Women's Emotions
December 31, 1884. Waldemar boarded a regular steamer plying between Germany and Russia and set course for the imperial capital of St. Petersburg.
On the surface he claimed he was only going to fetch expensive amber ornaments for his mother and sisters, yet no one was truly ignorant of why he was bound for Russia.
"You ought to be ashamed of yourself, brother."
Waldemar had nothing to say for himself, not even if he had ten mouths.
The moment he arrived in St. Petersburg he sent word through his cousin, Princess Elisabeth Feodorovna, that he wished to apologize to Alix.
Princess Elisabeth hesitated a long while over whether to grant him the chance, then finally opened the doors of the residence.
"Very well. I shall give you the opportunity to apologize."
Elisabeth escorted Waldemar as far as Alix's door.
He spoke to her through the firmly shut panels, but she returned no answer at all.
"Alicky, this time I truly was in the wrong."
Waldemar promised that henceforth he would make time for her without fail, yet he never even caught a glimpse of her face. Alix no longer fell so easily for honeyed words as she once had.
There's really no help for it now.
In order to soothe her he abandoned the ambiguous nickname he had always used for his childhood playmate and addressed her instead with the sweet endearments lovers employ. When even that drew no response he confessed his affection outright. His declarations were so earnest that the faces of the footmen and maids eavesdropping outside flushed scarlet.
Only then did the sulking Alix finally react.
"Who is it?"
"Prince Waldemar of Prussia."
Alix answered him coldly.
"I do not know any such person."
After a moment's thought Waldemar tried again.
"A man named Waldemar who is fond of you."
"I cannot trust anyone who says that."
She refused him once more, yet he caught a faint softening in her tone. He decided to drive the point home.
"Alicky, I am your beloved."
"Is that true?"
The tightly closed door swung open and Alix appeared. Waldemar looked into her slightly reddened eyes and found he did not know what to say. Little conversation passed between them, yet the glances they exchanged carried a great deal of meaning.
The cold war ended the instant Alix flung herself into the prince's arms. Holding her, Waldemar listened for a long time while she poured out tears and grievances. After she had cried and complained her fill against his chest she began to interrogate him, demanding to know whether every word he had spoken a moment earlier still held true. Had he truly pledged his love? How exactly did he intend to treat her as his beloved? Her red lips kept requiring confirmation.
"I want to know."
Before his young sweetheart could demand still more, Waldemar quickly sealed those small lips with his own. The swift counterstroke proved remarkably effective. Alix made a half-hearted attempt to push him away, then surrendered to the honey-sweet sensation and closed her eyes.
After several minutes of that delicious time she looked up at him, breathless.
"Can you believe me now?"
Alix nodded, her cheeks shyly flushed. The trouble between them was settled for the time being. Of course, affection stronger than anything they had known before now flowed between the two of them. Waldemar took care to show himself the devoted lover so that the girl lost in the fever of first love would not sulk again.
"Tell me once more. That you love me."
Every time she received the confirmation she made no effort to hide her joy.
Their sweet interlude lasted only a week. Waldemar hurried home to clear the schedule he had postponed in order to placate her. Alix felt a pang at her beloved's departure, yet the memory of the sweetness she had tasted in his arms persuaded her to let him go.
"Still, you mustn't do this again next time."
"Of course not."
Waldemar shared a light embrace with Alix.
Managed to patch things up, at least.
When he returned to Berlin, both his mother and his sisters revealed their curiosity about the state of his romantic affairs.
"What about Alix? Why didn't you bring the child back from Russia?"
"Don't worry. Alix and I have made up."
To be precise, it was rather more than a mere reconciliation. Waldemar had sworn his affection and had, in effect, accepted her as his fiancée.
"I'm so glad."
Victoria, Princess Royal, rejoiced at the reconciliation between her son and her niece Alix.
"Now don't quarrel with Alix any more; try to get along well."
"I mean to."
Waldemar himself had keenly felt, this time, just how intensely Alix clung to his affection. And the one who had made her that way was none other than himself.
The thought reminded him to check whether any letter had arrived from St. Petersburg. Sure enough, in that short span Alix had already sent one by telegram. It was not as though they had been parted for days, yet she poured out a great many words. Now the letters contained not only the trivial details of daily life but also the full richness of the emotions she felt.
I understand what she's saying.
Alix's letter was long-winded, yet its gist was simple: because Waldemar had left she felt lonely, and as her lover he ought to comfort her. He wrote back at length, filling the reply with the affection she desired. A few hours later another letter arrived.
Good heavens.
Faced with her endless "messages," Waldemar realized how terrifying the change in their relationship truly was. Alix now displayed a boldness that did not hesitate to demand her lover's affection whenever she felt the need. Unfortunately, having only just begged her to become his beloved and won her forgiveness, Waldemar was in no position to refuse.
I coaxed Alix far too early.
He sincerely regretted the way he had set his sights on her from the start, determined to snatch Nicholas's match beyond all doubt. Delaying the process of winning her over a little would not have thrown his plans into serious disarray; why had he been in such a rush? Looking back, it had been an idiotic thing to do. He regretted it, yet he could not reverse the situation.
After some thought he hit upon a clever expedient.
There's no reason I have to read every one of Alix's letters and answer them myself, is there?
Through Schneider he showed Alix's letters to the Russian models and had them draft the replies. Of course he did not forget to rewrite those answers in his own hand and style so that Alix would never notice. The cunning deception succeeded brilliantly. Alix sensed nothing amiss. On the contrary, she declared that she could feel Waldemar's affection even more strongly than before.
Her loving expressions pricked his conscience a little, yet he did not stop deceiving the innocent girl.
This is a white lie for her sake.
Good for Alix and good for him. Thanks to the arrangement he was freed, to a degree, from her emotional excesses. The labor of correspondence was now almost the same as when they had merely been childhood friends. At that level he could endure it.
"Really, Alix is such a fool."
"This is a secret from Alix."
"I know."
Sophie had never intended, from the beginning, to expose her brother's dark secret to Alix. Still, nothing came free. Anglo-Saxon blood ran in her veins as well; she was of a people who never gave discounts.
"So what are you going to do for me?"
"What do you want?"
Sophie considered what she might extract from her brother. For some time she had watched Alix freely claim every mark of affection and every gift from him, and the sight had filled her with sharp resentment. Her brother could never be her share, yet she had no wish to feel disregarded.
"Jewels and dresses."
"Will that be enough?"
"It won't be a small amount, you know."
Sophie's eyes sparkled as she spoke. She remembered perfectly the list of presents Alix had received from Waldemar. When she recited the long inventory, even he looked at his younger sister with a touch of dread.
"Do you really think you can wear all of that? You'll never get through the lot before your debut."
"I don't care if I can't wear them. I'll take every piece with me when I marry."
Sophie would not yield an inch. This was not mere material desire; her pride was at stake. Waldemar had no choice but to submit. Money was not a particularly precious resource to him.
"I'll buy it all."
At his promise Sophie smiled more brightly than ever. For the briefest moment it felt as though the brother of her childhood had returned.
Waldemar reflected that he could never hope to understand what went on inside women's heads, and instructed a servant to purchase everything he had promised Sophie.