Nausea and Excitement (1)
Seoyeoni said she got a little scrape yesterday, so she went to Hyeonwoo's place and got a bandage there. She called ahead, but I was so shocked I rushed out to meet her at the subway station. Apparently, it was just a quick treatment—less than ten minutes. I thought I was going crazy, but Seoyeoni was just thrilled that I'd come out to meet her.
No matter the reason, the fact that she'd gone to Hyeonwoo's alone twisted my guts. And at the same time, I was excited. Sometimes I wonder if they're just teaming up to tease me. It's been less than a month since Seoyeoni and Hyeonwoo really started hanging out, but they already feel so close.
From the workouts he teaches her, to the things he says, to the funny stories from their time together—she chatters about it all every night, whether we're meeting up or on the phone. I feel their bond growing closer with my own body, and it leaves a bittersweet ache, but I still listen to her stories every night with a smile. Hearing her badmouth Hyeonwoo seems like a lost cause now.
Sometimes I hope she'll start hating him or they'll fight over something, but that doesn't seem likely anymore. Of course, Seoyeoni hasn't changed toward me. If anything, she seems to like me even more than before. Lately, she says things like "Oppa, I like you so much these days," gazing at me with those loving eyes. She hugs me out of nowhere, gives me pecks, full kisses. Sex is no problem at all. We do it almost every night now—when she wants it, when I want it, whenever our moods align, way more than before.
Our relationship feels happy without the depression or self-loathing... but knowing it's all thanks to Hyeonwoo makes my chest ache. That guy Hyeonwoo. He used to tell me every little detail about what happened with Seoyeoni, but lately, he's been quiet about it. Especially yesterday when he took her home—I really want to hear about that from him.
Thanks to Seoyeoni spilling everything without holding back, I know all about what happened with Hyeonwoo, but I still want to hear it from him. He's over at my place today like nothing happened, glued to his games as usual. Guess I have to ask him myself.
"Hyeonwoo."
"Yeah, hyung."
He answers without even turning around. It stings a bit, but it's awkward to call him out on it, so I let it slide.
"What'd you do with Seoyeoni at your place yesterday?"
"Yesterday? Oh~ Didn't Seoyeoni tell you?"
"I heard the gist..."
"That's everything. Gave her some ointment, a bandage. She put it on herself, though."
"..."
Something about his tone rubs me the wrong way. His voice is soft, but it feels like he's looking down on me...
"Nothing else...?"
"Come on~ What else would there be? Why, you hoping for more?"
Hyeonwoo turns with a slight grin. Am I imagining it...? It even feels like he's smirking at me.
"How's Seoyeoni these days? She talk about me a lot?"
My stomach churns as he says her name. I don't know why, but his eyes, his expression, his attitude, even his gestures—none of it sits right. I've been getting this vibe from him more lately. Suddenly, I don't want to be honest.
"Nah? She barely mentions you. You even doing it right?"
Hyeonwoo's handsome eyebrow twitches.
"...Really?"
"Yeah. Just 'went to the gym,' 'hung out again today'—that kinda thing."
"Hmm... weird."
Even though it's a lie, a strange sense of victory washes over me. It feels like it really happened.
"Does Seoyeoni talk about me a lot?"
"Eh, sometimes."
"Oh?"
"..."
A weird tension hangs between Hyeonwoo and me. He stares at me silently. I stare back for a bit, then look away.
"How you holding up these days, hyung?"
"Me?"
"Yeah. You two seem pretty close now. It's what you wanted, right? How's it feel?"
He must sense how close he's gotten to Seoyeoni too. Well, yeah—he'd know better than me. If I'm honest, it's a little tough. Part of me worries they're getting close too fast. I trust Seoyeoni more than anyone, but doubts—what ifs—creep in more than before. Of course, that disgusting excitement has grown too...
Hyeonwoo smirks oddly, waiting for my answer. Part of me wants to drop it, but some stupid stubbornness kicks in. I want to see him crash and burn on his own, wiping that smile off his face, muttering something like "Guess it didn't work out" with a bitter grin.
"I'm good. It was my request, after all."
"Oh yeah? Glad to hear it. Mind if I keep going, then? I'm getting into it myself."
"Keep... going?"
"Yeah. Dates seem doable even now."
