Chapter 18: She Was (9)
Penrin Village was peaceful.
In a village no longer haunted by hunger, there was no room for sorrow. Those who had learned to find happiness in the smallest things went on living happily even as time passed and contentment slowly settled over them.
Everyone, that is, except me.
It was a village full of happiness.
“Aria, thank you! I’ll eat well!”
“...Yes.”
By then, it had already been a long time since I’d started hearing words like that from the villagers.
Every time they came to take meat from me, they wore bright smiles.
They said it was because of me. That they were glad I was in the village. That they’d be counting on me from now on, too.
They always said the same thing as they took the meat from my hands.
All the while, I had been thinking only of the day I would leave the village behind.
I had been waiting for the day my teacher would return from her journey and hold out her hand to me, telling me to come with her.
And yet, before I knew it, I had become Penrin Village’s hope.
I was eleven years old.
Just as my teacher had told me before she left, I no longer went hungry.
With the magic she had taught me, I hunted wild beasts whenever I needed to, and with the knowledge she had taught me, I butchered the meat myself.
I filled my stomach with meat that still carried the scent of the wild.
And just as my teacher had told me, I went to bed on time now.
I had read every book she had left behind and made them my own, so even after hunting, I still had time to spare.
That meant I could lie down a little earlier, and fall asleep a little earlier, thinking of you all the while.
And then there was this.
I had tried not to cry, just as my teacher had told me, but the tears still came.
She had worried about me until the very last moment before she left, yet just as I had not been able to answer her then, I still found myself crying.
Sometimes I thought about the memories I had shared with you.
Sometimes I cried over the regret of your death.
And so, just as my teacher had feared, I shed tears.
Even though you, too, would have worried to see me like this.
I told myself it was fine because no one could see me. That crying where no one else was around didn’t matter.
So I rationalized it that way and climbed alone to the middle of the mountain, where I could sob in peace.
And while I was crying like that...
“Aria! It’s time for dinner!”
When Sophia’s voice drifted up from below, I would answer quietly and wipe my tears on my sleeve.
“...Okay. I’m coming down.”
My daily life was usually spent hunting wild beasts.
I would recite the tracking spell I had learned from my teacher and search the mountains for animals. Then I would recite the attack spell she had taught me and kill the rabbits and deer nibbling blindly at the grass.
By then, I no longer cared about blood spraying across me.
Even the sight of flesh as I prepared the meat no longer stirred any particular feeling.
Only this—when I saw the blood and the meat, the thoughts that sometimes surfaced of you...
I could chew them over again at dusk, as the day drew to a close.
And when I had finished hunting and still had time left, I would set up fencing around the village so the beasts wouldn’t be able to storm in.
I was only an eleven-year-old girl, but with magic, it wasn’t difficult at all.
And besides, there were some men in the village who had extra time on their hands, and they would come out to help me build the fence.
They said they wanted to help with what I was doing, so I would quietly nod and accept their assistance.
I taught the men in the village who wanted to hunt how to make traps and how to hunt.
Noah, my second brother, who had once looked at me with a self-loathing expression the day I brought home my first deer, also learned hunting from me.
Using the skills he had learned from me, Noah caught rabbits and thanked me with a happy look on his face.
The image of him smiling across from a woman named Ella, whom he’d said was his lover, flashed through my mind.
The boys who had once followed me around because they liked me eventually gave up.
Compared to the little mouse meat they had once brought me as a gift...
The boar and deer meat I gave them was far more valuable.
And compared to those tiny, careful hands that used to creep toward me as if I were dangerous at sunset...
I was stronger, with a bright halo of light around me.
Little by little, and then one more at a time, I passed the roles I had taken on to the villagers.
And I prepared to leave the village behind.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
It was one of those mornings when I woke early for hunting, just like always.
I got up from the hard wooden floor and folded the shabby blanket I’d slept under.
Maybe because the fear of starving to death had lessened, Mother was still in the kitchen instead of going out to the fields, making something there.
“You’re awake, baby?”
“...Yes.”
“Wait a little. Mother will get breakfast ready for you.”
“...”
That was how it had been ever since I started bringing home wild game.
