Her Whispered Consent
Life went on, small and happy. After that stormy night of passion, our married life changed 180 degrees, as if by magic.
I was the one who had finally escaped the tunnel of torment. For the past two years, I had hidden the monster inside me, pushing my wife away and gnawing at myself in that hellish time. But Sujung had accepted me in just one week, even after learning of my ugly side. No, she had gone beyond acceptance—she had even endured shame herself to help me. I was so grateful and sorry that I swore to become the most perfect husband in the world and make her happy.
I devoted myself wholeheartedly, as if repaying a debt to my wife.
"Sujung, they say it's going to rain today. Want me to pick you up? I finished early anyway."
The affectionate text messages that had stopped right after our honeymoon became part of my daily routine. I would park in front of her company building at her quitting time and drive her to a restaurant I had reserved in advance.
"Huh? Oppa, this place is really hard to get a reservation at. What's the occasion?"
Watching Sujung ask with surprised eyes, I smiled sheepishly and turned the steering wheel.
"One of the female employees at work was bragging about coming here during our department tea time. It reminded me of how you used to say you wanted to go when you watched TV, so I made the reservation with some difficulty."
"You remembered that? Wow... Oppa, you're really the best."
Sujung leaned her head against my arm, looking moved. Even sitting across from each other at the table, I didn't absentmindedly look at my phone like before. I listened attentively to her trivial stories about work and carefully served food onto her plate. It was the warm husband she had always wanted.
I left work two hours earlier than usual. I loosely draped my suit jacket over my shoulders and tied on an apron. I cooked doenjang jjigae with marbled beef, her favorite, and carefully arranged several side dishes on the table. Just as the sizzling sound and savory aroma filled the house, I heard the door lock.
"Huh? Oppa, you're already home? What's that smell?"
Sujung's eyes widened as she stepped into the entrance. She ran to the table without even putting down her bag, a bright smile spreading across her face. I turned off the stew and scratched my head sheepishly.
"Aigoo... I haven't finished setting everything up yet. I came home as early as possible to set it up perfectly before you arrived and was rushing to prepare."
Sujung burst out laughing at my flustered appearance. "Then should I go out again and come back in an hour? No, two hours?"
She playfully countered my words and hugged me tightly from behind. Seeing my wife humming and looking happy made my chest tighten. She was the kind of woman who got as excited as a child over such small things—how indifferent had I been all this time?
Throughout the meal, Sujung kept exclaiming "It's delicious." I deboned the well-grilled fish and placed the flesh on her plate. It was the affectionate husband I had never shown in the past two years—couldn't show, because of the torment inside me.
While we were chatting pleasantly, Sujung put down her spoon and stared at me.
"Oppa, is the reason you've been treating me so well lately... because I matched your preferences that time we did it together?"
My heart sank. Strength entered the back of my hand holding the spoon.
"Ah... no. Like I said before, I really did it without any particular thought, just because I thought of you. The stocks did well too, so my mood was good..."
I tried to answer calmly to hide my embarrassment, but my guilty conscience kept shrinking. I was afraid she might misunderstand that I was offering this kindness to be compensated for my twisted desires, and that she would find it unpleasant. But looking at Sujung's expression, my clumsy excuse had already failed. She simply smiled faintly and picked up her spoon again, as if she knew everything.
After finishing the meal in silence and washing up, we went to bed a little earlier than usual. In the darkened room, the air as we lay side by side staring at the ceiling felt strangely heavy, unlike usual.
"Oppa, are you sleepy?"
Sujung's low voice broke the silence.
"No, haha. I was trying to fall asleep."
"...."
Sujung was silent for a while. I was secretly afraid of what she might say, but I waited quietly without showing it. After hesitating for a long time, she finally spoke in a very small voice.
"....Was it... not good last time?"
'As expected....'
