The Emotion Flowed Both Ways
"I'm sorry, Lilith."
"Yeah."
"I'm really sorry."
"...Yeah."
"It was my fault—"
"Stop! Enough with the apologies! How many times do you need to say it before you're satisfied?"
".....Sniff.."
"Oh, for goodness' sake..."
Lilith waved her hand through the air, and a handkerchief appeared. I buried my face in the one she handed me, berating myself. God, I must look pathetic. Clinging to her and sniffling like this. I wanted to die of embarrassment.
"What kind of dream did our Arthur have that made him cling to me like a baby?"
"......."
A dream... Ordinary dreams usually vanish from memory the moment you wake up. But the one I'd just had lingered vividly in my mind. Especially that voice I'd heard at the very end... Just imagining it made my stomach churn.
"I wanted to apologize to Lilith... *sniff*... When I woke up alone in the room... *hic*... I thought you'd abandoned me and left..."
At that, Lilith gently stroked my hair and whispered,
"I'll never leave your side. That won't happen."
"....Really?"
"Yeah. I'll stay with you for the rest of your life."
Her firm answer warmed my chest, but...
Now I have to ask.
What did my lifetime mean to Lilith? Maybe it didn't hold any real significance, just like how she treated Lewis.
"Lilith. About why I got angry earlier..."
Lilith's hand paused for a moment.
"How do you feel about humans?"
"......."
Lilith couldn't answer. Just as I'd expected. Most Outer Gods viewed humans the way we view insects—worthless, or even less than that.
"That scared me. I'm just an ordinary human, but you're an Outer God. My entire life would be nothing more than a fleeting moment to you. So no matter how hard I tried, wouldn't it all just be insignificant to you...?"
"Is that why you got angry at how I treated that human?"
"Yes."
I confessed the anxiety I'd been holding onto. All that remained now was Lilith's response. In the silence that followed, the only sound reaching my ears was the pounding of a heartbeat. I couldn't tell whose it was. After what felt like a hundred beats—
"You're more precious to me than anything else."
"....What?"
Her calm voice accompanied the gentle lift of my chin. When our eyes met, the emotion in Lilith's gaze was...
"I got angry because someone hurt you—someone precious to me."
It was an endlessly warm feeling. Just yesterday, the emotions she'd shown me had been twisted and tangled beyond recognition. But now, they were clean and complete, as if they'd finally found their true target.
"I hated that human for hurting you. Yes... I wanted to kill him."
"Everything I do revolves around you. That won't change."
Lilith smiled at me.
"The time I spend with you, every moment we share together—it all means something to me too."
"It's true, I don't particularly like humans."
"But you're different. Even if every other human in this world died in agony, I wouldn't feel a shred of sadness. But if you get hurt even a little... I'd be sadder than I've ever been."
"One second with you is happier and more meaningful than all the countless years I've lived. So..."
Still holding my face, Lilith pressed a brief kiss to my lips.
"Don't be anxious. Don't be afraid. Because to me, the one who means the most is none other than you."
—Thump.... thump....
Ah, I could tell for certain now. That rapid heartbeat I was hearing belonged to me. My heart leapt again at the pure emotion Lilith was sending my way.
"Lilith."
"Arthur."
We both blurted out the other's name at the same time, then stared blankly for a moment before—
"Puhahaha!"
"Ahahaha!"
We laughed heartily, pressing our foreheads together. All the emotions I'd received from Lilith until now had been so twisted I couldn't make sense of their shape. But now I understood. I knew exactly how she felt about me, and how vast that feeling was. And through her clear emotions, like a mirror, I could see my own heart reflected back at me. The feeling I discovered there was no different from what she was sending me.
Looking into each other's eyes, we realized that this emotion wasn't flowing in one direction—it was moving between us, mutual and shared.
Lilith and I spoke at the same time, our voices filled with that feeling.
"I love you, Lilith."
"I love you, Arthur."
The meaning behind those words felt slightly different from before, but neither of us said anything about it.
----
We lay side by side on the bed for a while, silently gazing at each other, when a sudden sound startled us both.
—Grrrowl...
"Ah..."
"Mm..."
It hadn't come from my side. Lilith slowly turned her head.
"Lilith."
"......"
"Look at me."
"......"
"Why won't you eat? Is there a reason?"
Lilith mumbled,
"...Dieting.."
"......What?"
I pulled back slightly to look at her entire body. .....I couldn't understand what she was trying to lose. The only parts of Lilith's body that stood out were... well... those definitely shouldn't be reduced...
"Lilith."
When I called her name softly, she slowly turned back toward me.
"I don't want to see you starving. I don't know the real reason, but if it's because of me—"
Cupping her cheek gently, I said,
"Don't move."
Lilith didn't pull away from my lips. After a brief hesitation when our lips met, she soon began drawing out my life force. A cold sensation spread inside me, but receiving Lilith's warmth in return made me feel strangely warm instead. No matter how much life force drained away, no matter what effect it had on me, I would never let Lilith go hungry again. For the one I love, I'd gladly offer my life.
The meal ended quickly. Lilith pulled away first, saying she didn't need any more. As she lifted her lips, she suddenly reached out and placed her hand on my neck. When her slender fingers brushed the area where the chain had tightened, a sharp pain shot through me. Whether it showed on my face or not, Lilith's hand paused.
