Sometimes You Have to Ask
Kim Ju-hyeon. The chemistry department alumni I'd just run into.
On the surface he came off lively and cheerful, but once you caught the unpleasantness simmering underneath, I honestly had no desire to get close to him. Watching someone like that spot Wa Sol and stroll over like they were old friends only soured my mood further. Naturally, I stepped out in front of her, putting myself between the two of them so he couldn't get any closer.
"Huh? You're… ah, right. Wa Sol's current boyfriend. Gachi, was it?"
Current boyfriend. He was only stating a fact, so why did it grate on me so much?
"So you two really are dating? You look good together."
"Why are you here, senior?"
Wa Sol spoke while leaning into my back, her hands clenched tight around my clothes with surprising strength. That was the first time I'd ever seen her look at someone with eyes full of open hostility. That alone was reason enough to be wary of the man standing in front of us.
"Well, call it a donation. I came to hand out scholarships. Wa Sol knows about this, right? How alumni sometimes chip in to fund scholarships for the freshmen."
"…A scholarship?"
What had he just said? He'd come to give out scholarships…
Then, wait. The one I'd received—
"Oh, did you get a scholarship by any chance?"
The money I'd just used to buy her a meal, the money I'd spent at the café… had that all come from him?
"That's it, isn't it? That was from me! Hahaha."
"…"
My stomach turned. My head spun. Feelings I couldn't allow myself to feel mixed together in my chest and skull until I could barely tell if I was still standing upright.
"Wow, Gachi must be quite the honor student. So the stuff you're holding—you bought that with it too?"
"…"
"…"
Neither of us said a word. More precisely, I couldn't say anything, and Wa Sol—still gripping my clothes—was looking at me with eyes full of worry.
What was this feeling… the sense that I, as a person, had shrunk down to nothing. Miserable. Pathetic.
"Wa Sol, can I call this cheating? You're sitting there happily drinking black tea bought by your ex-boyfriend, of all people."
At those words, Wa Sol stepped out from behind me for the first time and glared straight at him.
"Why? Are you my ex-boyfriend, senior?"
"Whoa. I had my suspicions ever since I heard it from Gachi, but you really decided to treat me like I don't exist, huh."
"We never dated!"
"Come on. We didn't end on good terms, sure, but let's not deny that we were together."
"Just once—please, just listen to what I'm saying!"
I'd only seen her this emotional once before, back when she'd misunderstood that I'd dumped her. Even so, her hands wouldn't stop trembling.
Damn it. If I lost my grip in front of her like this, what good was I?
"What's with the hair? Did you cut it short just to spite me? Because I said long hair suited you?"
"No. I just wanted to."
"Haa. There you go again. You don't have to act so tough around me."
Ah. I was starting to get it.
This man fundamentally had no intention of hearing anything that wasn't what he wanted to hear. He'd been the same the first time I met him.
"This isn't working. I was in the wrong back then, I'll give you that. Let's talk, just the two of us. I don't want to cause trouble for your current boyfriend."
Saying that, Ju-hyeon came down the stairs toward us.
No—calling him "senior" was too generous now. This was the kind of person who didn't deserve to be treated like a human being.
"Why does my girlfriend have to go with you? Fine, maybe your head's full of flowers and you can't understand plain language—but do you honestly think it's okay for some guy with no connection to her to try and be alone with someone else's girlfriend? In front of her boyfriend, no less."
"Oh my. Getting a little rough with the language, are we?"
"I don't think I need to bother with manners."
"Hmm… well, fine. You're enough of an honor student to come all the way to campus just to collect the money I gave you. I can cut you some slack for that much, right?"
The money I gave you… Damn it.
That one line, I had no way to refute.
Then a voice that belonged to none of the three of us cut in.
"That's not right."
All three of us turned toward the sound. Professor Yu Eun-yeong stood there holding a textbook.
"What you donated goes to the department's second-place student. This kid is first place. The support fund for the top scholarship student is paid out by the school itself every semester. It has nothing to do with you."
I found out later that when a freshman entered the department as the runner-up, the alumni would sometimes pool their donations into a scholarship. That was the "donation" Ju-hyeon had been talking about.
"…"
Unlike when he was talking to us, he didn't just let Professor Yu's words slide past. The easy smile was still there, though.
"You must really dote on this student of yours."
"Of course. From day one he shot an arrow of love straight through the heart of my heart. This one's going places, no question."
"Wow."
For the first time, a crack appeared in his face. And the person he turned that cracked expression on… was me.
I glared right back, refusing to look away from that stare. Then Professor Yu spoke to me.
"More importantly, how long are you two planning to stand around out here? Class is starting. Get inside."
"Sorry?"
Class… I couldn't just leave Wa Sol, who was still clinging to my clothes and refusing to let go. Should I say I was skipping this one…?
"What are you doing? Both of you. Get into the classroom already. You want to be late? You already used up your one free pass—there's no next time."
"…Ah."
Professor Yu was looking at both me and Wa Sol as she said it. I was thrown for a second, then quickly understood what she meant and took Wa Sol's hand.
"Come on, noona. We'll be late for class."
"Huh? Uh…?"