My breath caught in my throat at the thought that it had come. My mind went blank, unsure what to say. If I said it was good, it would be admitting my perverted tendencies, but if I lied and said it wasn't, I couldn't bring myself to speak because I remembered how insanely erect and the intensity of my climax that night had been. As I remained silent without answering, Sujung turned toward me and added,
"....No... If you liked it, I was going to do it again... It seemed like you liked it last time...."
"....!"
Startled, I turned my head to look at her. Even in the darkness, her eyes were serious, filled with deep consideration and sacrifice for me rather than disgust or rejection. My wife had known. She knew that the extreme devotion I had shown over the past few days was actually proof of my guilt and gratitude. And to ease that guilt, she was willing to step onto that shameful stage once again.
"Sujung..."
I called my wife's name in a cracked voice. Instead of answering, Sujung took my hand and placed it between her soft thighs.
"Seeing how much you like it... makes me feel loved again as a woman, so I like it too. Since you're trying so hard for me, I want to do what you want too. So Oppa, you don't have to feel sorry. I'm really okay."
Sujung's voice was like a calm lake, but the ripples it contained were enough to shake the very foundation of my reason. Her hand guided mine between her soft thighs, and that warm heat traveled through my veins straight to my brain, awakening the thirst that had been quiet. But I couldn't easily nod. My resolve to cherish my wife, to never again make her a victim of my twisted desires, was pressing down on my neck.
I let out a trembling breath and gently pushed her hand away.
"No, Sujung... It's really okay. I don't want to satisfy my own greed by making you feel that shame again. I already had dinner, gave you a gift... I'm already happy enough just lying here normally with you. So don't force yourself."
I tried to sound firm, but my voice was already wet. It was closer to a cry begging her to persuade me more strongly rather than a rejection. Sujung didn't care about my refusal and instead burrowed deeper into my arms. In the darkness, her eyes meeting mine were a much deeper, darker color than I remembered.
I fell into silence. Countless thoughts swirled like a storm in my head.
'Is it really okay to do this? Using my wife as a tool for my voyeuristic fantasies—is this really something a husband should do?'
Guilt stabbed sharply at a corner of my chest. But soon, the devil's whisper of self-justification crept into that gap.
'No, this isn't something I forced. Sujung is doing it of her own will, for me. This is consideration. It's just another form of love. If I didn't force her... what's wrong with taking the bait my wife is willingly offering?'
'Rather, if I keep refusing, wouldn't that be ignoring Sujung's sincerity? My wife mustered great courage for me, so wouldn't drawing a line like a moralist only make her more embarrassed?'
The more my thoughts chased each other, the more the walls of reason began to crumble. The instincts that had starved for two years poked their heads through the cracks, drooling. The intense stimulation of the word 'brother-in-law,' the mad pleasure I felt watching my wife's body being ravaged by others' gazes, awakened every single cell. My lower body had already accepted my wife's proposal, throbbing heavily and asserting its presence.
I couldn't say anything, only breathing roughly. Sujung must have felt with her whole body the bloody battle between good and evil, husband and beast, raging inside me. The longer the silence stretched, the more sticky and heavy the air in the room became. When I frowned in distress, Sujung wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her lips close to my ear.
"......"
The hot, moist breath seemed to caress my brain directly as it entered my ear. Goosebumps rose all over my body. In a wet voice, Sujung whispered the fatal confession that shattered my last line of defense.
"Oppa, it's really okay... Actually, last time... I got a little excited too. When you looked at me so fiercely and pushed me... I was flustered at first, but later... I think I liked it enough that I got wet down there without realizing it. So don't hold back."
It was a declaration of surrender and, at the same time, an invitation leading me to hell. The fact that my wife had entered the same orbit of pleasure as me, the destructive imagination that this pure wife was being corrupted because of me, paralyzed my frontal lobe. I no longer had the strength to resist. No, I didn't want to resist.
"Sujung... you, you just now..."
As I looked down at her, unable to continue, Sujung briefly kissed my lips and whispered once more, driving the wedge deeper.