The Person I Want to Be With
When it comes to dates, if I were to compare them to colors, they’d be blues and pinks. I think a proper date should take you somewhere as beautiful as possible, somewhere free, somewhere warm.
In that sense, bringing my girlfriend here in the middle of a date was probably a hard no.
Choosing a place this stuffy, cramped, and sweltering as a date spot…
That place was a computer parts store. Of course there were no fancy lights or beautiful decorations—just computer gear lined up in endless rows. Honestly, I hadn’t expected the atmosphere to feel this oppressive…
The silver lining was that Noona didn’t look disappointed at all.
“Whoa, there’s so much stuff… This is amazing.”
The moment she stepped inside, Noona looked around like she was discovering something brand-new and fascinating.
“You’ve never been to a place like this?”
“Nope. I don’t really know much about computers. Even my own setup was done by the company.”
It was a bit of a sexist thought, but most women didn’t dig deep into this kind of thing. Then again, I wasn’t exactly an expert myself.
“So is there something you want to buy?”
“Yeah. I was actually torn between something pretty and something practical, but since I game a lot, I wanted something more comfortable… Ah, found it.”
I scanned the shelves, spotted the product I’d been looking for, and lifted it up.
“A mouse?”
“Last time you co-streamed, you said your mouse broke, right? Figured you’d need a new one.”
After losing to Eve, Kiri had jumped into a horror game and ended up gripping the mouse so hard out of pure terror that she crushed it with sheer hand strength. (For the record, the chat had been flooded with “Valkyrie” jokes that day.)
She probably already had a spare, but still.
Even if it was just this, I wanted to give her something as a memento of our first date. It had somehow ended up being the gift after the shoes, but whatever.
“This mouse is super light and smooth. Great grip, and it’s designed so it doesn’t strain your wrist—pros use it too, apparently. And…”
I picked up another mouse that was the exact same model, just a different color.
“If I buy the same one… we’ll have couple items.”
“…Hehe. You thought of that for me. Thank you.”
Truthfully I’d planned for these to be the couple items instead of the shoes, but the more the merrier.
“I’ll go pay, then.”
“Wait.”
“Hm?”
“Gachi, are you paying for both? This time I want us to each buy one and gift them to each other.”
Gifting them to each other… That sounded nice too.
But right now I didn’t want to lose the chance to give her a present.
“Noona. I want to buy them for you. I just want to.”
“Ah-ah. That move only works once a day.”
Apparently this ultimate technique had a cooldown. But I’d planned to buy them from the start.
“Can’t you just accept it this time?”
“Hmm… Then let me ask you one thing. Gachi, why do you want to buy them for me?”
Why? Before today’s date I’d thought hard about what I could do for Noona. And I’d reached a conclusion…
“Because right now, this is about all I can do for you.”
I said it with an awkward smile.
Noona just…
“….”
…stared at me.
“‘About all I can do’… What is that supposed to mean?”
Was she angry right now? Or sad?
Her expression sat right on that ambiguous line, and I couldn’t escape the question. I opened my mouth.
“I’m still a student. I can’t do anything big for you yet. Of course I’ll work hard! But… I’m still not enough.”
Yeah. I would work hard. So I could become someone valuable as quickly as possible and stay by her side.
“I’ll really try. As soon as I can… I…”
I want to be next to you.
I never finished the sentence.
Because of what Noona did next, I couldn’t keep talking. It wasn’t that she covered my mouth or anything.
She just suddenly pulled me into a hug.
“…don’t.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t try to go too fast.”
“…What do you mean?”
“Gachi. Want me to tell you what I want most? Out of everything you can give me.”
What Noona wanted most from me?
“Yeah…”
I answered honestly. Looking at me, Noona smiled quietly and spoke.
“Stay by my side. I’m not saying never go anywhere. But… don’t try to rush ahead too fast. Let’s go slowly. Together.”
Stay by her side? I already was, constantly.
I couldn’t say that out loud.
Because the words I hadn’t finished earlier were still circling in my head. Unconsciously, I hadn’t been thinking of myself as already being next to her.
“I’ll accept anything if it’s from you, Gachi. But I don’t want a gift given like you’re pleading, the way you just did.”
“….”
