Brainless Talk
I had no idea what kind of shitshow this was. Waking up to a punch in the jaw first thing in the morning was already more chaos than anyone should have to deal with.
I stared blankly at the two of them, still not fully awake. Bam Nuna had startled me, but my eyelids were still heavy. The reason was simple: I'd been up late fighting off worldly desires.
"'Did what,' my ass! I said nothing happened!"
Wow. First time I'd ever heard this nuna raise her voice that loud.
"But you were sleeping in the same bed?"
"That's...!"
Saebyeok Nuna raising her voice to explain, Bam Nuna staring at us with obvious dissatisfaction.
Saebyeok Nuna was desperate to clear up the misunderstanding. Nothing had actually happened, so she had every right to feel wronged by the accusation.
Then Bam Nuna pointed at me—more precisely, below my navel.
"But Cheoljjin is standing! Hard! Berry strong!"
This crazy person?
I reflexively covered my crotch.
"Huhk."
I heard a gasp beside me.
I took a step away from Saebyeok Nuna and narrowed my eyes.
"Even you're staring, nuna. This is a natural thing for a healthy man, you know...."
"S-sorry."
"...I'm gonna go wash my face."
This was my chance.
I quietly slipped away from the situation.
'If I butt in for no reason, I'll probably just make things more complicated.'
I'd leave the aftermath to Saebyeok Nuna and go wake myself up a bit.
I went into the bathroom and looked around the cabinet. As expected—an unopened toothbrush. People really do all live the same way, keeping one of those around.
I stuck my head out of the bathroom and asked.
"Nuna, is it okay if I use one of the toothbrushes here?"
"@#%@#*%$!"
"Hmm. Guess that means it's fine?"
She seemed too distracted trying to explain herself.
I opened the new toothbrush and brushed my teeth. Nothing wakes you up in the morning like brushing your teeth, after all.
Once my head cleared, a chuckle escaped me—a laugh born of sheer disbelief.
'What a completely insane person. What do you mean, "did what"? I already knew it, but she's a genuine pervert.'
Bam Nuna... Yusi being a pervert wasn't exactly news. She was the person who'd shown me every kind of abyss while commissioning illustrations from me.
But I hadn't known she was this level of insane. No matter how you slice it, a grown woman suddenly trying to take her clothes off and demanding sex isn't normal, is it?
'What do you mean, "suddenly demand"? Is that something that should come out of the mouth of someone who claimed she had no experience?'
But wait.
In that moment, certain women flashed through my mind.
'Huh...?'
Come to think of it, every woman I'd been intimate with so far was like that. Especially Areum, Hana, and Seora noona—even though I was their first experience.
Did any of them come off as 'innocent' just because it was their first time?
Areum was a genuine pervert who showed up to a freshman meetup with a vibrator inside her, and Seora noona was a hardcore muscle pervert who seduced me under the pretext of a massage. Hana was innocent, if you could call it that, but that was just her timid personality reflecting outward—peel back a single layer and she was a pervert all the same. A masochistic pervert who liked getting spanked, at that.
My head tilted to one side.
"Sssip. Is this actually normal? Maybe all humans are perverts..."
Apparently, I'd managed to realize a great truth while brushing my teeth. We are all, without exception, undoubtedly perverts.
"Gargle— ptoo."
I finished brushing. And as I was about to set the toothbrush aside.
"...Why are there three toothbrushes?"
One was Saebyeok Nuna's, one was the one I'd just opened. Then what was the other one? Now that I looked, there were two rinsing cups as well.
- Saebyeok unni, you don't... like girls, do you?
Something Areum had said once. And the image of Saebyeok Nuna lying with her head on Bam Nuna's lap. Plus the kiss mark on Bam Nuna's neck, when she'd claimed she had no experience.
'No way, are those two really...?'
It was a thought I'd had before, but now it was edging closer to certainty. The toothbrushes, the rinsing cups, the way she'd come in on her own even though I hadn't opened the door—all the circumstances aligned to a single conclusion.
"...Let's just stay out of it."
What would I even do by knowing what their relationship was? Hadn't I already concluded before that it was none of my business?
