Responsibility
"…So why are you suddenly dressed as Santa?"
"It sets the mood. It's Christmas."
"Does your mom know you bought that outfit?"
"……No."
"……."
If my sister saw Yerim like this right now, she would probably decide her daughter had already fallen headfirst into cosplay. On the surface the clothes looked ordinary enough, yet the mere fact of wearing them made the whole thing anything but ordinary. And Yerim had shown that outfit only to me.
"Still, since I'm Santa, I prepared a present too."
"Oh? Really?"
"Ask me what it is."
"What is it?"
"It's…."
Yerim took one step forward and came right up to me. The sweet scent that owned the room grew denser, as if proving she herself was its source.
"Right. Here."
"…?"
"……."
Did I mishear? The line felt familiar. Wait… her Christmas present… was herself?
"…W-why are you taking it so seriously! It was a joke."
"Ah… right?"
"You really have some weird tastes."
"What did I even…."
Yerim jumped and snapped at me. I had only been stunned by her words.
"I've shown you everything I wanted to show, so you can go now."
"Yeah… Ah, right. I had a present for you too."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Change clothes and come out—I'll give it to you."
"Okay… Ah, this is a secret from Mom. You know that, right?"
"Yeah. Of course…."
If word ever got out that my niece had put on a Santa costume and declared herself the present, I would probably die on the spot.
"What? You two were in there?"
"Yeah. Yerim was showing me her room."
"Ah~ I see. Make yourself comfortable."
"No, I was just about to leave."
"Already?"
"Yeah. You should spend time as a family."
"Huh? Brother-in-law, you can stay longer."
"Ah… well… I'm a bit tired. Gonna go home and sleep."
Honestly, I was at my limit. If I closed my eyes in this state I would pass out cold. I was even worried about dozing off behind the wheel.
"That's right. Don't bother the kid and let him go."
"Alright then. See you again."
"Yes. I'll head in."
Thankfully my sister backed me up, so I stood. As I slipped on my shoes at the entrance, Yerim came out fully changed.
"Ah… right. I said I'd give you a present."
"Yes. Don't get my hopes up and then leave."
"Ah… sorry. I'm a bit tired."
I fished the gift box out of my pocket.
"What's this?"
"The song you've been singing nonstop lately."
"A song…? No way… really?"
"Open it."
"Wow…."
The present was the latest noise-canceling earphones for the track Yerim had been singing constantly. I had bought a pair for myself while I was at it. After a few days of use my work efficiency was up and the sound quality was excellent—I was satisfied.
"Uncle, thank you so much!"
"…!"
She must have been truly happy, because Yerim hugged me tight. My cold stomach was warmed by something soft and yielding.
"Ah, s-sorry. I was just so happy…."
"No, it's fine. Use them well."
"Yes. I'll take really good care of them!"
Having grown closer like this, we met again a few days later.
"Finally, in a few hours you'll be an adult."
"Yes."
Today was December 31st. The day one year ends and another begins. For most high-school seniors the functions that had been locked away were finally being unlocked, making the night all the more special.
"How do you feel?"
"Still just okay. Don't you need a diploma anyway?"
"That depends on the place."
There are the ones who walk into a bar the moment they turn twenty only to get chewed out for not bringing their diploma. The ones who proudly march in with their ID to buy cigarettes only to find no one even checks. The ones who confidently head to a club and come out without doing a thing. You see every kind of twenty-year-old student.
Ah—was it eighteen to nineteen now?
"What did you do the moment you became an adult, Uncle?"
"Me… I did the countdown in Hongdae, drank, and went home."
"I see…."
I still cannot forget the moment I first showed my ID at a bar. Looking back, we must have looked ridiculous and cute to that staff member. Of course, since it was my first time drinking, I downed soju-beer mixes hard and blacked out.
"I've been wanting to try this."
"You drank it last time?"
"Yes."
The wine we had paired with the steak the last time she came over. It seemed she still carried the regret of not being able to drink it together then.
"TV's nice."
"Why don't you get one for your place, Uncle?"
"You know how small my place is."
"True…."
For the record, this was Yerim's house. My sister and brother-in-law had gone on a trip together; they could neither kick Yerim out nor leave her alone, so they had called me. I had originally planned to spend the night with Yena, but her whole family was gathering, so unfortunately we could not meet.
"Hurry…."
"Honestly, couldn't we drink it now? No one's watching."
"Then it wouldn't feel right. Drinking it right when it hits is the dream."
"Fair enough."
There are teens already living wild with alcohol and cigarettes, and then there are people who want to keep the romance even if the difference is only a few minutes. She had held out this long—if she drank early, all that waiting would be for nothing.
10!!
3!!!
2!!
