Morning
A sigh slipped out of me before I could stop it.
Baek Serin couldn't lie right now, and the alcohol had gone to her head, so there was nothing to be done about it. Even so.
"Heeey... hurry up. I just got really freaked out..."
"I know, so pull yourself together."
In the end I took one more step in and caught her by the shoulders. She was standing so unsteadily she looked ready to drop at any second. Her body gave a little flinch. She dragged in one deep breath after another, then started slowly toward the sink, and I followed, bracing her so she wouldn't topple, until she finally managed to get a toothbrush into her hand.
"...Something's weird about this."
"If you know it's weird, let's just get it over with."
She kept cutting her eyes at my reflection in the mirror, rolling them, then squeezed toothpaste onto the brush. Her fingertips were still trembling. The way she moved was so unsteady I couldn't bring myself to let go. If I'd known it would be like this, I should have just dumped her straight into bed.
A moment later she brought the brush to her lips, and then, out of nowhere, hauled the arm she'd been bracing on the sink up over her own shoulder. More precisely, up over the back of my hand, which was already resting there.
"...What are you doing."
"...Hol' me up, 'm gonna fall."
"...What are you even saying."
She didn't seem to care about the question. The hand working the toothbrush kept wobbling, and now and then she jabbed her gum instead of a tooth and let out a tiny little ah of a yelp. Before long even that was too much for her. She planted a hand on the sink and stopped brushing altogether.
"Wa... water..."
What am I supposed to do with her.
I swallowed everything I wanted to say and filled a rinsing cup. Getting this over with as fast as possible was probably better for my sanity. I brought the cup to her mouth. She only dipped her head a little and sucked the water in with a long slurp.
The result was exactly what you'd expect.
"Khak—hack, pwaah—"
She'd gone down the wrong pipe. Water came hacking back out of her into the sink, over and over. I ended up dragging the hand on her shoulder all the way to the nape of her neck. Once her breathing had settled some, I tipped the cup slowly.
"Lift your head a little."
"...Mm. ...Aaah—"
I let the water in through her slightly parted lips, then put a bit of strength into the hand cradling her nape. I watched her cheeks swell and shrink, and before long she spat into the sink. We did that about three times.
I wiped her still-unfocused mouth with a towel, propped her up, and got us out of the bathroom.
"Huu—hoo... ahh, I'm exhausted."
"...What did you even do to be exhausted?"
"Ahh, I dunno... 'm tired."
I thought about scolding her some more and gave up. Grumbling at a drunk only wears you out, and I was part of the reason she was like this anyway. I eased Baek Serin down onto the bed and let out a heavy sigh.
"Just sleep. Tonight, anyway."
"Heeey... talk a little first, then go... yeah?"
"...Talk about what?"
Instead of answering, she swept a look over the spot beside her, patted the sheet with her palm, and stared up at me with a sullen face.
She'll be out cold any minute anyway. Humoring her a little should be fine.
I sat down quietly at her side. She cleared her throat and spoke first.
"Hey, you... you do see me as a woman, right?"
"What kind of answer are you fishing for."
"Why... why won't you put your hands on me."
Saying something that dangerous without a second thought—yeah, she was definitely drunk.
"Turn it around. If I were the one passed out, would you put your hands on me?"
As if to hide the faint flush on her cheeks, she tapped her face with her palms. For a good while. Once she'd settled a little, Serin offered her voice again.
"You don't even do it when you're sober..."
"What am I, an animal."
"Just a little—hey, are you seriously impotent or what..."
"Other people hold hands and kiss and all that, so why, why do you just sit there."
Maybe the alcohol had let thoughts slip out that she hadn't managed to filter. Or maybe she was borrowing the drink to say something she'd wanted to say anyway.
What was I supposed to answer. The usual excuse—I'm holding back for your sake—should I give her something like that?
...Too cringey. I don't want to.
"Ask me when you're sober. You never know."
"...You don't want to now?"
"That's right."
As if turning it over, she let out a small breath and rolled her eyes up toward the ceiling. I didn't think the drunkenness had worn off, but the strangely subdued voice snagged on me.
Still, I can't just make her wait forever.
I steadied my breath and spoke, quietly.
"It's not that."
"...What..."
"There's still so much we haven't done."
"...So."
"But if we went and did something after drinking, I think I'd feel awful about it."
No answer came right away. Her eyes, which had climbed to the ceiling while she thought, came down late. Our gazes met on their own. Neither of us looked away, and a strange air began to settle between us.