"...Does it hurt a lot?"
"No. It's fine now. It'll heal completely by tomorrow anyway."
Lewis wasn't stupid. If it were me, I'd have been certain this level of injury would heal. He was the type of student who feared the professors, so he wouldn't have left any evidence.
"How many times have you been bullied like this until now?"
"Not really—"
"Don't lie."
".....Countless times."
—Squeeze...
Lilith's hand tightened around me.
"That hurts, Lilith."
"Sorry."
Seeing the thoughtful look on her face, I asked hesitantly,
"What are you thinking about?"
"As long as I don't kill him, right?"
It was phrased as a question, but the answer was already there.
".....What are you planning to do?"
Surely not...
"I was thinking of giving him a stomachache or something."
Phew... That was surprisingly tame. I'd half-expected her to insist on severing his limbs and keeping him alive...
"That much is fine, right?"
"Hmm.... Just leaving him alone would be—"
"No. He hurt you."
Lilith had clearly made up her mind. In that case...
"Alright."
She was doing this to get revenge for me in the first place. It would've been awkward to keep refusing... and honestly, part of me felt a little satisfied at the thought.
"Arthur. There's something I'm curious about. Answer honestly this time too."
At Lilith's serious gaze, I listened attentively.
"I heard you're going to be expelled soon?"
"Yes."
"You don't want to stay here?"
"Uh...... Why do you ask?"
"Just felt like it."
I'd said things like "I've let go" or "I've given up," but I couldn't say the same to Lilith. Because...
That wasn't the truth.
"Yes, I want to stay."
Lilith's eyes briefly lingered on my neck again.
"Even if you keep getting bullied?"
"It's not like everyone's like that, and I've already made some close connections. More than anything..."
I smiled and spoke my honest feelings.
"I worked my ass off studying just to stay here. Getting expelled so absurdly like this... it feels unfair."
Lilith stared at me blankly for a moment, as if she hadn't expected that answer.
"Hehe, I understand. How you feel."
Then, after murmuring something under her breath, she said,
"Then I'll help you."
Yeah, I'd known it would come to this. If there was something I wanted, Lilith would always try to make it happen. I felt the same way, so I understood. Her feelings made me happy, but there was one thing that bothered me.
"How?"
If it was something that would harm her, like a blessing, I planned to refuse.
"Hmm..... The easiest way would be a blessing, but I'm not in a position to give one right now."
Okay, blessings were off the table. But...
"Why?"
"My power isn't complete right now, but the bigger issue is the wave that comes out when I give a blessing. Someone might notice it."
"Aha! Divine power waves!"
How had I not thought of that? When someone receives a blessing from a god, divine power ripples outward in reaction. People who saw those ripples shimmering in the sky described them as beautiful, like the aurora visible only on the ice islands of the north. The stronger the god, the larger and more spectacular the waves. For an Outer God like Lilith, the waves would be enormous, and that was exactly the kind of thing someone might notice.
"So what method are you thinking of?"
"There's one method that came to mind... but it's still a bit unstable, so I plan to try it tomorrow."
"Lilith. If—"
"—you're going to refuse if it harms me?"
".....Yes."
"Don't worry. It's not a risky method, and more than anything, it's something I want to try myself."
In that case, there was no reason to refuse.
"Thank you, Lilith."
"Thank me for what? This much is only natural."
When Lilith stroked my hair, the gentle touch made my body relax, and a yawn escaped.
"Haaam....."
"Tired? Let's sleep."
At the mention of sleep, the dream I'd had earlier suddenly came to mind.
"Lilith. I—"
Understanding my worry, Lilith placed her hand on my cheek.
"Don't worry. I'll bless you so you can sleep without nightmares this time."
"You can do that too?"
Come to think of it, Lilith was also the god of dreams, wasn't she?
"Yeah, if I do this..... mwah!"
Lilith lightly kissed my forehead.
"This way, nightmares won't be able to touch you."
The faint warmth on my forehead was strangely reassuring, and thanks to it, I couldn't resist my drooping eyelids any longer.
"Mm.... Good night, Lilith..."
"Good night, Arthur."
----
At the moment Arthur drifted off to dreamland, someone appeared in the dark academy library. The figure emerged silently in the empty space, passed the librarian's desk, and stopped in front of the floor door. Taking a key from his robes, he unlocked the door and stepped inside. Descending the stairs at a brisk pace, he entered the vast bookshelves surrounded by black stone—the library's forbidden section—without slowing down, heading straight for the inner shelves. He paused briefly at the area marked with a red line, then pulled out a large crystal orb from his robes. Holding it with both hands, he muttered something, and a hazy aura rose from his body. The aura slowly absorbed into the orb. Once it had consumed all the haze, the orb emitted a bright light like the sun, illuminating the dark shelves. Setting the orb down on the floor for a moment, he carefully stepped his toes over the red line. Confirming that his foot had crossed it, he quickly stepped over. He reached the single bookshelf located deep inside, and for the first time since arriving at the library, he spoke aloud.
"....Hm?"
He stared blankly at one corner of the bookshelf for a moment, then scanned the entire shelf up and down. Then, in a hollow voice, he muttered,
"...Where the hell did it go?"