1!
The instant it hit zero, the New Year's Eve bell began to ring. Clear, pure chimes continued one after another.
"Cheers!"
"Cheers."
With the bell as our soundtrack we clinked glasses. Since we had already eaten dinner, the snacks were simple nachos and sauce.
"Ahh…."
"How is it? Your first wine of life?"
"It's grape flavor with something extra… and it warms my stomach."
"Yeah. This wine's pretty strong."
"Ah."
After the thirty-three rings of the bell ended and a politician's interview began, I changed the channel. Aside from the laughter spilling from the variety show, the only sound was the crunch of chips in our mouths.
"Hoo…."
"Aren't you drinking too fast?"
"Huh? Isn't this how you're supposed to drink it?"
"……You drink it little by little."
Yerim had emptied her wine glass the way people empty beer. Her face down to her neck was bright red, and her tongue was already starting to tangle.
"This stuff was kinda meh at first, but the more I drink, the better it tastes."
"Glad it suits your palate…."
"Wow, wasn't that lime just now good?"
"……."
The liberation of becoming an adult, combined with her first strong wine, created the ultimate synergy. In short, she was already quite drunk.
"Hoo…."
Before I knew it Yerim had glued herself right next to me. No sense of personal space at all. She treated my shoulder like a pillow and rested her head on it.
"It's a bit… hot…."
"Want me to turn off the boiler?"
"Nooo. Then it'll be cold."
"If you take it off now you'll catch a cold…."
"Really?"
Drinking raises body temperature, but only temporarily; strip and your temperature drops and you can catch a cold. And for the sake of my dignity she should not take anything off.
"Ah… but it's really hot…."
"Are you wearing a shirt underneath?"
"Yes."
"Then you can take it off."
"What is this. First one thing, then another."
"No… I thought you weren't wearing anything under."
"Wearing a knit bare makes it itchy."
"True…."
Thankfully I could relax a little. I had thought she only had underwear under—
"Yerim?"
"Yes?"
"Your clothes underneath… ah, you are wearing them."
"Yes. Where are you looking."
"Sorry…."
I was startled by the sudden glimpse of her navel, but thankfully it was only rolled up. That aside, her soft little belly was kind of cute.
"Now I can live a little…."
Yerim leaned against me naturally again.
"Uncle."
"Yeah?"
She had been nodding off as if she might fall asleep, then called my name.
"I heard from Mom. You paid my tuition?"
"Ah… you heard?"
"Why did you pay it?"
"……I promised, didn't I. That I'd take responsibility."
"…You didn't forget."
"Of course not. How could I forget."
Forgetting that would make me such an idiot I would need to check for dementia. Why had I even made that promise in the first place.
"Then you're really taking responsibility for me, right?"
"Yeah. I'll take responsibility. For life."
"Really…?"
"Yeah… yeah?"
In that moment Yerim climbed on top of me. A light weight settled across my thighs.
"Take responsibility."
"…?"
"You said you'd take responsibility…."
A composition I had experienced somewhere before. Back then, too, Yerim had been right in front of me.
"……."
"……."
I remembered. It was exactly the same as the moment right after we had confirmed the paternity-test results. Back then, too, Yerim had climbed onto me and asked me to take responsibility for her.
"Are you going to brush it off like this again?"
When I hugged her, this time she did not cry; she simply rested her hands on my shoulders.
"Back then… this isn't what I wanted either, you know?"
"Yerim… you seem pretty drunk——"
"I'm pretending to be drunk."
"……."
No—she was definitely drunk. Her tongue was still tangled, and she swayed as if she had lost her center of gravity.
"Yerim… I… that…."
"Why do you think I've been following you around all this time."
"We can't do this… we're… that…."
"Uncle—no, Dad—did it though."
"……."
That is exactly why we cannot. Genetics or ethics aside. A father and his grown daughter cannot do this.
"Honestly… even if you're my dad… you don't look like a dad. Since we lived apart."
"Still…."
"You're a stranger. A stranger. Just blood-related strangers."
"……."
My head was spinning. The alcohol made it worse. Every slightly incomprehensible thing Yerim had done until now suddenly made perfect sense.
—I'm really interested in you, Uncle.
If Yerim had felt interest—no, affection—for me. If those actions had been because she liked me. Everything made sense.
Ahh… why didn't I realize sooner. Why couldn't I stop it.
"If you don't do it now… I'll tell Mom everything."
"What…?"
"That Uncle touched my body… all over. I'll tell her."
"……."
Did she want to be loved by me this badly. Why on earth. What was so great about me.
"So don't move."
"……."
Saying that with tears in her voice, Yerim— as if forbidding me to bring up logic or anything else—pressed her lips to mine.