"...So holding hands is fine, then."
"Yeah."
"Then hold mine."
Instead of answering, I hesitated a moment and laid my hand over the back of hers. Holding hands was fine enough. It wasn't as if I disliked it. But Baek Serin wasn't satisfied. She wiggled her fingers and started pushing them, one by one, into the gaps. Slender fingers squirmed again and again, squeezing into the narrow spaces between mine. Once we were interlaced, she gave my hand a gentle squeeze and let her voice out again.
"...Now pet me."
"...Okay."
How to put it. The request was a little cute.
This time I reached out with my other hand and set it on her head. As I slowly smoothed her slightly mussed hair back into place, Baek Serin's flushed eyes trembled quietly beneath it.
"...We really haven't done anything but this."
That was what she said, lips pressed tight. A hollow laugh escaped me at the words. More than twenty years of knowing each other, and the only skinship between us was these two things. As if the hand at her hair felt good, Serin swayed her head and drew a faint smile.
We stayed like that for a long while. The quiet warmth between our interlaced hands grew hotter by degrees, and Serin's lips, which had only been twitching, began to part.
"...You know how in dramas there's that thing."
"What thing?"
"...A morning kiss."
"...Isn't that all pretty staged?"
Baek Serin blinked, quietly watching me. Before long she let a blunt voice slip out.
"...I want to try it, though."
"...We'll do it someday."
"...Promise you won't turn me down then."
Her tone was unexpectedly serious. I turned that quietly lingering voice over for a long moment before I answered.
"...Okay."
I couldn't think of another excuse to push Baek Serin away. Maybe it was more honest to say there was no reason to push her away. If I went along with all of it, though, we'd cause some kind of accident before long. ...I'll think about that when we get there.
With that answer, her voice stopped coming. She closed her eyes still sitting there awkwardly, and only the soft rasp of her breathing reached me. Wondering if she'd fallen asleep, I stilled the hand in her hair. Still no response. I laid her down quietly so I wouldn't wake her, drew the blanket carefully up to her navel, turned off the light, and left the room.
I switched off the lights around the apartment one by one, pulled a spare blanket and pillow from the wardrobe we'd shoved out into the living room, and lay down at once. It had been a chaotic day, and my body was strangely tired.
...So a heart can get tired too.
Early morning. A still space where there wasn't a sound except breathing.
I didn't even have time to wonder why my body felt oddly stiff. What came out of my mouth wasn't a yawn. It was a question.
...I'd been wondering why there was one more set of breaths.
"...What."
I lifted my heavy eyelids, and brown hair filled my vision right in front of me. Baek Serin was lying there with the blanket pulled up over her collarbones, using me for a pillow. I tried to sit up, but her arms and legs were wrapped around me, and my body stopped dead. I was still debating whether to wake her when she stirred at the movement, curling in and opening her eyes. She nuzzled her face against my collarbone, let out a long yawn, and slowly tipped her head up.
We looked at each other across a gap close enough for breath to touch. Serin blinked eyes that weren't fully awake. Once. Then again.
And then—
"Huh—ha—hyaaaak?!"
I'd been about to give her a piece of my mind, but she screamed first. She looked every bit as thrown as I was.
"Hey, uh, wh—? Huh? Why are you—uh—?!"
She tripped over her own words again and again, like someone who'd forgotten language. She scrambled backward in a hurry, clutched the blanket tight against herself, and put distance between us.
...Is this even the same person as last night?
Then, eyes gone round, lips trembling, she got the words out.
"W-we didn't actually do it, did we—?!"
"...We didn't. And you're the one who came over here."
"Uh, eh...?"
Only then did Baek Serin whip her head around, taking in the room. Her sleep-mussed hair kept swaying.
"...Don't tell me you don't remember yesterday."
"...Yesterday? We drank."
"And after that?"
"I brushed my teeth... and then I just slept?"
"Then what are you doing here."
She only blinked, a dazed little sound slipping out between her lips, and shook her head a beat too late.
"...No, no... you carried me here on your back... didn't you?"
"As if. More than that, uh..."
I'd been trying not to notice. With nowhere safe to put my eyes, I ended up turning my head toward the window.
...I should really tell her to learn how to drink from her parents.
As if she were only now working out what I meant, Baek Serin's head slowly lowered, following the last place my gaze had flicked. Her lips parted by degrees.
I covered my ears without a word.
"...Euh, ...ah, hyaaaaah—!!"
