Chapter 93 34. Unfunny Clown
The Unfunny Clown
Episode 94
Wanderers are fucking bizarre.
Their actions have no particular reason behind them, nor do they require deep thought.
So the clown charging at us to kill us was no different.
There was no reason behind its murderous intent.
[Ehehehehehehe!]
Pierrot's limbs were as withered as dead branches. Those hands let go of the obelisk, and it began running on two legs like a human.
[Heave-ho, heave-ho!]
Whoooooosh!
Its speed, amplified by [D+] agility and overlapping 「Skills」, pierced through the fog in a perfect circle the moment it started running.
A sonic boom followed belatedly, but rather than catching up to its body, the distance between them only widened.
Crackle—
The moment I laid eyes on it—
The hairs on my neck stood on end as if struck by lightning.
『「Optimal Progression」 is amplifying.』
Along with a sense of crisis, as if a chilling hand had seized my heart, my thoughts accelerated.
'Dangerous...'
The very instant I thought that—
『「Seize」 steals the stats of 「Unfunny Clown」.』
『Stealing [Strength G-], [Agility G+], [Stamina 374], and [Mana G] from 「Unfunny Clown」.』
The clown noticeably slowed down.
[Hm?!]
Without taking my eyes off the momentarily bewildered clown, I thought faster in my heightened state of awareness.
'That thing is a 「Clown」.'
「Clowns」
One of the most fucked-up bastards mentioned in <Tower Journey>, a group of wanderers.
Clowns deliberately dress in absurd costumes and always refer to themselves as clowns.
The one before me was a member of that unfunny group—「Unfunny Clown」.
Among clowns, this one in particular had no hesitation in making itself look ridiculous.
But no matter how absurd its behavior, speech, or appearance, there was one thing about it that never changed.
And that was—
『Unfunny Slaughter Demon』
It was better at killing people than making them laugh.
In fact, most 「Clowns」 were like that.
That bastard was truly trying to kill us for no reason at all, despite this being our first meeting.
[Heh?]
As if its slowed speed didn't matter, Pierrot moved its legs even faster against the obelisk.
Whoooosh!
The fog scattered far away from its sprint.
The distance between us, now closing at extreme speed, shrank in an instant.
『32 seconds remain until Earth's portal opens.』
Then—
"!"
I felt like the clown was looking at me. No, it wasn't an illusion. The disgusting Pierrot, whose very sight would evoke revulsion in any human, was looking at me.
Along with it, a murderous aura drilled into me, freezing a corner of my mind. But in reality, it lasted only an instant.
『Skill 「Mind of the Strange Sage」 is active.』
『Skill 「Optimal Progression」 is in effect.』
The barriers surrounding my mind repelled the murderous intent. Seizing the moment, I quickly glanced at Maltaira.
Maltaira frowned as she stared at the grotesque Pierrot.
—...That ugly thing... is the clown Park Si-hyun mentioned...? Which one is it...?
She didn't feel particularly threatened by the clown's momentum.
Of course, its stats weren't exceptional compared to Maltaira, who was an all-rounder.
But what made it dangerous wasn't its stats.
'Its ability is...'
Once before, I had explained to Maltaira about 'those annoying and dangerous bastards in the Outer Dimension.'
To be honest, their appearances were so ambiguous that I couldn't describe them in detail, but I had assigned slang names to the most dangerous ones.
I never thought I'd actually have to use them, but here we were. My heart burned with tension as I shouted urgently—
"...That bastard is Delta!!"
Immediately, Maltaira's eyes flashed. Not just that—an icy blue chill radiated from her.
That clown was the one I had repeatedly warned her about.
If she froze its surroundings entirely, even by accident, Tirpe and I would definitely die by its ability.
So she had to freeze only its body, not the surroundings.
But even I hadn't recognized its identity until the last moment. The obelisk's fog had interfered with 「Read」.
Maltaira, too, hadn't realized that this was 「Unfunny Clown」, a dangerous wanderer.
Maltaira always kept an invisible 「Stasis」 barrier around herself, so most ambushes didn't work on her.
Additionally, since her ability was 「Stasis」, it required a cooldown period, like warming up power.
Against an unknown opponent, it was naturally advantageous for her to take time and lay icy traps to ensnare them, controlling the battlefield.
Because of that, the crucial timing to eliminate the enemy was delayed by several seconds. In battles between superhumans, seconds decided life and death.
Against any other enemy, those few seconds would have been enough for Maltaira to react—but unfortunately, this clown was different.
There was another reason this weak-looking clown had survived until now.
『「Unfunny Clown」's skill 「Misfortune Evasion (Legendary)」 activates.』
It had exceptionally sharp danger perception and evasion abilities.
[You... are truly...! Dangerous!!]
