Unemployed High School Grad Streamer Lee Ha-yan (1)
Unemployed High School Grad Streamer Lee Ha-yan (1)
Today as well, I'm living the life of a complete loser, wrapped in my blanket.
While blankly staring at the monitor and watching a drama play out, sometimes that thought crosses my mind.
'I want to live like that too.'
Fantasy is just fantasy. Fiction is just fiction.
Even as I repeat that to myself, I guess I can't help but feel envious.
-That actor's acting is good
-Yeah, that movie hit ten million last time and they're still running with it
-Compared to that, our streamer is lol...
-Aheo! Our streamer is precious too
-If you think about it, you viewers are the worst lol
"...You guys aren't sleeping? It's 3 AM."
I glanced at the chat. About 30 viewers, fluctuating around that number.
Even though it's dawn, there are quite a few people. The reason is simple and straightforward.
Because I'm a woman.
In internet broadcasting, nothing works as well as being a woman. Not to incite gender conflict, but that's just reality.
If you look at the gender ratio of internet broadcasters on 'Crackle', it's about 8 to 2. Naturally, women make up 80%.
Men have no demand. Even without a cam, just a voice is enough to chat while looking at the chat window—that's the nature of being a woman.
Sorry to other women, but that's men's instinct. They naturally end up seeking women, you know?
This is a conclusion based on when I was a man three years ago.
-Isn't it awkward to sleep now?
-The streamer isn't sleeping either lol
-What time is the stream ending today?
-The drama is fun
"Me? Well, I don't know. If I get sleepy, I'll just go to bed on my own, I guess..."
I lift my legs onto the chair, hug my knees, and rest my chin on my knees.
Maybe because I'm small, this position is a bit comfortable.
I blank out for a moment while watching a school life drama.
Old memories creep up.
After entering high school, an unknown disease... should I call it that. A physical problem occurred.
From one day to the next, I turned from a man to a woman. And not just any woman, but one who looked somewhat exotic.
Naturally, my family was turned upside down. But I still had to go to school...
...Well. It's not a very pleasant memory.
Since my body changed, people around me stared at me strangely, and at school I couldn't even use the bathroom freely.
Body is female but mind is male. Should I go to the women's restroom or the men's restroom?
So I always used the bathroom only during class time. ...The women's restroom.
It was a time when no one was around and I could use it comfortably.
If it were only that, I would have continued going to school, but there were a few reasons I ended up dropping out.
One is bullying.
Is it said that a woman's enemy is another woman? That saying was true.
Two weeks after I changed into a woman and started attending school.
It started with small bullying. Throwing erasers at my back during class, or lightly bumping shoulders in the hallway.
That was just the appetizer.
As days passed, the bullying got worse.
One day, they put rotten milk in my locker. And when the boys weren't around, I was called to a corner and beaten a bit.
...Up to here, well, it was bearable. Every school has one such kid.
Unfortunately, the reason I decided to drop out is this.
The boys.
It was quite... shocking. Not only had I never received that kind of look in my life, but there was also a crazy guy who bluntly said in front of me that he wanted to fuck me.
Would it have been fortunate if it were just words? They dragged me off as a group. How I escaped from there... I don't know.
I threw whatever I could get my hands on and kept hitting the bastards with them. I only remember coming home battered and bruised.
It wasn't a trash school. But still, this was very bitter.
So I dropped out. I took the GED and just holed up at home.
I became afraid of meeting men, and even my dad, who was always there for me and our family... became hard to face. To be precise, it was scary.
'...It's bleak.'
Because of that, although I was 17, I left home to live alone. At the same time, I started broadcasting with the mindset to recover.
I thought I had to overcome this. Even if they were people on the other side of the screen, invisible, I decided to face them.
That was the case when I was 17, but now I've just given up.
Or rather, I've come to think differently instead of giving up.
Those people can't attack me anyway. No matter how much of a man they are, if I just ban them, it's over.
Thinking that way, oddly, it felt like I was a bit... relieved?
When I first started broadcasting, over 100 people watched, but after filtering and filtering, it went down to about 30.
Of course...? There were also people who came back with alt accounts and spammed profanity and sex jokes.
But when the remaining viewers said to capture it and sue them for online sexual harassment, they tucked their tails and disappeared.
I felt a bit good then.
Because it was the first time I felt like I won something.
"...Oh. A kissing scene."
-Woah...
-Oh my god!
-Is this R-rated?
-It's 15 and over~
-Streamer, aren't you holding your breath and watching too intently? lol
"I'm at the age to be interested in this kind of stuff. I'm 20 after all."
