5. Proper Distance
5. Proper Distance
"Are you really that same Baek Serin who was talking bullshit on the phone earlier?"
"...Won't you shut up?"
Returning to my house empty-handed, Baek Serin was slyly avoiding my eyes as if she had never done such a thing.
Baek Serin sat on the edge of the bed that hadn't been removed from the room yet.
And there was me, sitting on the floor like someone who had been ousted from his spot.
It's already this uncomfortable, so how on earth are we supposed to cohabit?
"......Should we set a few rules?"
"...What rules all of a sudden?"
"Why? You know, things like deal-breakers that we absolutely hate."
"I'm fine with everything, though?"
"Ah... Can't you just leave?"
Was not being able to take control of the conversation always this exhausting?
I feel suffocated even before bringing up the topic.
"First off, sleeping in the same room is absolutely out of the question."
"Why can't we? Why? Why?"
"I sleep completely naked, you know?"
"You crazy perverted bastard, wear something. ...Or cover yourself with a blan─"
"Isn't it a non-issue if we just sleep separately?"
I cut her off before she could say something stupid again.
Of course, sleeping completely naked was just a lie to gross her out.
Even so, it felt a bit uncomfortable.
Though I usually sleep shirtless.
"Haa... Then let's set them one by one. You state one requirement first. Then me next."
"...How come you're letting me go first?"
"I need to decide mine after seeing what you say. So think carefully, alright?"
"Look at you being so sly, seriously."
A sigh escaped my lips automatically.
Still, well, isn't this a pretty decent negotiation table?
At least having choices is important.
......Or not, maybe I'm just being played.
"Then first rule. You and I sleep separately."
"...Ha, fuck, I knew you'd do that."
First, I put out the urgent fire.
Because if Baek Serin beat me to this, things would become utterly bleak for me.
When I slowly raised my head, Serin's face caught my eyes, looking as if she had immediately fallen into thought.
Her pupils pointed toward the ceiling.
Her lips slightly parted.
Her eyes, blinking a couple of times, suddenly grew wide and round, and the corners of her mouth slowly curled upward.
"Then stay with me during the rest of the time."
"Wow, does that condition even make sense?"
"Why? Assuming you sleep 7 hours a day, isn't it timewise pretty similar?"
"Am I some kind of security plushie? Sticking together all day."
"That's right. I'm going to keep holding onto you anyway."
"...Let's be a bit flexible with that, okay?"
As I grimaced heavily and met her gaze,
Baek Serin shrugged her shoulders, fortunately aware that she was being unreasonable.
Yeah, how could I scoop spilled water back up anyway?
I just have to wipe it clean and refill it.
It's not spear and shield, so where on earth am I supposed to run to like this?
No matter how I look at it, isn't the current situation only disadvantageous to me?
For now, I need to create a bit more distance.
"Second. Don't mess with me when I say I want to be alone."
"Ha... How many hours?"
Baek Serin, who scoffed in disbelief, looked down at me with narrowed eyes.
Does this even make sense? What's wrong with having time to myself?
"Why set that on an hourly basis? Are you crazy?"
"Why? My condition was taking up the rest of the time. I told you, you're mine now?"
"Wow... You crazy bitch. You don't even blink an eye now, do you?"
"We have plenty of time. Righttt?"
"......."
The corners of Baek Serin's lips formed crescents.
On top of that, a sly smile was added to her eyes, leaving me utterly speechlessly rendered.
Ha.
She really came out here grinding her teeth in determination.
Is this even a negotiation? Isn't it practically blackmail?
"Then it's my turn, right? Don't nag me about wearing your clothes."
"So now you're going to commit grand theft out in the open?"
"Why is this theft? Why is me smelling your scent... fuck, anyway."
"......."
What do I seriously do about this?
Why did a conversation started to set living rules so we wouldn't be uncomfortable turn out like this?
Somehow it feels like it turned into child's play.
