41. Mother's Unease
Choi Ara was gripped by a deep sense of guilt. The objects of her guilt were her mother and her boyfriend.
I'm trash...
She replayed the moment she woke up after falling asleep in ecstatic climax from sex with Kim Il-woo. Waking up with her face covered in semen that carried the musky scent of night-blooming flowers, she felt a strange thrill at her own decadent, lascivious appearance. A sensual side of herself she never would have seen on a smooth, uneventful path. Pressing her body against his had restored a bit of her self-esteem as a woman, but once her head cooled, she realized what she'd done and drowned in self-loathing and guilt.
I'm crazy... I must be insane.
She felt profound relief and affection knowing her mother hated her, yet he had accepted her runaway heart. The love for Kim Il-woo swelling uncontrollably in her chest terrified her.
As she cleaned up the intense traces from the night before and huddled under fresh blankets, overwhelmed by guilt over her actions, her mother entered.
"Ara."
Her mother's voice was kind and full of the same maternal warmth as always. Choi Ara had no face to meet her mother's eyes, but her longing to act spoiled with her one precious family member overpowered it. She crawled out from under the blankets and turned around.
"M-Mom...?"
There sat her mother, fully dolled up beside the bed. Ara knew that after Dad died, she had stopped making herself up as a woman. She admired her mother as the sole adult left in the house, fulfilling her roles as parent and mother with such strength and responsibility. But at the same time, she pitied her for giving up her femininity. It was no wonder her heart raced at the sight of such a stunning, elegant lady who could make even her daughter flutter.
"Mom's heading out and might come back tomorrow. You okay on your own?"
It was Sunday evening—not even a weekend—and her mother was going out overnight? It didn't make sense. What about work tomorrow? Why get all dressed up suddenly? Overnight...? A flood of questions swirled in her mouth, but the daughter who had already committed one grave sin was too afraid of her mother's hatred to voice them. She said it was fine—even if her mother brought home another man in Dad's place, she would have agreed unconditionally. Right now, she couldn't bear even the tiniest bit of disapproval from her mother.
"Yeah, Mom. Don't worry about me too much. I'll start getting my act together now."
Choi Ara forced the words out, not wanting to burden her mother or be hated, insisting she was okay now.
Lee Seo-yoon beamed a radiant smile at her daughter's maturity, like a flower blooming.
"Mom..."
But to Choi Ara, that flawless, beautiful smile felt somehow off—frightening, even. A strange unease washed over her, as if her mother might vanish right then and there.
"Alright, my girl. Still, Mom's a bit worried, so I asked Jun-hyun to check on you since you'll be alone tonight."
"J-Jun-hyun?"
The words Why not Kim Il-woo? nearly escaped her throat, but a strong premonition told her not to mention that name now. She swallowed them down.
"Yeah. Chat with him a bit. Don't worry—he got on his knees, crying, begging me not to do anything weird anymore."
"Jun-hyun did..."
She hadn't imagined her boyfriend kneeling and sobbing for forgiveness from her mother. Yet that only deepened her self-loathing—she had slept with another man while leaving her boyfriend behind.
How did things end up like this...?
She had lived diligently and responsibly, idolizing her mother, but now she was trash trampling a man's pure heart.
Sarah.
As Choi Ara hung her head in silence, Lee Seo-yoon cautiously embraced her daughter. The faint lavender scent and her mother's warm body odor soothed Ara's trembling heart.
"Don't worry. Rest well, my girl."
"Mom..."
She felt the unconditional parental love that washed away all her worries and fears.
Her mother kissed her cheek and left the house. Afterward, Park Jun-hyun came by to apologize for his rudeness and chat about this and that. But why? Talking with him didn't make her heart flutter like it did with Kim Il-woo.
Why...?
Just being with her boyfriend used to fill her with cozy warmth, but it didn't rise now. An extreme thought crossed her mind: Maybe I should sleep with Jun-hyun like I did with Il-woo. But anxiety hit—what if she still felt no love? Mild panic set in.
"Hah... hah..."
As Choi Ara started breathing raggedly like a panic attack, Park Jun-hyun made a heartbroken face like he'd swallowed bitter poison and said he'd come back later before leaving.
"Hic..."
Choi Ara cried, so sorry to her boyfriend. Part of her wished he'd call her a filthy slut, point fingers, and kick her out. Yet she couldn't push away the Kim Il-woo rooted deep in her heart—she was trash after all. She spent the night like that.
