I'm Sorry, Noona
The day after the club dinner.
Ddiriririri—!
I shot up the moment my alarm went off.
"Hwaaahm."
I yawned and mechanically got ready to head out. There'd been a club dinner yesterday, but I hadn't touched a single drop of alcohol, so I wasn't all that tired.
'I wanted to drink though...'
Seora noona had confiscated my alcohol. She said she wasn't drinking either, so I should hold back. It was a little irritating having her control me even at a club dinner, but I had a guilty conscience about something, so I quietly obeyed.
Still, I ate all the beef I could possibly want, so I took comfort in that. Bam noona was the best. Rich noona was the absolute best.
'Nice weather. Summer's coming soon.'
The air wasn't cold at all even though it was 6 in the morning.
Today was May 11th.
Summer was creeping in. Just a little longer and that hellish heat would start up as if spring had never happened.
Anyway, the weather today was really nice. The air was cool and the gentle breeze pleasantly tickled my cheeks. Perfect weather for running.
When I got out to Cheonggaecheon, I saw the same person who was always there before me. Truly a diligent noona.
"Seora noona!"
"You're here? Shall we run right away?"
"Yep."
"We had the club dinner yesterday, so let's run a bit more than usual today."
"...Yep."
"Huh, that answer didn't sound very enthusiastic?"
"That's not true! It's just your imagination!"
"Ahaha. Alright, let's go."
Seora noona took the lead and ran out ahead.
Today, Seora noona wore a short-sleeve shirt and loose-fitting training jogger pants. Because the sleeves were so short, a sliver of her waistline was visible with every stride.
'Whoa, erector spinae.'
My eyes were drawn involuntarily to her well-defined spinal erectors.
Back before I started working out, I would've just admired her thin, toned waist and been impressed. Now that I'd developed a taste for exercise, the finer details caught my eye.
Anyway, after panting and wheezing our way through Cheonggaecheon, we went to the gym.
I received PT from Seora noona twice a week. And today was a PT day.
"What are we doing today?"
"Today, let's start with a checkup before the workout."
"A checkup?"
"You've been to the bathroom, right?"
"Yes."
"Then step up onto the InBody."
"...Excuse me?"
I flinched and asked again. I had a guilty conscience about something. Cold sweat beaded up on my back.
Seora noona smiled and said.
"Step up onto the InBody. It's been about a month now, so let's see how things are going."
Her smile felt frightening somehow. Was it just my imagination that she seemed angry?
I swallowed hard and stepped up onto the InBody device.
'Please let it have gone down.'
I hadn't stuck to my diet lately. It had crumbled during exam period when I ate late-night snacks with my friends. I hadn't completely let go, but honestly, I'd been half-assing it after that and sending fake diet reports to noona. I'd been avoiding the scale for ages because I was scared I might have gained weight, so even I didn't know my current weight.
Bbeep!
The InBody measurement was done.
[Weight: 93.7kg]
[Body Fat: 23%]
[Skeletal Muscle Mass: 42.3kg]
'Ohh! It went down!'
I cheered internally. I'd been worried I might have actually gained weight, but my weight had dropped nearly 3kg from a month ago and my body fat had decreased by over 3%. At this level, Seora noona wouldn't have noticed...
"Hm."
"..."
I turned to look at noona with a bright expression and froze. Her brow was furrowed in dissatisfaction.
'It went down, so why...?'
Wasn't losing over 3kg in a month a lot?
But that was just my opinion.
"Cheol-jin, you haven't been sticking to your diet lately, have you?"
"Huh, wh-what?"
"Considering your workout volume and the diet I planned for you, you should've lost about 6kg. But you only lost half of that?"
"..."
I hung my head low.
'She figured it all out.'
I had sins to account for, so I had nothing to say.
I felt ashamed of myself for lying about my diet while still receiving PT...
*
In truth, An Seo-ra had known that Kang Cheol-jin had been slacking off recently.
'Look at this guy. He's sending me fake diet reports.'
As a PT trainer, she planned her clients' diets and received reports for every meal. But Kang Cheol-jin's diet photos had increasingly been repeats.
