The Idol Who Knows My Name
Idols. Beings who bestow dreams and happiness upon the masses. They always present a fantasy—a beautiful, dazzling image. Just looking at them brings a smile to one's lips. Even if it is an exaggerated, fabricated lie crafted solely for the public's consumption, people willingly deceive themselves for the sake of their own happiness. And those who have been deceived waste their money and time on the idols who fooled them. They spend vast sums to attend concerts, even though they could listen to high-quality audio of the songs online for free. They buy over a hundred albums just to attend a fan signing event to see the idol up close. They prepare expensive gifts for birthdays or anniversaries to offer as tribute. Under the guise of fangirling or fanboying, they squander what they should be investing in themselves on their idols. I could never understand such people. ……Right, I couldn't understand them.
“The song was really good!”
“Really?”
The girl clapped her hands together, laughing a bright, happy “ehehe.”
“Phew… that’s a relief. Since it was the first time I’d written lyrics, I was worried about what I’d do if they weren't good.”
She let out a sigh of relief, brushing her hand against her chest. That small gesture felt truly adorable.
“It was really, really good. I couldn't believe it was your first time writing lyrics.”
I gave her two thumbs up, beaming. My eyes sparkling, I poured out my honest feelings about the new song, focusing primarily on the lyrics she had written.
“I never expected such sentimental lyrics to fit so well with an upbeat melody. The chorus was addictive, and the part in the highlight where you say ‘throw it all away’—it actually gave me goosebumps.”
I had exceeded my time limit. The flexible staff member checked their watch and gave me a little extra time. I knew I had to finish quickly because there were people waiting in line, but I couldn't stop. If asked to give praise, even twenty-four hours wouldn't be enough. Still, I moved my mouth busily, trying to convey everything I felt to the girl right in front of me.
“Do I have a talent for songwriting, maybe?”
Making a V-sign with her thumb and index finger and resting her chin on it, she gave me a playful, charming look.
Wow… her fan service is insane. If I could have taken photos, I would have gone straight into burst mode.
Lee Su-a. The leader of South Korea’s five-member girl group, LaStella. My first and last Ultimate Bias. Her name is Lee Su-a. Height: 158.5cm. Weight: 45–47kg. Blood type: B. Shoe size: 225mm. Her measurements are private, but the internet estimates her bust size to be between 75D and 75E. She is a lovely girl where cuteness and beauty coexist. Her rabbit-like eyes have faint, natural double eyelids, and beneath her long eyelashes, her pupils look as if they hold a starry night sky. Her small, round face, which isn't even the size of a palm, is filled with delicate, well-defined features. Though she turned twenty this year and is now an adult, her face still retains a youthful, soft freshness. However, having been active in the entertainment industry since she was sixteen, she exudes that unique, mysterious aura of a celebrity. Her light brown hair, which falls to her waist, adds a touch of maturity to her innate girlishness. Is it okay for someone to be this pretty? They say God is fair, but this beauty is, no matter how I look at it, unfair. It must have been sculpted with great care over a long time. Perhaps she is an angel sent down from heaven to deliver happiness to weary modern people. If not, this beauty is inexplicable.
Su-a isn't just pretty, either. She dances well. She sings well. She shows versatile skills in every field. People who don't know her well think she’s a perfectionist with a cold personality, but in reality, she’s surprisingly easygoing and a clumsy, adorable sweetheart.
“I’ll always support you!”
At my encouragement, Su-a softened the corners of her lips and gave me a back-eye smile.
“Thank you, Su-a-kong-tteok-ssi.”
Insane……. She remembers me! I attend almost every fan signing, but there are plenty of other people who do the same. And since idols meet 50 to 100 people at a single event, even if they remember a face, how could they remember a name? But she remembers me! It’s crazy, it’s insane. My heart is pounding like a drum. I felt a surge of confidence, as if I could do anything right now.
“Time is up. Please move to the next member.”
