I Won! You Bastards!
“Haaah……”
I finally understood the problem with this body.
Right now, my body—Woo Yeonha’s body—had an extremely limited amount of usable neural bandwidth.
If I could run my brain with room to spare, I could pull off about 0.7 of Ha Yeonwoo’s performance… no, if my condition was good, even 0.8. At those times, I could function reasonably well not just as baby-mode Yeonha but as employee Ha Yeonwoo.
But the moment something else ate up my attention or I didn’t have enough time to think things through—
For example… a game that demanded split-second decisions. Or going outside and staying on constant high alert. Or getting thrown into a situation so unexpected it completely blindsided me.
When something like that hit, my brain’s neural capacity suddenly bottomed out and everything slowed to a crawl. In that instant, for reasons I couldn’t tell—survival instinct or defense mechanism—my body and mind both crashed straight into full Ttyuttya mode.
So what I wanted to say right now was……
“Let’s go in together, Yeonwoo.”
“……Neng?”
“The boss said so. She figured you still can’t wash yourself properly alone, so she told me to go in with you and wash you.”
“……Ttyuttya?”
……I was pretty sure I was about to become a full-blown Ttyuttya.
The day after I had gone to the joint stream with the boss and Seong Jinwoo.
“I’ll look after you today until the boss gets back.”
The person who came up to the 3rd Floor in place of the boss, who had gone into the office, was Karen.
“Y-you really don’t have to go that far……”
What about… your stream…?
“It’s fine. I’m on break today. Gotta rest my voice.”
“Ah……”
Come to think of it, Karen had gone out for an external recording yesterday. For a streamer or VTuber, the throat was like a pitcher’s shoulder. Even if it was closer to a consumable item, you still had to take care of it as much as possible if you wanted a long career. That was why Star Live recommended a day off the next day whenever someone had used their voice heavily, unless there was a truly unavoidable reason.
“Why……? Do you not want me here……?”
“I-it’s not that I don’t want you……”
How should I put it… it was just a little overwhelming……
I snuck a glance at Karen’s outfit. For some reason, she was dressed in a far more polished street fashion look than usual. I’d heard that when she first started working at the company she had been so nervous she dressed up a lot, then gradually relaxed into more comfortable clothes as time went on. Today, though, Karen had come up to the 3rd Floor looking even more put-together than those early days. Anyone who saw her would have sworn she was heading out on a date.
“More importantly, have you eaten breakfast?”
“Ah, no…… I just woke up……”
“I’d love to cook for you myself, but…… tsk!”
Karen clicked her tongue lightly and, looking disappointed, held out the smartphone she had been holding. Instead of the usual mainstream delivery app, the screen showed the ordering app of a high-end restaurant whose name alone was enough to impress.
“I know my own limits, so I’ll just order something. What do you want?”
【Pasta & Noodles】
Fresh Piedmont Truffle & Tajarin
₩180,000 (*includes whole truffle and mini slicer)
Tartare di Uni e Caviar Capellini
₩150,000
【Main Dishes】
Akamutsu Poêlé au Charbon de Bois (350g)
₩145,000
Chateaubriand au Marchand de Vin (200g)
₩165,000
“Uh……”
What the hell? Is this a bug?
The prices on the menu looked completely wrong. Even for a high-end restaurant near a wealthy neighborhood, it felt like someone had tacked an extra zero onto every number.
“J-just something normal is fine……”
“You don’t have to hold back. Just pick something.”
“I-if I order something this expensive, my conscience……”
“If I feed you anything weird, the boss will yell at me. So hurry up and choose.”
“Th-then……”
Thinking about it, I had eaten the tteokbokki from the place next door just fine…… but Karen’s eyes were scary enough that I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I picked the tartare-something menu at random. At first I considered going for the cheapest option, but the 350g portion next to it looked a little intimidating. Plus, the photo next to the menu showed grilled fish. I passed on it because dealing with bones and spines was a pain.
“Great. The food’s going to take a little while, so until then let’s do some clothes shopping.”