"What time is it...?"
After cycles of crying, exhaustion, sleep, more crying, and sleep, she crawled out from the blankets. It was nearly noon.
Mom's late...
Had she gone straight to work after her overnight stay? Why the overnight in the first place? Ara even nobly hoped it was to enjoy some fun after being worn out from caring for her—but as the one who knew her mother best, she knew that was unlikely.
Waiting endlessly for her absent mother, filling her hungry stomach, she finally heard the door. Her long-awaited mom was back.
"Mom!"
Choi Ara rushed out like greeting someone who might never return.
"...Yeah. Ara."
She flinched! A hoarse, raspy voice like scraping metal. The usual tender, loving tone was gone, replaced by thick exhaustion enveloping her mother.
"..."
Choi Ara stared blankly at her mother's back as she removed her high black high heels. She had left more beautiful than any woman in the world, but now her back looked utterly forlorn.
Was she always this small?
Her mother's back—once sturdy like an ancient tree, shielding and supporting her through all storms—now seemed infinitely tiny.
"You eat yet?"
The same old worry for her daughter. But her refined, beautiful face was steeped in deep concern and fatigue, looking like she might collapse any moment. At her mother's weary, disheveled state, Choi Ara nearly screamed What happened?! but swallowed the words rising in her throat. Instinct screamed not to ask.
"Yeah... Uh, you, Mom...?"
"Mom ate already. I'm tired... gonna rest."
Her mother shuffled past unsteadily, walking like it hurt, on the verge of collapsing, and entered her room.
"..."
Again. No faint lavender scent—just cheap body wash. That after-bath residue made Choi Ara acutely aware of the unease she'd felt toward her mother.
"What the hell... is going on...?"
Since the rape, had she fallen into another world? Otherwise, why would her surroundings creak, shatter, and flip so dramatically?
Worried sick about what was happening to her mother, but with limited ways to help, days passed talking with Park Jun-hyun and Kim Il-woo, fretting over Mom.
"Let's go on a date."
In those anxious days, Kim Il-woo suddenly proposed a date.
"Wha...?"
"Can't stay holed up in this room forever. Weather's nice—let's go out."
Choi Ara was stunned by his date invite, devoid of any consideration.
"D-Date..."
The word made her heart pound. Fear from the horrific incident on her last outing? Or excitement to hang with someone she liked? Both.
Sensing her disgust at herself for thrilling over a date with a guy who wasn't her boyfriend, Kim Il-woo gripped her hand firmly.
"C'mon. If anyone asks, say I dragged you out."
"W-Wait! Let me change!"
As Kim Il-woo tried to drag her out forcibly, he noticed her pajamas and said this wouldn't do, stripping them off.
"Oh, wearing proper undies at home now? Put 'em on for me?"
Her cute white bra and panties made a fine sight. Only then did Choi Ara realize she was in her underwear thanks to her childhood friend and let out a shrill scream.
"Kyaaah! Wh-What are you doing?!"
"We've seen each other naked already—what's with the shame?"
"Get out! I'll change—just get out!"
Choi Ara yelled and kicked him out.
"Hurry up and come out. If it takes too long, I'll barge back in."
Kim Il-woo hummed outside her door, waiting for his date.
What should we do today?
Lee Seo-yoon, now his personal fuckhole, hadn't been seen since the motel ass-fuck, leaving his lust boiling. It was just neglect while negotiating batteries with Park Jun-hyun and prepping new plans using the mother-daughter duo—not some gentlemanly consideration for her cracked mentality.
Time to make real progress with Ara.
As long as he didn't initiate, building affection like real lovers was fine. No intent to honor his deal with Lee Seo-yoon.
As long as I don't get caught. Gotta eat out for now.
To fuck her freely, he needed to fix her fear of men, so today's date would force her accustomed to skinship.
As he schemed to advance with his future wife, fully prepped Choi Ara emerged.
"S-So... shall we go...?"
Her voice mixed fear and excitement, shoulders trembling slightly. He smirked, grabbed her hand tight.
She flinched! Trauma made her body react instinctively to a man's touch.
"Let's go."
With reassuring Don't worry, I'm here vibes mixed with irresponsibility, Kim Il-woo dragged her out of the house.