“Gachi.”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t have to push yourself so hard.”
What that meant.
It wasn’t that she had no expectations of me.
It meant she wanted me to lean on her more too.
“If you stay by my side, then I can stay by yours.”
When I’d first decided to gift her the mouse, this hadn’t been how I felt.
Maybe it was because I’d steeled myself to become someone valuable. Without realizing it, I’d gotten impatient.
“Let’s lean on each other and do our best. Sure, sometimes one of us will lean more than the other. But at least for me, I wouldn’t mind at all if you completely collapsed onto me. If I did that to you… would you find it annoying?”
Saying that while hugging me and looking up…
That was foul play worthy of a red card.
“Not even a little. I’d welcome it.”
“Hehe. Same here.”
Noona pulled away for a moment and took the black mouse from my hands.
“I’ll pay for this one. You pay for that one. Let’s gift them to each other.”
…I felt a little calmer. I really had been in a hurry.
I’d wanted results more than the process, wanted to become someone more valuable as fast as possible, and I’d been running without even noticing I was out of breath.
The me who’d been trying to sprint out of impatience stopped running when I saw the flower right in front of me.
That flower said to me:
“Lean on me a little more right now. You don’t have to go so fast.”
Hearing those words, I realized my earlier actions had only been for my own satisfaction.
“…Okay. I got it.”
So I decided to walk. Together with my flower, Wa Sol-noona.
If the day ever came when Noona leaned on me more…
Would I have become someone valuable by then?
“Just stay with me. Let’s go slowly, together.”
At least with who I was now, I couldn’t even imagine it.
But as the person by her side, I’d keep trying. Just like this.
Become someone better so she could lean on me. Even more than now.
When we left the house, our only luggage had been Noona’s handbag. But by the time the date ended and we headed home, what we were carrying had nearly tripled.
“Our bags sure multiplied.”
“Right…? We put the shoes I was wearing into a box, and we bought the mice too.”
“Wasn’t it heavy?”
“Gachi… I’m not holding anything right now…”
In reality I was carrying Noona’s handbag and the box with the shoes she’d worn at the start. All she had in her hands was the mouse I’d just gifted her and the photo we’d taken together.
“Haa, having a strong boyfriend is convenient, but at this rate I’m going to lose all my strength.”
“Doesn’t matter, does it? I’ll just use my strength for you instead. Continuously.”
“…You really learn fast, huh.”
This was my first relationship.
So of course there was a lot to learn, one thing at a time. I’d learned something today too.
Even with someone precious, constantly trying to do things for them can turn into pressure at some point. Instead of that kind of pressure, give something natural and sincere.
Just like staying by their side like this.
“…You know, this is a first for me.”
“What is?”
“Asking time to slow down two hours before Eve’s stream.”
It was already 4:55. We’d arrived in front of the apartment building.
Noona had to be home by five to prepare for the stream. Realizing that, a thought slipped out before I could stop it.
Time, please stop right here. I want to keep being with Noona.
Of course time would keep flowing no matter how much I begged.
“No, I’m just thinking I wish time would freeze. Even with Eve’s stream coming up.”
“That metaphor is probably the highest form of sincerity you can offer, huh?”
“Yeah, of course. I’m literally wishing Eve’s stream would start late.”
“What if I canceled today’s stream and said I wanted to stay with you instead?”
“Then we’d watch Eve’s stream together.”
Thwack.
“Ow.”
“Haa, you’ve still got a long way to go.”
Noona flicked me on the forehead, stuck out her tongue, and said,
“Bleh. I’m not canceling anyway. I’m gonna hang out with the Hara.”
“…I knew that. I was just joking.”
“Ratio of joke to sincerity?”
“About one to nine.”
“Just you wait…”
With that, Noona took back the handbag and the shoe box I’d been carrying.
“Okay, I’m heading in. Unnie… the boss is gonna call any second.”
“Yeah. Briefing go well. Looking forward to the stream.”
“…Even just one hour is fine. You have to watch.”
One hour. It wasn’t like I felt zero guilt about that. I was prioritizing my oshi’s stream over the stream of the person I liked.
So I’d watch that one hour properly. See what kind of stream Kiri did. What kind of charm she had.