The clown's core skills flowed before my eyes like a cascading stream.
『"Unfunny Clown" activates the Legendary skill "Following Phenomenon."』
The bastard abruptly accelerated.
Even within my accelerated perception, his words began reaching me at an unnatural speed.
Simultaneously—
Creak!
'...?!'
The clown's "ability" activated at a speed far exceeding my expectations.
A velocity even Maltaira—mid-preparation for her attack—couldn't react to in time.
『Swap.』
More than sufficient to forcibly pry open even Maltaira's flawless defenses.
"!"
The moment I tried to evade and freeze Pierrot, Maltaira's body vanished without a trace from her spot.
"Huh?"
In the mist where Maltaira had disappeared—
[Uu... ugh...?]
—the towering, pot-bellied clown now stood in her place, easily surpassing ten meters in height.
『27 seconds remain until Earth's portal opens.』
The entire exchange had taken a mere six seconds.
"...."
Tirpe, her eyes trembling uncontrollably, muttered in hollow disbelief:
"This is... fucking bullshit......"
Even from her lips, such profanity was rare.
As a regressor, she knew the infamous reputation of these clowns.
...And she knew all too well that we stood no chance against this one alone.
The most critical issue being—
'Damn it...'
Our strongest ally had been swapped with the enemy in the blink of an eye.
...A textbook worst-case scenario.
We had no idea how far Maltaira had been displaced. No matter what, returning here within thirty seconds would be near impossible.
As we struggled to steady our ragged breathing—
[Ta-dah!]
The harlequin landed before us in a perfect Y-pose.
BOOM!
The sheer impact flipped the altar's mist like an exploding geyser.
As the dispersed mist rushed back to fill the void, the grotesque silhouette of the clown flickered within its depths.
Pointed, upturned harlequin shoes.
A gaunt frame drowning in oversized Pierrot garb.
Tightly curled hair beneath a jester's cap adorned with swaying bells.
[He~llo there? My, my, it's been ages since I've seen living, bleeding humans!]
A coward who preyed solely on the weak by exploiting openings meant for stronger foes. Though his words came at blistering speed, every syllable embedded itself with crystalline clarity in my ears—all thanks to his Legendary skill "Following Phenomenon."
[You must feel so... bereft without your friend, hmm?]
The "Unfunny Clown" snickered through fake tears, his elongated tongue slithering up a powdered cheek in a gesture dripping with the condescension only predators show their prey.
Suddenly, the Pierrot's eyes raked over Tirpe's explosive curves with obscene deliberation.
[Oh dear, oh dear! How rude of me! Let me introduce myself properly to this... voluptuous dynamite beauty with her luscious red peaks and bouncy buns on full display, a—]
He emphasized each vulgar gesture by openly groping the air where her chest and hips would be.
For one blinding instant, all tactical considerations evaporated from my mind.
'This motherfucking piece of shit—?'
Pure rage at seeing my woman disrespected surged like lava, demanding I smash his face into pulp. Then a hand clamped around my wrist.
Tirpe stared back with devastated eyes, shaking her head violently.
—Don't...
While I stood frozen, the clown alternated stares between us before wrinkling his nose at my face.
[...And one ugly-ass mutt.]
"......"
No room for retorts.
Only chaos.
Why, of all times, had this clown bastard been at the Obelisk?
Why had the Obelisk reacted so violently to me, drawing his attention?
Why, in this vast expanse, had he been standing right fucking here?
Countless questions swirled unanswered.
But not all was lost.
Not yet.
『16 seconds remain until Earth's portal opens.』
I hadn't given up.
Then—
[Ooh... oooh......]
The "Pot-Bellied Clown" turned its neck toward us.
『Dim-Witted Pot-Bellied Clown』
[Strength B-][Agility F+][Stamina C][Mana G+]
The blood drained from our lips under its gaze. The very air stilled beneath the weight of a predator's presence.
We could do nothing.
Movement meant death.
Such was the terror these madmen inspired.
Even the "Unfunny Clown" laughed merrily, having marked us as prey.
『14 seconds remain until Earth's portal opens.』
Beside us, the Obelisk flickered erratically.
[First time seeing the Obelisk act like this... Fascinating, no? Hmm? And this too?]
...I wanted to call him a shit-faced bastard to his face, but held back.
His eyes brimmed with the fundamental madness of one beyond reason, and his base Agility—even after I'd stolen his stats—remained [D-].
He could snap our necks in less than a second.
During that silent standoff as we exchanged glares—
Snap.
The clown raised both palms skyward. A violent heat haze erupted above them.
『"Unfunny Clown" activates the ability "Swap."』
Ice-cold sweat raced down my spine.
"!"
Tirpe and I locked eyes—then instantly leaped backward in unison.