A Heart Like a Beast
A man pushing thirty emerged from within the house.
His upper lip and chin were utterly smooth, without so much as a wisp of stubble, so it was not difficult to guess that this was Kim Cheo-seon.
Nothing like what one might expect from a eunuch, his voice was not the least bit effeminate — if anything, it rolled out of him with a deep, rumbling resonance.
Timing his entrance perfectly, Kim Si-seup gave a sly finish to his begging by rapping his wooden fish moktak with practiced flourish.
"Namu Gwanseum Bosal…… I have come, sir, to pray that the merit of the Buddha may shine upon you, honored master of the inner court."
"Merit, is it…… Here, serving maid."
Kim Cheo-seon gave a careless nod, then turned to the maidservant.
"Yes, master."
"Give this monk a measure or so of rice as alms, and see that he has a meal before you send him on his way."
"As you say, sir."
Just as Kim Cheo-seon was about to turn away, Kim Si-seup spoke again.
"Namu Amitabul…… The reason this humble monk has sought you out today is that it is a connection bestowed by the Great Compassionate Buddha himself. And for that reason, I wish to speak with you in advance of the calamity that is soon to befall you, honored eunuch."
"Good heavens, what on earth has gotten into this monk?"
Startled, the maidservant grumbled under her breath.
Kim Cheo-seon turned back slowly.
His expression was composed.
"A calamity…… Hah. So a calamity is to visit me again, is it?"
"If it would not be an imposition, might we speak within?"
"Master. You mustn't be taken in by these charlatans' tricks."
The maidservant muttered a warning, but Kim Cheo-seon studied Kim Si-seup for a long moment before nodding.
"Hm. You've clearly practiced this sort of sleight of hand more than once or twice. Very well — let's see what you have. Come inside."
With that, Kim Cheo-seon walked ahead into the house.
Shooting the two men a glance that asked what sort of nonsense they'd been spouting, the maidservant went off about her business.
Jeong Ho-chan and Kim Si-seup exchanged a quiet smile and followed him in.
Before long, they were seated in the men's quarters of the house.
"So — what is this calamity you speak of?"
Kim Cheo-seon's voice was calm.
"Of course…… Then allow me to tell you, honored eunuch."
Folding his fingers one by one, Kim Si-seup began.
Jeong Ho-chan simply watched with a soft, circling smile as the monk worked.
"Let's see. In the year of Gap-sul, loyal ministers rose to root out the traitor and were cruelly put to death — and you, sir, implicated in the affair, were exiled. That was your first calamity."
"Hm……"
At so sensitive a subject right out of the gate, Kim Cheo-seon's face stiffened.
He answered curtly.
"I see. And the second calamity?"
"Ah, that would be this: the royal one has slipped free of his exile and escaped the net of heaven and earth, biding his time — while you remain languishing among traitors, ready to leave your name stained upon the blue halls of the tribunal. That is the second."
"!"
The color drained from Kim Cheo-seon's face, and he instinctively glanced around him.
Kim Si-seup paid it no mind.
"And so, when at last you depart this world and walk the road to the netherworld, you will find yourself unable to lift your face before the two kings you once served, nor before Senior Eunuch Eom, whom you loved as a father. That is the third calamity."
"Enough — enough of that. I know full well by now that you people are no ordinary beggars."
Kim Cheo-seon's voice had dropped to a low growl.
"Why have you come to my house?"
"Word reached us, Eunuch Kim, that though you wear the garb of the inner court, you possess more moral integrity today than any scholar-official among them. That is why we have come."
It was Jeong Ho-chan who answered this time.
Kim Cheo-seon picked up a handkerchief and dabbed at the cold sweat running down his face.
"I am nothing but a lowly eunuch. Integrity — you flatter me."
"We know full well, sir, that you once schemed with Senior Eunuch Eom to protect His Highness, and that when the plot went tragically awry, you were sent into exile."
