Setting Goals, and Unease
Lilith's face flushed red. I couldn't help but be shocked by the situation that single sentence described. 'Lilith...? That Lilith??'
For a moment I was flustered by the sight I had never imagined. Then something began rising from deep in my chest. An intense, fiery emotion accompanied by a ticklish sensation left me at a complete loss.
"Uh......"
The moment reason returned and I recalled what I had just done, a storm of embarrassment crashed over me. '...What the hell was I thinking?!' Even if competitive spirit had swept my reason away, the realization that I had kissed Lilith of my own accord made my scalp burn.
'...Was it even competitive spirit in the first place?' Could that violent, inexplicable feeling that had robbed me of reason truly be called competitive spirit? The warmth still lingering on my lips felt as though it had been seared there by fire.
When I glanced at Lilith, she had covered her face with both hands. A muffled voice leaked through the gaps between her fingers.
"...No... I can't... I have to hold back... hic..."
Her strange appearance made my heart leap, but I pressed it down and reached out to her.
"Hey... Lilith, are you alri—"
"D-don't touch me!"
Her sharp cry froze my hand in midair.
"Just... leave me alone for now..."
It was the first time. The first time Lilith had been embarrassed, and the first time she had raised her voice at me.
"Are you really okay...?"
"Hic... Y-yeah... I was just surprised... hic... That's all... Um... I'm going to go brush my teeth, okay?"
"Ah... Sure."
It was an obvious excuse to get rid of me, but I obediently headed for the bathroom anyway, not wanting to push Lilith when she looked so unsteady.
Looking in the mirror, I saw my own face burning bright red. And when my gaze dropped a little lower...
"......Again?"
----
"Hah... hah..."
Breathing was difficult. My heart pounded so violently it felt as though my eardrums were ringing. It was the first time. The first time I had ever felt this way about someone, and the first time I had ever been so completely swept away by emotion.
"No... I have to hold back... hic... I have to endure..."
My reflection on the smooth eggshell scattered across the table looked anything but normal. Crimson light scattered in every direction while drool streamed uncontrollably from the corner of my mouth.
My gaze naturally drifted toward the bathroom. Toward the place where he had gone—the one who had reduced me to this state.
"...Arthur."
My adorable, beloved contractor. He had come to me of his own will for the very first time. He had approached me before, but those moments had always been disguised as meals. This time was different. The way he had thrown himself into my arms and sought my lips—he was right. I could no longer call this a meal.
My heated body trembled with longing.
"...Should I just pounce on him right now? ...No! I have to hold back, Lilith... I don't want to look like some loose woman..."
Even so, there was still the wall called "family" between us. No matter how close we were, I couldn't do what I wanted right now.
Then a thought flashed through my mind.
"...Isn't a wife also family?"
My body shuddered at the lightning-like realization.
"That's right... If I become his wife... Arthur's wife..."
I pictured a mature Arthur greeting me as he left the house in the morning. -I'm off, honey.
"Hrk...! Th-that's bad for my heart..."
Of course, an Outer God's heart wouldn't be strained by something like this. Still, the storm of emotion I was feeling for the first time made it feel as though it might.
Just imagining it made my heart race and filled my entire body with happiness.
"...For the sake of that future... I can endure at least today. Yeah. I can hold back today."
Once a goal was set, all that remained was to charge straight toward it. However...
"...I should at least take care of this first, right?"
----
After following Lilith's advice in the bathroom, I stepped out and was struck speechless by the scene before me.
"...Lilith?"
"Hm? Did something happen?"
Lilith spoke as though nothing had occurred, sitting with her legs crossed and holding a coffee cup that had appeared from nowhere. She looked both elegant and seductive at once, but all I felt was bewilderment.
"Wow... You're really going to act like that?"
"Like what?"
"Pretending nothing happened..."
Embarrassment aside, I felt as though I had won against Lilith for the first time. Yet she was pretending not to remember. Wasn't that a bit much?
Watching her tilt her head in confusion, I almost wondered if the earlier events had truly never happened.
"Forget it. Just come drink this. It's sweet and delicious."
I shot her a slight glare as she beckoned me over, then sat down across from her.
"It might be a little hot, so blow on it. Or... would you like me to blow on it for you?"
Lilith offered in a suggestive tone.
"Yes, please blow on it for me."
I had said it out of mild spite, but Lilith simply smiled softly and blew on the contents of the cup.
"Hoo... hoo... Here."
I stared at the teacup for a moment before sighing and relaxing my expression. Right. What was the point of getting angry? She was an Outer God. If I pushed too hard and damaged our relationship even slightly, I could be hurled into outer space in an instant. Maintaining the current relationship was probably better.
Resigned, I lifted the cup.
"Slurp..."
A sweet taste tickled my tongue, followed by a faint bitterness.
"It's coffee."
"Yep. Coffee."
It was surprisingly ordinary coffee. Though it was the most delicious coffee I had ever tasted.
"I heard it's good after a meal, so I brought some. How is it? Do you like it?"
I gave Lilith a thumbs-up as she waited expectantly for my reaction.
"It's good. Really sweet."
"That's because it's filled with love."
"Pfft! Cough... cough..."
"Oh my, sorry about that."
"Cough, Li... Lilith... Koff... Don't suddenly say things like that."
It felt like the coffee had gone up my nose.
"Actually, I added a spoonful of Golden Mead to make it taste better. Sorry for surprising you~"
...She didn't look sorry at all. Yet seeing Lilith's expression as she tried to hold back her laughter somehow put me at ease.
