Christmas Regression
Every year on December 25th. The time when lovers went on Christmas dates, enjoying their happy daily lives.
I headed to the columbarium in Seoul, listening to the Christmas carols echoing through the streets. To see my parents and my childhood friend—my fiancée, Gyeowol—whose ashes were kept there.
After entering the columbarium and first paying my respects to my parents, I made my way to Gyeowol.
Han Gyeowol
Gazing at my fiancée's photo, the K League Best Player award placed in one corner, and the Manchester United transfer offer she had loved so much, I slowly opened my mouth.
"Hey, Gyeowol. I came alone this year. I should've come with Mom and Dad... but I couldn't bring myself to say it. Sorry."
Until last year, I would have visited with Gyeowol's mom and dad. But after our argument at the columbarium last year, it had become awkward to face them.
Her mom's words from back then still lingered in my ears.
'Jinho, can't you finally let go of Gyeowol and live your own life? Marry someone, have kids, like everyone else...'
Honestly, if I said I wasn't tempted by her words, I'd be lying. Gyeowol had died in that unlucky accident, and before I knew it, 15 years had passed.
Whenever I saw fellow players or juniors getting married one by one, having kids, living happily, a resentment toward Gyeowol for leaving me behind mixed with thoughts like her mom's—maybe I could forget her and start anew.
That's probably why I snapped at her mom, asking how she could say such a thing.
After I raged on like that for a while, her dad approached, calmed me down, and added,
'...Gyeowol was like our daughter, but you're like our son too, Jinho. We just want you to live happily, even taking her share.'
I stood there blankly for a long time, unable to say a word, then left the columbarium without even a proper goodbye.
After that, I'd check in occasionally, but I hadn't visited in person.
I lacked the courage. Maybe it was guilt for briefly imagining myself forgetting Gyeowol and living happily.
"Man, Maenggu's looking rough this season too...."
I chattered on alone for a long time to her photo, the fiancée who had to leave the world at the tender age of 22 in a tragic car accident, hoping she wouldn't feel too lonely.
"A white Christmas this year, huh...."
After saying goodbye to my parents and Gyeowol, I stepped out onto the street, where snow had begun to fall. I was strolling, watching couples showing affection everywhere, when—
Ding-a-ling!
A bell rang in my ears. Turning my head, I saw a child in a Santa outfit collecting donations with his parents.
'If I'd married Gyeowol as planned and had a kid, he'd be about that age...'
Admiring the kid for doing charity work despite his young age, I emptied my wallet into the donation box. I'd donated most of my soccer earnings so far, but putting money directly into a box like this felt strangely moving.
"Santa grants wishes to good kids who do kind things! What's your wish?"
The child beamed at me as I dropped in the money.
"...Who knows."
I brushed off the question. I knew it was a wish that couldn't come true.
"Mister, you're so kind! Santa will definitely grant it!"
The kid smiled at me as if he understood everything.
His comforting words brought a smile to my face.
"I hope so."
As I reached to pat his head, my vision blurred.
"Ho ho ho! Santa's gift for a good child! Be happy, now!"
A kindly grandfather's voice echoed in my ears as consciousness faded. When I came to, I was back at the start of high school.
"Glory Glory Man U~"
And from outside the room came a voice I thought I'd never hear again.
"Feels like the same old buzzcut."
I woke to the sound of Manchester United's chant in my ears. On the ceiling was a poster of Zinedine Zidane. Come to think of it, back in school, I'd stuck Zidane's poster up there dreaming of becoming like him.
...A dream?
I stared blankly at Zidane's hairstyle for a while. It dazzled me.
-Agh! Can't you score that?!
Gyeowol's voice snapped me out of it, and I bolted from bed.
No time for this now. If it was a dream, I had to see her face before waking.
Focusing on her voice from outside, I gripped the doorknob, steadied my wildly pounding heart, and flung open the door.
"Huh? Did I wake you?"
A cool beauty with a frosty look gave me an apologetic glance. Gyeowol, just as I remembered.
