The Buzz
I didn't bother chasing Baek Serin when she left the room.
If she'd gone right, I would have followed. Left, though, there was nothing but the bathroom and the front door.
I stared blankly at the monitor, gone pitch black, and it had turned into a mirror, faintly giving me back my own face. Blurry, yes, but I could still make out an expression vacant enough to cut straight through the haze. Vacant enough that I had to wonder whether that was really my face.
A moment later I heard a door open, and before long Baek Serin appeared again.
She leaned lightly against the frame and glared at me with sullen eyes. I had no idea why she was suddenly looking at me like that, so I asked first.
"What, should we eat?"
"Who are you calling a pig. Or are you hungry?"
"I was gonna eat when you got hungry. So what's with the look?"
I asked again.
Serin, who had been rubbing her head against the doorframe, seemed to remember something, and a rather urgent voice spilled out of her.
"Hey. Hey, let's drink."
"......"
How had the conversation ended up here? It had come out of absolutely nowhere. More than that, this was the girl who used to say she'd rather die than drink, because alcohol made you fat. Why was she suddenly saying a thing like that?
"You never drink. You always say you'll get fat. And you can't even hold your liquor."
"...Hey, that was only right when I'd just become an adult."
"Have you had any since?"
"...I haven't."
Then what was that supposed to be. So nothing had actually changed.
Back then we'd only just come of age, and both sets of parents had been right there, so I'd let it pass without a word.
...It had been a genuinely horrific memory.
"You don't remember that, do you."
"...What did I do?"
I studied Serin's face for a moment. She might truly not know. She might just as easily be bluffing.
Then I needed to make sure she heard it. Not a single word off....
"You hung off my mom going, Mommy, Eunhyeon is way too—"
"Stoooop—!!"
Serin rushed over and clamped a hand across my mouth. At the same time a faint scent of soap tickled my nose.
If she didn't remember, why was she overreacting like this? I hadn't even gotten to the highlight.
I gently caught her wrist and lifted it away, letting out the voice she'd blocked.
"So? What's with the sudden drinking."
"...There's nothing to do at home. And we're not doing anything tomorrow, either."
"The real reason?"
"I feel like getting drunk."
The answer came without a moment's hesitation. For some reason she was wearing a serious face.
I blinked at her like an idiot, and only belatedly did my voice come out.
"...What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nooo, I felt so good back then. And after that they wouldn't let me drink..."
"Because a certain someone put on such a drunken scene. Your parents had a really hard time that night."
"They're not here now."
"...I feel like you need to phrase that better."
Anyway, I didn't personally dislike alcohol. I was just badly worried about whether I could handle Baek Serin's drunk nonsense.
"Anyway, we can just drink in moderation. I was way too excited back then."
...Wait a second.
She'd been a little suspicious for a while now.
"...You really don't remember, right?"
"......"
I watched her hem and haw and sneakily turn her head, then let out a heavy sigh.
Now that I looked at it, she couldn't lie, so she was simply not going to answer at all?
"No. I'm not drinking with you."
"...Hey, that actually hurts."
"You should've learned a thing or two, sitting in when our parents got together."
"...They wouldn't let me drink, though? But there were times they said it was okay."
Serin's head, turned slightly aside, came back to me along with her voice. Standing there felt awkward, so I perched on the edge of the bed, and she trotted after me and set herself down at my side.
I met her eyes, wondering what she meant to say, and she broke into a bright smile and let her voice spill.
"Mom said if it's just the two of us, I absolutely have to drink."
"...Are you serious."
...Serin's mother. What on earth have you been teaching your daughter. You saw that whole disgrace with your own eyes. How could you still say a thing like that?
"Your parents can really hold their liquor. Why are you like this..."
"She said you only get better by drinking."
"......"
Wasn't that just picking up the knack? Some things you're born with, and I'd always figured there was nothing to be done about those.
"Anyway, no."
At my answer Serin drew a thoroughly venomous look and glared at me. Then, as if something had occurred to her, she slowly opened her mouth.
"...Oh. A request."
"...What request?"
"The rule we decided. That one."
The rule......
Right. There had been something like that.
...Oh no. This was bad.
Was there a hole I could slip out through? I really didn't want this. This was dangerous. This really did not seem right.
Looked like I'd have to lay the negotiating table all over again.
"Hey, hold on. I already let you swear all day today."
"That was that."
"...Please, can't we put it off till next time?"