Was the condition of not sleeping in the same bed worth this much?
Was it such a heavy condition that the scales tilted this far?
"Ha... Shall we make the third one the last?"
"Why? You scared?"
"No matter what I say, you just keep tacking on ridiculous stuff, Baek Serin."
"Then you should have just accepted it quietly, dumbass. What's so terrible about sleeping together?"
"Ah, I've decided. The third one is one wish for me every time you curse."
"Wow...... Are you serious?"
Perfect timing.
Since that foul mouth of hers needed fixing somehow anyway.
Even if I told her not to do it with nothing to back it up, she'd clearly do it again.
Then couldn't I just steer it in a direction advantageous to me?
It feels like I'll easily rack up about 10 wishes a day.
"......Hey, shouldn't we set a limit on how far that goes?"
"...Oh my, yes, you, Baek Serin, can't say anything anymore."
"Hey──! Do you think all I do is swear all day long?"
"Yeah."
"Fu......"
Barely holding back another curse that was about to pop out, Baek Serin quickly fluttered her lips as if something came to mind late.
"Hey, then make my third condition this. You have to grant me one request a day."
"......What is that?"
What's with that elementary-schooler idea? Are you a kid?
...No, strictly speaking, did I start it first?
Looking back at it now, both of us are being childish.
What on earth are we doing over twenty years old....
"It's fine if I use it to deduct the curses I used, right?"
"Well, I suppose, but on the condition that we can't twist the rules we've set up so far."
"Whatever."
"Then let's stop here. Seriously, I'm exhausted."
How big could a request even be anyway?
Since I blocked her from asking to sleep together anyway, there shouldn't be any big problems.
Besides, even with that condition, curses will fly out of Baek Serin's mouth first, so she'll be busy redeeming those anyway.
It would be nice if she fixed her bad habit while we're at it.
Who would take a girl with such a foul mouth......
.......
"...Ah, and if there's anything uncomfortable, let's not bottle it up and say it right away."
"I'm uncomfortable. Fucking uncomfortable."
"Isn't that a swear word?"
"Why is this a swear word?"
...It is a word classified as profanity, but should I just let this much slide?
Whatever, even without that, it'll keep popping out habituatedly anyway.
"Let's overlook up to that point."
"Then let me consider that much safe, and I'm telling you I'm uncomfortable right now too!"
The conversation was back to square one.
What on earth is she so uncomfortable about?
It looks like nothing more than her throwing a tantrum.
When I glanced over at Baek Serin's face, her already sharp eyes were narrowed even further.
"Why aren't you coming to my side? Do you hate sitting together too?"
Baek Serin spat out her voice blunt while glancing sideways at the spot next to her on the bed.
"We're going to see each other every day once we live together anyway."
"...You hate even this with someone who wants to stay with you constantly?"
"Are we really in that kind of relationship?"
"We're in a relationship where it wouldn't be strange to be close to each other."
"And we're not in a relationship where being close carries any special meaning either."
Baek Serin's sharp voice, which should have snapped back, didn't come.
A short silence.
Still, in each other's eyes, only each other was reflected.
However, the thoughts harbored by each were polar opposites.
Baek Serin, wondering why that was strange.
And me, wondering why it had to be that way.
It wasn't that a clear reason to refuse came to mind.
Just, for now, for a moment.
I just felt like I needed to hold back Baek Serin a little as she approached me straight ahead.
"......I want to touch your wrist."
"Go ahead."
Baek Serin's sharp tone softened a bit.
It was probably because disappointment was contained in her voice.
Then for a moment, my thoughts multiplied.
Actions that were done casually came back with a different meaning as the distance narrowed.
Conversely, there were also actions that felt awkward as the distance narrowed.
Baek Serin, who was sitting on the edge of the bed,
eventually coming down from the bed to fiddle with my wrist.
Her face being strangely flushed.
And me, subtly turning my head away so as not to catch your face.