Kim Cheo-seon bowed his head and said nothing.
Only after a long silence did he speak again.
"……I could report you to the Uigeumbu as traitors, even now."
"And yet you are not doing so."
It was Jeong Ho-chan's reply.
"I suffered every hardship imaginable and have only just clawed my way back to Hanyang. What more could you possibly want from me, that you come here?"
"Eunuch Kim — if His Highness still lived, what would Senior Eunuch Eom have done?"
Kim Cheo-seon flinched at those words.
After a moment, he spoke in a strained, low voice.
"Do not invoke my father of the inner court so carelessly…… It was because of that that he lost his life. The only reason I barely survived is that my father took every last sin upon himself. And now you come, asking me to make his death meaningless?"
"Why would Senior Eunuch Eom have shouldered the whole burden, if not with the hope that you would survive and see the work through to its end?"
"Do not twist his will to suit your purposes!"
"Had Senior Eunuch Eom lived to learn that His Highness still breathes, do you truly believe he would have stood by in silence? Suyang feared precisely that — that is why he destroyed him. Can you honestly claim ignorance?"
"I claim it! I don't want to know!"
Kim Cheo-seon's voice rose to a shout.
"Do not lie!"
Jeong Ho-chan shouted back at him.
Kim Cheo-seon's mouth clamped shut.
"Do not lie even to yourself. It is plain to my eyes. In your heart, Eunuch Kim, you mourn Senior Eunuch Eom's death with unrelenting grief — and you believe his death was not in vain. If His Highness were already dead, it might be different. But the man lives, vividly alive at this very moment. And if you stand by and do nothing, what is that if not lending your own hand to making Eom's death meaningless? He gave his one life to see His Highness restored to his rightful place — and you would let that death amount to nothing?"
"Stop it! Stop, I say! Why — why are you doing this to me?"
Kim Cheo-seon shuddered, a low sob breaking from him.
"No, I cannot stop. I cannot watch you defile the death of that loyal man whom you called father only moments ago. Nor can I stand by while a man who once risked his life to drive out traitors and enthrone a true king — a man whose name should be remembered with honor in the blue halls — collapses and soils that name himself. I cannot bear to see you become a stain upon the name of Eom Ja-chi!"
"Ugh……"
"Yes, that is why we came to your house. So — you say you'll report us to the Uigeumbu? Then do it. I clearly misjudged you. Ah! So you feel no shame before Eom Ja-chi, is that it? Then come — let us go to the tribunal at once!"
Jeong Ho-chan sprang to his feet.
Kim Si-seup rose after him and cried out:
"Ah, what sorrow! The loyal men of high resolve are dead or broken — and all that remains is a worthless adopted son who makes his father's death meaningless!"
Kim Cheo-seon kept his head lowered and said nothing.
Jeong Ho-chan and Kim Si-seup stood over him in silence.
After a long while, Kim Cheo-seon finally opened his mouth.
"……Enough with the theatrics. You two……"
He glared at them with bloodshot eyes.
"You are truly vicious people. To torment me like this, after everything. I won't be reporting anyone — so sit down, the both of you. There is more I should hear, I suspect."
Heaving a long sigh, Kim Cheo-seon gestured for them to sit.
Once Jeong Ho-chan and Kim Si-seup had taken their places again, he spoke in a low voice.
"You're right. If your aim was to find my wound and drive it raw to shake me awake — then truly, you struck it clean. Senior Eunuch Eom was not my blood. But if you ask me to name the one man I have called father, I would place him above the father who abandoned me at birth, without a second thought. You're right about that. I heard it with my own ears — him crying out under interrogation that every detail of the plot was his own doing, that the rest of us knew nothing and merely followed. Ah!"
Kim Cheo-seon's lament was like a man vomiting blood.
"I should have died there beside him! But I could not — because his last words, unspoken as they were, commanded me to live on…… Yes. That is how I dragged this wretched life along."
He spoke with visible anguish.