Hyeonwoo shrugs with another smile.
"If you're cool with it, hyung, I figured I'd push further."
"Further...? What do you mean?"
"Just as far as you want, hyung. How far we talking?"
That confident look pisses me off. Like he could do anything if he set his mind to it.
"...How far do you think you could go?"
"Me? All the way, easy."
What the hell gives him that confidence? Even if I'm the pathetic idiot who asked for this, it doesn't make sense. Hyeonwoo knows Seoyeoni only has eyes for me, loves me to death—same as I know it. Yet he's brimming with this weird assurance. A few gym sessions and some bonding, and he thinks all the way? A date, maybe I'd buy, but that's insane. Eating out, movies, walks—that's a whole different league from this. It feels like he's insulting not just me, but Seoyeoni too. This time, the absurdity outweighs the excitement. I want to knock him down a peg.
"Haha. Then go all the way."
"For real?"
"...Dead serious."
"You know what 'all the way' means, right?"
A inexplicable unease and tension flood my body. Feels like I just said something I shouldn't have. But no way that'll happen. No chance. Even Hyeonwoo couldn't... I started this whole thing thinking it'd never go that far.
"Of course I do. All the way."
I bluffed with a shaky voice.
"Hyungnim. Seoyeoni and I are going shopping just the two of us today, so if she calls you later, tell her it's okay, yeah?"
"Oppa, thanks for today!"
"No prob~ I had fun shopping after so long too. From next time on, full set, got it?"
"I dunno, it's embarrassing... And it has to fit first!"
Thanks to pro Hyeonwoo oppa, the shopping went great. Leggings and a crop top—my first time buying them. They're so tight and revealing, but thinking of the gym girls, it's not that bad. He picked relatively tame ones since I was awkward about it. I'll get used to them at the gym anyway, so hopefully the size is right.
"Minjun hyung'll love it~"
"Huh?"
"You're gonna show him at home, right?"
"Um... I guess I should...?"
"Exactly! What guy hates leggings? Instant boner city."
"Ah, oppa~! Why say weird stuff!"
"Weird? If it were me, no sleep that night."
"Eek! For real...!"
I playfully smacked the teasing Hyeonwoo oppa. His cheeky vibe makes even dirty jokes hilarious. But seriously, will oppa like it? I just thought of it as kinda embarrassing workout gear—didn't consider that. Wait, no. Maybe that's why his voice trembled a bit earlier. Yeah, thinking back, it matches that excited look he's had lately.
Whoa, so my oppa's into leggings... He's probably waiting all giddy. I'll tease him a little with a fashion show, flash my butt just so... and he'll lose it, grabbing me suddenly...! Hehe. Now I'm getting excited. If it doesn't fit, I'll exchange later, but for my hyped-up oppa, I hope it does.
"Oppa oppa, it'll fit me, right?"
"Should, yeah? I know designs, not girl sizes."
"Oh... right."
"That's why we tried 'em on."
"Yeah... dummy, dummy."
Too embarrassing to try on outside, so I eyeballed it... Regret city.
"Or come back next time to swap."
"Next time..."
Oppa must be expecting it... I wanna show him today since I bought it.
"If you're worried, try it on at my place?"
"Pardon...?"
"Store's still open, so try and swap quick. Public restroom's gross. My place is right here."
Great idea. If Hyeonwoo oppa's cool, I can change and go.
Oh, gotta call oppa first... How to explain? Make it a surprise—he'll love it more if I just show up.
"Don't worry. I won't peek. First reveal's for Minjun hyung!"
I was pondering what to say when Hyeonwoo oppa grinned.
"Huh? Oh, no, that's not—"
"Then what? I'm fine, go try 'em on~"
"No, I need to call Minjun oppa first..."
"Call? Nah, just changing quick. Out in a sec."
R-Really? Changing doesn't take long, just check size. In and out, should be fine. Can't think of an excuse anyway.
"No time. Wanna try? Hurry to my place. Gotta move if we're exchanging."
He's right. Time's tight. It'll be okay, right?
I slipped my phone back in my bag. It's for showing oppa anyway, so whatever. Hehe. Fun!
Sudden surprise event for oppa. Hope he gets super excited and loves it.
"Whatcha gonna do?"
"L-Let's go! Quick!"