Even if I tried not to be conscious of it,
because Baek Serin had already voiced her intention to narrow the distance.
Even this action done out of habit ends up being received with a slightly different meaning.
Then suddenly, Baek Serin's index finger touching my wrist slowly changes direction toward my palm.
"...That tickles."
"I didn't hold it."
"You held it so much when we were young."
"...That was already ten years ago too."
Actions that were taken for granted turn into things no longer taken for granted from a certain point.
And all those actions,
started to surface once again from the moment one side opened their heart.
Just for the single reason of becoming honest.
"Are you feeling a bit more comfortable now?"
"Yeah."
"...But what do you like so much about touching my wrist like that?"
"......It's like marking."
"What marking?"
When I gently turned my head back after avoiding her, Baek Serin had her head deeply bowed.
Before long, a quiet voice trickled out again.
"...When I did this, at least other bitches wouldn't eye you."
"......."
An unpolished tone trembling faintly.
It was a state that laid Baek Serin's emotions bare as they were.
That she was feeling shy.
And that she was saying it from the bottom of her heart.
Baek Serin had never spoken to me in that tone of voice before.
Because it was an emotion she was always busy hiding, something I could never have heard in the past.
A voice most fitting for the present Baek Serin.
By the way, was that the reason?
How silly.
Anyway, because Baek Serin was always hovering around me, there wasn't even room for another woman to get close.
She just didn't show it outwardly, but was Baek Serin always serious?
"Don't act shy. It's awkward as hell."
"Shut the f... Be quiet."
"You dodged that well?"
Baek Serin, raising her head reflexively.
At the same time, Serin's face, which she had tightly suppressed, comes into my sight.
Her two cheeks were still lightly flushed pale pink.
Her pupils, which used to meet mine out of habit, were also trembling faintly.
Even so, this time.
Baek Serin didn't avoid my eyes.
...I felt like I could understand a bit of how a couple starting a relationship for the first time feels.
Even actions done as if they were nothing,
the sight seen after knowing the other person's heart felt weighed with a different gravitas.
Maybe the reason our relationship was so terribly calm was simply that there was no shyness.
Or rather, saying it was hidden would be closer to the truth.
Baek Serin's softly flushed cheeks grew even redder.
Between her slightly parted lips, a voice heavily suppressed as if trying to hide her embarrassment trickles out.
"...Hey."
"Speak."
"I want to... hold hands."
...Why is she hesitating so much, so unlike her.
Since when did we ask for permission for something like this.
Holding hands is no big deal at all.
"If the closeness you mentioned meant that."
Baek Serin's fingertips, which were tickling my wrist, came to a stop.
Even without looking at her face,
Baek Serin's emotions could be felt through just that single movement of her fingertips.
Baek Serin's fingers, which had paused on my wrist as if lost, slowly move toward my palm.
As if the trembling and body heat barely transmitted by the fingertips were slowly expanding their reach.
The ticklish sensation that had started at the fingernails.
Tilted enough for all the finger joints to touch.
After a small hesitation, our palms touched.
What on earth is this.
What special meaning could be contained in this.
I thought we weren't in a relationship where I had to push away mere hand-holding.
I thought it was naturally nothing to be shy about either.
Why are you.
Looking up at me with those eyes.
"......Hey."
"...What."
Baek Serin's lips fluttered several times.
Even as if she was about to pull out something she harbored, she repeated closing them again.
Even so, without letting go of the held hand.
As if groping between my fingers, she slowly wrapped her own fingers around mine bit by bit.
Like that, for a long while.
Whether she had made up her mind, her pupils looking up at me trembled once.
"......Shall we count today as the first time we held hands?"
At the same time, a tiny tremor was transmitted from our touching palms.
To that question of yours, I didn't bother opening my mouth.
I just held your hand quietly instead of answering.
Because I felt that the 'first' you wanted would probably be around this temperature.
