It's a Joke, Though
"...That's not wrong."
The words broke a short silence on their way out. Even stroking her hair—this was only the second time. How far apart we'd kept ourselves, physically, wasn't worth the breath it would take to explain. And it wasn't as if everything since we'd announced we were living together had been progress in that direction alone. The fact that I was even talking like this meant a lot had already changed between us.
"You talk so sure of yourself, but the second I get close, you get ridiculously shy."
"...Hey, that's different. Seriously... this is weird."
The color that had been quietly draining from Baek Serin's face flared red all over again. I hadn't let any of it show, but it would be a lie to say none of it got to me. Holding her hand. Stroking her hair. I was hanging meaning on every trivial little thing, and I couldn't call myself numb the way I used to be.
She'd already kicked the blanket off to one side. I glanced at her, then finally opened my mouth.
"We haven't even started, have we."
"Hey, we started ages ago. We just never went any further."
"...You talk a good game. But looking at you, you're not gonna get far."
"...What's that supposed to mean?"
"That it's gonna take forever."
Closing the distance. I didn't bother adding the rest. She knew it better than I did anyway.
Our eyes had been locked for a long while before they finally slipped. This time Serin looked away first.
My lips wouldn't come apart.
I'd never thought of us as stopped. I'd never even thought of stopping. I'd only figured we were running a marathon with no finish line, so I never ran it at full speed. Maybe all I'd been doing was walking.
"Fine. Swear at me or something."
"...Are you crazy too?"
"Somebody told me if you want to handle a crazy bitch, you've gotta go crazy yourself."
"...Crazy bastard."
Only then did the faint heat in her cheeks start fading back to their usual color, a thin smile tugging at her mouth. Even so, crazy didn't really suit her. It wasn't a word you used on someone who'd finally gotten honest.
Serin, who'd been lying on the bed, started to push herself up. I watched, wondering if she'd thought of something she wanted to do, and before long she stopped. She sat facing me with her knees drawn in, perfectly still, and through eyes narrowed to slits she looked straight at me.
"Hey, it's been forever since we just sat like this, hasn't it?"
"Forever since what."
"Think about it. We were always looking at something else. We almost never looked at each other."
"We're still the people who've seen each other the most."
Serin set her chin on her knees and answered in a small voice.
"...And every one of those times was a profile. Or the back of your head."
She let her lips fall open in a soft little puff. I'd thought I knew almost everything about Baek Serin. This one was harder. We'd spent nearly our whole lives looking. Of course we'd seen each other more than anyone else. Was she saying that still wasn't enough?
When no answer came from me for a long while, her lips moved again.
"I think I know why your face was so hard to read."
"Why."
"Because I only ever saw you from the side. Looking at you today—when you're thinking something pointless, you keep blinking."
"...It's not pointless."
Sharp, though. I hadn't even noticed it myself. Usually I didn't blink, too busy reading her expression and picking my answer off it. Now I was stuck figuring out what to do with what she thought, so I closed my eyes a lot more. Hiding anything from each other might be impossible from here on out.
I held her gaze for a moment, then finally gave her the answer I'd been putting off.
"Is thinking about you pointless too?"
"...H-huh?"
"...What kind of brainless noise was that?"
At the words that had slipped out of me without much thought, Serin ducked and buried her face in her knees. Then she peeked up at me with just her eyes.
"Hey—ugh—I don't know, shut up. Shut up."
"I say something and you still complain."
Classic Serin. If she kept swinging back and forth like that, the road ahead was going to be rough.
"Heeey—why aren't you embarrassed at all?"
"Want me to pretend?"
"...No, forget it. God, this is annoying."
"Give it a try. Just don't say anything weird."
"What's weird."
"Wanna watch porn?" She threw it out there, then couldn't get another word out.
Look at that. Did she really think just hurling it at me would make me blush? We'd known each other more than twenty years. I had some immunity.
"...Should we?"
No answer.
Or not. Hmm. This was hard.
"Yeah, I think that counts as a weird thing to say."
"...You're the one who said we should watch it."
"I was just joking."
By then Serin had lifted her face a little, checking my reaction. I met her eyes, then turned away. If I let this mood keep going, it was going to slide somewhere strange.
"...Hey. Where are you going. Sit."
"Am I a dog? You think I'll sit just because you say so."
Halfway off the bed, a small voice tickled my ear.