Jeong Ho-chan said quietly:
"And then you were reinstated."
"That's right. Living like a man barely alive at all, when Suyang summoned me, I could hardly refuse. And it made sense, didn't it? The moment the Eom faction was branded traitors, the eunuchs who had kept the palace running for a generation were swept away in one stroke — someone had to manage the royal household. Jeon Gyun was the one who recommended me. A man who had always envied Senior Eunuch Eom and coveted his position. That man recommending me — do you have any idea what an insult that was? And yet……"
Kim Cheo-seon let out a hollow smile.
"I accepted it. Ah! The hardships I endured were not even a thousandth — no, a ten-thousandth of what my father suffered. But I was worn through, body and soul — no, that was only the excuse I told myself — and I said yes. A eunuch all my life; what else could I ever do? Best to be a eunuch, then, I told myself, over and over, like a fool!"
He drew a deep sigh and went on.
"Yes. When I returned to Hanyang, when I returned to the palace — it felt wonderful, I'll admit. The air of Hanyang, purchased once more with the price of my father's death, was wonderfully sweet. Serving the very man who killed him — what a fine feeling that was. Yes. And to such a man as that…… what exactly do you people expect?"
"We expect you to return to the righteous path that Eom Ja-chi walked."
"The righteous path."
Kim Cheo-seon shrugged his shoulders.
"Let's be honest with ourselves…… The very moment I chose not to report you, I had already set one foot among the traitors, hadn't I? Isn't that pathetic? Barely past death's door once already, and now I want to leap back into it."
"There is nothing pathetic about staking your life on a righteous cause. You may be a eunuch, but you are a man who knows loyalty and duty — are you not? Her Majesty the Queen says so herself."
"Loyalty and duty!"
At Jeong Ho-chan's words, a bitter smile crept across Kim Cheo-seon's lips.
"Gentlemen of the outer court could never understand the life of a eunuch without the parts of a man…… We are human, and yet not human. Human in appearance, and nothing more than instruments wielded by His Majesty. Like a shoe insole, like a washbasin, like a rag — we are mere objects to be used by His Majesty and Her Majesty and all the rest. That is the fate we took upon ourselves the day we were made to lose our manhood. And yet……"
The bitter smile faded from his lips.
"It is precisely for that reason that we belong to His Majesty more completely than any man alive — more than the finest scholar-officials, more than the three Great Councillors. Our very survival, one day to the next, hangs entirely upon His Majesty's favor. That is what we are. Can that be called loyalty and duty? Tell me that, at least."
Kim Cheo-seon gazed steadily at the two men.
"I've certainly talked your ears off with my useless rambling. In any case…… Yes, let's hear about His Highness. You say he lives?"
Jeong Ho-chan explained the whole of it, from beginning to end.
When it was done, Kim Cheo-seon said nothing for a long time.
"And what do you two intend to do about it?"
Only after a long pause did Kim Cheo-seon ask.
"What is there to intend? Cast out the false king, and enthrone the true one again."
Kim Si-seup answered as if the question were hardly worth asking.
"How, though? All the realm already lies within Suyang's grasp, does it not?"
"They say the darkest hour is just before the dawn. Even the mightiest foundation can be toppled by a small tremor. Suyang did not steal the country through virtue — he waded through rivers of blood. How solid could such a thing possibly be?"
"Then what use would I be in all this?"
"Every use. We need someone who can tell us Suyang's every move, every breath. Someone who can reach into the deepest chambers of the royal palace — a place most men wouldn't dare set foot in."
"I understand what you're saying. You want me to become an inside agent."
"Precisely. We need a man who can endure in that den of traitors with the heart of a beast. Eunuch Kim — look at me."
Kim Cheo-seon did not respond.
"Raise your head and look into my eyes."
Only then did Kim Cheo-seon lift his gaze to meet Jeong Ho-chan's.
Jeong Ho-chan's eyes blazed like fire.