Sometimes, it was better not to know the truth.
*
It seemed a proper explanation had been made while I was washing up. Bam Nuna's misunderstanding had been completely cleared.
"She accepted it?"
"Yeah. Said it was a misunderstanding."
Saebyeok Nuna answered with a drained face.
Meanwhile, Bam Nuna pouted her lips and clicked her tongue.
"Tch. What a shame."
...About what, exactly?
The question crossed my mind, but I kept my mouth shut. Pursuing it felt like it'd only give me a bigger headache.
"There was a fire, I'm told. The building, completely."
Bam Nuna's expression, which had been playfully clicking her tongue, sank as if it had never been there.
Flinch.
I twitched slightly in surprise. The face was so grave it made her seem like a stranger. The perpetually smooth, almost goofy air about her had vanished without a trace.
"You both said you're not hurt?"
"...Yeah. Thanks to Cheol-jin."
Saebyeok Nuna turned to look at me with an awkward expression. She'd thrown a fit about going into the burning building, after all. She must have known she was in the wrong.
"Cheoljjin, thank you for protecting Saebyeok."
"Don't mention it."
I shrugged as if it were nothing, but Bam Nuna remained grave.
"Saebyeok must have been out of her mind. If not for Cheoljjin, it could have been really bad. So thank you."
Judging by the atmosphere, Bam Nuna seemed to have a rough idea about Saebyeok Nuna's trauma as well.
Then Bam Nuna spoke with a coldly sunken expression.
"Saebyeok, don't worry. I'll take care of everything."
*
Of course, the one doing the 'taking care of' wasn't Bam Nuna, but the police.
That afternoon.
While we were eating lunch.
A call came from Gahyeon Nuna's side. She'd been contacted by the police—the fire hadn't been a natural occurrence after all, but arson.
And they'd caught the culprit in barely a day.
"...The culprit?"
- Yeah! We're on our way to the station right now.
"I-I'm coming too!"
Saebyeok Nuna shot up from her seat.
I set down my utensils and stood up as well, saying.
"Let's go by car. I'll drive."
"Huh? You have a car?"
"Yes. It won't take long to get to my place from here, so wait just a bit. I'll go get the car."
I went back home, changed clothes, and brought the car over.
"Get in."
"I'm coming too!"
Bam Nuna got in as well. For reference, the club had switched to optional attendance for the day.
When we arrived at the station in Hongdae.
"...This kid is the culprit?"
Saebyeok Nuna stared at the culprit who'd been brought in with a flabbergasted expression.
I was equally dumbfounded. That was because the culprit's age was absurdly young. On top of that, it was a familiar face.
"That underage brat from back then...?"
The day I'd gone for a tattoo consultation.
There had been some minors who came to Scarlet Ink demanding to get tattoos. They'd seemed utterly low-quality, so I'd stepped in and sent them away.
The culprit held in the detention facility was one of those minors I'd seen that day. The white-haired thug who'd been at the center of the group, the one spewing profanities at Gahyeon Nuna.
The reason the culprit had been caught so quickly was this.
First, the fire investigator's fire scene examination concluded it was not a naturally occurring fire.
Which meant it was arson.
Then came the results of the police's on-site investigation, and they discovered the CCTV and computer had been destroyed by external impact. Meaning the arson wasn't impulsive, but premeditated.
The CCTV and computer had been destroyed.
So how had they still managed to catch the culprit in a day?
Because the CCTV installed at the shop had been a cloud CCTV. A cloud CCTV system automatically saves footage to an internet server, so the video is preserved intact even in cases of theft, damage, or fire.
Of course, the person in the footage had their face covered with a hat and mask, but it was enough to serve as a clue for tracking the culprit.
"No, but why? What kind of grudge could you possibly have?"
All they'd done was refuse to give him a tattoo. They'd just politely sent him away because he was a minor.
At Saebyeok Nuna's muttering, the white-haired thug glared at us with half-rolled-back eyes.
"Fuck, that's why you shoulda just done it when I asked. What's the big deal about doing a little tattoo?"
"This crazy..."
