Shadows Behind the Spotlight

"You already know this, but… I never once thought about becoming an idol or anything like that."

I nodded inwardly at Yuna's words.

Most people who dream of being idols start as trainees at an agency as early as elementary school, or at latest middle school, pouring years of sweat and blood into it.

But she had never even tried dancing until she entered university.

After all, the place where she and I had been was the business administration department—completely unrelated to idols.

"Then one day, I got a street casting offer."

Yuna continued, gazing into the air as if reminiscing about the past.

"It was a huge agency whose name everyone would recognize. They asked if I wanted to try being an idol. At first, honestly, I wasn't interested. But everyone around me said it was a great opportunity, that I had nothing to lose, so I should at least go check it out. They pushed me into it."

She gave a self-deprecating smile.

"You might not remember, but I… don't really have much backbone. I'm the kind of person who doesn't even know what I like or dislike, or what I want to do in the future."

Her words made me dig through the past.

Yuna had a strong sense of responsibility for whatever she took on, but she was the type to flow along with her surroundings rather than chase after goals.

Still, that wasn't something I could call just her flaw.

After all, I hadn't joined a company because I had a dream either.

I'd prepared for employment just to live an ordinary life like everyone else, and the result was the company that fired me yesterday.

I still didn't know what I liked, either.

"But when I actually went to the company and took all those tests, the reactions were really good. It's a bit awkward to say this myself, but… I had talent for dance and singing. Quite a lot, actually. Ahem—."

Yuna let out an awkward cough, her cheeks flushing bright red as she averted her gaze and stammered.

"A-and… I-I'm pretty… right?"

I let out a chuckle.

"Well, yeah."

When I readily agreed, Yuna's face turned even redder, like an apple.

"Thanks…"

"It's just the truth."

"Still…"

Yuna fidgeted with her fingers, looking embarrassed, then let out a deep breath and spoke again.

"Of course, the trainee period wasn't easy. But once I decided to do it, I took responsibility and worked like crazy. I got lucky, too. That's how I was able to debut with Stella after just one year."

Yuna's expression brightened a little.

"Right after debut, I was completely out of it. I was dragged around everywhere every single day, and I could only sleep two or three hours a night. It felt like I'd been dropped into a completely different ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠world. But gradually, I got used to it. Honestly, receiving so much love from fans on stage felt really good. But then…"

Yuna's voice gradually trailed off, and a shadow fell over her once-bright expression.

"One day, during a live broadcast stage, I made a pretty big mistake with the choreography… Luckily, it was a pre-recorded broadcast, so we could just reshoot. Most of the fans who came to the recording site worried about me and cheered me on, saying it was okay. But… one fan in the front row booed me loudly. Clicked their tongue at me."

Yuna's shoulders trembled slightly.

"In that moment, a sudden question popped into my head… Why am I even doing this?"

I quietly watched her confusion.

"Of course, it wasn't like I'd never thought about it before. At first, I was so busy I couldn't even breathe, but once I gained some popularity and had a bit of breathing room, those thoughts started coming to me. How did I end up in this position?"

She swallowed dryly.

"But the moment I heard that boo, that question started choking me. I hadn't been aware of it before, but when I came to my senses, I realized I'd climbed way too high. Everyone around me was supporting and praising me, the staff were flattering me, and successful male celebrities kept hitting on me… Honestly, at first, that kind of treatment made me feel smug and good. But once I realized I didn't belong in this position, all of it started feeling like pressure."

Yuna's voice was noticeably shaking.

"After that mistake, my stage fright got worse. Standing on stage and seeing the camera lights ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠became too hard. Even looking at the fans' eyes as they cheered for me was scary. What if I make another mistake? What if those people start hating me because of this mistake? What if they find out I don't actually have any passion for being an idol and just got swept along to this position?"

After finishing, Yuna pulled her legs up and hugged her knees tightly.

With her gaze cast downward, she lightly bit her lower lip.

She glanced at me, and when our eyes met, she quickly turned her head away.

Watching that fleeting action, I sensed one thing.

Yuna was hiding something right now.

The Kim Yuna I knew had a habit of unconsciously avoiding eye contact when she lied or hid her true feelings.

It wasn't that everything she'd just said was a lie.

The pressure and stage fright she felt as an idol were probably genuine.