“Yeah. Definitely. I’ll watch for sure.”
“Then I’ll do my best.”
“You were gonna do your best anyway.”
“That’s true~”
I didn’t know everything about Kiri, but whether I watched or not, she’d probably stream the same as always. That was the VTuber Kiri, and that was the person Wa Sol.
“…Okay, I really have to go. Get home safe.”
“Yeah.”
Only after watching Noona wave and disappear inside did I head home myself.
I checked the time—exactly five o’clock. After the pre-stream meeting, Kiri’s broadcast would start at six.
Come to think of it, this was a first too. Waiting a full hour for any stream that wasn’t Eve’s.
“…Still a long way to go.”
Somehow, only now did time start crawling.
The effort to grant my wish was admirable, but too bad, Time. You’re a little late.
“Next time, please freeze when I’m with Noona.”
It had only been five minutes since we parted.
I already wanted to be with her so badly that I nearly sent a text or called, but I barely held back so I wouldn’t interrupt the meeting.
After an eternity (subjectively speaking)…
Finally, six o’clock.
Nothing special. Just watching Kiri’s stream.
…No, that was a lie. Nothing special?
The person I liked was right there on the other side of the screen. And now I knew it.
Of course it was special.
Those were the chats the Hara were sending to that special Kiri. Probably not-quite-scolding for her sudden appearance on Eve’s stream yesterday.
Kiri explained the situation honestly, without any lies. Luckily the Hara, whose affection for her was already maxed out, just nodded along.
Probably because Eve was basically Kiri’s official partner, they were even more forgiving.
For a single gold coin the reaction was a bit understated. But the voice carried more genuine gratitude than any over-the-top thanks, and it hit harder than any exaggerated reaction ever could.
Kiri’s amazing. Her voice control is way better than Eve’s.
I’d always thought Kiri’s strengths were gaming and her big-sister energy, but maybe her greatest strength was that voice that boosted every other good thing about her.
Anyway, yesterday’s events wrapped up cleanly, and Kiri started the stream for real.
And so the game began. This time it wasn’t the FPS Kiri was good at, but a strategy game where you pick one of three races, build structures and units, and fight. Of course, being Kiri, she played it at a high level too.
Even to someone like me who barely understood the game, her build orders looked clean and decisive, and her unit control and tactics were so sharp they kept surprising both the viewers and her opponent. She took the first match without breaking a sweat.
Watching that, a thought suddenly hit me.
I want to keep watching a little longer.
But that wish never came true. Because—
~~~♪
The alarm announcing 6:55 went off. Only five minutes left until Eve’s stream.
Anticipation for Eve’s broadcast and the regret of having to close Kiri’s stream mixed inside me for a brief moment of conflict.
In the end, the result was exactly as expected: Eve’s victory.
I’d considered watching both at once… but no matter how I looked at it, if I got caught, Wa Sol-noona would be angrier than she had been at Yarrow Café last time.
“…Sending one donation should be fine, right?”
Noona knew my username, so I worried it might interrupt her, but this much should be okay…
Of course I had no intention of saying I was leaving for Eve’s stream.
Honestly I wanted to say something like “I’ll always be by your side,” but the person I was donating to right now was Kiri.
Luckily donations weren’t flooding in at that moment, so my silver coin popped up right away. Kiri’s eyes flicked over, and for a second she went quiet. She recognized it immediately, didn’t she?
I hoped I hadn’t interrupted the stream.
Thud.
Something like a dagger sank into my heart. Clutching my chest, I fled Kiri’s stream like I was running away. Sorry, Kiri. I have to watch Eve’s stream…
And the voice that healed the dagger in my heart brought me peace again.
Yeah, I’m a hopeless Adami. Ahh… I’m healed.
“Hm?”
While I was busy healing my heart, a text came through on my phone. I checked the sender…
“Wa Sol-noona…”
What do I do? Is she mad? Or did she notice I left the second Eve’s stream started and feel hurt? Or maybe…
Just one text, and a million thoughts flashed through my mind in an instant. Honestly I didn’t have the courage to open it, but I also couldn’t ignore the sincerity of Noona contacting me mid-stream. So I checked the message.
And I froze a little.
What… did that mean?