Irreversible (2)
'I'll see you a bit early today! Oppa seems like he wants to hang out outside. See you tonight~'
I smiled and told her I got it, to have fun... but I don't think I can keep this up anymore. This nagging sense of wrongness just won't go away. The feeling that there's truth mixed into Seoyeoni's lies won't fade. Have I been trusting Seoyeoni too much? No, I still trust her. The one I can't trust is that bastard Hyeonwoo. Why did I think he'd just sit still when I'm sending her to him every day? Why did I leave him alone, the guy who said he'd go all the way to the end, push as far as he could? It's certain they haven't had sex. I can just feel it. But with all the time they've been spending together, they must have talked about something. About my fetish, our relationship, my reactions. And she'd have told him how well the lies worked, how I got excited... Wait, hold on. What if the lies were Hyeonwoo's plan from the start? What if it was all about creating a little secret between them, pretending to deceive me while slowly advancing? Taking advantage of Seoyeoni's confusion about my fetish? Hyeonwoo tempting her every day with sweet words right by her side, while all I show is panting excitement. Could Seoyeoni hold out against that? No, even saying she 'held out' is ridiculous. I pushed her into that situation, and he's pulling her in. She might even think it's for my sake. That because she loves me, she has to do the real thing for me... I'm anxious. I treated this like some casual thrill, just an exciting event that gets me off. But now it feels like time to really stop. I could handle it tight like this when Seoyeoni was still mine... But if, just if, he even sways her heart, I don't think I could bear it. She's all I have—what the hell is he doing to my Seoyeoni? This ends today. Him hanging out outside is perfect. From now on, no more going to Hyeonwoo's place. Tell her to come home early tonight. Sending her to his house was the mistake from the beginning.
"Oppa, hi...!"
"Oh, what’s this?"
Hyeonwoo oppa's eyes widen in surprise. Did I overdo it...? I copied the style from the one I bought—a tight mini dress. Even with dresses, I've only worn flowy ones before; this clingy style is a first. It's not because of what Minjeong unnie said. I just bought it new, and since we're meeting outside today, I thought why not... It looked fine at home, but showing it now feels embarrassing. My face heats up, wondering if I went too far.
"You're too pretty. What's the occasion today?"
"Ah, no... I wear stuff like this all the time."
"Really? First time I've seen it."
Hyeonwoo oppa scans me up and down like he needs to take a good look. It feels good that he says I'm pretty, but... it's clinging too much, too short—embarrassing for sure. I tug at the hem awkwardly, but it doesn't help.
"W-what are you staring at...?"
"You've been saving it just for Minjun hyung? You're too pretty today."
"..."
Actually, I haven't shown Minjun oppa yet. Planning to later tonight. Would he say I look pretty too...? At least he won't hate it.
"Pretty, cute, sexy—you've got it all, Seoyeoni."
"S-stop it...?"
"Should've dressed up a bit myself. Been stuck at home lately, so I thought I'd get some air."
Hyeonwoo oppa in a white shirt and black slacks. He let down his usually styled bangs, and it suits him. Shifts from manly to cute. His handsome face makes anything work, really.
"You look cool too, oppa..."
"Oh ho, really?"
His cute yet handsome, playful smile makes me tremble a little. This isn't my fault. Any girl would tremble at that smile.
"You're pretty too, Seoyeoni~"
"Aish, stop...!"
"Can't call pretty what is pretty?"
"I said stop...!"
Another trembling smile, and he brushes up his bangs. Haa... My mood feels so weird.
"B-but why? What are we doing outside...?"
"Hm? Oh~ Nothing much. Shopping, maybe grab food out."
Hyeonwoo oppa glances down the street.
"Bored with no one to hang with. Called just in case, and you show up all prettied up?"
"...You have tons of girls, oppa."
"Mm~ No one for a date."
"What? This isn't a date...!"
"What's a date anyway? Just hanging out together—that's a date."
"..."
I need to get a grip. His weird talk keeps making my face red.
"Shall we go~?"
I nod casually, and he offers his arm.
"What's that?"
"Hm? Link arms, duh."
"W-why link arms...!"
"Harsh. Let me have some fun too!"
I shove him away in shock, and he pouts playfully like he's hurt. I feel a bit sorry.
"Ah, no, but linking arms is a bit..."
"Why? What's wrong with linking arms? You touched my dick too—ugh!"
I smack his mouth in total shock. Looking around, luckily no one heard.
"What are you saying!! H-hit... y-you okay...?"
"Ow, hurts."
"T-that's why you say weird stuff...!!"
"It's true though."
That careful question from that day turned into nothing. He treats it like no big deal, something that just happens sometimes. Uses it playfully like this. He's so nonchalant, it confuses me instead. Makes me think maybe it really was nothing...
"No linking arms? It's standard for dates."
"Ah, no. And it's not a date...!"