But I was certain that wasn't the whole reason she'd gone into hiding.

There was something more decisive.

Still, I decided not to pry.

She wasn't my girlfriend anymore.

And regardless, I could empathize with the struggles she'd shared.

"So you told the agency you needed a break and ran away here alone?"

Yuna nodded weakly at my question.

"I feel so sorry to the members… I know how selfish and irresponsible this is. But… I really couldn't breathe… It was just too hard……"

"……"

"So when things got really hard and painful…"

Yuna, who had been speaking, glanced at me for some reason.

Then she quickly looked down at the floor.

I couldn't understand what that look meant, but I offered words of comfort.

"You must've been through so much."

At my sincere words, Yuna stared at me for a moment before forcing a weak smile.

"I feel like I've been talking about myself this whole time."

Yuna straightened her posture as if to change the atmosphere.

"What about you? I heard you got a job right after graduating university."

I was surprised.

Since Yusia of Stella was a celebrity who appeared on TV all the time, it made sense that I knew her current situation.

But I hadn't expected the Yuna I'd broken up with to know about my news.

Setting aside the bitter feeling, I started talking about myself as casually as possible.

"I studied hard in school and prepared seriously for employment. Luckily, I managed to get into a decent mid-sized company right away."

"That's great!"

Yuna looked genuinely happy, as if it were her own achievement.

I gave her a weak smile at that.

"But… after working my ass off for a few years, I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠got laid off yesterday."

I shrugged like it was nothing.

"So now I'm unemployed."

After breaking up with Yuna, I'd dated a few other women.

I didn't bother mentioning that they'd broken up with me in a similar pattern to Yuna.

At my calm explanation, Yuna's eyes widened and she looked flustered.

"Oh… What do you do. You must've had a hard time too…"

Yuna fumbled for words of comfort.

A top-tier idol who'd run away and holed up in a rundown officetel.

A man who'd lost his job overnight and become unemployed.

Though not the same, they were similar situations—both had crashed to the bottom.

I forced a bright smile to dispel the heavy atmosphere.

"It's fine. I'm still in my twenties. These days, there's no such thing as a job for life. I decided to think of it as a company I would've left eventually anyway and take it positively."

At my forced bravado, Yuna gave me a faint smile, looking relieved.

Once our catch-up talk ended, a heavy silence settled over the room again.

We both knew without saying it.

It was time to bring up the conversation we could no longer avoid.

Yuna looked at me with anxious eyes, her lips twitching.

But soon she seemed to lose her courage, pressing her lips shut and lowering her gaze.

In the end, I had to take the lead.

"Yesterday, you showed me that unfamiliar side of yourself."

I started as dryly as possible, keeping emotion out of my voice.

"I understand to some extent that you were so exhausted from idol life and backed into a corner that you lost your senses."

Yuna's shoulders flinched.

She still couldn't lift her head to answer.

I pressed on with a slightly sharp tone.

"But there's something I don't understand. You're the one who unilaterally told me we should break up first, right? So why did you think of me while mas— Ahem, why did you sleep with me?"

When I threw out the direct question, Yuna's cheeks flushed bright red in an instant.

She covered her face with both hands and fell into a long silence.

After the prolonged quiet, a trembling voice escaped from her lowered hands.

"I'm sorry. Really… I'm so sorry. I know I selfishly and irresponsibly abandoned you. And yesterday… doing that to you out of nowhere."

Yuna looked up at me with watery eyes.

"I know I'm a really unpleasant and terrible person, but the reason I had to break up… it's hard to say right now. No, because it's now, it's even more—"

As she continued speaking, Yuna's expression as she looked at me began to change strangely.

Then her gaze shifted slightly downward before returning to my face.

The tears and guilt that had been in her eyes just moments ago evaporated.

Instead, those empty, unfocused glass-like eyes from yesterday resurfaced.

"…Yuna?"

Yuna, who had been staring at me as if entranced, had her facial muscles melt away as an excited smile spread across her face.

Then she slowly approached me.

"Yuna, what's wrong?"

I tried to back away in confusion, but Yuna suddenly climbed onto my thighs and wrapped both arms tightly around my neck.

Without giving me a chance, she forcefully pressed her lips against mine in a surprise attack.

"Mmph!?"

