Responsibility Without Pleasure
"Daddy!"
A little girl with a fox tail beamed up at me, throwing her arms around me without a shred of hesitation.
Her outfit was strange, too — she was wearing a hanbok, the traditional dress of a bygone era.
Not a nine-tailed fox. A one-tailed fox.
"Wh-what is this?!"
"Well, this is quite the variable."
"H-hold on a second."
Brushing past Iris, who was flustered, and Nyarlathotep, who was stroking her chin as if this were all terribly interesting, I bolted into my room.
Then I started hunting for the tail of the Old Fox of the Back Mountain that I'd left lying on my desk.
"One, two, three, four... eight?"
That fox had definitely had nine tails. I'd torn off nine of them.
But now one was missing, and a child with an identical tail had appeared just outside my door.
A child who, for some reason, called me Daddy.
"It would seem that when you absorbed the fox's divine power, a fragment of it slipped loose and returned to where it came from," Nyarlathotep said, sauntering into the room while cradling the child. She was sweating despite herself, and I felt my own hackles rise.
"If you send a child carrying divine power off to an orphanage or the like, she could grow up to become a calamity."
She saw straight through my thoughts and narrowed her eyes.
"The only way to be rid of this child is to kill her, here and now. So — what will you do?"
"...You're not exactly leaving me options here."
I let out a long sigh and gathered the girl into my arms.
"Daddy! Daddy!"
Whether by pure instinct she recognized her biological father, the child burrowed her face into my chest.
"There, there. Yes, I'm your daddy."
I patted her on the back, softening my voice.
What else was I supposed to do? I couldn't exactly kill her.
"Then I suppose the question becomes — who shall be her mother?"
"...!!"
Nyarlathotep's eyes went perfectly round at my words.
"Why, it is surely I! You truly do agonize over the most self-evident of matters!"
"No, it's me! I got the proposal first—"
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!"
Cthugha, who had barged in mid-sentence, got chewed out by Nyarlathotep on the spot.
Thud. Thud.
Out of nowhere, a full-blown catfight erupted in the middle of the dark night.
Perhaps because Iris and I were both human, they didn't use any of their strange powers — but even so, the sight was like a scene from a well-choreographed action movie.
"Mama!"
Thump-thump-thump!
The child, meanwhile, went scampering straight toward the two brawling women.
And latched on.
"...Huh?"
Her destination was Iris — the one person standing to the side, utterly lost as to what was happening.
The girl wrapped her arms around Iris's legs and started shouting Mama at the top of her lungs.
Ah, I see.
Even though her blessing had been taken away, Iris still retained the shaman's power she'd received from the Old Fox of the Back Mountain.
In a sense, this child could be called a daughter born between the Old Fox and me.
Naturally, she would carry some of the old fox's power within her.
So if a stranger — anyone other than me — suddenly radiated the very power inside her own body...
Of course she'd assume that's her mother.
What would happen, then, if she met another shaman?
The thought crossed my mind, but I shook it off. That was a bridge to cross later. As long as she was raised with plenty of love, meeting another shaman wouldn't be a problem.
"S-sweetie. I-I'm not your mama. I-I haven't even married Hyunseong yet, so how could I..."
"MAMAAAA!"
"Uuuuuuh!"
Iris picked the girl up off her legs and tried to explain herself — but one look at the child grinning up at her with a face that plainly said who cares made her stamp her feet in defeat.
"Wh-what do I do?! She's just too cute, I can't bring myself to say no...!"
"...Then just be her mom."
Having thus unilaterally appointed Iris as the mother, I wiped sweat from my brow.
"How dare a mere human forget their place!"
Nyarlathotep, having finally pinned Cthugha down, jabbed a finger accusingly at Iris with an irritated scowl.
"What can I do if she's decided I'm her mama? We're not even dating, so it's fine as long as we're both just parents to her, isn't it?"
"Even so, it displeases me!"
Rumble, rumble.
Nyarlathotep rolled across the floor like a sulking toddler, wriggling her way toward me.
Watching her, I genuinely wondered if this was the true meaning of the Crawling Chaos. In any case, I hauled her back onto her feet.
"You can't very well raise the child in a single-parent household. Whatever the case, it's only right to let her call whoever she likes Mama."
"Hrrrnnghhh!"
It was a fair point, and Nyarlathotep — realizing that any further protest would just look like sour grapes — beat her fists against the floor in frustration.
"...Damn it. Nobody ever pays any attention to me."
And Cthugha, sprawled flat on the floor, muttered in a hollow voice.
My household is a complete disaster.
All it took was one child, and the whole place had descended into chaos.
"Starting now, your name is Ari."
"Is that not the name of a game character? Surely you could put a little more effort into it."
Having barely managed to restore order, I took the child in my arms and set about naming her.
Come on, Ari's a solid name. It's practically the first name that comes to mind when you hear "gumiho."
"Fine, then let's just go with Miho."
"You truly have no intention of naming her properly, do you?"
Cthugha clicked her tongue in disdain.
"Oh, for crying out loud. Fine — then you guys suggest some."
They wouldn't offer any ideas, only complaints, so with a flash of irritation I told them to come up with names themselves.
"The great race of Yith."
"Shantak."
"Gug."
"Flying Polyp."
"Hard no. Why are you all trying to raise my daughter as a weapon of mass destruction?"