Profanity leaked out of my mouth. It wasn't out of anger, but sheer disbelief. The others also stared at the thug with dumbfounded expressions rather than showing anger.
The thug was shameless.
"What're you glaring at? Fuck, I'm a spectacle or something?"
"Huh..."
Even Gahyeon Nuna could only let out a sigh. Conversation, by definition, requires some semblance of communication. How could you hold a conversation with someone worse than a beast?
"You young little bastard, got no fear at all! Do you even know what you've done? Arson can't even be compared to some ordinary assault..."
"Dumbass. What're you barking about?"
"Wha-what? This punk, to a police officer!"
Even when the police officer stepped in, unable to watch any longer, nothing changed. The thug was unrepentant, acting as if he'd done nothing wrong, without a shred of remorse.
Gahyeon Nuna let out a sigh and said.
"I'll wait until the parents arrive. When will they be here?"
"We've contacted them, so they should be here shortly. They said they're not far."
Gahyeon Nuna nodded with a frustrated expression. Even just watching made my blood boil.
'What the hell is wrong with this insane bastard?'
The more I saw the thug's shameless face, the more I could only laugh hollowly. Leaving aside the arson itself, I couldn't comprehend how he could maintain that attitude even after being brought in.
But then, how could I ever understand the mind of a criminal? If he'd had a properly functioning brain in the first place, he wouldn't have committed arson.
We waited for the parents with frustrated hearts.
But what the late-arriving parents said was equally a sight to behold.
The parents who arrived at the station bowed their heads to us.
"I raised my child wrong."
"We're sorry. So sorry. Our child has committed too great a wrong."
Up until they said this, I thought the parents were normal.
"But you know, isn't a tattoo shop... illegal? I understand it's illegal without a medical license. So compensation should be based on an illegal structure burning down...?"
After hearing the details from the police, didn't they start spouting this kind of insane nonsense?
In reality, most countries don't require tattooists to have medical qualifications. But in Korea, performing tattooing without a medical license is illegal. It's an extremely rare case globally, but that was the reality.
So, in a sense, it was partially true, but.
"What ridiculous people. Tattooing is illegal in Korea, sure, but damages are a separate issue."
As Bam Nuna said, a civil claim for damages was entirely possible. And to say that because tattooing is illegal, the building itself is illegal? What kind of brain-dead nonsense was that?
No, before that, their child committed arson, and they were already singing about compensation?
The thug's father scowled and glared at Bam Nuna.
"A third party should stay out of this."
Like father, like son. No, the mother was also glaring at Bam Nuna with displeasure, so the entire family was collectively shameless.
But Bam Nuna spoke with a calm expression.
"Not a third party, a friend. And don't use casual speech with me. How rude."
"What? Rude?"
"What does a foreigner know to butt in? Where do you think you...?"
Where else? The police station your bastard child got dragged to for committing a crime.
I felt a surge of desire to snap back at them, but I was starting to get worried too. Was it right for Bam Nuna, a foreigner, to suddenly step in like this? Even Gahyeon Nuna, the one directly involved, had a flustered face.
"Bam, I appreciate the thought, but I'll talk to them."
"No. Gahyeon unni, trust me. I called a lawyer."
"A-a lawyer? When?"
"I contacted them earlier. They'll be here soon."
At the word 'lawyer,' the perpetrator's parents flinched in surprise. And less than three minutes later, a woman in a suit walked into the police station.
The woman greeted Bam Nuna politely.
"Good afternoon, Leila-nim."
"Call me Bam. Yu-bam."
"Yes, Yu-bam-nim."
After greeting the lawyer, Bam Nuna stared at the perpetrator's family with a coldly sunken expression.
"I absolutely detest shameless people like you. Receive a punishment fitting your crime. Lawyer Chu-nim, do everything you can."
"Understood."
The woman stepped forward in front of Bam Nuna and pulled out a business card.
"I am Attorney Chu Nahyeon of Kim & Jeong Law Firm. From now on, you will speak with me."
The faces of the thug's family went pale. Only the thug himself, still unaware of reality, kept his shameless expression.