"...I am yours, though."
A real opponent. How did she refuse to lose even once? And then she said it herself and buried her face because she was embarrassed... I genuinely couldn't tell. No matter how I tried to let it slide, it didn't sound like she was only teasing.
"You're mine too. So you don't get to give orders."
"...Grr—"
Serin bared her teeth and let her lips tremble, indignant. A cat, hissing. She'd never said things like that before, and I'd never said them either. Neither of us had any resistance. If I'd known her reactions would be this fun, maybe I should have poked at her sooner.
"Hey, let's go. We'll stop by the store."
"...The store, out of nowhere?"
"I've got to cook for you. They're doing elevator maintenance tomorrow, so today's easier."
"...Oh."
The sound crawled out of her, short and small, and only then did she squirm her way off the bed. I'd gone shopping on Friday, but only enough for myself. There was salad for Serin, sure. I still couldn't feed her nothing but weeds three times a day. Living together, I was realizing all over again, meant a lot of things to think about.
She was already standing behind me. I glanced back and spoke.
"You're going out like that?"
"There's nothing to grab, right?"
"Nope. Just bring your body."
"...That line's a little dirty."
"...You crazy bitch, I swear."
Weird. She definitely had brakes. She just couldn't lie. All she had to do was not say it out loud. Or maybe she was enjoying messing with me. If I tacked anything else on, I had no idea what would come out of her mouth, so I turned and started walking. Serin trotted after me. What was actually wrong with her.
"Hey, come walk beside me like usual."
"Okay, stop nagging."
She grumbled, but the presence I'd felt on my right suddenly shifted to my left. Wondering what she was up to, I glanced sideways. Her hair had fallen forward, and I couldn't see her face.
If she wanted to hide her expression that badly, she shouldn't have said it in the first place.
"Anything you want to eat?"
"You'll make me anything?"
"Can't promise it'll taste good."
Once we reached the supermarket in front of the building, Serin moved back to my other side. Her face had loosened up. Something like that, probably.
I was pushing the cart at an easy pace when her steps suddenly stopped. Her gaze had settled on one spot. I followed it and found not the food section, but household goods.
"Oh. If we're not stopping by your place, we should get a toothbrush."
"Yeah. Not just a toothbrush."
She cut herself off, and her head turned a little. I didn't need her to say it. Her cycle was coming around again, too.
"Still. Putting that in the cart while you're here with a guy is a little much, isn't it."
"Since when do you care about that."
"Fair."
I dragged the stopped cart over toward her and added, "Nothing else you need?"
"I don't know. My memory always blanks at times like this."
"Think about everything you used when you were home alone."
I ran a little mental trip, picturing what I'd pack the night before leaving. Clothes aside—toiletries, maybe some basic cosmetics. What else was there.
"We need a razor, too."
Better not ask why. I hated myself for almost telling her, without a thought, to just use mine.
"Oh, I'll use your cream for now, okay?"
"Weren't you dry skin?"
"A day or two is fine. I didn't even wear makeup today."
"Do what you want, then."
I followed behind her, eyeing the necessities stacking up in the cart, and Serin stopped so suddenly the cart bumped her backside.
"...Hey. I just got curious about something."
Whether getting hit by the cart didn't matter to her, she turned her upper body at an angle and her lips moved a couple of times.
"What."
"...Do we need to buy condoms, too?"
"Pfft—look at your face. I'm joking, you crazy bastard."
Something I wouldn't normally have glanced at in the household aisle was stocked right behind her. Decent bait, and she threw it immediately. And I bit.
"...Don't say stuff like that. Why are you like this today?"
I sighed and pushed the cart again. She was making a lot of jokes in that direction today. Did she think that got the best reaction? I glanced at the blush starting to creep into her cheeks, and her steps had stopped cold. She wasn't following.
I turned. She was staring a hole through my face. Her eyes curved at once, and the corners of her mouth started climbing.
"Oh. Your face is red. You embarrassed? Hmm?"
"...Ah."
A short sigh escaped me. Of course I was. Hearing something like that, even I got embarrassed. Still, getting played by the joke forever wasn't my style. Maybe it was better to pin this down while we were here. She was the one who'd started it.
"...Hey. I'm a guy, too."
"Pfft, so what?"
"If we're buying them, buy them."
"I said it was a jo—... huh, wh...?"