Every last one of them was unhinged.
Given that their naming sense mirrored the titles of the Avatar of Chaos forms, I could only assume the entities behind those names were equally far from ordinary.
"...Yehwa?"
Just then, after deliberating with uncharacteristic care, Iris spoke a name.
Yehwa, huh...
That's actually not bad.
It sounded fitting for a fox spirit, without being strange in any way.
With my surname attached, she'd be Kim Yehwa.
Let's just call her Yehwa.
Adding the surname made it sound a little off, so we'd use Yehwa day to day, and save Kim Yehwa for the rare occasion that called for a full name — official forms, that sort of thing.
"All right. From this moment on, your name is Yehwa."
"Yehwa!"
Giggle-giggle.
Delighted to have a name of her own, Yehwa beamed and squirmed happily on my lap.
"..."
Ticklish. So very ticklish.
"Keeehehehehe!!"
Something about her just made me want to tease her, so I prodded her tummy with my fingers, and she folded over completely, howling with laughter.
This was more fun than I'd expected.
"I wonder if this tail of hers will grow along with her?"
Stroke, stroke.
I murmured the question as I ran my hand over the tail's impossibly soft fur.
It was so plush and full it felt exactly like petting a cat.
"But what is she supposed to eat to grow?"
The question occurred to me out of nowhere.
She wasn't human, so what did she actually live on?
"How should I know? This is a first, even across the entire universe."
I'd asked Nyarlathotep, who supposedly knew everything, but she only shrugged.
Huh. So even she has blind spots.
"...Also, your case is a first as well."
"What was that?"
"Nothing at all. In the meantime, let us try offering her human food first."
She muttered something else under her breath, and when I asked what she'd said, Nyarlathotep brushed me off entirely and walked toward the kitchen.
"Num-num time. Num-num."
"Put those away."
Meanwhile, I shoved Cthugha back, who was busy thrusting her chest in Yehwa's face.
Absolute lunatic. What exactly is she trying to teach my daughter?
Would she even produce milk in the first place?
"Try eating this."
"What dat?"
When Nyarlathotep pressed an apple into her hands, Yehwa stared at it with the expression of a primitive human seeing fire for the first time.
"That is called an apple. Its flesh ranges in color from yellow to pale green, and if left unattended too long, its moisture and pectin compounds diminish while the firmness of the fruit—"
"That's enough."
Who on earth gives a full lecture to feed a child one apple?
Give it a few years and she'd probably walk Yehwa through the proof before teaching her that one plus one equals two.
"Me eat it?"
Sitting on my lap, Yehwa lifted her head and tilted it, asking.
She looked for all the world like a round, plump steamed bun.
"Yes, you eat it. Go on, try a bite."
"Uuuuuum..."
Yehwa fidgeted, as if the apple somehow frightened her.
Did it feel to her like being force-fed vegetables?
"Aaaaah~."
But then she made up her mind, opened her mouth wide, and took a huge bite out of the apple.
Crunch, crunch.
At least her chewing was no different from an ordinary human's — the sound of fruit flesh being crushed filled the room.
"...!"
Chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp.
Mid-bite, Yehwa suddenly froze with the look of someone who'd just been struck by lightning, and started thumping my leg with both fists.
"Ish sho good...!!"
"Thank goodness."
Fortunately, the apple seemed to have won her over — Yehwa declared it delicious with tears welling in her eyes.
Was it really that good? Well, it was the first food she'd ever eaten in her life, so I suppose it could be.
"Hmm... it appears that human food provides her no sustenance whatsoever."
At that moment, Nyarlathotep stroked her chin and said.
"Why? She's eating just fine."
From where I sat, the girl was devouring the thing with relish, and I nearly told her to cut the nonsense — but from Nyarlathotep's standpoint, it was a different matter entirely.
"Now, observe. A normal human consumes food, passes it through the digestive process, and expels the remainder through the anus."
Sliiiide.
"Eek!!"
When Nyarlathotep dragged a fingertip down Yehwa's body from throat to belly, the girl squirmed and giggled at the tickle.
"But this child's structure differs from that of a human."
Pop.
"She has no digestive organs. Anything she eats is broken down invisibly fine the instant it's consumed and passes back out through her skin. In other words, she absorbs absolutely no nutrition from food at all."
"Then what am I supposed to do about it?"
"Try letting her suck on your finger."
My finger?
I stared down at my own hand.
Calluses had built up all over it, the marks of long training.
"That's going to be pretty hard to suck on..."
"Try it regardless."
When I hesitated, Nyarlathotep, visibly impatient, grabbed my hand and popped my finger straight into Yehwa's mouth.
"Slurp, slurp, slurp."
And with that, Yehwa began sucking on my finger as if entranced.
She looked like a junkie getting her fix.
"This child grows by consuming the divine power you carry as her Constellation. Feed her once a day, and there will be no problems."
"Ohhh."
Wearing a thoroughly pleased expression, I stroked Yehwa's head as she nursed contentedly on my finger.
"Mmmmm..."
Once she'd had her fill, Yehwa let my finger slip from her mouth, blinked her big eyes a few times, and began to doze off right there on my lap.
And so, patting the back of the girl sleeping peacefully on my legs, I found myself thinking:
Parenting is a goddamn grind.
How on earth did things end up like this?