'You can't fool my eyes.'
An Seo-ra had been working as a trainer for two years now.
The clients she'd cared for and the ones she currently handled added up to over ten. Naturally, there had been clients before Kang Cheol-jin who tried to pull tricks, and with that experience accumulated, she'd become thoroughly familiar with all the ways people bluffed their diets.
If you didn't catch the cheating early on, it made things exhausting down the line. Occasionally, there were nightmare clients who didn't stick to their diets and then blamed their stagnant weight on the trainer.
Of course, she didn't think Kang Cheol-jin would be like that.
But there was a need to strengthen his resolve at this point.
So today, she made him take a surprise InBody measurement.
The result was as expected.
No, it was better than expected.
'Still, he didn't completely let go.'
What was especially good was that even while losing weight, his skeletal muscle mass had increased, however minutely. It was proof he was undergoing a lean mass up. With beginner gains, it seemed possible to add about 1kg more while cutting, before the competition began. Truly a naturally gifted body.
But now wasn't the time for praise; it was time to tighten his resolve.
An Seo-ra decided to point out what he'd done wrong first.
"I tried to be understanding during exam period. But looking at the numbers, it doesn't seem like you stuck to the diet properly even after exams ended. Is that right?"
"Yes..."
"You never reported to me when you didn't follow the diet, did you?"
"No..."
"What did you eat? Tell me honestly."
"Well, I ate tteokbokki and jajangmyeon, and tangsuyuk too. B-but that was only during exam period, and later it was just grilling and eating meat. Oh, and I did increase my rice portions a bit..."
An Seo-ra stared quietly at Kang Cheol-jin, then lightened the mood and let a smile spread across her lips.
'No need to only swing the whip.'
The carrot-and-stick approach was an age-old method, but even that had to be adjusted depending on the person.
From An Seo-ra's perspective, Kang Cheol-jin was a model client who didn't need to be whipped hard. Just a little prick to his conscience and he would handle things himself.
"Still, you did well eating meat instead of fast food. If you'd eaten greasy, sweet stuff instead, you might've actually gained weight."
"Yeees..."
"Cheol-jin, the competition date has been announced."
"Competition?"
"Yeah. September 27th. Including this month, there's a little under five months left. It's a pretty big competition targeting amateurs."
At the end of September, there was an amateur competition aimed at 'first-time competitors.' The timeline was tight, so from now on they needed to manage things somewhat rigorously. This was the main reason she'd made him take the InBody measurement today.
"I-isn't the time frame way too short?"
"Hm, honestly it's not short for a competition prep period. Of course, considering your experience and current weight, it's on the short side... but it's definitely doable."
"..."
"I told you last time, Cheol-jin, you really have talent. Even with just home training, your skeletal muscle mass is over 42kg, and your natural muscle shape is so beautiful."
"..."
"But no matter how naturally gifted you are, effort has to follow. If you want to place in the competition, we need to manage things tightly from now on."
Having said that much, An Seo-ra smiled brightly and extended her hand.
"Let's work hard together, with noona. I'll really help you with everything I've got."
*
I stared quietly at Seora noona's hand extended before me.
"Cheol-jin?"
When I stayed still, noona tilted her head.
Instead of taking her hand, I bowed my head slightly.
"Noona, I'm sorry."
"Huh?"
"I don't think I can do the competition."
"...What?"
Seora noona's expression clouded with confusion. Soon, with a flustered look, she spoke as if trying to soothe me.
"Oh, um, did I say something to upset you? That was just to firm up your workout motivation..."
"Ah, no. That's not it. Faking my diet was my fault."
"Then why...?"
I couldn't meet noona's wavering gaze as I said.
"This is embarrassing to say, but... holding back on eating is too hard for me. Honestly, I don't have the confidence to compete."
"...Cheol-jin, you've worked hard up until now. Wouldn't it be a waste to quit exercising at this point?"
"Oh, working out is fun. I'll keep losing weight too."
I steadied my breathing and explained the reason in detail.
