Monster Rookie of the Variety Scene (10)
Kang Min-ju PD shouted, her voice ringing across the muddy field.
“Alright, everyone! From now on, you’ll each receive one word!”
“A word, you say?”
Kang Min-ju PD smiled and slid the box filled with slips of paper toward them.
“Inside this box are the prompts you’ll have to sculpt out of clay today. Just reach in and draw one each.”
At those words, Luina Bell shot her hand up.
“What exactly do we do with the prompt we draw?”
“Well, it’s simple.”
Kang Min-ju PD rummaged through the box, pulled out a single slip, and held it up.
[Ice Cream]
“What the—? Ice cream?”
“Exactly. When you draw a prompt like this, you’ll use the clay in front of you to sculpt a ceramic piece shaped like ice cream.”
Kim Geun-seok, the resident troublemaker, jumped in.
“But there’s no kiln or anything to fire these, right?”
“We’re only making the shapes today.”
“Then it’s not even real pottery?!”
Never one to miss a beat, the clumsy Lee Seung-woo pulled a lighter from his pocket.
“Hyung-nim, should I fire it for you?”
Kang Jae-dong slapped Seung-woo’s hand away in disbelief.
“Yah, you idiot! Before you even get to the pottery, your fingers are gonna burn first!”
Kang Jae-dong turned to the PD.
“But PD-nim, once we’re all done, who’s gonna guess what we made? If it’s just between us, how are we supposed to get it right?”
He had a point. If the cast had to guess among themselves, they’d deliberately try to get it wrong just to mess with each other.
Kang Min-ju PD flashed a wicked smile and pointed at the person beside her.
“The one who’ll be guessing all your creations is none other than our fair and impartial main writer right here.”
“M-me?!”
The main writer jumped as if hearing the news for the first time. Kang Min-ju PD rested her chin on her hand and stared at her steadily.
“That’s right. The same writer who told me she’d only have one glass of makgeolli but ended up refilling it three or four times. Any complaints?”
“I-I’ll do it…”
Kang Jae-dong clicked his tongue at the sight.
“Wow, even the writers have it rough trying to make a living!”
“You have to work hard when you’re raising rabbits like these. Our writer probably has two kids at home, right?”
“Huh? The writer doesn’t have any kids, though?”
Kim Geun-seok’s shameless retort and Lee Seung-woo’s puzzled reaction flew back and forth. I couldn’t help but admire it inwardly. Even though they were reading the subtitles, the original cast members left almost no room for anyone to jump in during their banter.
I should probably stay quiet until I get a chance to take over a line in this scene.
Just as I was thinking that, the main writer snapped under Kim Geun-seok’s relentless teasing.
“I’m an unmarried woman who hasn’t even gotten married yet, you know?!”
As if he’d been waiting for exactly that, Kim Geun-seok picked up the thread.
“There you have it, viewers! Our writer still hasn’t found a husband. If anyone’s interested, please contact Oji 1 Night and we’ll arrange a blind date—”
This is it…
When there’s someone on the attack, there needs to be someone to catch the ball and smooth things over. Otherwise the joke gets stale. In other words, now was the perfect time to cut in!
I stepped in front of Kim Geun-seok with a bright smile.
“Our main writer didn’t fail to get married—she chose not to. We can’t just let anyone pluck the beautiful flower of Oji 1 Night, so we’ll have to protect her ourselves!”
“Doyun-ssi…!”
The main writer looked at me with sparkling eyes, visibly moved. Kim Geun-seok’s eyes widened as he pointed an accusing finger.
“Whoa, this guy’s sneaky! Aren’t you basically bribing the judge right now?!”
“He’s right! Doyun, you’re trying to sweet-talk our main writer just so you can get indoor sleeping, aren’t you!”
Even as Kang Jae-dong grabbed and shook me, I stubbornly shook my head.
“Haha! I only speak the truth!”
“Look at this stubborn bastard!”
While Kang Jae-dong was busy shaking me, I felt someone poking me hard in the side.
“Tofu MAN is a total sweet trash!”
Luina Bell had joined forces with him, jabbing me repeatedly with her finger.
This girl…?
After the flurry of banter died down, Kang Min-ju PD stepped in to wrap things up.
“Alright, everyone, stop bullying our cute main writer.”
“The one bullying her the most is you, PD-nim…”
When Kang Min-ju PD glared at her, the writer flinched and fell silent.
“But it’s true…”
Ignoring her, Kang Min-ju PD held out the box of prompts.
“Come up one by one and draw your word.”
At her instruction, everyone approached the box and began drawing their prompts.
Normally, to keep it fun, the members shouldn’t know what the others drew.
[Positive Girl is]
[A Rabbit!]
Luina Bell was jumping up and down, clearly delighted with her cute prompt.
“Yahoo! That’s what it is!”
Thanks to the subtitles scrolling beneath my gaze, I could see exactly what everyone had drawn.
Kang Jae-dong had gotten clam.
“H-how am I supposed to make this?”
Kim Geun-seok and Lee Seung-woo had drawn lily and potato respectively.
“P-PD-nim, is this right?”
“Mine’s easy!”