"... "
I approached Han Gyeowol in her Manchester United jersey and hugged her ever so gently, afraid the dream might shatter.
"What the heck, why are you suddenly like this?"
Her flustered voice, warm body heat, and heartbeat told me this was no dream—it was real.
It's reality... the real Gyeowol.
Realizing that, my nose stung, and my vision blurred with tears.
"What, Son Jinho, why are you crying?!"
The moment I'd always longed for, yet the tears wouldn't stop.
"Just... 'cause I'm happy."
After 15 years, I'd reunited with the precious person I'd yearned for my whole life.
After losing my parents in elementary school, Gyeowol from next door would come over during breaks or weekends to sleep over.
She said it was because she worried about me being alone, but as a kid, it felt like our secret base, and now it was Maenggu Pub.
Not that I minded. I hated the quiet house after losing my parents, and I was grateful she filled the emptiness.
Anyway, having woken up, I stayed glued to Gyeowol, watching a Man U game I didn't care about—er, Maenggu's game.
"...Hey, it's hot, let go?"
Gyeowol fidgeted with her toes, unable to focus on the match.
Even Gyeowol's toes are cute.
Instead of releasing her, I quietly turned on the AC to 18 degrees. Power cool mode too. In February Korea, ours was probably the only house running AC.
"Sigh... Fine, hug away. I'm your wife-to-be, after all."
As the AC hummed to life, Gyeowol sighed deeply, snatched the remote from my hand, and shut it off.
She pouted and focused on the game—a habit of hers when concentrating.
February 20, 2010. Man U vs. Everton.
Watching her brought back memories vividly. I spoiled the result for her.
"Man U's gonna lose."
I remembered her moping all day after this loss widened the gap with Chelsea.
"Hah. Even if you're my boyfriend, I can't tolerate you cursing Man U."
At my declaration of Maenggu's defeat, she glared as if she had been insulted.
"Wanna bet?"
I grinned at her glare, and she bristled.
"What bet?" "How about granting one wish?" "...You're not wishing for something weird, are you?" "Scared?" "Hah... You traitor who doesn't even know the offside rule. Man U will crush Everton in the second half, so get ready to grant mine."
As the bet was on, halftime ended, and the second half kicked off.
Maybe from all my past soccer experience— the flow of the game was crystal clear to me.
"Man U's about to concede a comeback goal soon."
"No, they're not."
Right after she denied it, Man U's net rippled.
"There's still plenty of time left? And Fergie Time!"
The net shook again—Everton's insurance goal.
"... "
Maybe sensing defeat, her eyes welled up.
Pat pat. "...Don't pat my head."
Even her prickly side was adorable.
That evening, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. I still couldn't believe I'd regressed to the past.
And personally, there was a slight regret. Humans always want to sit when standing and lie down when sitting, right?
Would've been nice to go back before my parents died, but hearing Gyeowol's breathing nearby, I quietly offered thanks instead.
"Gyeowol, you awake?" I called softly. "...Why." "Gonna use my banked wish."
Late night. Empty house, just us. Wish. The combo set her off.
"Pervert! I said no weird wishes!"
She jolted up, smacking me with a pillow.
"No, I know what you're thinking, but it's not that." "Then what?!" "My wish is to grant yours."
At my prompt, she hesitated, then slowly voiced it.
"Then transfer to Manchester United, win the Champions League, and..."
Is that one wish? But...
"Propose to me with the Big Ear."
It didn't matter. Even in the dark, I could feel her shy cuteness as she wished.
Honestly, when I joined, Man U would be Maenggu of the Europa League, not Premier.
"Why not? Though transferring to the best club, Manchester United, might be tough, huh?"
Hmm. By then, she'd probably be satisfied with a cup win. With that thought, I coolly accepted, adding one condition.
"Deal. But if I join Man U, you come live with me in England." "...Huh?"
Not expecting easy agreement, her flustered voice rang out. "Uh, ah, uh, ah, huh?"
I pulled the seemingly glitched Gyeowol into a tight hug and, feeling her warmth after so long, finally drifted into deep sleep.