Where That Child Is
After spending some time at the café, I returned home. As I opened the front door and stepped inside, I ran into my mother, who was dressed up and about to head out.
"Ah, my son's back."
"……Are you going out again?"
"Yeah, I've got a sudden meeting this evening. How'd the exam go?"
"Eh, it was okay, I guess."
"Doesn't look like it from that expression on your face."
"……."
"Well, anyway, Mom's heading out, so figure out dinner with your sister. Should I leave the card for delivery?"
"No, we'll make do with what's here. Then, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to rest a bit……."
"Alright, go on and relax."
I passed by my mother as she left through the front door and headed to my room. The desk was piled high with study books and notes I'd accumulated preparing for the college entrance exams, but my feet carried me not to the desk, but to the bed.
I'd planned to dive right into studying upon getting home, but the events before I left kept lingering in my mind.
"……Even thinking back on it, that was trashy of me. What kind of guy am I?"
We've known each other for over ten years, and the feelings built up over that time wouldn't be light. Yet the moment I realized them, I denied them outright. It was like crushing a sprout the instant it emerged, or kicking over a snowman someone had carefully built in one go. I didn't feel even a pang of conscience for such a cruel act—I guess I'm not that immoral or barbaric.
"But what can you do? There was no other way."
If I'd successfully dated in my first life, maybe I'd yearn to truly love someone in this second one too. But the passion I'd burned with for the first time in my life was trampled mercilessly overnight, and that wound still lingered deep in my heart, even after fifteen years in this second life.
Of course, not every woman in the world would cheat like she did. I'm not so narrow-minded as to prejudge the entire world from the start. My second-life parents get along decently well as a couple, after all. And others……
Among the couples and lovers I'd seen in this life, plenty maintained good relationships.
But not all of them. The parents of one classmate fought daily, traumatizing their kid. A middle school couple I knew broke up over personality clashes and turned to hating each other's guts. I'd seen too much—people badmouthing or even getting physical with their love interests' crushes. Dating wasn't always beautiful.
Not everyone gets hurt in love, but plenty do. No love guarantees 100% happiness, and in the worst case, it could end in ruin like my first life. Or maybe something even worse.
That anxiety had haunted me every step until now, and I even felt a masochistic fear that I might be the cause someday.
Sure, some see love as the most beautiful emotion, but all I could see were the negatives lurking in its glow.
That mindset wasn't something I could just shrug off as prejudice. The fear that any relationship might go south crushed my longing for love and sowed constant doubt about romance.
I'm scared. Scared of my love being betrayed, or of betraying someone who loves me.
So if I never start, no one gets hurt. Heartbreak fades eventually, even if it stings for a while.
"I'm not wrong."
I'm sorry to her. I'd kept my distance from all things love, but she always approached me, showing her affection. It started as sharp hostility, shifted to dishonest fondness, then became genuine feeling……
And I crushed that sincerity mercilessly.
Because I thought it was best. Because cutting it off the moment I knew was right for both of us.
You're the worst.
Not content with prying into a girl's heart out of nowhere, you assume her feelings and reject her on your own? After over ten years together, that's all you've got to say?
"……."
Best…… Was it really?
Back then, I spat it out reflexively in panic, but reflecting now, it was just my assumption. She confessed. She would've been the one hurt by the outcome, not me—and even if I didn't love her back, there could've been better moments.
Like if she'd shed her dishonest facade and confessed her true feelings directly…… and I'd politely turned her down, suggesting we stay friends. Our relationship might not have soured like this.
"……Pointless what-if."
Yeah, regrets now mean nothing. I'd already hurt her, and it's water under the bridge.
So I can't hope things stay as before. Best to keep our distance, let old memories fade without turning to scars……
But even knowing that's best, the wedge in my heart showed no sign of budging. Guilt, probably.
Until I dissolve that lump it caused, I can't forgive myself for hurting her.
"An apology……"
I need to apologize. Even if we're not meant to be together, I have to face her and say something to soothe the wound.
But how? How do I, the one who caused it, comfort the fragile heart of a girl in puberty?
-Scratch, scratch.
Then I started hearing faint scratching sounds. Realizing they came repeatedly from my door, I cautiously opened it.
And through the crack, the presence that sensed me barked vigorously.
-Wang!!!
"……I thought it was someone, but it's just you, Chabchu."
Her name's Chabchu. One year old, female. Golden Retriever, an outrageous people-lover who goes wild wagging her tail and charging at anyone human.
She was probably asleep until now, woke up, spotted my shoes at the entrance, and came looking—mouth clamped on her leash, hoping I'd take it.
-Whine, whine.
"……Sorry, sis isn't in the mood for a walk right now."
-Whiiiine.
"Haa, fine. I'll get ready, so wait a sec."
Doesn't even give me time to brood. Grumbling, I changed into outdoor clothes—but then.
-Beep, bleep!
My phone on the bed chimed with an incoming call. I activated the screen; a familiar number, but it stirred no pleasant feelings.
"……Jessie."
Jessie Cage. Professional maid from the Mary & Chris main household. Her role: Mary's protector. Anything involving Mary usually reaches her ears.
In other words, the Mary I rejected might've tearfully spilled everything to her.
"Gonna get an earful."
Steel myself. Tense, I tapped to answer, listening quietly and preparing my response.
"Is this the young master of the Kim household?"
"...Yes, thank you for calling."
"It's been a while since we last spoke, young master. I'm calling because we were wondering if you might know the young lady's whereabouts……."
"Ah, about that, how it happened…… Wait, her whereabouts?"
What? I figured she'd gone home and told her everything. She didn't even make it back?
"She was scheduled to return home around this time, but for some reason, her phone's off. Are you perhaps with her, young master?"
"Uh, we hung out a bit after the exam, but after we parted, I don't know where she went. I assumed she'd gone home……."
"Even you don't know, then."
"……Yeah, unfortunately."
Not just acting. She's too emotional for that. If she wanted to vent, she'd call and yell herself, not sic Jessie on me for pressure.
"This is troubling. It's not just the phone—her GPS tracker for emergencies is disabled too. Not a dead battery; she seems to have deliberately cut off every way to find her."
I get it. The hurt was too deep; she didn't want anyone reaching her, so she blocked all traces and craved solitude.
"Are you heading out to look for her now?"
"Yes, without location tracking, we can't rule out her getting caught in something dangerous."
"Then I'll help search. I was just about to head out anyway."
"……You will?"
"I think I have to. What happened to her…… isn't entirely unrelated to me."
A glimpse of truth she didn't yet know. She'd realize my rejection caused her to vanish, but bracing for a scolding, her voice stayed flat.
"I won't pry for now. The mistress instructed us to let you two handle your troubles."
"……Thank you for your consideration."
"Yes, then I'll leave the young lady to you."
With a reason to go out now, staying home wasn't an option. Taking Chabchu for her walk—and to search for Mary—I stepped outside, but midway along our usual path, I signaled a change.
"Hold up, let's go this way today."
-Wang?
"You know Mary? We're going to find her."
-Wang!
Chabchu barked excitedly at Mary's name, then pressed her nose to the ground, sniffing intently, slowly advancing the way I wanted—like tracking her scent. It matched my direction perfectly.
Yeah, whenever she got emotionally hurt, she'd brood at that park. She'd be there for sure……
"Kyaaak!! Don't do that!!"
But near our destination, a scream rang out.
"Mary?"
My nerves spiked as I recognized the voice instantly.