It seemed most of the prompts were local specialties from Buan. In that case, what Kim Chan-uk got was…
[Octopus!!]
Oh dear.
I smiled inwardly, silently mourning for Kim Chan-uk.
Still, wouldn’t outdoor sleeping be easier to get screen time from?
R.I.P., you poor bastard.
With that thought, I reached into the box.
“Come on, Doyun-ssi, draw yours too.”
The moment I looked at the prompt under Kang Min-ju PD’s meaningful smile—
“Huh…?”
Wait, seriously?
I glanced back and forth between Kang Min-ju PD and the slip several times.
“What’s wrong, Doyun-ssi?”
“This… looks like it might have been put in by mistake?”
Kang Min-ju PD shook her head with a smile.
“Our production team doesn’t make mistakes like that.”
“…”
The camera director next to me turned his lens toward the prompt.
[From game to cooking. The prompt for today’s hard-working actor is…!]
[Angry Kang Jae-dong!!]
I squeezed my eyes shut.
Wasn’t this being unusually harsh on me?
Fine. Let’s do this.
Sang-cheol, I’m counting on you.
Let’s get on public broadcast with your sculpting!
Kang Min-ju PD smiled slyly to herself.
Now, who’s going to get it?
To create laugh points, she had deliberately mixed in several prompts that were nearly impossible to express in clay. The sight of the cast flailing helplessly in front of absurd tasks was guaranteed to delight the viewers.
And among all the prompts she had prepared, the absolute pinnacle was—
Angry Kang Jae-dong.
Extreme difficulty. From the members’ frustrated expressions as they fumbled with the clay to Kang Jae-dong’s indignant reaction when he saw the bizarre finished product—it was a scene with zero waste.
Since Kang Min-ju PD already knew how terrible the original cast’s craftsmanship was, she was certain there was no chance anyone would accidentally make something decent and kill the segment.
The only variables are the guests.
But there was nothing to worry about. There was no way a pretty idol and a posturing actor could sculpt an accurate Angry Kang Jae-dong in such a short time. Ridiculous.
Unless there was an actual professional among them.
None of the guests had that kind of background. Kim Doyun had played a sculptor in Flowers Fall, but that was nothing more than a role.
Thinking that, Kang Min-ju PD watched the members with relaxed confidence.
Nice shot.
Everyone was desperately wrestling with the clay—patting, kneading, slamming it down—trying to form some kind of shape within the time limit. Kim Chan-uk in particular had poked three holes in his lump of clay and was now staring at it in utter despair.
Kang Min-ju PD chuckled inwardly at the sight.
Amazing, really.
She had been worried about Kim Chan-uk’s low energy in the beginning. But ever since the second round of the dinner game, he had begun showing an unexpected charm he’d been hiding.
The catalyst for that change was probably Kim Doyun. Kang Min-ju PD had her suspicions.
When she turned her head with that thought, her eyes landed on Luina Bell, who was sculpting with a bright, innocent smile.
“Th-that is…”
Something unidentifiable from the depths of hell was taking shape in her hands.
Well… if that counts as talent, then sure.
Just as expected. Everyone was operating at kindergarten clay-play level.
That was what Kang Min-ju PD had been thinking—until that very moment.
What?
The instant her gaze landed on Kim Doyun, her eyes widened.
“Wh-what is that?”
The words slipped out before she could stop them.
The image of Kim Doyun captured on camera was not the attitude of a variety show guest playing with clay to avoid sleeping outdoors.
This is a variety program…
Kang Min-ju PD was at a loss for words.
There was something strange about Kim Doyun’s eyes. Where had the shameless genius variety star gone—the one who had rolled around in the mud and downed a shot of sand lance?
Instead, his gaze held the serious intensity of an artist staring at a block of marble, like a Renaissance sculptor facing raw stone.
No way…!
Kang Min-ju PD was impressed. Could even that look in his eyes be part of Kim Doyun the variety genius’s plan?
Is he pretending to burn with artistic passion, making serious eyes, only to produce a complete mess for the laughs?
As expected, those who had properly studied the variety template were on another level. Kang Min-ju PD smiled inwardly and quietly spoke toward the camera.
“Let’s get a tight shot on Kim Doyun-ssi.”
A staff member replied to her order.
“Wow, an actor really is an actor. It looks like we brought in a real master sculptor.”
“Right?”
The moment Kang Min-ju PD answered with a smile—
“Oh, he’s starting to sculpt?”
Good. Let’s see how he ruins it.
She was dying to know what kind of scene the variety genius she had her eye on would create. If he went for outright comedy, it would be a perfectly templated funny scene.
But if it was Kim Doyun, he might deliver laughs in a creative way she hadn’t even considered.
Kang Min-ju PD watched the monitor with high expectations—until the moment his hands began to move.
“Huh…?”
Kim Doyun’s hand movements as he started sculpting were unnervingly confident.
It was the touch of someone who had been sculpting for years—decades, even.
His thumb pressed firmly into the clay, carving out the large framework.
“Wha… what?!”
In that short time, a nose rose from the lump of clay and eye sockets deepened.
Before long, a face that was all too familiar to Kang Min-ju PD was taking shape.
“What the hell is this nonsense.”