It’s a shame. If I could, I’d want to sit here and talk to her all day, but Su-a isn't my idol alone. There was still a long line of fans waiting to meet her after me. Finishing my dream-like time, I moved on, carrying my lingering regret.
I went to the next seat and talked to the other members. It was nice, sure. But I didn't feel as happy or joyful as I did when I was facing Su-a. A true fan should love all the members equally, but unfortunately, I don't like this girl group—I like Su-a. I’ve been supporting her since before she debuted with LaStella. The start was a coincidence. It was a girl group survival audition program I saw while flipping through TV channels. I first saw Su-a on that program, where 101 female trainees competed. She only flashed by for about a second, but I was drawn to her presence. She wasn't as pretty then as she is now. No, she was pretty, but because she was only sixteen, she was too young and had a more plain atmosphere compared to the other contestants. Still, she possessed a mysterious charm that seemed to pull people in. Recognizing that charm, I became curious about what kind of person she was and kept watching the show out of curiosity.
An eleven-episode broadcast. When the show ended, I, who had thought idol fandom was an incomprehensible realm, had entered that very realm and started my life as an idol fan. I had fallen head over heels for Su-a. Su-a had dreamed of being an idol since she was nine. She is now one of the top idols in South Korea, but her journey to that position was not smooth. The first agency she joined demanded money under the guise of a deposit, and to pay it, Su-a’s parents took out a large loan. Then, that agency disappeared after taking over 1 billion won from ten trainees. When she felt despair for the first time in her life, her father passed away due to a sudden illness. Faced with consecutive tragedies, young Su-a tried to give up on being an idol. However, keeping her father’s dying words—not to give up on her dream—in her heart, she saw a recruitment notice for another agency and applied. But……. Was it a twist of fate? Su-a was scammed there, too. To be a trainee, she had to pay the agency money, with a contract stating it would be returned in full once she debuted. But while they were working on an album for her debut, the agency CEO ran off with the money. The agency closed its doors, and her debut vanished right before her eyes. That’s how she ended up with debt upon debt. Considering that an idol trainee spends hundreds of millions of won on average to debut, it was a massive blow. It was never officially revealed, but fans estimate it to be around 300 to 400 million won. After that, she received a scouting offer from her current agency, lived as a proper trainee, and participated in the audition with the determination that this was truly her last chance. She approached the audition with the resolve that if she failed, she would truly fold her dream of being an idol. She couldn't hold on financially anymore……. And as a result of the audition, Su-a was the final 11th person to pass out of the 11 spots. I still remember that moment vividly. The sight of her collapsing in place and sobbing her heart out the moment the results were announced…….
It must have been truly difficult among such fierce competitors. Carrying the shadows of reality on her back, she must not have had a single day of peace. She must have wanted to give up many times. But Su-a……. She didn't give up. She didn't stop. And, in the end, she made it. Anyone who has heard her life story and watched the entire process of the audition cannot help but support her. Some people wrote malicious comments, claiming she exaggerated her story to get attention, but they were clearly blind to Su-a’s sincerity and passion. It makes me doubt if they even watched the same show. Anyway, from that moment on, I became an idol otaku. I pay money and time without hesitation to support her. I’m not wealthy, but for my Ultimate Bias, I can pay even if I have to overextend myself. I don't mind starving, but my Ultimate Bias cannot starve. Even if it’s a small amount of money, I’m happy if it helps Su-a even a little bit.
“Today, we’ve prepared a special event for our fans.”
After the group Q&A session ended, as the atmosphere began to shift toward wrapping up the signing event, Su-a picked up the microphone.
“It is none other than…….”
The other members provided the sound effects: du-gu-du-gu-du-gu.
“A selfie event!”
The fans erupted in cheers. I was one of them. A selfie event! How many times in a lifetime do you get the chance to take a selfie with the idol you love? Lotteries happen every week, but you never know when an idol selfie event will occur. Moreover, this was a surprise event prepared without prior notice. In terms of value, it’s worth more than winning the lottery. At least, it was to me.