"What, you're gonna wait around for me to swear?"
God, and her read on people was disgustingly quick.
...So the negotiation had failed.
Then I compromised. What else was I supposed to do......
"Fine. But if you think you're getting drunk, you tell me. No—if I say stop, you stop."
"That's fine too. Mom said to start by just drinking with you."
"...What, are you planning to live exactly the way your mother tells you?"
"I've been hearing since I was little how Mom got her hooks into Dad."
"......"
So that was it....
Was there anywhere I could call for help? I needed some seasoned method of escape. My dad... no. He'd probably just tell me to get used to it.
Still... I didn't have to think of it as entirely bad. Both sets of parents liked to drink, so nights like this would only get more common. Even a little would help, and if her tolerance went up, that was fine in its own right.
...I give in faster than I thought.
In the end, as if I'd attained enlightenment, I let a drained voice slip out.
"...What kind of snacks do you want?"
"Just whatever they've got at the convenience store. Let me shower while you're out."
"...Fine."
I didn't ask what she meant. Maybe that once she was drunk she wouldn't be able to wash. Or maybe that it was awkward to shower while I was home.
...Please let tonight pass quietly.
Five minutes on foot from the apartment. Bag of drinks and snacks from the convenience store in hand, I sat for a moment on the bench out front.
I'd left Baek Serin a text telling her to answer once she was done washing.
I didn't want to walk in at some half-baked moment and make things uncomfortable, and it wasn't as if a woman finished washing all that quickly.
Just in case, I'd bought fruit beer at three percent. So why was I still this uneasy?
I was lining up every worry in my head when my phone went off a couple of times.
Why was I getting the feeling I didn't want to go in?
...What could I do. That was my place.
...Was I supposed to start calling it ours?
I hauled myself up, dragging. I barely managed to move my strangely heavy feet, rode the elevator, and opened the door lock......
The floor must have just been mopped; a damp wetness met the soles of my feet. Soon a voice came from the kitchen.
"Hey— hurry up."
I should probably call it a voice that sounded very excited. Well, drinking is fun. Aside from the cleanup.
I trudged into the kitchen, and there was Baek Serin, finger-combing hair that stuck out every which way, as if she'd only just dried it.
I set the bag on the table, sat down across from her, and tossed out a line.
"You that happy?"
"Super? I mean, I haven't been able to drink in over three years."
"...I'm scared."
"...What are you even saying?"
I really was scared. And it was too late to run now.
I watched blankly as Serin rummaged through the bag and set the snacks and drinks on the table one by one. Then she tilted her head, as if something was off.
"...Hey, why isn't there any soju?"
"Tastes bad. And it's dangerous."
"What, you think I'd hit you with the bottle?"
"...Is there anything in that head of yours?"
I'd deliberately left it out purely because I was afraid she couldn't pace herself. The thought of hitting someone with it had obviously never crossed my mind.
Anyway, I cracked a fruit beer and held it straight out in front of her. There were other kinds too, but those seemed like something to judge by how things went.
Serin, who had been lining up the dried snacks and chips so they'd be easy to reach, only then took the can. No matter what, she wouldn't get drunk on that.
I cracked a beer of my own and held it out toward her.
Tonk.
A shame it wasn't the clear ring of soju glasses, but what could I do. I was drinking with an alssu.
I waited until I saw Serin drink, then wet my own throat. I hadn't touched alcohol in a while, what with working out, and the crispness after so long felt pretty good.
"Haa... hey, this is really sweet."
"Alssu— I mean, it's the baby stuff."
"...You gonna call me that as a pet name later?"
Serin picked up a chip and tossed it into her mouth. Then she started grinning, as if something were that delightful. There was no way she was drunk already.
"It doesn't really suit you, does it?"
"Yeah. It is a little cringey."
Quick to come back to earth, I had to give her that. She tossed the remark out and went back to sipping her beer.
I wondered if I ought to stop her, but if three percent was enough to get you drunk, quitting alcohol altogether was the correct decision.
Good value, was it? Hmm.
...Wait a second.
Why wasn't her mouth coming off that can?
"Hey, hey, hey—?"
"Pwah— mm, ah... this is good."
Ting.
The emptied, lightened can touched the table with a clear sound. I stared hollowly at a can that had gone empty before I even had a chance to stop her.
No—however low the proof, it was still alcohol. And it was carbonated. She'd all but one-shotted it? Had she been that starved for a drink....