A hot, wet tongue forced its way between my lips without permission.

"Chup, churup…! Heuh, Doh, Dohun's…!"

Yuna explored my mouth, greedily devouring my saliva.

Caught off guard by her sudden action, I flailed my hands in the air.

Along with the wet sounds of friction, Yuna's hand slid down my chest before starting to move lower.

Startled by that impure touch, I pushed her shoulders away hard.

"Stop!"

"Ah!"

Yuna fell backward onto the floor from my push.

But without showing any sign of pain, she still looked at me with unfocused eyes and gave a bashful smile.

"You don't want to? We did it all night yesterday… It felt good, right? So let's do it one more time."

A chill ran down my spine at her bizarre duality, like she was a different person.

"Why are you acting like this!"

Despite my rebuke, Yuna seductively slid her shoulder strap down and tempted me.

"It's a bit awkward to say this myself, but… honestly, I'm pretty, right? My body's really good too. It's the body I built by starving every day and working my ass off with diet and exercise for being an idol."

She crawled across the floor and approached me again.

A sweet, fishy body scent numbed the tip of my nose.

"So let's do it. Okay? I really want to do it with you. I want you inside me right now…"

Yuna lightly bit my earlobe and whispered in a seductive voice.

Her white thighs, exposed beneath her dolphin shorts, rubbed stickily against my leg.

At her blatant seduction, my lower body swelled in an instant.

Part of me wanted to pin her to the floor like yesterday and ravage her like an animal.

But I knew that satisfying only physical desire in a relationship that wasn't romantic would lead to an irreversible disaster.

I clenched my fists and opened my mouth.

"Kim Yuna!!"

The resounding shout echoed through the room.

"Hik!"

In that moment, Yuna's shoulders jumped violently.

Focus returned to her previously dazed eyes.

Her face turned pale as she realized what she'd just done.

She quickly backed away from me and retreated to the corner of the bed.

"S-sorry…! What did I just…!"

Yuna trembled, covering her face with both hands.

In an instant, a heavy, awkward atmosphere swirled in the room.

I let out a deep sigh at her unpredictable behavior.

"Haa… Yeah, I can understand that you're psychologically very ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠unstable because of the stress from idol life. But—"

Just as I was struggling to continue, Yuna suddenly lifted her head and cut me off.

"How about being my manager for a while?"

I blinked at the sudden suggestion.

"What?"

"There's a separate official agency manager. So what I mean is… just stay by my side while I'm resting here."

Yuna hurriedly grabbed her phone from the bed.

She opened her banking app and held the screen up to my face.

"I-I really have a lot of money! See my account balance here? I have billions. If you want, I'll give it all to you. So please…!"

After checking the account balance on the screen with countless zeros, I looked at Yuna in disbelief.

She grabbed my arm desperately, as if the balance meant nothing.

"So just take care of me! Please, Dohun!"

Yuna, who had been confiding her worries like before.

Yuna, who had pounced on me like a beast in heat.

And now, Yuna, who was clinging to me while offering an unimaginable amount of money.

My feelings grew complicated at her unstable, fluctuating appearance.

I had no intention of taking the money she offered.

I had no desire to take care of my ex-girlfriend while receiving her money.

But if I left her alone like this, I felt like her unstable self might do something dangerous.

"Forget the money. But only for a while. I'm not your ex-boyfriend or your manager. I'm just an old friend who knows your situation and is staying with you."

The moment I answered, color returned to Yuna's hardened face.

"Really!? Thank you, Dohun! Thank you so much!"

Her brightly smiling face.

That smile was definitely the Kim Yuna I remembered.

The same pure, affectionate person who genuinely rejoiced at even small kindnesses.

But something felt off.

Her appearance from just moments ago, trying to seduce me with empty eyes, lingered like a mirage behind that bright smile.

As if the Yuna smiling in front of me right now and the Yuna from earlier were completely different people.

'Just what are you hiding, Yuna.'

With complicated feelings, I looked at Yuna tightly holding my hand.

A mix of anxiety and relief, joy and discomfort slowly pressed down on a corner of my chest.

But one thing was clear.

No matter what her circumstances were, I couldn't leave the current Yuna alone like this.

And that choice ultimately meant—

That our strange and precarious cohabitation together had begun.