"You got Minjun hyung's permission."
I flinch at Minjun oppas name. Of course I did. He saw me off with a 'have fun'...
"Not permission for a date...!"
"Then what, permission to fuck?"
"O-oppa...!!"
I glare after checking around, and he grins mischievously.
"Okay, okay. Shoulder link then? That's fine, right?"
Shoulder link...? Maybe that's okay... Yeah, walking too far apart would look weird. I nod hesitantly, and he hooks my shoulder, pulling me close. Feels almost like a hug. His firm arm around me, solid body—my heart pounds.
"Hmm, nice~"
"..."
"Why so stiff? Shoulder link bad too?"
"Ah, no, I'm..."
"Don't be uncomfortable. Here!"
He grabs my hand and places it on his waist. Feels even more couple-like than linking arms.
"Way better, right?"
Hyeonwoo oppa grins down at me. His handsome smile, the height difference—heart racing again.
Haa... why am I like this... Whatever. I decide to just go with it.
My... date? No, meetup with Hyeonwoo oppa was fun today too. Sometimes sweet and cool, sometimes funny and entertaining. Laughed all day, talked so much—already tired. A good kind of tired. His girlfriend must have this much fun every day? Sounds blissful. And a novel experience: girls sneaking glances at Hyeonwoo oppa. Cafe part-timers, high school girls out playing, women walking by—all turned at least once. They met my eyes too. Looking me over with envious stares... Still happening. The convenience store clerk ringing us up glances at him, then scans me. Blushes pink, tucks hair behind her ear. Being next to him, I see it all. Of course, I'm not his girlfriend or anything... but I feel a bit proud.
"Here you go."
"Thanks~"
He opens the bottle cap, wipes the rim where his mouth was, hands it to me. So natural. That's why he has so many girls... I sip, thinking of all the changing girls.
Timing's awkward. Too late for anywhere, too early to go home. With Minjun oppa, it'd be motel time or head home. Can't do that with Hyeonwoo oppa, so time drags. Just go early? We've hung out plenty today. Can say we didn't do anything. Battery's dead too... Phone's off when I check to text. Oppa'll worry—better head home early.
"Hm? Hello?"
Hyeonwoo oppa next to me suddenly answers a call.
"Yeah, hyung. We're together right now."
Hyung? Minjun oppa? My ears perk up.
"No, just tell me. Yeah? Haha, you can tell me. We're outside now."
"..."
What's the call? I look at Hyeonwoo oppa—he just grins.
"...Okay then. I'll do that."
"Yeah, hyung. Don't worry. Got it. I said I got it."
Hyeonwoo oppa's tone stiffens a bit. Hangs up, sighs like he's annoyed.
"Who was it?"
"Hm? Minjun hyung."
He ruffles his hair, quiet for a sec, then smiles faintly at me.
"Ah! My battery's dead. Talk to me instead!"
"Nah, it was for me."
"For you, oppa? What'd he say?"
"Just to take good care of you to the end. Definitely use a condom?"
My mind blanks out. He called for that...?
"R-really...?"
"Real. Minjun hyung's too much. At a time like this."
"..."
"If we're doing it, last train'll be gone."
His words ring true—my stomach churns. Oppa wouldn't... maybe coming to pick me up late?
"So he's coming to get me...?"
"Nah, didn't say that."
"Ah..."
I stare at my dead phone. Can't believe it. No matter how fun, how exciting... he worried about condoms, not me...?
Grief and hurt stab like thorns.
"Let's head home first. Rest there. Car today, not subway. I'll drive you later."
"..."
Is Hyeonwoo oppa lying? No reason to... but just in case, charge at his place... Suddenly so sad. Tears welling.
"Crying?"
"N-no...!"
"Whew."
Hyeonwoo oppa gently wipes my tears with infinite care. His kindness makes more tears come.
"Too much. Making such a pretty girlfriend cry."
"..."
"Netorare or whatever must be that good? Unbelievable."
Even as he badmouths Minjun oppa, I have nothing to say. Just hang my head and sniffle.
"Seoyeoni, look at me."
He caresses my cheek, wipes the tear tracks. Under the dim streetlight, my teary self reflects in his dark eyes.
"Guess Minjun hyung likes that stuff."
"..."
Hyeonwoo oppa brushes back his bangs.
"Tired of the lies yet?"
"Huh...?"
"Since that's what Minjun hyung wants. Let's play along."
Play along? What...? Maybe from crying, or his low, thick voice—head spins. Eyes wide with question marks, I look up blankly.
"Hng...?"
Something soft and plush touches my lips. Then something even softer pushes inside. Instinctively shove his shoulder—but no use. Not even that hard, but I can't muster strength. This is wrong... shouldn't... I know in my head, but body won't listen. Melting into the sweet, soft swirl inside. Hands pushing fall limp. Just clutching the hem of his clothes tight.