-Ha... Our Ha-yan is already an adult... That's unbelievable lol
-Really, what did she do that 3 years have passed??
-The conversation is getting quite cautious...
-Ha-yan is 20 lol
-No self-deprecating jokes...!
Unfortunately, the viewers who stayed by my side know about my past. Except for the part about turning into a girl.
Two years ago, I briefly told a story like water flowing, and since then, it feels like the viewers are doting on me or something...
Honestly, it doesn't feel bad. Or is it good...?
So to me, they're all like uncles. Since there might be female viewers, should I also call them aunts?
"With the students dropping off..."
-lol
-You just became an adult not too long ago lol
-You've only been an adult for 3 months, and you're talking about students like this lol
-But still, our Ha-yan didn't finish high school...
-Is Ha-yan a middle school graduate...?
"High school graduate. I took the GED, you know... You guys congratulated me then."
-She got pouty lol
-That was then~ Now she's a middle school graduate child~
-This is too hard for a middle schooler to watch...
-They're making such a fuss over a kiss lol
"I can't say anything."
I let out a small sigh, but I don't think this time is bad.
This time of chatting with the viewers.
While watching the drama, I felt my eyelids getting heavy.
"...I'm sleepy."
-4:30 AM. No wonder you're sleepy.
-We have to prepare for work too, so we should go.
-Are they really all ajusshis...
-Uhehe, I don't have work tomorrow~
-You worked hard today, unnie~ I'll come tomorrow morning!
In a half-asleep daze, I gave my closing greetings before even reading the last chat.
"Haa... Thank you all for staying until dawn. See you tomorrow..."
I thought I couldn't go on anymore, so I reflexively turned off the broadcast and the computer.
I immediately threw myself onto the bed behind me and let out a long breath.
...I'm sleepy.
I should sleep a bit earlier next time.
'...By the way, I feel like I read something at the end.'
Because of my hazy mind, I don't remember exactly.
Well, it was probably nothing.
When I woke up, it was around lunchtime...
I shuffled around, then slowly pushed away the blanket and sat up. And I quietly looked at the blanket.
Did I sleep under the blanket yesterday...?
It was a confusing thing, but I thought maybe I had wrapped myself in the blanket while asleep.
I got out of bed and, all disheveled, opened the door and went out.
My eyes automatically turned toward the kitchen.
The sizzling sound of cooking. And a back view that could rival a top model's proportions.
I squinted as I saw the black hair swaying at the waist.
"...Why are you here?"
"Huh? Ah! Unnie, you're awake?"
At my voice, she immediately turned around, showing a beautiful face with a refreshing smile.
She's taller than me, prettier, and her voice is clear. If you look at her, you'd think she's some celebrity. But she really is a celebrity.
She's an idol.
At the same time, she's also my younger sister.
My younger sister, Ha-eun, approaches with a cheerful smile. She wipes her wet hands on her apron.
"Unnie~!"
She hugs me in an instant.
My face is pressed against Ha-eun's chest. This is torture. This is harassment...
With my cheeks squished, I look up at her slightly.
"Aren't you supposed to be at the dorm? Did you sneak out like last time?"
"Mmm! That's no no! This time I got official permission and came out! I even said on your broadcast yesterday that I was coming today, didn't I?"
"Huh? Ah... I must have missed it because I was half-asleep. I was too sleepy then."
"It's okay, it's okay~. You're cute, so I'll forgive you."
"...Thanks?"
It was a bit weird, but I decided to let it go.
For the record, my younger sister and I are the same age. Not twins... It's because I was born at the beginning of the year and she was born at the end.
I was born in January. Ha-eun was born in December.
Even though we're the same age, I'm grateful that she consistently thinks of me as her unnie... But sometimes she uses that as an excuse to tease me, which is a bit annoying...
Ha-eun hugged me tightly once, then let go.
Then she grabbed my wrist, sat me down at the table, and headed back to the kitchen.
"Wait a moment? I'll have it ready soon. I felt you when I hugged you—you're thinner than last time, unnie?"
At her suddenly cold voice, I lightly rub the back of my neck. Ha-eun's mouth is still smiling, but...
"...Well. I've been eating well."
"Hmm~? When I came in the morning, I saw several cup ramen trash in the sink."
"Thaaat's..."
I roll my eyes around.
Ah... I'm going to get scolded again.
Ha-eun smiled brightly and started placing rice and side dishes on the table.
...My younger sister is scary.