"We've eaten, so what do you want to do now?"
"Huh? Lilith, don't you need to... e-eat?"
Ah, the memory of earlier events made me bite my tongue.
"Hmm......"
Lilith stared intently at my lips for a moment.
"...I'm fine today."
"Really?"
"Yeah..."
Her stiff movement as she turned her head felt awkward, but I couldn't force her if she said she didn't want to eat.
'A little disappointing... Wait, what am I even saying? I must be crazy.'
"Arthur. Want to go for a walk to help with digestion?"
"A walk? I'd love to."
Trying something new with Lilith was always welcome. Especially if it was something as ordinary as an after-meal walk that normal families did. If this was our first wholesome activity together...
'There's no reason to refuse... Come to think of it, this really is the first time. Doing something wholesome with Lilith.'
It wasn't that things had been bad until now, but this time I felt like I could truly sense a family-like atmosphere, which made me look forward to it.
Still, there was one thing that bothered me.
"Um... Lilith."
"Worried we'll get caught?"
Yes, exactly. How did she read my mind like that? Was she lying about not being able to?
"Ah, yeah. We haven't even applied for cohabitation yet..."
The academy allowed cohabitation upon application. Most students from prestigious families couldn't do anything without attendants, so maids or butlers brought from their households were the usual cohabitants. Occasionally students applied to live together, but opposite-sex cohabitation was impossible.
'Though I've never actually seen students living together.'
Anyway, even though Lilith wasn't a student, cohabitation was possible in theory, but we still needed to apply first. Since proving our relationship would be difficult, the matter had been put on hold. If someone saw us together in this situation...
I would be expelled immediately.
"Don't worry. Who do you think I am?"
Lilith puffed out her chest proudly. My gaze was briefly drawn to the obvious weight visible even through her clothes before I quickly looked away.
"I told you, right? I'm also the goddess of night. Only those I permit can see me in the darkness."
As expected of an Outer God. To speak so casually about invisibility magic. To actually implement it with magic, one would need to be at least a grand mage like the headmaster.
"Once you understand, serve me for the rest of your life~"
"Of course."
The rest of my life... Those words suddenly brought an uneasy question to mind.
'How much meaning does my lifetime hold for Lilith?'
----
When we stepped outside, the sky had already turned pitch black. Normally we wouldn't have been able to see an inch ahead, but magical lamps installed throughout the academy lit the way, making a walk perfectly feasible.
We strolled through the park beside the dormitory—the most popular walking course in the academy—and chatted about ordinary things.
...Though the content wasn't exactly ordinary. Still, I thought this was as normal as things could get with us.
"Why did you transform into a cat back then?"
"Cats are the most common animals in Dreamland. It was my own form of camouflage."
Stories from when we first met.
"You like books?"
"Yeah. The process of reading something and discovering new things is just so fun."
"Hmm... I don't really like books. I didn't have many chances to read them in the first place."
Conversations about each other's preferences.
Honestly, I had felt a bit anxious when we set out for the walk. I worried that even an ordinary walk with Lilith might escalate into something more intense. Fortunately, Lilith responded well to my normal chatter and occasionally shared her own opinions, making me laugh.
"Puhaha! Really?"
"I told you so."
A warm, fluffy feeling filled my chest. This gentle daily life was something I had thought I would never experience. The cool night air, the leisurely pace as we walked through the park relying on the glow of magical lamps—these were all things Lilith had given me.
Just as I was thinking of the next topic with gratitude toward her, she suddenly grasped my hand.
"!!!!!"
Something soft and warm was placed in my palm. When I slowly looked down, I saw Lilith's pale hand.
"L-Lilith? Why are you suddenly holding my hand..."
"I just wanted to. Why, are you embarrassed?"
Lilith looked back at me with an expression that suggested she was holding back laughter, which meant my face had turned quite red.
"We've already done much more than this~"
It was such an accurate statement that I had no room to argue. And honestly...
Lilith's hand was so soft that I didn't want to let go either.
At first it was just our hands clasped together, but before I knew it, our fingers had become intertwined.
The warmth and soft sensation from our joined hands. And...
Thump... thump...
A faint heartbeat. I couldn't tell whether it was mine or Lilith's.
Lilith also fell silent, as though focused on the same thing. In the silence that made the atmosphere feel strange, I felt an inexplicable unease.
I recalled the question that had surfaced just before we left for the walk. What meaning did my lifetime hold for Lilith?
As an Outer God, Lilith would naturally live an eternal life. Her lifetime would span a period of time that an ordinary human like me could never even imagine. Compared to that, my lifetime would be insignificant, like the blink of an eye.
'Then... even this hand-holding... might be something trivial to Lilith, right?'
I was afraid. Afraid that my lifetime might hold no meaning for her at all. I was anxious. Anxious that this indescribable feeling I was experiencing might actually be nothing more than an illusion born from my own misunderstanding.
However, I was afraid that voicing this doubt would shatter our relationship and this peaceful time, so I simply savored the warmth I felt through our joined hands and prepared to resume our ordinary conversation.
"Lili—"
-Are you really okay?
'Huh?'
Who just—
"Huh? Isn't that the Troll over there?"
Just as I was about to speak, someone emerged from between the shadows cast by the magical lamps.
"It is the Troll~ Hey!"
The person who stepped into the light had a very familiar face.
"......Lewis."
Lewis Goldson. My classmate and...
"Screw off~ Who the hell are you calling by name, you Troll bastard? Disgusting."
...the blonde, tanned delinquent noble who bullied me the most at the academy.