“……Huh?”
All of a sudden?
“I’ve hated it for a while. Walking around in men’s clothes with a face like that.”
“Uh…… these are just comfortable for me……”
“Enough. Come out to the living room.”
“Kyaaang!!”
Karen grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and dragged me out into the living room.
“Nooo……”
The living room was overflowing with clothes of every kind. The floor of a living room that looked big enough to host a full-group recreation session for every member was completely covered in women’s clothing. It was the kind of scene you only saw when a rich YouTuber was flexing their money, and I couldn’t help staring at Karen.
“What? Got a problem?”
“Th-just how much did you spend on all this……?”
Even a rough glance suggested she had spent anywhere from hundreds of thousands to millions. What on earth was someone like me that Karen would drop this kind of money……
“I didn’t spend that much. I’ve always been into cute clothes since I was little, but unfortunately I kept growing taller so I never got to wear them and just left them sitting around.”
“Ah……”
If it was just clearing out an old storage room, that made sense.
“Of course, most of them are things I ordered online yesterday.”
“So you did spend money!!”
“Still not as much as you’re thinking. Stop worrying and try them on.”
“Hing hing……”
And so, under Karen’s direction, Woo Yeonha’s forced fashion show began. Resistance? I had already given up ages ago. Like there was any chance of winning in this body.
“Hmm…… the one you’re wearing now looks a bit too young.”
“Does it……?”
“That’s why I like it. We’ll keep this one.”
“?”
Using some incomprehensible standard, several outfits were selected and headed for the closet in my room.
“This one’s too worn out. Throw it away?”
“Ah, no way!!”
“If you really want to wear it, I’ll buy you a new one in the same style but the right size. Let’s just get rid of this.”
“I-if that’s the case……”
The men’s clothes I usually wore headed for the discard shopping bag……
……Wait?
“Karen?”
“What?”
Apparently Karen hadn’t been up to the 3rd Floor many times, so she didn’t know the layout well.
“There’s a place for throwing away old clothes in the 3rd Floor living room. No need to go to all that trouble—just toss them there……”
“I know.”
“? Then why are those clothes……?”
……You’re packing them separately?
“Because I have to buy you the exact same ones.”
“Aha?”
Well, if she was going to buy the same clothes, it would be better to take them along and look them up.
“……Is that really the only reason?”
“Who knows?”
“……”
What was this? Why did a chill just run down my spine?
“Yeonha…… no, Yeonwoo?”
“What is it?”
“Are you interested in cosplay at all?”
“I am.”
Though only as far as……
“Just looking at——”
“……Is that so?”
“No no no! Not me doing it!!”
Only looking at it……!
“But Yeonwoo. Here’s how I see it.”
“W-what……?”
“Someone who’s enjoyed looking at cosplay all this time has a duty to put on a show themselves and pay it back.”
“Uh……? What do you mean by that……”
Karen held out a new shopping bag and pulled out several outfits from inside. ……They were cosplay costumes of the Star Live members. Among them were quite a few rather lewd versions of the official outfits.
“You’ll have to put them on, right?”
“……”
Even if I said no, I was pretty sure I was going to end up doing it anyway. I gave up on everything and simply accepted my fate.
“Your pose and expression were great, Yeonwoo.”
“Hing hing……”
After Karen had forced me through a full solo cosplay show as well.
“Y-you absolutely cannot leak these!!”
“I won’t. Who would I even leak them for……”
“Absolutely not!!”
After freely photographing cosplay shots of Woo Yeonha that wouldn’t have looked out of place with an 19+ rating, Karen put her phone away with a satisfied expression. The cleanup of Yeonha’s closet was pretty much done by now.
“Here. This is what you ordered.”
The food I had ordered had arrived as well.
“Thank you……”
After tidying up the clothes spread across the living room, I had a short meal with Karen.
“This one’s mine.”
What Karen had chosen was the chateaubriand something-or-other. Basically, a steak made from the highest-grade tenderloin. And what I had ordered was……
Thud!