“We’ll draw numbers for each member, and the fan holding that number will take a selfie with us.”
I rummaged through my pockets. I had the number tag I received before entering. Number 70. Since there were 100 people participating in today’s fan signing, the probability of being picked is, calculated simply, 5/100. 5%. That’s higher than the probability of pulling an SSR in a mobile game. But if I calculate the probability of taking a picture with Su-a, it gets lower. Considering that Su-a is always last whenever they do an event, the probability is 1/96. Of course, assuming I wasn't picked before that. 1.04166666666%. I’m not religious, but in this moment, I prayed desperately to God. Please! Pleeeease! Number 70! Number 70! Number 70!
They started drawing numbers for each member. Hana was 38. Mio was 95. Iroha was 4. Yeryeong was 17. And finally, it was Su-a’s turn.
“Who will it be~ Who will it be~”
Wiggling her hips in a charming, playful way, she reached into the raffle box. I clasped my hands together as if in prayer. The result was announced.
“Number 70!”
“WAAAAAAAH!!”
I jumped up from my seat and let out a roar of joy. Seeing me like this, people around me burst into laughter. The LaStella members on stage laughed, too.
“Whoa, you startled me. I thought you were a bomb going off.”
At Su-a’s words, the fans laughed again. It was embarrassing, but I felt less ashamed knowing I had made Su-a laugh.
“Please come up on stage.”
I walked quickly up to the stage. On the way up, I checked to make sure I didn't smell. I had showered twice this morning, applied plenty of Bouquet Garni body lotion after the shower, and sprayed perfume here and there. I had brushed my teeth and used mouthwash, too. Yeah, this should be fine.
“Congratulations.”
“Thank you for picking me!”
I’m nervous. I was more nervous than when I confessed to someone I liked. I took out my smartphone, turned on the camera, and held it out to Su-a.
“Oh, you have the same phone as me? The color is the same, too.”
Su-a took her smartphone out of her back pocket to show me. It was an A-brand smartphone. The color was the same gray. Even the case was the same one I’d bought from Casetify. What an incredible coincidence……!
“Did you change your phone?”
“Yeah, I dropped it in the bathtub a while ago.”
Laughing bashfully, Su-a scratched the back of her neck. She really is full of clumsy charm. Thinking of Su-a running around in a panic after dropping her phone in the bathtub made the corners of my mouth go limp.
“Look here.”
Su-a held the smartphone with the camera on high. My height is 185cm. Su-a’s height is 158cm. There’s a head-height difference. From a distance, because of her proportions, you’d think she was well over 160cm, but standing side-by-side this close, I realized how small she really was. I bent my knees slightly. The two of us entered the camera frame. Comparing us like this, Su-a’s head really was tiny.
“Get a little closer.”
Telling me to get closer, Su-a linked her arm with mine.
“H-huff……!”
At the sudden skinship, I gasped without realizing it. It wasn't just that she linked arms; I could feel a soft sensation against my arm. Glancing sideways, I saw Su-a’s chest pressing firmly against my arm. Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy!
-Click!
While I was losing my mind over the sensation of her breasts, the camera shutter clicked.
“Here you go.”
Unlinking her arm, Su-a returned the smartphone to me. Ah……. I’m ruined. I must have had a ridiculous expression on my face.
“Thank you.”
I bowed as I took back my smartphone.
“Yujun-ssi, you smell nice.”
“Ah… yes, haha… thank you.”
“You’ll come to the fan signing again next time, right?”
“Of course.”
Putting the microphone away, we shared a conversation that only the two of us could hear. After the short chat, I stepped off the stage. And then.
“……Huh?”
I turned around. Su-a, holding the microphone, was preparing to wrap up the signing event. That wasn't what was important. Just a moment ago…….
Yujun-ssi?
Yujun. Han Yujun. That was my name.