She still looked dazed, like she hadn't fully processed the situation, but she didn't pull away. We walked into the classroom together and quickly found empty seats.
"Haa… haa…"
"…Gachi. I don't take this class."
"I know. I just… want you with me right now."
"…Okay."
Normally she would have picked up on everything in an instant… I hadn't realized how hard the mental hit had landed.
A few classmates whispered among themselves about why Wa Sol had shown up in this lecture, but the only thing that mattered to me was that she still wouldn't let go of me.
"It's okay. I'm right here."
"Mm…"
There was no strength in her voice. But the force with which she leaned against me only grew stronger…
"What? Something happen?"
We hadn't planned it, but we'd ended up sitting right behind Cheon-u. He'd come alone and was sitting apart from Seo-hyeon; he twisted around to look at us and ask. I couldn't explain the whole situation, so I brushed it off.
"Just… some stuff came up."
"…Yeah?"
Cheon-u caught my meaning and turned back around. At the same time, Professor Yu entered the room, and the murmuring quieted down.
"Someone's auditing today's class. Don't mind it. It's a special measure so we don't have to keep seeing the same faces in every single lecture."
The other students took that to mean Professor Yu had forced Wa Sol into the class, and the strange looks aimed our way disappeared.
"Gachi…"
In that quiet, she called my name softly.
"Today… stay with me."
"Okay."
There was no way I could refuse a request that desperate.
In the end, she held onto me through the entire lecture. The moment class ended, she pulled me along and we hurried back to the apartment building.
"Let's go to my place today."
"Alright."
I'd originally planned to head to my own room, but she grabbed my arm and dragged me straight to hers.
Stepping inside, a scent I still wasn't fully used to tickled my nose.
"Feels like it's been a while."
"You don't come here much."
Since it was also her workspace, I couldn't just drop by casually, so I rarely set foot in Wa Sol's place. It felt a little awkward, but this wasn't the time to show it.
"You going to be okay for the stream tonight?"
"Yeah… as long as you're next to me, I'll be fine."
Kiri's stream started at seven. It was five-thirty now, so I had about an hour and a half to take care of her as best I could.
"I get to watch you stream in person, huh."
"Hehe. Hearing you say it like that is a little embarrassing."
Being home seemed to have calmed her somewhat—she could smile again. Thank god.
"I'm… going to change into something more comfortable."
"Huh? Ah… yeah. I'll use the bathroom for a bit."
I didn't actually need to go. I just figured I should give her space while she changed.
She caught me before I could leave.
"Don't go. Stay here."
"What?"
"Stay here. We're a couple. So… there's no real need for that, right?"
She wasn't wrong. But up until now, we'd still been careful about drawing that line. Watching her suddenly try to cross it made me—
Worried.
The only reason she was acting like this all of a sudden was because she was under so much mental pressure.
"…I never dated that guy. Not once. Really."
"I know. I never doubted you for a second, from the very beginning."
"Yeah… but still. I want to prove it to you, Gachi. That you're the only one I know. Until now, and from now on."
As she said it, she started undoing the buttons of the shirt she was wearing.
I wasn't so dense that I didn't understand what that meant. So—
"…Noona."
I caught the hand working at the buttons.
"Listen carefully."
I looked her straight in the eyes. Her face had gone so fragile it looked like she might cry at any moment.
"The thing is… I've always wanted to do it with you."
"!"
"Even right now, I want to push you down on that bed and touch you however I want."
"!?"
And now her face was startled and flustered and a little shy. Yeah. That look suited her so much better.
Not sad or scared—smiling, embarrassed, occasionally angry.
That was the Wa Sol I loved more.
"But I won't. I don't want to do it while we're feeling like this. If we do… I want it to be somewhere more romantic, in a situation that feels special."
"…"
"I may not look it, but I'm a romantic."
"…Pfft."
Okay, laughing right there was not ideal. This was supposed to be the serious part.
"So. Not now. Right now I just want to…"
"Huh?"
For the first time since we'd started dating, I pulled her toward me without hesitation. For the record, I was sitting on the bed and she was standing in front of me.
Pulling her in from that position naturally meant—
"Kyaa!"
"I just want to be like this."
She landed on the bed because of me. I lay down beside her and pulled her into my arms.
"…Just put up with this for now."
"…Okay."
We weren't even holding each other naked, and still Wa Sol had gone red all the way to her ears. Getting this flustered over something this small—what had she been about to do…
Of course I was embarrassed too. But holding each other on the same bed for the first time felt so warm and soft… though, yes, there was also a less-than-innocent feeling mixed in.
I kept my hips carefully angled away from her so she wouldn't notice that particular feeling.
Then she called my name.
"Hey, Gachi."
"Yeah?"
"…Are you not going to ask this time either?"
Normally, in a situation like this, I would never ask. Whatever had happened between her and that man was clearly nothing she could laugh off. But… that wasn't the answer she wanted from me right now.
"I want to know. If you're okay with it—will you tell me?"
A small nod.
She nestled into my arms and nodded against my chest.
Sometimes people feel lighter just by talking about the things that hurt them.
Right now, she clearly wanted to tell me. About what had happened with him.
So this time, I would ask. And I would listen properly.
To whatever had happened before Wa Sol took that long leave of absence.