“? What’s this……?”
“What do you mean, what. It’s what you ordered.”
Thin pasta fragrant with perilla oil, topped with caviar. And next to it, an expensive-looking tray of sea urchin roe.
“That sea urchin is yours too.”
“Hawawa?!”
No wonder the price had felt off—it was a pasta that came with an entire tray of sea urchin roe?!
“Want me to feed you?”
“N-no! I’m fine!”
“Then eat up. Just put the sea urchin on top and eat it together.”
And so I finished a fine-dining-level meal alone with Karen.
“Yeonwoo.”
I was standing in front of the trash chute, carefully considering how to deal with the leftover dishes, when Karen called me.
“Neng?”
“Clean that up and let’s wash together. You worked up a pretty good sweat cosplaying.”
“Ah, did I……?”
I had worked up a bit of a sweat, but if Karen hadn’t cared I would have just let it go——
Wait, no?
“……I feel like a weird word just snuck in there.”
Had my ears gone bad? Why did I hear “let’s wash together”?
“You probably heard correctly.”
“No no no! Logically there’s no way Karen would ask to wash with me……”
“……”
“……Right……?”
Karen stared straight at me, let out a sigh, then opened her mouth.
“Let’s go in together, Yeonwoo.”
“……Neng?”
“The boss said so. She figured you still can’t wash yourself properly alone, so she told me to go in with you and wash you.”
“……Ttyuttya?”
As my brain failed to process the situation and crashed straight into Ttyuttya mode——
“I’ll wash you perfectly. So you don’t have to worry about anything weird.”
Karen smiled sweetly and took hold of my body as if telling me not to worry.
“N-no……!”
What I’m worried about isn’t that……
“And you don’t need to feel too wronged either.”
“Wh-why……?”
“I’m going in naked too. If it bothers you that much, you can look as much as you want.”
“That sounds like an even bigger problem!!”
“Come on, let’s go.”
Karen led me into the bathroom together. She skillfully filled the tub with water, added bath salts, and then……
“Alright, don’t cover your eyes—it’s dangerous……”
“Hawawa?!”
Before getting into the tub, she turned on the shower and washed every inch of my body. She put body wash on a soft natural silk cloth, worked up a lather, and scrubbed me thoroughly, right down to the important places. In the middle of it, I ran out of places to look and ended up……
“I told you it’s fine to look properly, Yeonwoo?”
“Hing hing……”
I saw Karen’s naked body reflected in the mirror too. I…… I’m never getting married now……
“Hweeeeh……”
“What did you even do to mess the kid up this badly?”
When the boss came home from work and asked that with an incredulous look, I answered with full confidence.
“I didn’t do anything special. Her fashion sense was a little too much, so I prepared some new outfits for her, fed her some good food……”
“……That shouldn’t be enough to break her.”
“In the process she got a little sweaty, so we just washed together. Naked.”
“……”
“……”
I met the boss’s intense stare head-on. She had enjoyed herself plenty too—why was she looking at me like that?
“You didn’t force yourself on her, did you?”
“Of course not.”
“……If I ask and she says you did, you’re banned from the floor.”
“……Do whatever you want.”
Like that Yeonwoo would ever say it was forced. The same Yeonwoo who couldn’t take her eyes off my naked body until the very end.
“……Get going.”
At the boss’s words that sounded almost like she was kicking her out——
“It’d be a bit much if I stayed here too long, so I’ll head home for a few days.”
After checking the schedule on her phone, she bowed her head to the boss and informed her of her plans.
Beep-beep—! Click!
“……”
Looking at the now-locked door of the 3rd Floor, she came down the stairs and checked the shopping bag slung over her shoulder.
“Heh……!”
Inside it were the men’s clothes Yeonwoo usually wore.
“I won. You bastards!”
She had successfully snagged the prize that Lina and Eo had been quietly aiming for. Just with this alone, she could say she had achieved a greater result today than anyone else.