Before she went to the fields, she always made my meal first.
It was because, if I was going to work so hard at such a young age, I should at least eat until I was full.
And to be honest, I found my mother’s kindness a little uncomfortable.
We were family, but I had never really thought of her as one.
She was always out early in the morning and back late at night, so we rarely even saw each other’s faces.
Of course I knew her actions came from love for her children.
But all I felt was the discomfort.
I wanted her not to offer me such kindness, not when I only intended to leave the village anyway.
“Baby, breakfast’s ready. Come on, let’s eat.”
“...Thank you for the meal.”
So I sat down at the shabby table and ate.
“Eat this too, baby.”
I watched the side dishes being placed again and again on my spoon, then only after Mother’s voice came did I give a slight shake of my head and put them in my mouth.
The oat rice was a little dry, and the greens on top were a little salty.
Still, I knew this was Mother’s love.
I knew the taste of the side dishes, never seasoned properly because there was never enough seasoning to spare.
There had been times when I could not say a word even while eating sprouted potatoes for a meal.
“Eat a lot, baby.”
“...Yes.”
And so I...
I couldn’t bear to look at Mother’s smiling face.
Her affection felt a little...
In truth, it felt like quite a lot to carry.
As always, I finished hunting and came back.
I handed out the large chunks of meat from the basket to the people waiting in the village square, then carried only one piece of meat home and trudged along.
With a creak, I opened the door to the house.
It was nearing evening, but Mother and my second brother, who should have been in the fields, were nowhere to be seen.
Only Sophia was home, mending clothes for the winter.
“Ah! Aria, you’re back?”
“Yeah. Meat.”
“Ah! You worked hard! Are you hungry? Go rest; I’ll get dinner ready right away!”
Sophia tidied away the clothes she had been holding, took the meat from me, and headed for the kitchen.
Then, just like always, I was about to change my clothes.
That is, if Sophia’s voice hadn’t called me again.
“Oh, right. Aria, a letter came this afternoon! I don’t really know what it is, but the person who brought it said to give it to you!”
“...What?”
“Uh... I’m not sure, but they said to tell you a teacher sent it?”
“Ah.”
Dear my disciple, Aria.
It’s been a long time, my disciple.
At last, my journey, which took far longer than expected, has come to an end, and I’m sending you this letter.
I would have liked to come to you before sending a letter, but as you know, my position makes that difficult.
I had so much fun spending time with you that after all those long months in Penrin Village, I found myself buried beneath a mountain of work.
I still have plenty to do, and there are preparations left to make before I can come and take you with me.
Besides, His Majesty the Emperor was so furious that I had disappeared for about two years. I nearly lost my head before I even got the chance to come for you.
It was a letter exactly like her.
“Hahaha...”
So gentle that a laugh escaped me before I even realized it, despite how dried-out my emotions had become.
For all her eccentric way of speaking, I liked the refined hand of a noblewoman in her writing.
Five years had passed since my teacher left the village, and yet she really seemed as though she hadn’t changed at all.
And because of that, I could already guess what would come next.
If it was her...
I’ll come get you, my disciple.
I still need a little more time, but at the latest, I should be able to come for you within two years.
So until then, sleep well, eat well...
And you’d better be waiting without crying, all right?
You remember the promise you made with your teacher, don’t you?
If I come back and find you haven’t kept it, don’t think I’ll take you with me.
Well, I’m terribly busy, so I’ll end the letter here.
My disciple, Aria Hopenberg. I’ll be coming to see you soon, so wait for me.
Imperial Countess, Obriel Hopenberg.
If it was her, I knew she would say something that worried about me.
A tear hit the page with a quiet pat.
Even as I read the line saying she wouldn’t take me with her if I failed to keep our promise, tears kept spilling down my face.
“Sob... sniff...”
“A, Aria...? Why are you crying all of a sudden! Aria, are you okay?!”
It was a letter I had waited for with all my heart.
For so long, I had held on, waiting for nothing but these words—that she would come and take me away.
It wasn’t her coming in person yet, and there was still as long as two years left to wait.
But none of that mattered.
At last, after the long, long wait,
I was finding the meaning of life.
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