While I sat stunned under a flood of questions, Serin silently took the second can in hand.
Her face hadn't flushed or anything. Alcohol doesn't hit that fast anyway.
More than that, should I say she drank better than I'd expected? I'd at least thought she would recoil from the bitterness.
...Or was I simply worrying too much? True enough, with low-proof fruit beer, your stomach fills faster than you get drunk....
I was staring at Baek Serin in a daze when our eyes met. Serin, who had abruptly lifted one corner of her mouth, let her voice out.
"What...? Why are you looking at me like that?"
"...Were you always that good with carbonation?"
"I usually couldn't have it, in case I got fat. Normally I drink it fine."
Serin, smiling faintly as she ate a snack, tapped the table with a nail and added,
"Heeey, like this it feels like I'm the only one drinking. Is drinking with me no fun?"
"It's not that. It's just kind of amazing."
Obviously she still seemed fine. And tolerance keeps changing anyway.
Mm....
Ah, whatever. Let's just enjoy it. She was this happy. What was the point of worrying?
So we knocked the cans together again, and for a while I decided to set the worry down.
"Pwah... this one's not bad either."
This time it was ordinary beer, not fruit beer. Serin, who had been quietly eating snacks, suddenly threw me a look.
"Hey, did you know? They say the most accidents happen when people drink."
"...What kind of accidents are we talking about."
"You knooow... come on. That kind of thing."
"...Don't tell me that's why you wanted to drink."
Whether it was the buzz or the mood, Baek Serin's face had gone faintly red, and she slid her eyes off to the side.
"...Not the weird stuff, you pervert. People get honest when they drink, right? Right now I'm the only one being honest... so I wanted to hear some."
"Isn't that just your brain getting stupid?"
"Ugh, can't you just go along with it?"
Maybe the answer hadn't satisfied her. Serin sipped her beer again, brought the gaze she'd turned away back to me, and let out a quiet voice.
"Honestly it's nice even now, but still, I wish you'd... give me a little more..."
She let the end of the sentence trail, glancing over again and again, reading my face.
What was I supposed to say? It was true I was hiding things, and it was also true I was trying hard to show them. So maybe the right answer was that I was still clumsy at it.
...I don't even understand myself.
I swallowed a mouthful of beer and, a moment later, threw out an excuse.
"Confessing while you're drunk is the worst. The next day, you forget."
"Hey— forgetting isn't the important part. The important part is that you said it."
"Even if it was just the alcohol talking?"
Instead of answering, Serin looked straight at me, fiddling with the can, and murmured quietly.
"...As long as it isn't a lie, it's all good. It means the feeling is there, at least."
I brought the can in my hand back to my mouth. People say I have no sense for this kind of thing, but I knew well enough the answer Baek Serin wanted right now. I was just... a lot more embarrassed than I wanted to be.
At some point the can was empty. I set it in the corner of the table, cracked a new beer, and spoke.
"I can at least say that I like you."
At my answer Serin's eyes went round. Then she blinked several times, as if gauging whether she'd heard me right. She looked thoroughly flustered.
After hesitating for a long while, Baek Serin's lips slowly began to open.
"...Then say it."
The moment the words ended, she covered her mouth with the can. As if she couldn't decide whether to look away, she barely managed to glance at me, pupils swaying this way and that.
...Mm.
Saying I liked her didn't seem so bad. It wasn't even I love you. It was a common enough thing to say. Something you could offer just to make a person feel good. If I got embarrassed here, that would actually be the stranger thing.
...The excuses had run long. After knocking our feelings together all day, I couldn't muster a denial as fierce as the one I'd managed that morning.
I broke the silence that had stretched on and on, and quietly let my voice out. In a tone that said it was nothing, as much as I could manage.
"...Hk—"
Serin jerked once, as if she'd hiccuped. She blinked fast, like someone who had no idea what to do with herself.
React like that, and I was the one who got more embarrassed. Thinking about it now, what was I like you even supposed to be......
"Th-that, ah... uh......"
Serin, barely forcing the words out like someone who had forgotten language, fixed her wavering eyes as if she had made up her mind.
Both cheeks flushed scarlet. Pale pink lips slowly beginning to part.
At last she barely managed to let out a small voice, almost a whisper.
"......"
A short silence. Without a word, we brought the cans to our lips.
...Maybe words were heavier than I'd thought.
We'd only traded two little ones between us. Even so, the heat refused to fade.
