwan was in the center of the group, and next to him, I saw Han Jiyoung and Hwang Gyunam sitting on chairs. When their gazes turned toward me, I felt as if countless arrows were piercing my body.
"Senior!"
Han Jiyoung came running over. Contrary to my expectations, she was smiling brightly.
"Why didn't you answer the radio? Do you have any idea how worried we were? We were actually making plans to go find you right now."
Worried? No, more than that—they were making plans to find me?
"I remember the direction you were headed. I was in the middle of estimating roughly where you might be."
Hwang Gyunam said. Just as he said, the map hanging on the blackboard was covered in the traces of their deductions.
"...Even so, isn't this like looking for a needle in a haystack?"
"We know that, too. But Jang-hyung was so insistent."
Jang Young-min was standing behind Hwang Gyunam. When our eyes met, my heart felt like it had plummeted. When he approached me with an expressionless face, I felt as if time were slowing down.
"Teacher. Thank you."
"Yes...?"
"For letting our Young-soo go in peace. I really wanted to say that."
Jang Young-min grabbed my hand. The hand of the one left behind was much warmer than I had expected.
"I told you, didn't I? I'll do whatever you tell me. From now on, my life is yours, Teacher."
"Why are you going this far...?"
"Because Young-soo really liked you, Teacher."
I had naturally assumed he would hate me. What had happened in this shelter over the past five days? What words had they shared, and what emotions had passed between them? I couldn't dare to guess, and I just stood there, mouth agape.
"I'm sorry for picking fights with you every chance I got. I'm the type who can't trust people easily, and I've had many bad experiences with outsiders. Anyway, my name is Choi Hyun-ho."
The bald man scratched the back of his head. Was I still in a dream? I absolutely hated such embarrassing dreams.
"We've had outsiders come in a few times before you arrived, Senior. Some ran off after just taking the equipment, and some bastards cleaned out the entire food supply."
As Han Jiyoung added that with a shudder, Oh Jeong-hwan chimed in.
"That's also why we didn't trust you. That won't happen anymore. Everyone here, including me, will trust you."
"Why are you suddenly doing this?"
I asked, unable to comprehend it at all. Was my common sense wrong, or were they more innocent than I could have imagined?
"We don't know what you might have been agonizing over, or what your heart is going through. Because we, too, are survivors living in the same world as you."
"..."
"We are enduring just as much weight as you are."
The words Oh Jeong-hwan tossed out carried a silent resonance. People living in the same world as me. Therefore, people who understood me. People who trusted me. Therefore, people I could trust. Because I hadn't abandoned them, just as Cheonsa had said.
Today, I became an official member of the Osori Shelter.
***
"Wow! He's incredibly smart, isn't he?"
Perhaps because he was a male, Do-jin particularly liked Han Jiyoung. Conversely, the person he hated most was Oh Jeong-hwan. He followed the other men reasonably well, but whenever Oh Jeong-hwan passed by, he would growl low in his throat.
"To think I'd end up letting an animal into my shelter."
"There wasn't a rule saying we couldn't. Don't go trying to find fault for no reason."
"Tsk."
At first, I didn't think much of it. That was until I happened to witness the scene by chance.
"Senior. Is his name Do-jin?"
"Yeah."
"Is he really good at finding zombies, too?"
"Yeah. He's sensitive to the smell."
"Then I guess he doesn't smell anything on me."
Oh Jeong-hwan happened to pass by at that exact moment. Do-jin, who had been wagging his tail, bristled his fur and growled again.
"Maybe the Boss smells like something. Did you roll around with a zombie last night?"
"What did you say, you brat?"
It was clearly meant as a joke. It was the kind of thing you'd just laugh off, especially if you were Oh Jeong-hwan, who had dealt with Han Jiyoung for a day or two. But he went stone-faced. In the eyes that glared at Han Jiyoung as if to kill her, there was a deep, murderous intent.
"I-I was just joking... I'm sorry if I offended you."
"Han Jiyoung. Watch your mouth."
"I got it. Seriously, sorry."
I felt a strange sense of suspicion from his demeanor. It wasn't just because of the incident that had just occurred. It was because Do-jin had shown the exact same reaction when we passed by the shelter leader's private quarters. The same reaction he used to signal when he discovered a zombie.