"You said there's about five months left until the competition. To get my body competition-ready in that amount of time, I'd have to go incredibly hard, right?"
"...That's true."
"Honestly, I don't have the confidence to exercise that level of self-control. It's hard enough now... trying to prepare for a competition while juggling school life and club activities at the same time seems impossible. I'm sorry, noona."
"..."
"A-and, I'll deposit extra to make up for the PT discount you gave me. And I still want to keep getting PT from you going forward, paying full price."
I regretted it a bit as I said it. I should never have said I'd compete in the first place.
It wasn't like I was short on money, but I'd accepted too thoughtlessly when she offered the half-price discount.
Seora noona closed her eyes for just a moment, then opened them again.
"Alright, I understand how you feel. Ah, and you don't need to pay extra for the discount."
"But still..."
"It's really fine. It's not like I had extra out-of-pocket costs or anything. It's a performance-based system, you know. Ah, but in exchange, I can only give you a 10% discount going forward."
Seora noona said that with a wink.
Diligent Seora noona proceeded with the workout passionately even after I'd given up on the competition.
"Your form's breaking. Put more strength into it!"
After the strength training ended, she didn't skip the massage either, just like she always did.
Only, as she gave me the massage, noona spoke in a voice dripping with lingering regret.
"Cheol-jin, I'm only saying this because it's such a shame, but couldn't you reconsider? I'm really telling you this because it's such a waste."
"..."
"This is an amateur competition, but it's a pretty big one. And on top of that, it's restricted to 'first-time competitors,' so there's a real chance of placing."
"...I'll think about it."
"Okay, thanks. Sorry for making you uncomfortable."
"No, it's fine."
I couldn't bear to refuse twice in a row, so I deferred my answer, but in truth, Seora noona probably knew too. That my heart had already left.
After the workout ended, I trudged back home.
Shhhhhhhh-!
Even after showering, the uncomfortable feeling didn't wash away. I couldn't shake the guilt of having refused.
'Noona seemed really disappointed.'
She'd pretended to be okay, but her expression was anything but. Maybe the discounted money was fine, but it was obvious she was disappointed that I'd given up on the competition.
But I had no intention of competing.
'Honestly, there's no merit to it.'
An amateur bodybuilding competition.
Of course, it'd be great to place. And even if I didn't, I'd probably be incredibly proud of myself for enduring the grueling process and sculpting my body.
But that was it.
I wasn't pursuing a career in fitness, so that kind of competition record wouldn't help me at all.
You might ask, don't I have to diet anyway?
The intensity of training for a competition versus not is incomparable. On top of that, the strictness of the diet would be on a different level too.
Honestly, I thought losing weight slowly like I was now was enough. After all, it was steadily coming off, wasn't it?
To be a little more honest.
I'd become somewhat satisfied with my current state. Because now, my reflection no longer looked like a 'pig.' The me in the mirror no longer looked as shabby as before.
This change was partly thanks to actually having lost weight, but the bigger reason was that I'd regained some self-esteem.
I'd come to university and met good friends.
I'd been intimate with several women.
Could that have happened if I was truly some fat, ugly pig?
'At the very least, I must look average. That's why I could.'
...Maybe even above average. I'd been told I was good-looking fairly often, after all.
Anyway, having become satisfied with my current state, my motivation to work out had dropped. I'd become less desperate than before.
Of course, I'd keep exercising.
Part of me wanted to slack off, but I was afraid of getting careless and going back to how I was before.
However, I didn't want to suffer more than I was now just to enter a competition. That was my honest feeling.
"Haaah. My conscience feels so uneasy."
I'd broken a promise with someone who'd helped me for months, and my conscience ached. I needed to repay noona in some other way.
I was lying in bed tossing and turning, unable to shake off the uncomfortable feeling, when it happened.
KaTalk!
"Who is it? Hana?"
Come to think of it, no photos had come today yet.
Hana's daily morning routine these days was sending me nude photos of herself.
I checked KaTalk, and...
"Areum?"
The moment I said her name.
Jiiiiiing! Jiing!
A call came from Areum.
- Kkangcheo-raaaaaang!